[Tina30]

Good morning ladies! Well I think I will find it easier to talk to all of you because you cannot see the shame on my face. I lost it yesterday! I finally broke down and told my husband what I have been doing and I thought I would die of embarrassment. I mean to have to sit and tell him how much I have been eating and how I've been hiding stuff in the garbage can or going to the store and sitting in the parking lot and eating so he doesn't see me was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I knew he would be there for me and would do what he could to help, but I also knew he wouldn't understand! I am not overweight anymore. I have lost 70lbs and so he looks at me and doesn't see the promblem, and the promblem isn't on the outside it's on the inside anyway! I do feel better for finally talking to him about it, and I feel better finally admitting to myself that this is something I cannot control myself. I have tried over and over to beat this and it always comes back and recently it seems like it is worse then ever. I have not always struggled with this as a matter of fact when I was heavier I didn't struggle much at all with binge eating just eating junk but not in the quanities I eat it in now. I don't know what to do next though. I mean it's out in the open now but I feel like it is just still hanging over my head waiting to drop again. I don't know what the next step is for me. Do I find a support group in my area, or do I go and talk to my doctor about it? When I think about it my stomach turns into one big knot. I mean who wants to go sit and tell their doctor they can't stop eating and the thought of being in a room with a bunch of strangers and telling them my story scares the heck out of me. It has taken me this long to tell my husband whom I love and trust so I can't imagine just going and sharing this with strangers face to face. I am just sick and tired of this out of control feeling and once and for all I just want a healthy relationship with food, and not have it control my life. When I was telling my husband last night he was like well we all eat a little much at times and that's when I had to tell him exactly what I had ate just in that day and I felt like I was having a panic attack listing all the stuff off. I could see in his face when I was done that he was seeing this is not just a little indulgence ever now and then. Even as I was saying all the things I had ate I was thinking how could someone eat all that in one 24 hour period and not be sick to their stomachs. I know that I need help and that I need professional help I just am not sure how to go about it and honestly I am scared to death of what will come out when I start getting help. I know this is a way deeper issue then just the food and I don't know if I am ready to find what that is but on the other hand I can't keep doing this. I have a family that counts on me to hold it up and I can't crumble and bring them down with me. I guess my next step will be finding a local support group and go from there. Thank you for listening to my story and if any of you have any suggestions please I would love to hear them!

[Stl Nell]

That was brave of you to post and another step in the right direction.

Does your insurance cover therapy? Maybe you could find a therapist that specializes in eating issues (or I would bet you don't even talk much about the eating but whatever are the deeper issues). Once when I looked into therapy, I just called my insurance co. and they were very helpfuil and had lots of lists of people. Then you wouldn't have tobe in a group setting.

[Get n healthy]

That was VERY brave of you. My binges consist of a lot of shame as well. It is crazy to me that the comfort/addiction of food never goes away. It will always be a struggle for me as well.

Good for you though for recognizing before you get too far off track. It usually takes me a long time for a light bulb to come on and say, "hey, you are out of control again". So maybe you could find some therapy to get to the root of why you need this comfort with food. I need to take my own advise and find out why too.

[KiDaisy]

I agree with Nell, check with your insurance company, just about all of them cover Therapy and I think you need someone that you can talk to, one on one, that can help you work through it. We all have those days, but when they start to take over your life, you definitely need some help. I know it can be scary to ask for help, I have certainly been there, but just take that next step, it is only going to help you reach your goal!
KM

[shelby897]

You did an amazing, brave thing -- you put into words what you were doing to someone you loved -- and wasn't it comforting (even though it was scary at first) to have it all out in the open? That's what therapy can do for you too. If you are comfortable with your doctor, go ahead and discuss it with them -- don't be embarrassed -- trust me, they've seen it before -- it's nothing new to them. And, if you aren't comfortable talking to your doctor -- check your insurance and find a therapist you like -- remember, you don't have to keep the first one you see -- find someone you really like!! I have so many of the same issues as you. My husband thinks I just need more exercise -- if he had any idea what I eat some days -- he would be shocked! It's one day at a time and I always try to remember how good eating well feels and how horrible a binge makes me feel for days! I keep busy and try to take care of myself. Please -- take care of yourself and don't feel quilty about it -- you can't continue to take care of everyone around you if you are falling apart!!! Good luck.

[charlenej]

Hi Tina,

Telling your husband was incredibly brave. I had that exact conversation with my husband and close friends and family. Now that it's out in the open, is the perfect opportunity to get some help and start your road to recovery!

It looks like you've lost a lot of weight already on your own. But if we don't deal with the emotions and reasons behind the eating we may look good on the outside because we're thin but on the inside we're suffering. This is how I've lived much of my life.

When I went to a doctor about my depression and overeating, she recommended OA, therapy, and a nutritionist. I did go to therapy and it was helpful in areas of my life (especially issues with my mother). The support I get from OA has been monumental in my food addiction recovery. Twice a week I meet with others who feel like I do. Some are new and some have been in recovery for years. I'm now clear enough to begin to sponsor others and have made some great friends in OA that I speak to regularly and can call any time when I am having a hard time. I'll take that over eating any day! It's much cheaper than therapy too.

Let us know how you're doing.

Charlene