Mini Goal #1:
Drink a smoothie for breakfast
-- done!
Mini Goal #2:
Exercise for at least a 1/2 hour
--
Just didn't have it in me today to do much of anything. I think it's due to the food I ate. Made the mistake of getting prepared food from the supermarket and it just went downhill from there. It adversely affected my energy as well as my mood. I'm lying in bed right now and reeling from the after effects. I'm really at the point where I'm getting sick of food. "Eating for pleasure" is no longer pleasurable in the respect that I have usually found it to be. Now it's drudgery. I remember as a child the adults always commenting how "they love [thar particular food] but no longer eat it due to the way it makes them feel later." And I think I'm finally at that point. I'm just tired of eating things that disagree with me because I "think" they "taste better" than other food choices. I wake up and have my smoothie and feel great. But then I pass by the prepared foods and dump fatty pasta salad and little fried samosas into my takeout container, scarf it down with bread nonetheless (all the while purposely failing to log it in my food diary), and then wonder why I feel horrible on all levels at the end of the day.
I just don't want to do this anymore. It's really not worth it. There isn't a donut I haven't tried, there isn't a chip I haven't tasted, there isn't a plate of pasta I haven't indulged in, there isn't a bowl of ice cream I haven't regretted-- I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of this bizarre control I allow my mind to have over me. I'm tired of bad eating habits dictating how, what, and when I should eat. Right now I'm ready just to eat smoothies, rice, homemade vegetable soup, a little cheese or yogurt, some sunflower seed dip with some carrots and celery here and there, and that's about it. I don't care to eat anything else. I'm really done. That's including pizza, too -- *gasp*!
And I also don't care to eat vast amounts of the aforementioned healthier choices either. So I'm done with overeating, too. I just don't want to play this game any longer. I'm not going to be missing anything but inevitable suffering afterwards. And if I honestly crave something, I'll try to figure out why I'm craving it and find a substitution that will help satisfy the potential vitamin/mineral deficiency, which is probably why I'm having cravings to begin with.
So, yeah. I'm done. Time to end this insane cycle of self-abuse and just eat to live, not live to eat (or more likely "live to eat things that I probably really don't like as much as I've trained my mind to think I do.")
And you know I'm serious because I didn't do my, "I'll have one more goodbye meal tomorrow and eat whatever I want, then start getting serious the following day." Lord only knows how many times I've done that routine. I don't even want to do THAT, so that's really saying something. I'm just done. Period. No more.
Mini Goal #3:
Write down one thing that I am grateful for today...
--
Quote:
|
I'm thankful and grateful for my teacher. I miss him, I love him, and I wish he would make a full recovery vey soon, as well as live a very long and healthy life for as long as he wishes to remain on this earth.
|
Mini Goal #4:
Meditation session
--
I'm feeling so "icky" right now that the mere idea of trying is making me cringe. Just not gonna happen tonight, sadly.
Mini Goal #5:
Read for at least 20 minutes
--
Mini Goal #6:
Push-up routine
--
Okay, so, hopefully I wake up tomorrow and I stick to my guns and remember my mini rant above.
Until tomorrow ~
4.2.2018
