Well, I feel like the Prodigal Child coming home........AGAIN! Although, I suspect he learned his lesson the FIRST time and never strayed. I, on the other hand, can't say this is my first time to stray and come back home.
It feels sort of cathartic to write all this out. Where else can I talk about feeling ashamed of myself and using food as a form of "punishment" and have it all make sense to at least one or two people out there?! I'm a nurse and work 12 hour shifts (thankfully day shift....I feel a little more "normal" on days than nights). Well, all the doctors are bringing us goodies for the holidays to thank us. I walked into the breakroom yesterday to make an HNS and grab some more water. Instead, I ate a donut and felt so badly about it that I proceeded to eat a bagel w/cream cheese, half a muffin and a few assorted cookies---and that was just my breakfast binge!!! I literally grazed ALL day!!!! Then I was driving home after work and decided to go out with a bang and eat some Mexican food. It was pathetic....I was by myself b/c my boyfriend is out of town on business. I had beans/rice, flour tortillas, a cup of queso, chips/salsa and my favorite beer. I just didn't care. I'm tired of "not caring" if that makes sense.
I've been trying to figure out when things went wrong and I entered into this careless/wreckless state. The first 3 mos I was on plan, I rocked it and lost 30 lbs. I started dating an amazing guy last December and have lost a couple lbs/month and we stayed super active (he LOVES working out....former military guy---so total gym rat, which only helps me). I have had months where I'm motivated and then other months where I've maintained. I got to 155 and heard stories of how people had lost weight with the Hcg. I thought, "Wow! That will get me to my goal of 133 in no time!" I signed up and was MISERABLE! I stuck it out to day 24 to "reset my hypothalamus" but now my weight is back up to 159! I was told my cravings would be gone and anytime I gained wt, it'd be quicker to lose, etc. I have not found that to be the case. My issue is that now I am even having a hard time sticking to the green menu for even one week straight! I feel horrible about myself and am taking this failure SUPER hard. PMS isn't exactly helping me right now...I know it's only making it worse. I just so desperately want to find that girl that kicked some major *** between last Sept-Dec.
Any thoughts or ideas on how to get back on plan would be soooo welcomed. I've truly missed this forum and have had fun reading through all the threads today. Thanks for reading and letting me purge and cry!
I don't do MRC but I want to say you sound super stressed- maybe you should treat yourself to a relaxing evening or something and re-evaluate and figure out what made you binge? Perhaps you were just really missing your bf or something? I used to binge at times when my husband wasn't around.
Well, I feel like the Prodigal Child coming home........AGAIN! Although, I suspect he learned his lesson the FIRST time and never strayed. I, on the other hand, can't say this is my first time to stray and come back home.
It feels sort of cathartic to write all this out. Where else can I talk about feeling ashamed of myself and using food as a form of "punishment" and have it all make sense to at least one or two people out there?! I'm a nurse and work 12 hour shifts (thankfully day shift....I feel a little more "normal" on days than nights). Well, all the doctors are bringing us goodies for the holidays to thank us. I walked into the breakroom yesterday to make an HNS and grab some more water. Instead, I ate a donut and felt so badly about it that I proceeded to eat a bagel w/cream cheese, half a muffin and a few assorted cookies---and that was just my breakfast binge!!! I literally grazed ALL day!!!! Then I was driving home after work and decided to go out with a bang and eat some Mexican food. It was pathetic....I was by myself b/c my boyfriend is out of town on business. I had beans/rice, flour tortillas, a cup of queso, chips/salsa and my favorite beer. I just didn't care. I'm tired of "not caring" if that makes sense.
I've been trying to figure out when things went wrong and I entered into this careless/wreckless state. The first 3 mos I was on plan, I rocked it and lost 30 lbs. I started dating an amazing guy last December and have lost a couple lbs/month and we stayed super active (he LOVES working out....former military guy---so total gym rat, which only helps me). I have had months where I'm motivated and then other months where I've maintained. I got to 155 and heard stories of how people had lost weight with the Hcg. I thought, "Wow! That will get me to my goal of 133 in no time!" I signed up and was MISERABLE! I stuck it out to day 24 to "reset my hypothalamus" but now my weight is back up to 159! I was told my cravings would be gone and anytime I gained wt, it'd be quicker to lose, etc. I have not found that to be the case. My issue is that now I am even having a hard time sticking to the green menu for even one week straight! I feel horrible about myself and am taking this failure SUPER hard. PMS isn't exactly helping me right now...I know it's only making it worse. I just so desperately want to find that girl that kicked some major *** between last Sept-Dec.
Any thoughts or ideas on how to get back on plan would be soooo welcomed. I've truly missed this forum and have had fun reading through all the threads today. Thanks for reading and letting me purge and cry!
AWWWW! First of all, big !!!! The first thing that stands out to me is a few key words I'm pulling from your post: "ashamed," "badly," "careless/wreckless," horrible about myself," "failure"....in the words of Dr Phil, "How's that workin for ya?" So, first of all...DEEEEP BREATH! You are a wonderfully designed creature - full of life and energy and goodness - all without working or trying. Your body is a fantastic, amazing machine! Give yourself a break. One thing I've realized is that guilt gets me nowhere (except for maybe into a box of cookies). Thinking 3 days or a week or a year in advance can be discouraging as well. Just start with today. Make a choice today, or even this very first meal if today seems to much. Just concentrate on one step at a time, because 1 step at a time leads to lots of steps! And the beautiful thing is, you don't have to worry about it b/c the plan works if you just take it one step at a time.
If I can be bossy for a minute, I want you to make time today to find a quiet place, even light a candle, and write down all of the things about yourself that are helpful on your journey. If all that pops into your mind are negative things, write those down on another piece of paper and then put it away (preferable in the garbage). Guilt and self-loathing has never helped a single person in this weight-loss journey. If they lost weight with those things, they probably have a host of eating-disordered behaviors to go along with their thinner bodies. We women have to love ourselves in order to empower ourselves and you are worthy of love and empowerment.
It's only because I can RELATE to each and every person. I've been there! I don't know what clicked this time, but I want to share it! I was the sad, depressed, down-on-myself person and I want so badly for all of you to feel as good as I do now!
Prodigal Child
!!!! The first thing that stands out to me is a few key words I'm pulling from your post: "ashamed," "badly," "careless/wreckless," horrible about myself," "failure"....in the words of Dr Phil, "How's that workin for ya?" 
So, first of all...DEEEEP BREATH! You are a wonderfully designed creature - full of life and energy and goodness - all without working or trying. Your body is a fantastic, amazing machine! Give yourself a break. One thing I've realized is that guilt gets me nowhere (except for maybe into a box of cookies). Thinking 3 days or a week or a year in advance can be discouraging as well. Just start with today. Make a choice today, or even this very first meal if today seems to much. Just concentrate on one step at a time, because 1 step at a time leads to lots of steps! And the beautiful thing is, you don't have to worry about it b/c the plan works if you just take it one step at a time. 
It's only because I can RELATE to each and every person. I've been there! I don't know what clicked this time, but I want to share it! I was the sad, depressed, down-on-myself person and I want so badly for all of you to feel as good as I do now!
