I didn't used to be able to do that either. But I just made a post on how I 'trained' myself to limit my foods.

Remember, moderation is the key and YOU are the moderator.

Ice cream? I pull the half gallon out of the freezer, take 2 or 3 bites, then put it back. Cookies? I eat one and I'm done. Candy? I can eat one or two Hershey Kisses when I'm having a chocolate craving and walk away. In fact there's a candy dish sitting near me now that's been full since Easter. Potato chips and other junky stuff? A small handful and I put the bag back.

But you know what? I didn't USED to be able to even bring these things in my house. Because I knew I'd eat them. And I got tired of that.

But you're right, I don't think everyone can do it. I'm just saying that I used to be one of those people that couldn't trust myself with anything. So I guess you could say that I'm proof it CAN be done

I do still have problems with certain foods, but I can eat them as long as I approach them in the same way. If I have chocolate in the house, I will eat it. It doesn't matter how much of it there is, I will eat all of it. So I buy it 20g at a time. If I want more when I'm finished I have to walk back to the shop and get some more. I can do moderation as long as I buy in moderation, so I make sure I plan my shopping carefully to include limited amounts of the treat foods and more generous amounts of the foods I don't binge on.

On the 95% figure, I don't know where it's from, but I don't let it bother me. I've not lost weight like any other person I know, so why should I regain like them. My weight is something that I can control, and I know that I don't have to change my life or do anything I don't enjoy. I've got a lot of years ahead of me, and maybe my personal situation will change over time and it won't be as easy to do what I'm doing. Maybe I won't be able to devote so much time to exercise, or I won't have time to cook everything from scratch for myself. But I feel that I at least have the tools, the knowledge and the understanding to cope with those situations when they arise. Why shouldn't I be in the 5%? Why should I assume I'll fail? I was in the top 5% when I was at law school ([boast mode]top of my class[/boast mode]), so why not assume that I'll be top of the class at weight loss too! I'd rather assume I'll succeed than assume I'll fail, even if it does sound a bit big headed!

The main problem with the 95% that gain it back is that they did not make changes for a lifetime. I heard many of the top professionals in the wt loss field speak at a conference for health care professionals and they said the vast majority gain the wt back and implied that it was inevitable.

BULL$hooey, I thought! Sitting there I thought of Meg's Mantra: MAINTAINING LOOKS A WHOLE LOT LIKE LOSING!

That's it. Controlled eating. Exercise. Controlled eating. Exercise. If one does not continue these behaviors, but rather reverts to the behaviors that led to obesity in the first place, one will become obese again.

NO ONE at the ENTIRE conference noted this simple fact.

Behavior changes for a lifetime.

I don't know how to speak for a lifetime. I was a different person 10 years ago than I am today. I cannot conceive of how my life may be different 10 years from now. Sometimes I can make my weight my top priority and I do well. Sometimes I can't and I do less well. I'm coming to believe that no changes are permanent--there are only a thousand tiny decisions that happen each day in the fleeting present and a thousand chances to get it right. The more times I make the better decision the easier it becomes, but even great rivers change course from time to time.

I really doubt I'll see 289 again in my lifetime, but smaller slips can and have happened. So I'm in the 95% of the population that couldn't maintain their weight loss, and oh by the way in the 60%+ of the population that is overweight or obese. How can I live with myself???

I embody that 95% statistic just in my own life. I've certainly lost weight more than twenty times and have maintained exactly once. It is a number, a meaningless statistic, because what matters to me, for the most part, is a qualitative change, and not a quantitative one. I'm happy, I'm healthy, and I run. I am a reasonably decent example for my daughter and I have family who love me if the scale puts me in the 5% today or the 95% tomorrow. Everybody should be so lucky.

I am a maintainer now. I will be forever. Forget the weight, it'll go up and down. I might be like our heros Meg and Mel and be a size 4 in 15 years as I grow more self-discipline, and I might go up a bit to be a size 16 or 18 as I decide life is too short not to eat dessert once in a while. Either way, I will have achieved and maintained a medically significant weight loss (which can be as low as 10 lbs or a 5% loss of body mass for most people) and I will be living a healthy lifestyle.

I'm still working to get back to my 10/12 pre-preg size, but the 14 I'm at now is still a whole lot better than a 24. Am I now a failed maintainer and get to go back with the other 95%?? I can live with that. I can live with a lot of "failures" like that. If only I had more failures like that in my life!

It is a lot more fun to be a single digit size, but if you count the more important medically significant numbers, I know several people who have lost weight and maintained it, including my husband and my mother, and a couple of friends and several acquaintences. And they all probably embody the 95% figure as well over their lifetime. How 'bout that? We all suck. Don't know what we're doing. We're still overweight and not at 'goal weight'. How can we live with ourselves??

Do not fear the 95%! It is a bizarre, meaningless number. Come here before you are the 5% and after you've become the 95% (again) so we can learn from each other and make better lives. Ten pounds is such a small step and at the same time, such a vastly long way to go.

Anne

Like my tattoo - dripping water eats through stone. My weight loss mantra!

The definition of regain that was used by the speakers was back to the starting wt and then beyond.

How does one define "Success"? "Failure"? Why are there only those two terms (that are SO loaded with meaning) to apply to this healthy wt journey we are all on? It would be interesting to see the definitions in the literature.

I like how you define your own success, Anne. Running with my kids, being my kid's partner at kick cardio, having a flatter stomach and less jiggly netherparts, succeeding at fitness goals that impress myself (and my friends and family!), those things mean success.

It's funny. I just realized that I have no particular scale number I am working towards. I believe that my body will normalize at a healthy wt if I consistently make good food choices and run a lot.

I was raised by two morbidly obese parents. My brothers are overwt, though they are also running quite a bit. My sister is a normal wt, but she does that through food choices but little exercise. I married into a very active, athletic, fit family. They have been my greatest influence.

That I can be athletic is my greatest "success." Do you think the experts include that in their parameters? Haha!

I think it comes down to this: the people who lose weight change "what they do"... the people who maintain that weight loss for the long haul change "who they are". How many people really go that extra step?

With moderation as an example: changing what you do is forcing yourself to only have 2 cookies (or no cookies), changing who you are is becomming a person who only eats 2 cookies (or no cookies). There is a world of difference between the two, and there is no one who can lead you to that second level, it has to come from inside.

More personnally: I think my lack of moderation came from a feeling that if I didn't eat it now, it wouldn't be availeable later. Once I realized that I can eat the 2 cookies today and there would still be cookies tomorrow and the next day and the next, 2 cookies suddenly became enough. (Insert anything for cookies in above statement.) I'm hoping to get to spend another 40 to 50 years eating several times a day... that should give me plenty of opportunites to eat a lot of cookies.

Midwife this is exactly how I feel too! Weight is a number, an indicator for me. If I focus on it too much, I start to get down. Don't get me wrong--I monitor my weight frequently to make sure I'm doing the things I need to do, but what really matters in the end is not whether my BMI is 24.9 or 29.9, it is how I am able to live and enjoy my life.

Andoreth, I'm not sure that this applies to me.
I still feel like the same person I was when I was morbidly obese. I can do more of the things I enjoy now, but what I enjoy has pretty much stayed about the same. And to this day, I can't do moderation with many foods. It is all or nothing, so I have to make sure 'all' is small (like a vending sized bag of chips), healthy (yes, I'll eat an entire head of cauliflower), or seldom (once in a while, it just gets away from me). I'm just making better decisions now than I did then.

Something about this thread really touches a nerve with me, perhaps because I've been trying to convince myself lately that I'm not a failure at this. All the evidence points to stunning success and yet, I'm still 15 or so pounds up. So sorry if I'm seeming obnoxious over this, I'm just try to work some stuff out.

Finally, this has reminded me of one of my favorite poems for probably the last 20 years, Walt Whitman's Song of Myself (46). I need to go meditate on it for a while. It begins..

Full poem available at:
http://www.whitmanarchive.org/works/leaves/

A good read.

Anne

Anne, you are in no way a failure! Quite to the contrary, I think you're one of the most stunning success stories here at 3FC! I wish you could step back and see yourself the way that we do ... a woman who lost more than 100 pounds and went on to compete in triathlons, who got pregnant and DID NOT gain all her weight back, who juggles work and a baby (who spent a lot of her first year cranky and sick, I recall) and still managed to get back to 15 pounds of her goal weight. It sounds sappy but you're a hero to me and a real live role model for all of 3FC.

That stupid 95% statistic is talking about people who gain it ALL back. That's not you. Maintenance is a constant rollercoaster of up and down for most of us. Yes, you're a successful maintainer, you're part of the 5% (if it matters), and I have no doubt that you'll continue to be for the rest of your life.

Thanks Meg. I LOVE coming here. Who else would understand this stuff?!


Anne

I know exactly what you mean. Even though I've ended up hitting my 100lb goal almost spot on, I decided very early on that I was going to adopt a healthy lifestyle I could live with, and I'd see what sort of weight that lifestyle would give me. Even though in fact I have made "improvements" to that lifestyle as I've gone along, I've pretty much stuck to my pledge that I'd never make more drastic changes SOLELY to see a smaller number on the scale. I know that I could lose more, but I also know that I don't need to, and that I'm happy with the way I live my life now. I'm glad I'm not fixated on a number that I'm tempted to try to reach at all costs, and if my body chooses this weight, then that's fine by me.

Anne,
I lurk on this site all of the time, so I feel compelled to let you know that you are an inspiration to me! Please, don't view yourself as a failure! I check in to see what words of wisdom the maintainers are discussing and your words, backed up by the fact that you are balancing family and fitness, mean a lot to me. You are my evidence that I can do it too.

Anyway, I agree with Meg that you are a terrific example of successful healthy living!

Cyndy

Anne, you are SO not a failure! I second and third what the others have said. I have enjoyed reading your posts and I know just what you're saying.

I know toooo many people who lost 50 pounds and gained back 100. Lost 100 and gained back 150. They're out there, believe me, and THEY are the ones in the 95% group, not you. I'd say that anyone who is 15 pounds away from goal is a success, especially seeing how far you've come.

Oh yes. I too had to get myself out of that mentality. What it stems from I have no idea. Perhaps because I was raised in one of those "eat everything on your plate before you can get up from the table" families. Perhaps not. But I DO know that most of my life I DID eat everything on my plate whether I was full or not. That was one of my hardest obstacles to overcome. And, like you, realizing that if I didn't eat it right now it would still be available later.

Regarding the 95% figure: It does seem to be a very high number. I suspect that it might be an inflated estimate to apply to the general population because of the fact that they used diet studies to determine that number. The people that were involved in these diet studies, did they choose to be there as part of their lifestyle overhaul? Or did they hope that this organized study would be their salvation? If it's the latter, then perhaps they just weren't prepared at that time nor truly dedicated to making permanent lifestyle changes and just hoping for an easy fix. Whereas many of you maintainers here appear to have started your weight lost journies by making the necessary lifestyle changes when you were ready and taking responsibility for your behaviour. I think that difference could explain why the 95% number seems so incredibly huge.

On a personal note, I'd like to think that I'm well on my way to becoming a maintainer. Though I've still a lot to lose, I've been stuck around the same weight for ~4 months. I know why this is - I have been slightly less strict in my diet during that time. I've recently stepped it up again (and down 2 lbs!). The important thing for me in these past 4 months though, was discovering that I had changed the way I live to such an extent that I did not gain during that time.

In regards to moderation: I find that there are certain foods that I just have to avoid allowing in my home because I just can't seem to moderate myself with them. These foods aren't necessarily "bad foods" in and of themselves, they are just ones that I cannot stop eating. So I have to ban them completely.