Hi, I've been posting to the sbd forum, someone suggested I post this question to you guys to get your advice.
I've been very happy with my weight loss. So far I've lost 40 pounds, yeah for me! I've been fluctuating this last 2 months between 158-162 lbs.(I'm ok, I know what I need to do about that, I'm patient.)
But, I've been thinking about all those people who regain their weight and I have this fear that somewhere along the way I'm going to lose the incentive to keep this up or something.
Right now, I can't imagine ever "falling" so far that I'd gain back everything but I've read about people who have gained everything plus more. What happens?
I'm wanting to prepare for the possibility so I can stop it before it starts.
Previously, I've tried to lose weight for all the wrong reasons, family reunion, high school reunion, dr told me to, I probably ought to lose the weight, I'm way too fat for my height. I'd lose a few pounds and then somehow panic and gain it all back.
I'm working on control of my emotional eating issues. I think Dr. Phil's book was great about that. His eating plan was too tricky for me, but the emotional stuff was great.
I realize that losing weight is not going to change my life, I have to like myself at any weight. Losing weight makes it easier to live in general. No more limping around on bad knees, out of breath after walking from the car to the store, things like that.
I think I am finally able to share reasons behind my regain so here goes. After weight-loss due to other reasons unrelated to my WOE, I gained a binge eating obstacle (actually BED, but I prefer to say obstacle). I tried to solve this problem on my own for over two years (changing eating plans, exercise etcwhile my weight kept gaining five, losing four etc) and now I am a bit over goal, but still 90lbs down from my heaviest. So what did I do, I evaluated what kept happening: I would do well for a while, have a MAJOR binge (thousands of calories in one sitting kind of deal) and then resolve to try harder, then keep binging, then try another program as my saviour and have the same cycle. I woke up this May at 3:30 in the morning and began crying, nothing was working, I couldn't seem to get it together, though I had gotten it together enough at one point to get my weight down 100lbs. I thought really hard at what to do and realized I had to get help for my binge eating obstacle which NEVER seemed to go away (I was kind of in denial about it). I paid for therapy (my plan at work covered a big chunk of that) and had to relearn how I viewed food, my body and how I deal with my problems and I had to deal with my perfectionsism issues and such. Basically I had to examine my emotional eating issues.
I have restarted WW, which is the program I started on (I just find it a short cut for calculating calories) and what worked for me in the first place (as hokey as it sounds, I like the support of its meetings and its flexibilty, though I try to eat mostly unprocessed stuff).
So long story short? If you have problems with your weight after reaching goal examine what's happening. For some people who gain, it could be as simple as portion sizes creeping up in size. For others, it may be a time to examine some of the emotional triggers and figure out what's up, that might include journaling (non-food related), seeing a therapist or joining a support group.
Also, even through the regain, I never gave up or will I give up, I keep going.
"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got."
That's what I keep reminding myself. The problem with 'dieting' is that at some point the person stops the diet and goes back to their 'normal' way of eating. At some point, an internal switch just sort of flipped for me. This is not a diet. This is my life and eating how I eat is just how I do things. How I exercise is just part of my normal day. *Poof* that fear of regaining disappeared.
Sarah: I thought about this more and realized I answered your question wrong. The fear of regain is normal and you're dealing with that fear and that is good (I denied my feelings and blocked it out). Losing weight won't change everything, but you will see some changes in your life. You have a different eating lifestyle and probably exercise more. You're taking time to care for the wonderful person you are. Maybe write down your fears and like Jack says figure out ways to change any habits that could promote weight gain. Maybe write out a list of each accomplishment as you lose weight something as small as "I passed over appetizers at John and Jane's wedding" to "I walked around all day and I feel fabulous" to "I am at goal and I deserve to be here and stay here" and when you have any fear look at that list and say you know what, my new lifestyle will keep me here.
Jack and star: Thanks, your posts really made me think a lot about my own journey and kind of made something really click.
Jack, I’m with you on this one — no poof for me. The fear of regaining is always with me, though I’ve gained the confidence of knowing that the choice of regaining or maintaining is completely in my hands. I don’t know if I’ll ever lose that fear but I don’t think I really ever WANT to lose it, if that makes any sense. The fear of regaining is what keeps me on the straight and narrow path, 24/7, 365 days a year.
I’ve never successfully lost all my weight before (I was a 20 or 30 pound chronic yo-yo’er) so I can’t speak from personal experience about why people regain. But I’ve certainly given it a great deal of thought over the past few years since we all keep hearing the negative messages about 95% of dieters regain all the weight etc. I’ve come up with two situations that might trigger a regain: a devastating emotional event or a slow slide into complacency (I’m sure there are many more).
In the case of a traumatic life event (death, divorce, illness etc), I think it would be so easy for any of us to reach for our crutch and drug of choice — food. When life beats you down, it’s very difficult to focus on anything long-term, like health and fitness. You’re just trying to make it through the day. For many of us, it takes a fair amount of time and effort to lose and keep the weight off and the time and mental energy just might not be there to keep up all our new habits.
The slow slide into complacency is different — it’s more like forgetting where we came from and getting a little too comfortable with where we are now (see Karen’s great post on complacency: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=37148 ). In my case, I’m convinced that I’m never going to be able to be an “intuitive eater” and be able to eat as thoughtlessly as most people. So if I start abandoning the basic principles that got the weight off in the first place — daily exercise, meal planning, tracking food, weighing and measuring etc. — I think the weight could easily start creeping back on. And my very well-developed sense of denial might keep my eyes closed to what was happening until it got to be a problem that was so big that it would be overwhelming (like 30 or 40 pounds). Then I suspect it would be very easy to say to **** with it and the pounds would fly back on.
How to guard against regaining? The only answer I’ve come up with so far is to get up every morning and do the same things that I did to lose the weight. They’re not kidding when they say that this has to be a lifestyle! I think it really goes beyond lifestyle to almost being the core of your life (not the most important thing in your life, but it needs to be the essence, the backbone, and the basic structure). I don’t allow myself excuses or deviations — I know myself and can always come up with a good excuse why it’s OK to skip a day of exercise to eat just one cookie. So no rationalizations, excuses, or justifications.
What else? I look at my old pictures, try on my old pants, and think about how good I feel NOW. Why would I give any of this up for junk food? It took me a very long time to get it straight, but living without the burden of obesity has been the most liberating experience of my life. I guess this is where self-talk is crucial.
I’d really be interested in hearing from others about this, especially anyone who has lost and regained all their weight. I’m sure there are lots of other facets to this that I’m missing. Thanks for bringing this up, Sarah — it’s a great topic!
Meg: I was waiting for your response to this(and it was an excellent response) It's weird, I denied myself those feelings of fear of regaining and blocked them out. Rationally now I see of all the changes I have made. On a normal day even through my gain I ate fairly well, weighed my food, got to the gym etc. So basically if I do what I did when I lost weight, it will keep off. So when I get back to goal (which is so much closer now yah) I know I have what it takes and am finally facing my fear of regainin. I will say something though. My therapist who has one of her specialities in EDs said that for many people, especially for people who are non-assertive , food is an easy always available coping mechanism, so even some small event, or fear can set that off in them since often a non-assertive won't deal with their problems (aka me, I know I am generalizing, I know not every non-assertive person has an ED or weight problem) and just stuff down the emotions and then use food to deal with it. I am learning to deal with stuff head on now (heck even my fear of regaining) and learning not to harbour stuff inside.
It's guess one thing is true though for either regain or maintanence is that "what got me there will keep me there".
Ali -- I think your therapist is absolutely right about nonassertive people using food to cope with emotions. I know that I was! That's one of the changes that happened with the weight loss -- I'm a lot more comfortable being assertive about what I want/need and the things that are important to me. I think that I never felt like I was "worthy" of asking for my needs to be met (this was a problem strictly in my head and my family and friends are just fine with the more assertive version of myself -- DS calls me Mom 2.0 ). I'm glad you brought that up because it's certainly another way that we can prevent regain -- learning how to deal with emotions and needs in non-food ways.
I want to find the right words to say for this, because I did the major relapse thing. Losing a 110 lbs, I thought I would never gain it back. Well I did, plus about 45 lbs more. At this moment I am in a different kind of relapse, where I am not gaining weight, but not losing any either. Self-love keeps eluding me, and from there springs discipline. I liked what you said about "intuitive eater" Meg. When I set down to eat I have to decide if I love myself or not for this meal. You right about just plugging along on the path that works. The other thing that we talked about is when your slipping to quit analyzing and just do the next right thing. That I think is the real key to doing this thing for a lifetime, the just doing it part instead of just thinking about doing it. Sweater girl also hit a cord, "With the behaviors that got me here, will keep me here". Hiding from the world under layers of fat is what always gets me back to where I was.
I thought this might sum up weightloss for me anyway. I posted this on another board, but if you think of your life as a journey, it just keeps on going on. What do they say? Fall down 7 times, get up 8.
My lowest weight actually was in December of 1997, I was 120 lbs (possibly less). My brain still wants to go there. But I look sick, and I was so cold all the time I kept covered up in blankets and sweatshirts. I am 5'8, and they expect models taller than me to be thinner than that. It is a sad commentary on the obsession with weightloss perfectioon.
Meg, as usual your post was right on! Chris, thanks for sharing your journey. The fact that you haven't given up is an inspiration to us all.
I continue to struggle, but I think that, for me, it was a mindset change. It finally just clicked for me that I'd have to balance out my eating and keep balancing it if I wanted to be thin for life. I haven't given up goodies, but I do tend to keep myself within limits. For instance, I had 2 Krispy Kreme doughnuts for breakfast this morning (I do this about once a month) in my car at 6:30 a.m. on my way to a conference. ?The conference was a little boring, and by the time our 11:00 a.m. break rolled around, I was a little hungry and just bored enough to peruse the continental breakfast table. The only options were muffins or bagels. I chose the latter, and it was a pretty big bagel. I also picked up some cream cheese and whipped butter. I ate less than 1/4 of the bagel w/ a little cream cheese & butter. I threw the rest in the garbage. The "old" me would have kept on eating. If I was on another diet and did this, not only would I have kept eating that bagel, but I would have pigged out the rest of the day thinking that I'd blown the diet & promising myself to start tomorrow. I didn't even consider doing that this time. I had my little snack and even acknowledged to myself that one of the reasons I might have been eating it was because of boredom. I think this acknowledgement is important because it prevents mindless eating.
I hope you don't mind me poking around here as I am not a maintainer, in fact I have no idea what category I belong in as I am not strictly dieting, losing, gaining or following a "plan." I just want to start and realize after reading this post that all this time I thought I was thinking long term, but really I was not.
If I want a change to be lasting and permanent, it truly does have to be a big priority and I can't dabble with just "eating less for a day" or cutting back too much etc. I have not made exercise a commitment at all. I was confused after overeating today because I thought to myself "I don't know what to do, how do I continue on tomorrow, maybe just eat 600!?" I mean, that is simply ridiculous, but until I read this post I was thinking absurbly. Something has clicked, and I thank you for this thread.
I have decided to screw looking good for my ex-boyfriend who in the end will not even care, screw fitting in size 4 by a certain date and so on. Just screw it (sorry for the language, but I am having an 'aha' moment).
I am going to schedule in 30 mins of exercise everyday. No more, no less - that is all I am going to ask of myself for now - and completely do-able because I am not completely sedentary. If that means waking up early or whatever, I will take it into consideration unlike before when I figured I'll workout more when I lose a few pounds.
The other thing is eat like I would if I were maintaining, not as if I'm on a "diet." The moment I feel like I messed up I overeat. I need to put this is long term perspective. Boy, I guess I have a lot to learn. Sometimes it's overwhelming and I feel stressed now.
Thank you for being so inspirational and sane in a world of crazy diet mentality thinking.
Sometimes it's overwhelming and I feel stressed now.
Dont' stress about it, it's for the rest of your life.... Just go one day at a time, or even one minute at a time... it'll all come together in time...
i used to stress about gaining weight back. so much so that i felt i was giving myself a food complex. all i could think about was being big again and that scared the crap out of me. then i gained back 15 pounds. i was upset but i decided then and there that i was going to lose that weight and get down to my real goal weight and not stop to give myself a break. i began losing weight and realized that if i put my mind to it i could do it. for me, it comes down to trusting myself and having confidence in my self discipline based on how far i have come. really the hardest part to me about losing and maintaining weight is the mental battle i had with myself every day for so long. i think im finally starting to get that under control.
Ali -- I think your therapist is absolutely right about nonassertive people using food to cope with emotions. I know that I was! That's one of the changes that happened with the weight loss -- I'm a lot more comfortable being assertive about what I want/need and the things that are important to me.
Right on!! And I thought that my new-found assertiveness was just a cranky aspect of oncoming middle-age
My husband overheard me calling the Avery paper goods company, to discuss how awful their subject dividers were, and how annoyed I was that I couldn't get a refund; and now refers to that as the "Avery Incident."
Or when AAA took 3 3/4 hours to get me a tow, and they blamed it on the Phish concert ; I said "I pay my dues on time, I expect timely service!"
Or when the CVS checkout person gave me, in change, a $10.00 bill that was 1/3 missing piece. I took it right back and didn't flinch when one girl said, "She says you gave this to her." In the past I would have slunk away without saying anything at all. Or say, "oh, it's fine, never mind." Of course, standing there in my motorcycle leathers and thick-heeled boots gives me courage
Confidence...it's a gorgeous thing!
and regarding the fear of slipping...for me, it's constant. Well, maybe the term I'd use is cautious. I do, for the most part, view each item before I eat it and think of its' value and worth. If I were to regain, it would be a gradual thing, that would happen if I stopped watching portion sizes and stopped the almost daily exercise. I am doing my best for that NOT to happen.
thinking about fear of regaining weight
). I'm glad you brought that up because it's certainly another way that we can prevent regain -- learning how to deal with emotions and needs in non-food ways.
; I said "I pay my dues on time, I expect timely service!" 
