Well, the two words don't really go together but I wanted to write a post about COMPLACENCY...the big bad bugaboo as to why people don't maintain their weight loss.
First off, courtesy of Merriam-Webster...the definition...
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Main Entry: com·pla·cen·cy
Pronunciation: -s&n(t)-sE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -cies
1 : COMPLACENCE; especially : self-satisfaction accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies
2 : an instance of complacency
I've said before that the maintenance thing DOES get easier with time, as regular exercise and healthy CLEAN eating become habits. But complacency...thinking that 'the diet is over' and going back to those old bad habits of the past...is a whole 'nother enchilada altogether.
Over my years here on 3FC and lurking/posting at various other weight loss forums...I've seen an awful lot of folks who have lost significant amounts of weight and gained them back (along with a few "friends"). I was musing on that while surfing the Net during a quiet moment and found this post at another board which I thought y'all here might appreciate. (this was written by a gal who had WLS, incidentally, but it could apply to any one of us - I bet our own Jiffypop would be the first person to say that WLS isn't a magic pill, but only a tool - folks who have had the surgery still have to fight the same demons we do - head hunger, the need to eat healthy, clean food, and exercise and keep those habits for LIFE.)
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In my research of those of us who gain weight back, I've come to a sort of realization, I think.
First of all, for me, when I got to the point of stopping in my weight loss, I had the idea in my head that, 'this is all there is', and I won't be losing any more weight. So, part of me just tried to accept that fact and be happy with it. I tried exercising for a while, and it turned out that no matter how much I exercised, or didn't exercise, my weight would stay the same.
Also, I noticed that no matter what I put in my mouth, fattening or not, my weight would not budge very much. Those two factors, in themselves, led me to the belief that things would never change. So, that happened for me about 14 months out and I have stayed just about the same ever since. I can fluctuate within a ten pound range, and then I have to really buckle down and eat healthy to get things back where they need to be.
So, that being the case, over the last 15 months, I've just sort of gotten used to things being this way and gotten used to my body. It's kind of like taking for granted someone you're with all your life. You don't realize the importance of that person until their gone. I know, for me, I've gotten used to being in the 150's and wearing size 10's and figure that's just my life now and it will never change. And in that attitude, I've gotten to where I don't appreciate the tool that was given to me, nor have the motivation to help it as I did in the beginning. It's kind of like 'losing your first love' for something. I've fallen out of motivation and insight as to why I did this in the first place I think.
So, with those things going on in my head, I just tend to eat like everyone else and don't exercise, therefore the scales go up before I know what's happened.
I realized this today, when, for the first time in probably a year or more, I actually got off my BIG FAT BUTT and exercised! I actually put in my favorite Jazzercize tape and did it with as much effort as I could for 35 long minutes. And, after doing it and sweating like a horse, I realized how very much I had missed feeling that good! When you exercise, after you're through, there's this awesome feeling of 'wellness' that you wouldn't have had otherwise.
I think, for a lot of us, everything is a 'mental' block or problem. We 'think' exercise is hard, so we don't want to do it. We 'think' eating proteins is boring, so we choose to eat carbs and then usually 'dump' when we do.
Then, if anyone is like me, you end up cheating so often, that you end up not dumping anymore, and then you sink into more of a slump.
So, somehow, I think we need to make the determined, 'I'm gonna do this' effort, and somehow love ourselves enough to change the way things have been. Maybe that's the real problem, we still don't love ourselves enough to finish the journey because we think we don't deserve it or we're scared to see how things will be for us when we finally do.
As we've all said many times before, this surgery was on our stomachs and not on our minds. The tool will work for our stomachs and our bodies, but our minds have to do the real work. If we let our minds rule us and allow us to become stagnant in this metamorphasis journey of ours, then we'll never see how very beautiful we were created to be.
So who will make the decision to change? Who will join me and decide that they are going to love themselves enough to finish this hard earned race we're on? I'm not saying it will be easy, but it will take 'getting back to our first loves' which is loving ourselves! And.......the bottom line is....aren't you worth it? You bet you are!
Believe me - I've gone through the same thing in my life. Not the surgery but shoot, I started on diets back when I was 7 years old. From the very first one, I would be all enthusastic about the plan (first one was Stillman's Quick Weight Loss Diet), lose "X" amount of pounds, become COMPLACENT, and suddenly I'd wake up one morning and VOILA! The pounds would be back (and they'd bring some fat friends with them).
In 1987 I decided TO **** WITH DIETS. (This was around the time I discovered fat acceptance and magazines such as BBW - also around the time that "Designing Women" with Delta Burke 'coming out' as a large woman was a big, BIG deal. I decided I wanted to be like that - try accepting myself as I was. Even did a bit of modeling (if you want to call it that) for the Woman's World store in our mall. I look back at photos of myself back then (some on my website, others I have in my albums) and I just SHUDDER at how obese I allowed myself to become, through complacency. But the silver lining in the dark cloud of my life back then was discovering exercise videos and classes specifically designed for large women. (BTW, to large women just starting out in exercise, I would like to recommend a book called Great Shape: The First Fitness Guide for Large Women by Pat Lyons. It's pretty dated as the first edition came out in the late 80's but for me it was an eye-opener - that I could GET OUT AND MOVE MY BODY without being ashamed.)
I was also journaling at that time as well. During my self-musings, I basically discovered that I DESPERATELY did NOT want to be fat, no matter what the fat acceptance people were telling me. But we all know that 'just because' you don't want to be fat, wanting doesn't make it so - it's ACTION that causes results. Again, becoming proactive in my life and not complacent...
I *WAS* fortunate enough to get into that Stanford research group on weight maintenance, and doubly fortunate to have a wonderful counselor for our particular group. She told us "we will give you the TOOLS you need, and tell you HOW to do this, but we CAN'T do this for you...and you need to make PERMANENT changes in your lifestyle for this to work." SO many women - all of whom said at the pre-study group meetings that they REALLY REALLY wanted to be thin and NOT fat anymore - dropped out during the 12 week fast period, or spent the time complaining about how they couldn't or wouldn't do the prescribed exercise (minimum required was 30 minutes of walking 5 times a week BTW) or were unable to stay on the diet. I'm not Superwoman, so what I did was plan ahead, stop watching TV commercials for food, and just journaled my heart out, along with lots of exercise.
I was determined that I would keep the weight off and even 15 years later, I still remember the counselor telling the group "it's up to you to make those permanent changes to keep the weight off". That's probably why I am always posting about the importance of making PERMANENT, LIVEABLE, SUSTAINABLE LIFESTYLE CHANGES.
Meg reminded me recently of a post that I made that got wiped out in the Big Crash - wish I could recall it now. As memory serves, I was listening to the Classic Rock station (107.7 The Bone) and that old Foreigner song "Head Games" came on...at that time I had just read (or re-read) the Dr. Phil 7 Keys book. Basically, that's what this whole maintenance thing is - Dr. Phil has it spot on - 90% of it is in your mind when it comes right down to it. "Right Thinking" as he calls it. "Head Games" to quote Foreigner (although I'm SURE they weren't referring to fat!).
Karen — thanks for such a thoughtful and well-written post. I too witness many people who go on diets, lose weight — sometimes a lot — and gain it back. It’s distressing to me and so any insight into the WHY this happens and HOW to avoid it is very welcome!
This subject makes me stop and think about how important 3FC has been for both my weight loss and the maintenance phase (which has been and will be much longer than actually losing the weight). Almost every person who I know in Real Life who has lost a lot of weight (say 75+ pounds) has regained it or is in the process of putting it all back on. If the only support system that I had was the people who I see every day, I’d have to conclude that it’s pretty near impossible to lose weight and keep it off. And then I’d give myself permission to fail. As Karen says, it’s all head games and it would be SO easy to convince myself in a moment of weakness that human beings really weren’t meant to live without chocolate or that it’s unreasonable to skip the Krispy Kremes when everyone else is indulging.
But here at 3FC, I’ve met a world of people who have made permanent weight loss a lifestyle. Who live every day with a controlled and thoughtful relationship with food. Who balance the importance of keeping the weight off with living a full life without being obsessed by dieting. People like you, Karen! I’m sure you don’t realize how much of an inspiration you are to me (to use a cliché). But when I look at you — who’s lost well over 100 pounds and kept it off for something like 14 years now — it makes me realize that yes, it is possible to lose weight and keep it off and yes, there is life beyond dieting. Plus you always tell me that it gets easier!
So, not only is your post appreciated — just you being here to show us that permanent weight loss is possible is more important than you probably realize. And that goes for all the other role models who post here too. Like you say: it’s all Head Games and we need to be able to SEE and BELIEVE that we all can make the lifestyle changes necessary to lose the weight and keep it off forever. So I’m thankful every day for our little community here at 3FC.
geezzz. karen... i feel as if that woman on the other wls forum [wherever it is!] is almost my CLONE!!!!!
i've had SUCH a wakeup call over the past couple of weeks. involving pretzels. and those of you who have stumbled over some of my posts on this problem have read me ramble about triggers and carbs and zen and other stuff...
but bottom line: controlling my weight means controlling pretzels and white bread because they are triggers for more and more and more!!!! and strange as it may seem, a couple of cookies ARE NOT TRIGGERS for me. i'm happy with one or two small ones. and they don't set me off. i have no idea why.
but i'm digressing. it DOES take self-love. self-interest. self-PROTECTION. to make this weight loss permanent. some days i'm not sure i have it in me. those are the days i take different routes to avoid the pretzel bins, and i make sure i drink plenty of warm liquids [for some reason, they work better for me than cold ones. more comforting perhaps]. but there's ALWAYS the chance that i'll givein.
and the commitment to exercise. as the other woman said, it had been a long time since she had felt that well. for me, exercise, along with knitting, is the key to controlling the stress in my life. and my attitude has changed [didn't think THAT would ever happen]. but now, when i get frustrated with dealing with alzheimers-MOM, I grab the dog and go for a walk. at least a mile. often more. i don't often report these little jaunts in the exercise thread because i don't quite view them that way. but the point is that i'm not heading for the refrig. i'm not looking for a 'reward' for not losing my temper. or for some comfort.
there is no comfort in the mom situation. it's sad. the best i can hope for is that she's happy, well fed, dressed, clean, actually taking whatever meds her docs have prescribed, and getting out. i can't control everything, and i've been practicing letting go of the frustration with answering the same question 25 times a day, or helping her sequence the tasks she needs to perform in order to feed her cat.
sorry.. my goodness... see how much food and emotions are tied up here???? can't talk about one without talking about the other!!!!
and one more point about the exercise. i knew going into all of this that i wouldn't be able to handle a thinner body without having a STRONG body as well. whenever i was thin in other times of my life, i always felt so helpless and afraid,. and i KNEW for me to succeed as a thinner person, i had to do something to prevent that feeling.,
and so, the weights. and all this is in addition to the fact that i'm terrified of getting osteoporosis. so despite meg's famous pic of a pound of fat and a pound of muscle, no matter how motivating [at first] the fact that muscle burns calories and fat doesn't, bottom line, for me it's all about strength and osteoporosis.
I know all about complacency. I lost weight and honestly it wasn't too hard, I didn't even really look at it from the point of view of sacrificing my favorite foods. If I wanted a piece of chocolate I planned for it, If I wanted dessert and french fries I planned for it. I exercised 5-6 days a week and would usually try to do light activity on my off day. I took off 90lbs in 9 months doing this. I started adding more food, but the weight kept coming off, I would binge, eat out at high fat type family restaurants and LOSE weight. I got down to a size 4!?! and 140lbs (I'm 5'6" 1/2). Then my body well decided that those excess calories should be held onto and over the course of 2.5 years I have gained about 15 lbs. Now realistically I shouldn't have gone below a size 5 as I was just way too bony, but that is a five lb gain. I also got complacent and reduced my activity level drastically too and last year would probably have averaged 2 workouts a week (I lost a ton of muscle), so not only did I gain weight I got up to a size 9. I started getting to the attitude, well at least I am not over 200lbs or at least my clothing size is in the single digits. Although I didn't like gaining weight I was kind of stoic about it.
I have problems with sugar, my body's insulin is too effective and so I get sugar highs and nasty sugar lows, and when I am serverly stressed am proned to passing out. This was an eye opener to realize being complacent isn't good enough, my stoic complacency would, if I wasn't careful result in a large weight gain again (hypoglycemics tend to have problems with binging, which I did). I have started eating better and exercising A LOT more. I have gone back to weight training (I do one of the classes, but they let us use heavy weights so it's fab) twice a week. I do interval cardio classes 3-4 times a week and other moderate or very light workouts (basically walking for the very light ones) during the other days. I eat six times a day which has helped oodles. I am also feeling the thrill of exercising again. When I am stressed it helps me focus a lot etc.
I had a bit of a cookie binge last night (I am not perfect and my bf had just purchased oatmeal raisin cookies) and reflected on it last night... I let a piece of cook dough take power of me and realized that's ridiculous. Having the attitude that I can control whatever I ate was what got me thin in the first place.
Also another note on complacency. I, like a lot of you, lost a large amount of weight, people notice, people compliment and it's sooo nice to be able to climb stairs without feeling winded, it''s nice to be able to shop in most clothing stores (it's been over 3 years since I got down to 'regular' size, although a lot of stores have expanded their sizing since. Old Navy even has plus sized for girls now, but that's another discussion). Weight loss is full of rewards, seeing collar bones after they have been hidden under fat for years, making it through a step class and feeling fabulous afterwards. Getting under 200lbs was AMAZING. Maintenance doesn't have the same reward system. I basically have to reframe the way I look at maintenance. It's truly for life and I know that. The main reward is a hopefully long and healthy life full of vibrance and energy.
... Weight loss is full of rewards, seeing collar bones after they have been hidden under fat for years, making it through a step class and feeling fabulous afterwards.... Maintenance doesn't have the same reward system. I basically have to reframe the way I look at maintenance. It's truly for life and I know that. The main reward is a hopefully long and healthy life full of vibrance and energy.
Those are my 3 cents worth
Ali
Right on!!!
I still don't feel that I quite fit the title of a maintainer, as I gained 5-7 pounds after my low last summer, but I'm working on it
It was VERY easy for me to become complacent last summer; I was feeling great at my low of 142, size 6. I kept up with the exercising, but started eating out of the controls I had previously set. And for weeks, I didn't gain weight, which I thought gave me license to keep on taking in many more calories than I should have. But eventually it caught up.
The changes we have made, the ones we must keep doing, are for life. That has to be accepted. The immediate rewards are the smaller-sized clothes, the compliments, but the long-term ones are stamina for everyday living, feeling in-control of at least one thing in our life and a higher quality/enjoyment of a longer life.
Holly: Don't worry, it happens. I am about 10-15lbs up and I want to be a size 5-7 as my final goal. You are a maintainer, it's a journey in itself, part of maintanence is finding what the limits are. I now know my rough limits, but even when I get back down to where I want to be very careful and figure out what the true maintenance formula is for me.
I am starting to view this next stretch for me not as losing 10-15lbs, but as getting to a weight that I can maintain for life (we'll forget about the fact I am planning to have kids in a few years).
Oh I had a "reward" yesterday. Remember those full sit-ups we used to do when we were kids and had a partner hold down are feet so we could do them. Even with people doing that I had a terrible time and could oly maybe muster up a few. Since then I have never been able to do the full sit-up on my own (unless I used momentum). Last night I did with pure ab power so yah
I so enjoy reading these kinds of threads. I want to be a maintainer some day, and as Meg said, this is the only place I know with people who have lost a lot of weight and kept it off. You are all my inspiration!
Thanks for bumping this SusanB. What a fabulous thread. Much wisdom here, but something that Meg said particularly jumped out at me:
"This subject makes me stop and think about how important 3FC has been for both my weight loss and the maintenance phase (which has been and will be much longer than actually losing the weight). Almost every person who I know in Real Life who has lost a lot of weight (say 75+ pounds) has regained it or is in the process of putting it all back on. ... But here at 3FC, I’ve met a world of people who have made permanent weight loss a lifestyle. Who live every day with a controlled and thoughtful relationship with food. Who balance the importance of keeping the weight off with living a full life without being obsessed by dieting. ... "
What this underscores for me is the imortance of staying conscious and it reminds me that I really need to do more than lurk and read. I need to post. Because as helpful as reading is, posting is power. Posting is taking control and committing to this lifestyle, day in and day out. There are many days when it seems like there is such an overload at work, that it's all I can do to run a cursory eye down the new threads. But that's when I REALLY need to sign in and sign on because that's when I'm inclined to let the exercise go, and give up on clean eating.
I NEED 3FC. I need to know everybody's ups and downs, successes and failures, and I depend on the simple knowledge that each and every one of us will be back tomorrow, walking the walk.
And so I would say to everyone who lurks these boards but hesitates to write, Join Us. No matter where you are on your journey, join us. We need you. You need us. And we care.
Airegrrrl -- I agree! I am usually completely and utterly a lurker, but posting here has given me a very needed sense of community in this difficult endeavor.
I've also noticed an interesting phenomenon. Let's say someone posts on the support thread that they ate a lot of food the day before and feel bad for going off plan -- a common scenario. I might post some supporting comment about figuring out why you ate it (to improve for the future) and the importance of moving past it and going back on plan.
The interesting part is then when I have something similar happen to me personally, I find it easier to listen to my own advice, because I have made a public statement about it already! This has been enormously helpful!
To Robin: we love you. Thank you for such a wonderful post!
To wyllenn: please don't just be a lurker! This forum is for everyone who's thinking about maintenance and I believe that should be all of us from from Day One. We would love to hear more from you!
Meg -- thanks for the invitation! I should clarify that I am NOT a lurker on this site at all. Though it is true that I usually have less to contribute to this forum, I have been reading here since the beginning. In fact, I got somewhat freaked out about some of the issues I read here at first... loose skin and how maintaining is an attitude for life... but I am glad to know some of the challenges that confront me. I am less scared of this whole process knowing that what I am going through is normal, AND knowing what I am likely to confront in the future. This forum should be required reading for everyone who wants to maintain a weight loss in their future!
In fact, I got somewhat freaked out about some of the issues I read here at first... loose skin and how maintaining is an attitude for life... but I am glad to know some of the challenges that confront me.
That's a really interesting comment and something that I've put a lot of thought into over the past few years. See, I'm one who went into maintenance completely naively. I reached goal and absolutely believed that the hard work was over and that maintenance would be effortless and natural. Heck, I was 'cured', wasn't I? The Thin Fairy had come down from the heavens, waved her magic wand, and I was in the Promised Land. Hallelujah!!
Let's all take a moment and
The reality was that all my disordered eating issues were still with me, not very far beneath the surface. That the weight came back on so, so quickly - all it took was 15 minutes of off-track eating and I'd be up three pounds the next day. That I still had to count calories, weigh and measure, journal, and exercise my butt off every day. Call me stupid, but this was not what I had expected!!
It took me a good six months to get my head straight about maintenance and accept the fact that maintenance looks just like losing. Perhaps it would have been an easier pill for me to swallow had I known from Day One? There's a shocking lack of discussion about weight loss maintenance in the diet world. Walk into Borders and try to find a book! Nope, it's all 'EZ, Quik, Painless Weight Loss'. They are so missing the point!
On the one hand, we in Maintainers don't want to scare off anyone who's just starting out on their loss journey. But on the other hand, this is reality - the reality of maintenance. Hopefully if people can get their heads wrapped around it while they're losing, the statistics on weight regain wouldn't be so shockingly high. Nothing breaks my heart like watching someone who's worked so hard to lose the weight turn around and put it all back on.
Geez, I better get off my soapbox and do some laundry!
What's wierd is that common sense would say: behavior = results. If you eat like crap and don't exercise, you get fat. If you make healthy food choices and exercise, you have a fit body. Why in the world would reverting to the behaviors that made one fat in the first place, not make one fat again? There is no cure...there is maintenance...and why that knowledge is not plastered across the world is a mystery to me. I suppose it comes down to money. Money is made from offering quick fixes, not by prolonged behavior modification. It is kind of like breastfeeding: there is no money to be made by breastfeeding, therefore no one spends money promoting it (except broke lactation supporters). Money is spent promoting formula, cause that's where there is money to be made. There is no money to be made in people eating spinach and chicken breasts and egg whites and putting on their tennis shoes and walking/running and picking up their hand weights. There is, however, money to be made in hawking meal replacements, and diet pills, and wrap around fat burners.
I am looking forward to the 3FC book. Is there a section on maintenance?
Behavior = results. What you do is what you get. You gotta keep doing if you want to keep getting.
I knew or thought I'd have to count cals for the rest of my life. I gained on average 10 lbs a year for 12 years. That's 100 calories a day too much. I don't have much of a problem with food. I just eat a little bit too much all the time. Actually I often used it as an excuse to not diet
I live with a bunch of naturally normal sized people. I'm always impressed how their internal calorie counters work. I think mine is set too high lol. They never think "oh I shouldn't eat this or I'll get fat." They over eat at times and moan that their tummies hurt. Their internal counter seems to balance things out and make them eat less at other times I guess.
I knew I'd have the extra skin but after 11 kids its to be expected One thing I didn't know was that I'd need less cals after losing the weight than if I never gained. That's a little depressing. I've learned alot here. Mostly its good but even the bad I'd rather know than get a nasty surprise.
One funny thing about lurking here is that I started to get convinced that I would have to lift weights to maintain. I was so convinced that dh was ready to buy me bowflex even though he isn't crazy about the idea.
Maintenance and COMPLACENCY...
I too witness many people who go on diets, lose weight — sometimes a lot — and gain it back. It’s distressing to me and so any insight into the WHY this happens and HOW to avoid it is very welcome!
).
Thank you for such a wonderful post!
They are so missing the point!
