Thanks, all, for the kind words. I forgot that grief is like a physical ache in one's body. And I can only imagine what today has been like for my mother thus far without the familiar morning ritual of being awakened by Fritz and going downstairs to feed him and fill his water dish, with him twining himself around her ankles as she runs the can opener and starts her own morning coffee.
Steph, I am so sorry about your father. In my experience, this is a hard time of year for the health of older people in my family, and I don't know why. Please remember to take care of yourself, too, despite your preoccupations.
And still there's work to do, writing to focus on, and evaluating work by my new charges for the first quarter, which is now coming to a close.
Jessica, your babies and your belly, round as an Easter egg, deserve their own post. They're a sign of good things to come, happy things, the renewal of life. They're the spring-y-est thing I've seen on this forum yet. I am so glad to hear that they're thriving.
Gary report. Angie posted om 3fc and Facebook. He is still in skilled nursing. He got pneumonia and infection in the blood stream but antibiotics are helping and he is a feeling a little stronger.
Angie posted an update on Gary on FB: He's still in the skilled nursing facility fighting the blood infection and pneumonia but he's getting stronger every day. No word on when he'll be discharged though.
I'm in my hotel room in Mesquite Nevada this morning. I have a couple hours to kill before I need to head to Moab. I want to try to get there late afternoon. There were a few of the girls that were going to run the Canyonlands half marathon this morning. I understand it is a popular race and hard to get registered for it, so I expect the town (which I haven't visited for over 25 years) is pretty busy today. Thank goodness I have a navigation system in my car so I don't have to refer to maps to find my way there!
I didn't realize that Gary had pneumonia in addition to the infection. I'm glad to hear that he's hanging in there.
When I read stuff like this, I try to remind myself THAT is why I lost more than 100 pounds, and why I should just deal with the sight of my loose skin. Because the weight loss and exercise and eating food that serves my body is meant to put me in a stronger bodily state when & if I ever face a fight like Gary's.
(I've never thought it would **prevent** cancer, though, as I have come to believe cancer is basically a cr@pshoot, since my healthy living friends and family members have fallen prey to it just as frequently as those who have been far less diligent about taking care of their bodies.)
I didn't realize that Gary had pneumonia in addition to the infection. I'm glad to hear that he's hanging in there.
When I read stuff like this, I try to remind myself THAT is why I lost more than 100 pounds, and why I should just deal with the sight of my loose skin. Because the weight loss and exercise and eating food that serves my body is meant to put me in a stronger bodily state when & if I ever face a fight like Gary's.
(I've never thought it would **prevent** cancer, though, as I have come to believe cancer is basically a cr@pshoot, since my healthy living friends and family members have fallen prey to it just as frequently as those who have been far less diligent about taking care of their bodies.)
Yes, saef cr@pshoot is the correct medical term for cancer. Why has mine returned after 20 years ? No one knows. I am still in treatment but my experience is a stroll in the park compared to what Gary is going through.PS my doctors are pleased that I have lost weight.
Hating, HATING my job today, since a day and a half of being distracted over losing Fritz has put me behind on work. And I still feel lethargic and not good at focusing, but I'm gonna have to spend part of the weekend working to catch up. Sorry, but I can't completely compartmentalize and function like an efficient, unemotional machine.
And interestingly enough, because I'm sad, I feel fat, but I'm not, I'm holding just below 145, which is about seven pounds less than at this same time last year, despite all the strength training I've done in the past year & the visible upper body muscles. More evidence that I have body dysmorphia (as if I needed more) and I weirdly equate unhappiness & lethargy with fat. What the heck is up with me?
Hating, HATING my job today, since a day and a half of being distracted over losing Fritz has put me behind on work. And I still feel lethargic and not good at focusing, but I'm gonna have to spend part of the weekend working to catch up. Sorry, but I can't completely compartmentalize and function like an efficient, unemotional machine.
And interestingly enough, because I'm sad, I feel fat, but I'm not, I'm holding just below 145, which is about seven pounds less than at this same time last year, despite all the strength training I've done in the past year & the visible upper body muscles. More evidence that I have body dysmorphia (as if I needed more) and I weirdly equate unhappiness & lethargy with fat. What the heck is up with me?
Perhaps you are grieving much more for a lost dear family member than you think? That and you probably were really unhappy and lethargic carrying around the extra weight so you still have those feelings whenever you feel "fat".
I am experiencing a phenomenon which apparently is quite common among potential home buyers. I am really liking a house that is up for sale for no particular reason I can put my finger on. I imagine it will sell (like 4 others have) before I get the money to act but I'm going to go see it with my realtor next Saturday if it's still available. I have been to the open house twice there and won't go again today as the seller's realtor will peg me as interested. That or just .
I'm taking DH along to go measure the basement for reno. He is still advocating buying the wreck and doing a big reno. He is also suggesting all sorts of houses in very dodgy parts of neighbourhoods right near ours.
I am also going to go look at a house in an impossible location that has charming "bones". I am not taking DH to this one. Just my own curiosity.
I am starting to believe that my "spirit of success" really has become strong and that I am going to actually buy a house. Just like a "real grownup"
Dagmar, I wish you success in your house hunt. A big reno sounds like a nightmare to me, since projects always cost more and take longer than I anticipate. It seems like such a great idea - you'll get exactly what you want! - but the reality is usually different for those of us who aren't millionaires.
saef, I too try to remind myself that losing weight was a good thing even if I'm still heavier than I want to be and will always hate my flabby midsection. I'm still better off than I was 2 years ago!
Allison, I hope you and your friends are having a great time. I'd love to visit that part of the country some day. It looks beautiful.
As for me, the situation with my father is just awful, on so many levels. He can't communicate well, has periods of lucidity intermingled with weird rambling, spends most of his time sleeping or just not engaged, isn't eating...it's heartbreaking. Add to that his lack of money or long term care insurance, and it's pretty bleak both for him and my stepmother. It's been a really rough couple of days and I don't think it's going to get any better for a while. So I'm going to crash on the couch with my cats and watch a comfortable Midsomer Murders dvd and try not to think about it for a while.
Hating, HATING my job today, since a day and a half of being distracted over losing Fritz has put me behind on work. And I still feel lethargic and not good at focusing, but I'm gonna have to spend part of the weekend working to catch up. Sorry, but I can't completely compartmentalize and function like an efficient, unemotional machine.
And interestingly enough, because I'm sad, I feel fat, but I'm not, I'm holding just below 145, which is about seven pounds less than at this same time last year, despite all the strength training I've done in the past year & the visible upper body muscles. More evidence that I have body dysmorphia (as if I needed more) and I weirdly equate unhappiness & lethargy with fat. What the heck is up with me?
saef, you have been through so much the last few years. You have come through it all so well and now with losing Fritz it just might be the time where you can think."It is just too much, what next?" We all react differently to stress in our lives . I am in no way a therapist but my thought is that you are reacting to stress in a way that may be familiar to you.
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