I'm not looking to lose more weight- my bodyfat is where i want it... I'm actually in the process of building muscle- heavier weights ect. . . Working out isn't a problem- I love it. I'd do it all day if I could. But counting every calorie- recording macros- making myself different dinners than my hubby and worrying about going out to eat and how to handle any social event surrounding food- its getting exhausting. I struggle with binge- eating, and can't seem to find a balance between obsessive and out of control.

Im totally just whining here- but I'm hungry and tired and out of calories for the day. Could I eat 100 more in veggies and not gain weight? Of course. In fact if I add exercise I usually net way less than 1,000 calories a day. But heaven forbid I am 50 calories over- because 50 may as well be 500 and pretty soon I can't stop. I'm do tired of it- I think about food all day. I don't enjoy weekends because it means going outX to eat with friends which means I'll have to fight to not binge and watch everyone enjoy themselves with the drinks and dessert while I worry about if I eyeballed my grilled chicken portions right or if the chef *really* cooked my vegetables without any oils.

How did you find a balance? I'm not ready to throw in the towel- but I'm afraid that if this pattern continues I'll be in big trouble. I'm willing to bet that if I allowed myself more calories each day I'd feel less deprived- but what if I still have binge-episodes? I'll start to gain weight unless I get those under control, or severely restrict when I'm not bingeing. Since I don't feel 100% in control of binges (better- but not 100%) it feels like being crazy-strict is my only option.

I'm sure everyone just thinks I'm a nutcase now-- but I want to enjoy things again instead of my head being full of thoughts about calories and macros and hydration or what not. I'm just worn out.

I don't think you're a nutcase at all. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying and I used to feel almost exactly the same way. The one thing that I've started doing lately that has *truly* changed things around for me is Intermittent Fasting. We have a thread going here: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/gene...-5-2012-a.html One day, I started reading through it and I thought I'd give it a shot. I don't do long fasts like some people. I stop eating at 8pm and then I start eating again around noon. Sometimes earlier if I want. I find that I'm not looking to binge anymore. I still think about food a little more than I'd like, but I still think it's easier than how my life was when I was almost 80 lbs. heavier. For me, the other difference is that I can't do all that much intense working out, but that has nothing to do with the IF. I've just never been an athlete. I can do my cardio for 30-40 minutes, I do some weights that I find heavy and then I walk my dog too, but I digress.

I wish I had some more insight, but the food obsession thing has been with me for a long time. There's no middle ground and it's all or nothing, so maybe I'm not the best person to help you out, but I've found that eating the same amount of calories in a shorter window of time makes me feel a lot more satiated and in control. My next goal is to be able to indulge in some treats without it messing with my head! I hope you find something that works for you.

I read through your post and you could be my twin. I wish I had an answer for you. I have put on 5 lbs. that I don't have the motivation to take off right now. I'm trying to hang on and waiting for some shift inside of me that will make me see that being physically at my best and eating healthily all the time is worth all the bother.

If I get some sort of inspiration I'll share it. Hope you do the same.

Dagmar

I don't feel obsessive this time around. I eyeball and estimate portions/calories and I allow myself lots of treats. What keeps me honest is weighing myself at least twice a week. As long as I have that feedback, I trust myself to scale back if I approach the top of my goal range. You could try a similar approach and see where it gets you.

F.

I do think about food a lot. I may even be a little obsessive about it, but the thought of regaining is just not acceptable to me.

I obsess similarly. I am trying to find a balance between counting during weekdays and letting go a bit on the weekends. But I found that like you, I would be on the verge of bingeing during the weekends. I have been at this maintaining thing for just a few months now so hoping to find my groove. I do weigh myself regularly so that gives me peace of mind and keeps me honest in terms of whether I need to cut back or eat a bit more. Sorry I have no real advice, but wanted to share that I understand how you feel...

How long have you been maintaining?
You definitely do sound burnt out. You are going to have to find a balance (IMHO), or you will drive yourself (and everyone around you) crazy.

For myself, I am less obsessive (most of the time) than I used to be. Why? Perhaps trial and error.... allowing myself some treats on the weekend (sometimes) and then reigning it in if need be. I do obsess about food sometimes, but that gets me in a dangerous spot. If I want something in the evening, I don't worry about it being extra calories (if it's something like strawberries).

Perhaps write down some possible variations from your plan to try and see what happens. Like one week allow yourself a treat out on the weekend. Another week try not weighing and measuring everything for a day or two and see what happens. I think if you experiment a little without seeing detrimental effects, you might be more willing to loosen up just a tad.

Good luck. I feel and understand your frustration!

I don't know.... I see 5'8" and 128 pounds and unless you have a small frame, that is realllllly thin. It's hard for 'me' to imagine that as I am built so big, but perhaps your maintenance weight is too low and that's why you are struggling? Maybe your body needs more muscle? or fat? even? DO you know what your fat percentage is?

Maybe that's where you should start looking - is this weight the right weight for me? Perhaps it is. I know we all come in different sizes. My 6'1.5" son weighs 142 and is just fine with his weight as he's a petite build and still growing/filling out, but maybe you are not a small frame and are stuck on a number instead of being fit and healthy?

danzingurl, I think that may just be what happens to everyone who tries to maintain such a lean physique. This made me think of a post JossFit made, which I will link to:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/4300532-post3.html

It may come down to whether it's worth it to stay at your current weight with current exercise levels - I know in my case once I stopped doing mental math counting calories all day every day, I stopped feeling like a "failure" for going over my prescribed limit and I more or less completely stopped binging. I'm not particularly lean and I'm about 8 lbs over my lowest weight, but my weight is very stable and I am not obsessed with food like I used to be.

I may be an exception, but much to my surprise I find I'm able to maintain a weight under 140 pounds (I'm 5'11" and 55 years old) while eating about 2,000 calories per day and allowing myself lots of treats -- as long as I exercise about 3 hours a week. I'm actually trying to gain a few pounds so my clothes will fit better, which is something I never thought I'd hear myself say.

If I didn't allow myself treats and the occasional pigout, staying slim would NOT be worth it to me. I would rather be fat. To the OP: if you're overrestricting and overregimenting yourself, this may be something to look at.

F.

I don't think you're a nutcase. I think that it's tough to find a balance between obsession and total carelessness. You have to ask yourself though if it's very difficult to maintain your weight then is it truly worth it? I'm not saying you have to gain all of the weight back, but even just a few pounds might push you into a range that allows a bit more freedom.

You also might want to ease up on your tracking a bit. Maybe just calories instead of macros? I wanted to try tracking my macros in addition to my calories and I figured I would try it for two weeks and see how I did. I lasted TWO DAYS because I started getting very obsessive about it and I didn't like the path I was going down.

I now track my macros once every few weeks so see where I am and I'm starting to move away from the primal blueprint I tried for five weeks. Getting too into it made me a little nuts. I still try to eat high protein, low carb, but I don't stress about "does this have too many carbs?" or "Does this have enough protein?" Tracking once in a while lets me see where I am and I can make adjustments and check again in a few weeks. It's a nice relaxing approach while still keeping me accountable.



I'm sort of in the same place, although my BMI is a bit higher than yours. I can eat well over 2,000 calories a day and maintain. Last week when I was off from work I kind of slipped up and "only" ate around 2,000 calories and I found a lost a pound or two this morning. This was after I thought I'd gained, but I guess it was water weight that I got rid of.

I allow myself fun times too—I had a nice dinner out and a cheesecake with my family for my birthday on saturday—which if I didn't I would probably crack.

The "treats" happen less often, but they do happen nonetheless.

I also eyeball my portions...measuring would drive me nuts.

I am not at goal weight yet, but I decided to "practice maintenance" from the beginning this time. What I mean by that is that I focus much more on "not gaining" than I do on losing. And I can celebrate "not gaining" nearly every time I get on the scale (which is usually twice a day).

From the very beginning I decided not to "obsess" or focus on what I couldn't or shouldn't be eating. This makes for slower weight loss, but I don't feel like I'm dieting at all, I'm just picking up habits to last a lifetime. In fact, I vowed not to add anything into my life that I wasn't willing to do forever (I might not end up sticking with it forever, and might find something better along the way, but I haven't added in anything that I knew I could only sustain for a short period of time).

I don't know if you'd find that helpful, but one thing I think you might is to realize that maintenance really isn't about maintaining a consistent weight. It's about gaining and losing the same few pounds forever. How this is different than going back to old weight habits, is that you're working with the same few pounds, not the same 20, 50, or in my case 200.

You can experiment and you can't really get hurt by it unless you give up entirely. If you go out with friends and eat what you want, it isn't going to set you on the path of regaining all your weight unless you let it. One day can't harm you. One week can't harm you. The only thing that can harm you is giving up entirely and eating like you did before you started and continuing to eat that way.

What happens if you don't obsess with every calorie, don't eat a different meal than your family, or go out to eat and choose what you would like?

You might gain a few pounds, but you're not going to gain it all. And you already know how to get rid of a few pounds, so you can do it. You can even try different ways (do you have to count every calorie, every day or can you "not count" on the weekends, or can you use some other system?)

You may be able to avoid counting calories altogether or you may decide to count calories only if you're up more than 5 lbs (or whatever leeway amount you choose).

Even at my still very high weight, I don't count calories (in my case by exchanges) every day (most days, but I miss days here and there for a variety of reasons). I go out to eat once in a while and eat what I want to. Usually my husband and I (both losing weight, but on very different plans) fend for ourselves, but sometimes we eat together and sometimes we eat with family and friends (sometimes staying on our food plans, and sometimes deviating in small or very large ways).

It hasn't stopped us from losing. It may (probably) have slowed us down in terms of speed of weight loss. We certainly could have lost weight FASTER, but I don't think we would have been able to stick with the weight loss nearly this long without those sanity-saving breaks and loosening of self-imposed rules.

You can lighten up too. How much?

I have no idea, but if you weigh yourself regularly, you will find out. You may be able to lighten up just a bit, or you may decide to stay strict most of the week and take the weekends off (or one weekend a month or whatever you discover works best).

I really think that we make weight loss and weight maintenance much harder than it has to be, because we make gaining seem so horrible that even a normal fluctuation is unacceptable. We work dilligently to find the plan that results in the smallest fluctuation, but small fluctuations really do not matter in the long run. Gaining a little bit as a result of a planned indulgence isn't a tragedy, and getting it off again uses a skill set we've already learned.

We're afraid that one wrong move, one small gain, is going to set us back into uncontrolled eating, but the only way that can happen is if we let it. If we give up and say "what's the use, I might as well at least get to eat what I want and not have to worry about my weight?"

But if you look at weight loss like your financial budget or your time budget, you can relax a little. You have a "game plan" for when you step outside the budget. If you relax your rules and you don't gain, all is good. If you relax your rules and you do gain, you have to return to some or all of your old rules, or you have to try to find new ones.

You may find that you prefer to be very strict most of the time, and take some days off now and a gain. Or you may prefer to relax your rules just a little bit and be consistent day to day. Either can work (and all sorts of other plans can work too).

But you can get rid of the worry, because there are so many options. You can't gain against your will unless you give up entirely and decide "screw it."

Even though I'm not at goal weight yet, I'm not afraid of gaining it all back anymore, because I know I can't gain it back unless I give up. I can try new things and find out they don't work well, but I also can go back to strategies I know do work. There is a risk of gaining when experimenting, but the only way to keep gaining is to continue on paths that don't work.

Thanks SO much everyone! I am constantly blown away by the overwhelming amount of support that can be found here.

To clarify a little- I know my weight is pretty low for my height- my home scale bounces around between 16-18% bodyfat, so that's my rough estimate. I am a dancer as a profession- and booking commercials/shows/companies does depend a lot on your "look", so I guess I don't just want to have a good physique just because (although I do feel more confident than I did 20-30 lbs ago) but my job also depends on it. Thinking about it and reading through the posts I think I'm going to try upping my calories 200/day and not being so strict about my macros... I do have a "high" day each week- which I'll keep- but I'll bump it up to 2,000 vs. 1700- hopefully this will help me escape any binges- since I pretty much binge when I get stressed and this strictness is sure stressing me out.

Thanks so much again to everyone. It really helps to get my thoughts out to someone who understands and have such a wonderful response. To all of those who are also struggling I wish you the best of luck as well!

I hope that works for you and helps curb the binges - I know how terrible it feels to be sitting there surrounded by wrappers in a sugar daze as the guilt slowly creeps up. Being a dancer and maintaining a dancer's physique takes a lot of work - I hope you continue to feel like you can always vent here!

Ok, this makes more sense, but I also says something about our society too - that our dancers have to be starving to be marketable. You would probably be a stronger dancer if you could gain 5 pounds (though I know moving more weight is also harder on the body/muscles/bones).

You may find that by consciously upping calories a wee bit here and there on your higher calorie days that you then don't binge and overall actually eat fewer calories per week than when you tried to restrict too much and ended up binging.

Good luck to you!