It's like my psychological gas tank, which has gotten me through so much in the wake of the flood, is now running low. And I don't know how to refill it again.
That's because you're been drained. And you don't refill it by trying to keep going at the same pace, as though everything is fine.
I think you need a vacation, too--a two-week vacation, no less, far away from everything--mom, apartment, gym, antiques. With no email, at least no work email. Maybe even no phone, or the phone turned off all the time. But it has to be for more than a long weekend, because it takes 3 days to depressurize. I know, I've been there. Easy to get the bends...
I hope you'll ask for and get time off. If anyone deserves it, you do.
Saef, you've posted for several months about all the projects you have at work. Is this a temporary/seasonal thing, is more work being placed upon you than previously, or have you always been expected to work this many hours? It doesn't seem sustainable. I agree with everyone, you deserve a nice long vacation where work, computers, contractors, and your mother can't reach you!
OK, enough with the ageism. I referred to someone as an "older lady" yesterday. Then I realized I'm going to be 55 in a couple of weeks.
We don't start regular mammograms here until age 50. Waiting for the results of the first one isn't so nerve-wracking. It's when they call you a couple of days after and say "oh we want you to come in again for another" that things get tense. I always get the same tech - she is eastern european and calls me "dear". I want to clip her on the ear when she does that, particularly when she's got me bent over and squished into the darn machine.
Mudpie and I are dancing tonite, to the stylings of Lauren Aitken. DH is working his second job and Mishka is being a couch potato. I am so happy to be eating from all of the food groups again. And no diet cola today .
RE: Mammograms. I had a baseline at 35--they called me in for an ultrasound to make sure there wasn't something there (nerve wracking). Then last year, I changed diagnostic centers--went in for my yearly and they called me back for an ultrasound. This time I wasn't as worried, and of course nothing was there. Again this year all was clear.
Saef~can you take a vacation? I agree, you need a refill of more than just energy. You need to get away from it all and take a spa week.
Fitmom, good luck! I had an "OMG I'm old" moment at my physical last week when the doctor asked if my ob/gyn had said anything about starting mammograms when I'm 35 (my mom had breast cancer). It took me a few moments to realize that 35 isn't all that far off.
I know. I don't think of 35 as "old" at all, in fact I have many friends ages 25-65, as this is such a small town you really can't pick your friends based on age. Yet I'm sort of in denial about the fact that I will be turning 30 this summer. The number is sort of a block for me. I don't understand why when I feel the same, people are starting to treat me differently! But in a fit of vanity I did buy some anti-wrinkle cream and shell out $65 for a "real" haircut to help me along, since my hair is not one of my best features (it does look better). I'm getting a jump on my birthday.
Just to be a dissenting voice, I'll jump in as being one who's made the personal decision to not have another mammogram for "screening" purposes. I've been a victim of two false positives and the ridiculous circus that that entails. Ever since, I instead rely on thermograms, annual ultrasounds, and greater personal awareness. It's a choice, it might be a risk, but it's one I decided to take after doing a lot of intense research.
I'm on track to have a mammogram this summer, and I'm a little anxious about it with the implants honestly. Some people say I need to do an ultrasound instead of a mammogram, but the insurance won't pay for it so there is a question about expense.
Shannon, what does your doctor say about a mammogram with implants?
I was reading that you want to go to a clinic that has experience performing and reading mammograms when women have implants.
I have chosen to opt out of the mammogram frenzy myself. I have had two, both negative, years apart. I just don't think it's the best that medical science can come up with, and I don't like the idea of false positives.
I have a few years before I need to make the mammogram decision. My grandmother did die of breast cancer, so I have some family history. I'll send some *goodvibes* out to you ladies who are having them, that the squishing is not too uncomfortable and the results are favorable.
I just posted in the food log thread that I fell off the wagon yesterday big time. I've been sensing diet fatigue going on for a few days... and this is usually the outcome (though usually it's a week or two of all-out eating junk food, not just a day, and I'm scared bc I have several social events this weekend that I don't want to miss just bc I'm afraid of the food). For me, diet fatigue manifests itself in writing down too much, being too obsessive about tracking each calorie and planning, and I know a fall is coming (however if I don't write things down, I start to let myself "get away" with too much and consume too many calories). Do you sense when you're headed for a fall off the healthy eating wagon? If so, have you figured out how to head it off? I'm open to suggestions. Rather than thinking "that just won't work for me" I'm really going to try and be open-minded, see if I can find something that does work for me, because I've been following this pattern for too long.
I have mixed feelings about regular mammograms. On the one hand, it does produce a lot of false positives and exposes you possibly unnecessarily to radiation. On the other hand, my mom's breast cancer was found with a routine mammogram and was an early enough stage that she was able to be treated with surgery and local radiation, no chemo. If she hadn't had the routine mammogram it could have been far advanced before they found it.
In any case I figure whenever they tell me to I'll go and get it done. It took a few years to find them but I do have doctors I trust right now.
My Mom's breast cancer was found by herself by monthly self exam, then confirmed by doctor's exam and then a third opinion by mammogram, which by that time seemed a bit superfluous. Mastectomy and lymph node biopsy indicated it had not spread and it was quite tiny--pea sized, so no chemo other than stopping her hormones and adding tamoxiphen (sp?) to which she hated for getting hot flashes at age 79!
BIG SECRET: Men can get breast cancer - and do. But the establishment hasn't decreed mammograms for men yet. As I understand the rules, one need not have volume to get squashed.
Men have their prostate examined at their yearly physicals. All men who live long enough have some form of prostate enlargement, but rarely is it the cause of death. The heart usually gets the last laugh.
The major exam that's dreaded by young men is the test for a hernia where the testicles drop. The examiner, frequently a female for the most sensitive aged young men getting their physical to play high school sports, puts a finger down there and says "cough." For months in advance young men fear they'll have a major physical manifestation which will be the single most embarrassing thing in the whole universe. They do. It is. But life goes on.
Bill and Gary Feel free to join in with any uncomfortable tedious medical exams you guys have to suffer through. :.....
In earlier years I used to examine Angie's breasts several times a week, however as pre-/real menopause has set in...well let's just say hot flashes scare me!...so I don't even try anymore
I have been through 1 sigmoidoscopy and 1 colonoscopy...with the first one I joked with the Dr. and nurse as we looked at the procedure on camera...
with the second I was out like a light bulb....
Thanks be to God I had it...a polyp that usually turns cancer was found...
which means I need to go in every 3 years now instead of 5...
not complaining though...as I have had one friend die from colon cancer and another very close friend a survivor....for now....
with the ageism. I referred to someone as an "older lady" yesterday. Then I realized I'm going to be 55 in a couple of weeks. 
that things get tense. I always get the same tech - she is eastern european and calls me "dear". I want to clip her on the ear when she does that, particularly when she's got me bent over and squished into the darn machine.
scare me!...so I don't even try anymore 
