I have basically gotten to the point where I don't think I can do anything else with my weight loss that would be sustainable long-term. I eat around 1200-1400 calories a day, track and log everything, cut out all processed foods and grains (except ~6 g sugar a day and an occasional treat 1-2x a week), etc. I exercise 4-6 times a week with varying intensity- from 20 minute walks to 1 hour power yoga to moderate lifting to 6 mile runs. All of this is sustainable in the long run and I think I've managed to adopt the mindset that measuring, weighing, and calorie counting is something I'll do for the rest of my life. It's really hard and it takes a LOT of energy and time. But I'm doing it.
My problem is I've been at 122-124 for the past 5 months now. I did take a 6-week maintenance break where I really didn't do much counting, but otherwise I've been pretty close to 1200-1300 calories a day.
I really, really want to lose 5 more pounds. For the first reason, I'm still not happy with where my body is aesthetically. I lost most of my weight from my chest and waist and my arms and thighs are still big. It looks weird. I don't think this is an issue of body dysmorphia. I don't care too much about my looks- I rarely wear makeup, don't spend a lot of money on clothes or haircuts. I've always been grateful for a functioning, healthy body and ultimately that's what's important. I've actually put off trying to lose weight my whole life because I "make" myself satisfied with my weight, convince myself I should just be fine with where I am. But I'm not and I never have been. I would love to finally, at some point in my life, genuinely be happy with my weight.
Secondly, I want a maintenance range. I would not be happy with a maintenance range where 122 is the lower end, or the middle.I don't want to continue bouncing around 122-125. It should be the absolute upper, if that. Which means losing a few more pounds.
The problem is, I really don't know how much more restrictive I should/could get. I could drop calories to 1000/day. I could be perfectly on plan every day. But that would require a level of discipline and near-obsession that I don't know is healthy. I already miss a lot of social function because I know I'll veer off plan if I attend them. I already think about food a LOT- because almost all of my meals are homecooked and mostly made from fresh vegetables that I buy almost every day. How much more do I need to give up?
I guess my bottom-line question is settling versus pushing myself. I don't want to settle- that's what I've always done and it's always been me lying to myself. I could push myself- really stick to 1000-1100 a day and do whatever it takes to get there. But that's not something I can live with for the rest of my life. And isn't this all about finding something sustainable?
I guess I'm also really befuddled because there are so many on 3FC who have started after I did (January 2011) at higher weights and have lots a LOT more than I have, and are now lighter than I am. I've never really veered off plan, I don't binge, I've cut out alcohol, carbs except fruits and veggies, and processed foods. I just have no idea how people are able to lose faster and weigh less than I am by engaging in these behaviors. I'm a little jealous, but mostly I'm confused and really wondering if I'm doing something wrong.
So, I would love input. I'm really in a rut. Thanks in advance for your wisdom and perspective
I'm probably the polar opposite of you: I'm about your height, am probably about 40 lbs. more than you (I don't weigh myself), and am satisfied with myself to the point where I've been eating maintenance calories for a few weeks now. I'm letting you know that so that you can know where I"m coming from as you read this: I don't think you can or should compare yourself with others. We all have different body types. My sisters can weigh exactly the same as I do and still wear a bigger size. My one sister works her tail off with a personal trainer and is a bit frustrated that I don't do anywhere near her level of working out but during the last six months have gotten down to the same size as her just by doing more walking and calorie counting.
So, #1 piece of advice: Don't compare yourself to others.
#2 piece of advice: It's really going to be your decision to make (I know that's lame, but it's what it boils down to). You have to ask yourself if that 5 more lbs. is really worth all the sacrifice it will take to get there and stay there. For me the answer would be so easy: no way! But that's my answer, not yours.
Finally, I know you said that your view of your body is not distorted, but honestly, I'll bet that most outsiders wouldn't see a difference in you at 125 to 120. It really probably is that you're focused on what you see as a flaw.
I'm sure you are going to get lots of replies. This is a question many people struggle with.
The prevailing mythology is that we can make our bodies do anything--it's just mind over matter, right? But I think that after a point, that idea becomes dysfunctional. When someone at your height and weight is stressing over 5 pounds, I think that's a sign.
That desire to lose 5 more pounds? In some people, it never ends. If 120 is good, wouldn't 115 be better, as a buffer? And then, at 115, maybe it would be even better to be 110 to make sure...
Along with this comes the odd idea that those body parts that one hates will magically change and become the "ideal"--they will match some imaginary mental image, and then one can be truly happy and content.
Where does this idea come from, that unless one's body is "perfect," one cannot be happy?
I really would second what lin43 said about not comparing yourself to others. There is no telling why some people lose more weight or lose it faster. That's not the point anyway.
The point, in my view, is to live life in a mindful way, not in a way that means constant, unrelenting stress. Not to be the kind of person who lives in terror of being "struck fat" if they miss one day at the gym, or if they eat one meal that goes over calories. Day to day life is not like training for the Olympics--or at least, it doesn't have to be.
You have a negative view of the word "settling." So I'd reframe that. You can make a decision to accept your body where it is and stop making yourself nuts about it. Some might call this rational, even reasonable.
This is a great discussion and something I think a lot about myself. Thanks for asking and I did enjoy the responses.
I was even surprised with myself when I started paying probably too much attention to girls my own height and what their goals or maintenance levels are.
I am actually working myself on asking myself how do I really feel and what makes sense for me.
If I had to guess based on your activity, etc. you are probably pretty strong and pretty low on the body fat. I could be dropping 5 more pounds will come at the expense of your lean mass.
Something to think about anyway. In the long run you may sustain better with a stronger body and a number on the scale that you didn't think you wanted.
I already miss a lot of social function because I know I'll veer off plan if I attend them.
This is something I am struggling with too myself. Even I know it is not ideal but I haven't figured out the solution yet. There is another thread going on about not associating food with fun or something like that. It has been very informative, but I don't think I am there yet.
I guess my bottom-line question is settling versus pushing myself. I don't want to settle- that's what I've always done and it's always been me lying to myself. I could push myself- really stick to 1000-1100 a day and do whatever it takes to get there. But that's not something I can live with for the rest of my life. And isn't this all about finding something sustainable?
I think you answered your own question! It sounds like where you are now is the lowest weight you can get to comfortably, healthily. Going down in calories more? Dangerous territory. And you already said that you skip social events bc you don't want to go off plan. That's no fun (believe me, it's something I wrestle with too). Being at a healthy weight is a lifestyle, but not an obsession.
Please don't compare yourself to other bodies. We're all our own people, and our bodies operate differently. Just because some people are at a lower weight for your height doesn't mean you should also be there. I'm 5'5" and am more comfortable around 140-145, rather than the 125 lbs charts "tell" me I should be at.
And I strongly agree with Jay's point that you are not "settling" in a negative way. You've discovered on your journey that this is a place where your body feels healthy, happy. It's not a bad thing to stay here (particularly when your body doesn't seem to want to leave!). A lot of maintainers here say their maintenance weight "chose" them, rather than they chose their weight. It sounds like 122-124 chose you.
Congratulations on your loss! Welcome to maintenance!
Have you input your maintenance requirements into an online calculators? For a female, 30, 5.2 inches, active, to maintain 124 the output I got from one was 1915 calories daily. Of course, that may not be your age, is 1/2 inch shorter than your listed height, and 2 lbs over your listed 122----I'm just wondering, and I rarely state this to anyone, if you're undereating. Which doesn't mean go out and eat a banana split to make up the difference, and I'm not at maintenance and I honestly don't know what is going to happen to me when I get there--but you may want to eat just a little more. Dropping your calories to 1000 is a bad idea.
You should look into that in depth and find out if there is something to it. I hope someone else here on 3FC is able to give you some insight into that.
The point, in my view, is to live life in a mindful way, not in a way that means constant, unrelenting stress. Not to be the kind of person who lives in terror of being "struck fat" if they miss one day at the gym, or if they eat one meal that goes over calories
I loved Jay's entire post, but this one part stuck out to me. If we could all internalize that point, I think there would be fewer people regaining lost weight (I don't mean here---I mean in general).
The prevailing mythology is that we can make our bodies do anything--it's just mind over matter, right? But I think that after a point, that idea becomes dysfunctional. When someone at your height and weight is stressing over 5 pounds, I think that's a sign. [snip]
Along with this comes the odd idea that those body parts that one hates will magically change and become the "ideal"--they will match some imaginary mental image, and then one can be truly happy and content.
I loved Jay's post too, but those two quotes jumped out at me.
indiblue - What would you do if you lost those five pounds, but they came off your bust and face, and you still thought your arms and thighs were "big"? Where we store fat is largely dictated by genetics.
At your height, weight and level of activity, you're already slim and healthy, and I don't think you can drop your calorie level safely and sustainably. If you would like to do some "reshaping", I would suggest increasing your weights - I've had dramatic results from strength training, and the added muscle mass would give your metabolism a boost too.
I knew I'd posted this first link before-- and it turns out I posted it for you, indiblue. These (1, 2) are the professional women marathoners at Boston a few years ago. Look at the thighs. Fitness and thinness and, for that matter, world-class athletic ability do not guarantee aesthetically perfect legs--or any other body part, for that matter. Heck, even (female, non-steroid) fitness models do not look to be entirely without visible body fat on an everyday basis.
I think between the focus on not-good-enough body parts and the limiting of social interactions to support your attempts at losing five whole pounds, you're getting close to something disordered and not good. What would you say to someone else who posted what you did?
Last edited by MariaMaria; 11-13-2011 at 01:30 PM.
Instead of dropping calories, etc., I'd probably try to research some other types of training that really focuses on your problem areas. I know you are super active - but maybe focus on some new shaping exercises? I haven't been in your "shoes", but that is probably what I'd try if I were.
It sounds like it's time to take your focus away from the scale. Whether that means paying closer to your measurements, working on achieving fitness goals, or something else is up to you, but being too hard on yourself over a few pounds is only going to make this process more exhausting.
What I really took away from it was how much body composition can affect our appearance. The number on the scale might not move much, but there can still be dramatic changes in your shape.
I've been having a similar dilemma as well. I think it's tough when you don't feel your body is proportionate. I'm definitely a pear shape so very bottom heavy. My upper body is very thin so I usually can wear a skirt (if it's A-line) in a size 2 or 4 but my jeans will be more like a size 10 with lots of gaping at the waist. I would love to lose 4 more lbs. (I'm at 149 right now) because I used to be that weight and I thought it would be really great...however, I haven't been able to get there.
For me, I've decided that it's ok. I'm still going to strive for it, but it's without the agony that may go along with a goal that feels so unattainable. I'll just try and if I get there and it takes me a year, then great. If I never do, then I'm ok with that as well. I know what it takes. I won't starve myself and drop down to a calorie count that is too low. I can just up my workout here and there and cut down on the splurges here and there. I figure that little bit will add up to a lot of a long enough period of time.
Also, don't underestimate the power of dressing for your body type. I've given up on jeans. They just don't flatter. Instead, I wear high wasted slacks that flare at the bottom and lots and lots of dresses that cinch at the waist.
Either way, I hope you find a way to be truly happy in your body.
i understand how you're feeling, but as others have said i don't know whether you're being over-critical about yourself, or if you have the potential to lose a bit more whilst still being able to maintain it long-term.
The only thought i have is that maybe you're being TOO GOOD. Maybe you're too consistent and your body is used to the calories it gets and a 1hr exercise session or whatever.
Recently i've started trekking, and i've also been doing more bike riding and i do these activities for 3-6hr one day at the weekend. They've replaced a couple of sessions of 1-2hrs running or spin classes. In other words lower intensity but for a longer period of time, and for some reason it's just working!
Similarly maybe you need to shake up your food a bit with more calories for a few days and then go back to where you are - or preferably, aren't there people who are specialised at this? Could you see a professional trainer or nutritionalist and get some advice from someone who really knows this stuff?
Settling vs. Pushing Myself
