I'd like the maintainer's perspective on this. I don't feel like I have totally failed at maintenance yet. I maintained my 125-130lb range for about a year, and for the last 3-4 months, I've been hovering around 135lbs. Not THAT serious of a gain back, but it IS a gain, and I don't like it. It's not even really about the numbers, but for some reason, that 130lb mark is where I go from comfortable with my body to uncomfortable with it. So I have been trying to lose a stinkin' 5lbs or so for months! I've just totally lost my focus. I haven't been taking my calorie counting seriously. I'm more worried about the behavior patterns and the possibility of gaining more back than I am about getting back to my comfort zone.
So for those of you who have been maintaining, have you ever been through a phase like this? How in the world do you snap yourself out of it!?
I've been "wanting to lose just 5 lbs" for 2 years, sadly. It was super easy for me to stay under 130 for first 3-4 years, it's been a huge struggle since. Mostly, I think it's because my clothes mostly fit and I still look pretty good and I love the ease of maintenance (biscotti with my latte, the occasional glass of red wine, treat meals in restaurants) and I hate the restriction of losing (very tough to do with my social life/dinners with husband).
Every time my weight starts to REALLY creep, I get it into gear and get back down to 135 or so, so my clothes fit, but I can't seem to commit farther/harder to get all the way back to where I want to be.
Glory, I think I've said it before...you and I sound like weight loss/maintenance twins, lol.
I'm at about 135 today, and to anybody who doesn't have to look at my body naked in the mirror everyday, the difference between 129 and 135 is probably unnoticeable. But it's grossly noticeable for me. I feel good anywhere between 125-130, truly. I'm comfortable in my own skin, confident, my clothes fit how they should, and I'm just content with my body. Anywhere over 130, I feel distinctly different. Puffier, tighter pants, my face is rounder, etc.
WHY is it so difficult to stay focused to get where I'm happy? I don't get it, lol.
I was just talking to a fellow maintainer today about how much difference 5 pounds can make to our psyche and attitude. It is amazing to me. Last Saturday I weighed an all time low for me of 115. I told myself I shouldn't go below 115, so I allowed a few indulgences (nothing crazy) over the weekend. I promptly went up to 119-120 and have stayed there. I don't like to go over 120, though I don't freak out until I'm around 125. I find it so interesting to myself that at 115 I think I'm too thin and at 120, I feel unhappy and gross. My stomach is big and puffed out.
Not sure that I helped you any, but I do understand the difference between just a few pounds. I hope you can find your mojo again!!
WHY is it so difficult to stay focused to get where I'm happy? I don't get it, lol.
I haven't had this problem yet, maybe I'm still too new to the maintainers fear of gaining it back. If my weight gets higher than 145ish I restrict until I'm back to 140. Though it seems that one day of non-restriction can throw me easily into restriction mode....ugh.
I was just wondering though, could it be possible that you like being at where you are not happy? I mean, maybe you somehow like the fight, but not necessarily care if you win? It seems to me Megan, and I mean this with respect and not to sound catty that if you REALLY wanted to get back to 125ish, you would.
I've said before that "diet fatigue" is real, and sometimes it doesn't happen until one is in maintenance, goes up a few pounds, and then is trying to get back down.
I spent over a year struggling to "get back down." I would lose 2 pounds, then lose my focus--and go back up 3. Finally, after a year of struggling, I just stopped thinking about food for awhile. I became one of the 80% who regains. Not the whole 50 pounds--but a big chunk of that.
Lori Bell, I hope this situation never happens to you. Nothing is more maddening than not being able to get back into a plan again. You feel like a failure and a loser--and not in a good way.
mkendrik, My current thought on it is that carbohydrates are the big villain in this. One gets tired of watching food and starts to eat just a bit too much carbs, especially refined carbs like white flour and sugar. If this idea is correct, then I can tell you the exact week on which I began to lose the weight battle.
I think that carbs shift my metabolism in such a way that I just want more and more of them, and am hungry all the time, and just really driven. Yes, it's like being an addict. And when I'm triggered, my mind tells me all the same addict things--Just one won't hurt. It's OK, I deserve some fun/a break/a treat. It's been such a long time since I've had X, why not? It's football season, surely it's OK now. And so on.
As you can see, I'm losing again--but I've had to take a different approach to lose this time. I couldn't make the old way work anymore.
The good news is, if you can put together a couple of weeks on a plan, you can drop those 5 pounds. If the old way doesn't work, try something different. I encourage you to do so now, if you possibly can. It is not any easier to lose weight the second time around, and it's really discouraging to face a long haul again.
I'd like the maintainer's perspective on this. I don't feel like I have totally failed at maintenance yet. I maintained my 125-130lb range for about a year, and for the last 3-4 months, I've been hovering around 135lbs. Not THAT serious of a gain back, but it IS a gain, and I don't like it. It's not even really about the numbers, but for some reason, that 130lb mark is where I go from comfortable with my body to uncomfortable with it. So I have been trying to lose a stinkin' 5lbs or so for months! I've just totally lost my focus. I haven't been taking my calorie counting seriously. I'm more worried about the behavior patterns and the possibility of gaining more back than I am about getting back to my comfort zone.
So for those of you who have been maintaining, have you ever been through a phase like this? How in the world do you snap yourself out of it!?
I have been in the situation you describe for over a year now. I never did make it to goal and now I keep hovering about 2 lbs. what used to be my red line. All my clothes are a bit tight and I look "doughy".
I agree with Jay's idea of "diet fatigue". I find I can't bring myself to care enough to lose that final 5 lbs. and it's just so much work to track everything and write it down etc.
I think my DH is finally ready to take a serious stab at losing (he's got about 50 lbs. to lose) and I'm hoping that we can support each other and stop each other from all the unhealthy snacking we've been doing.
mkendrik, My current thought on it is that carbohydrates are the big villian in this. One gets tired of watching food and starts to eat just a bit too much carbs, especially refined carbs like white flour and sugar. If this idea is correct, then I can tell you the exact week on which I began to lose the weight battle.
I am struggling, and I mean *struggling* with the transition to maintenance. I think carbs are at the heart of my problem. I want to be able to eat the food that the rest of my family is eating, which is extremely healthy by most standards. Lots of veggies and legumes, all whole grain, and some lean protein. But when I try to eat the same foods instead of separate low-carb meals, it's a slippery slope that goes downhill rapidly.
I've been here before and it's a case of history repeating itself. I don't like either option: regaining weight or feeling like a permanent food outcast in my own family, watching them eat healthy foods that I wish I could. I have been wracking my brains and the only option I've come up with is to make my meal a hybrid -- have a base of salad or veggies and use the family entree more as a side dish or a dressing. Maybe substitute some extra protein or fat as well, like a shrimp cocktail, sprinkle of nuts or tablespoon of EVOO.
I also have the 5-lb minsdet. I am happy at 129 or lower, but feel like a bloated failure once I see 130. I am in the process of buying tighter pants (and donating any that allow a little slack) to keep scale creep at bay.
Thank you soooo much, you guys Reading these discussions is helping already.
To michele, yes, 5lbs or even 1-2lbs can make a big difference at maintaining weight. 129lbs is really where I go from unhappy to happy. My face slims down, my tummy is flat, my clothes fit perfectly, and I am happy when I look in the mirror. ANYthing over that, I notice a big difference.
To Lori, I'm having a hard time even getting into restriction mode. Either healthy buckled-down focused "restriction" or the "omg, I just ate so much, tomorrow I'm only eating celery sticks!" kind of restriction. Probably for the best with the latter, I was getting unhealthy in that direction for awhile. But I also don't like how lackadaisical and placid I've gotten. I eat a ton of junk and think "Eh, I'll start over tomorrow," and tomorrow just never comes, lol. I NEED a little bit of that panic back!!!
And I have thought that maybe I'm just meant to be at this slightly higher weight. Maybe I'm just meant to maintain at 135lbs instead of 130 and under. But I don't think that's necessarily the case. For one, as I said above, I am not happy with this body. I lost 50+ lbs to begin with to get a body I LOVED, I'm not going to settle for a body that I am still frustrated with. But also, I maintained in a healthy moderate way for months at 125-130. To get any lower, I would have had to starve myself down, but that was unnecessary because I was happy with where I was. And I'm not maintaining at the higher 135 because this is where my body wants to be with a healthy diet, I'm at 135lbs because I'm eating several extra hundred calories of junk, lol.
To Jay, Thank you for sharing that. You were always one of my inspirations during loss, and you continue to be so. I think I have reached the diet fatigue point. Before, my weight control was almost a hobby that I enjoyed. It was an exciting challenge. I liked reading about weight loss, learning about it, watching shows like Biggest Loser, etc. Now, I dread thinking about it. I dread getting on my calorie counting website. I just burnt out on all things diet-related....including healthy dieting, lol.
I'm standing at kind of the edge right now. I'm very close to saying "screw it all...I'm eating what I want and just don't care anymore." But I need to just stop and back up and get refocused again. May I ask how you changed your plan? I lost/maintained initially with very flexible calorie counting. I didn't monitor carbs or fiber or anything, just stayed under X number of calories. The flexibility worked for me, and staying under a number made sense to me. It was a no brainer to count every blob of mustard I put on my sandwich, but now, my calorie counting is a joke.
And to mudpie, yes, that's exactly it. I desperately want to lose these stinkin 5lbs, but I can't seem to get serious. And that's just stupid, lol.
Ugh, yoyomama, I feel that same frustration with being a food outcast!!! And the extra pressure to "eat normal" makes it even worse. My husband always wants us to eat together, and I think it's sweet that he cares so much about it. But he wants steak, loaded baked potatoes, and cheesy broccoli, and he wants to eat at 5pm. He's an in-shape muscular Army soldier...I can't eat that way. If I eat a smaller portion of what he eats AND stay under my calorie allotment, then I am getting like 5 bites of food. And when I eat early in the evening, I'm hungry before bed. It's not fair to him to make him eat diet food, but it really is just a challenge to eat on plan with other not-on-plan family members and friends around.
I lost weight originally by counting calories. It's just calories in-calories out, right? Except I found that not all calories are created equal.
I did track macronutrients because I wanted to make sure I was getting enough protein. It seems like most 3FC posters I've seen don't get enough protein. If I'm not eating enough protein, I feel tired and weak and exercise is hard.
What I'm doing this time is a modified version of the Medifast program. I had to modify it because I'm intolerant to the protein powder they use and can only have limited amounts. So, I've had to come up with equivalents. Using the Medifast program, you eat 5 Medifast "meals" and 1 "lean & green" meal in a day. The "lean & green" is prepared from regular foods--you can even eat it at restaurants by making the right choices.
You have to buy the Medifast meals from Medifast. They aren't cheap, but since you're substituting for all but one of your meals every day, there is some offset in the amount of regular food you're buying. They are portion-controlled foods and mixes like shakes, bars, soups, hot beverages, puddings, brownies, and so on.
You don't have to count calories. You do have to weigh meats/proteins and measure vegetables, but just for the "lean & green." The great thing about having that lean & green is that the protein amounts are large (5 ounces cooked weight of beef or pork, 6 of chicken breast, 7 of most fish). If you were doing the lean & green, you could have that dinner with your husband (except for the loaded potato) and still have a Medifast meal at night, depending on how you scheduled the earlier part of the day.
It is a low-calorie diet; typically one eats under 1000 cals. But the foods are all supplemented. Originally the plan was medically supervised only, and they do still have that option.
My partner decided to try this with me because she needed to lose 10 pounds. She lost those pounds in a little over 1 month.
Anyway, because of my modifications, I do have to track my foods again. Bummer. But, I expect I'll always have to do some tracking. The experiment with not tracking at all was a failure.
I'm pretty much exactly where you are - I maintained at 122-127 for almost two years, I've been at 132-135 for almost a year now. I feel good at 130, even up to 132. Anything over that and I hate my squishiness. That being said, I can't buckle down and make the changes I need to make consistently. I religiously count and weigh and measure everything, have the entire time. It just doesn't always make me stop eating something if I'm already at budget for the day. Junk food and eating out is killing me. I've also been trying to lose the same five pounds for a months. In my case, I deliberately do things to sabotage the process I think. I get frustrated because I look bad, so I eat something that makes me look and feel worse. I'm not sure why. I think I need to shake it up and try something totally different like Jay has done.
I've been "wanting to lose just 5 lbs" for 2 years, sadly. It was super easy for me to stay under 130 for first 3-4 years, it's been a huge struggle since. Mostly, I think it's because my clothes mostly fit and I still look pretty good and I love the ease of maintenance (biscotti with my latte, the occasional glass of red wine, treat meals in restaurants) and I hate the restriction of losing (very tough to do with my social life/dinners with husband).
Every time my weight starts to REALLY creep, I get it into gear and get back down to 135 or so, so my clothes fit, but I can't seem to commit farther/harder to get all the way back to where I want to be.
I am not at maintenance, but this time around, I have purposely made my goal a higher weight/size than previous attempts because I cannot face the notion of having to be so careful with my eating that I cannot have the treats you mention in your post (coincidentally, those that you mention are the same as the ones I like!).
In the past, I would use the "life's too short" argument regardless of which side of the weight loss "fence" I was on. When I got thin, I would maintain that for a while, but then I would finally say to myself, "Life's too short to not eat what I like!" Then, I would get fat, stay fat for a while, and ultimately say to myself, "Life's too short to cry in the dressing room every time I go shopping!" This time, I think I've finally found a balance. Having a higher goal weight/size means that I can still have some treats regularly; I just cannot overdo it. I can do that while still being a decent weight (I haven't weighed myself, but I know I'm continuing to lose based on the fit of my clothes).
So, to the OP, I guess you face the dilemma that many people face even before they start getting serious about a plan: Is being a certain weight worth the sacrifice involved? Perhaps consciously you think it is, but subconsciously maybe you believe it isn't. Maybe you are just satisfied enough with your body so that you aren't really willing to cut back on those daily treats. (I'm not judging you, btw. As per my previous point, I consciously acknowledge that I am unwilling to make the sacrifice).
Also, it seems to me that your bigger concern is the out-of-control feeling you have. Regarding that, I can empathize with you. I hate feeling that way. It scares me, and it makes me lack confidence in myself.
I kind of feel like I've been on all sides of this. I was a successful maintainer, then I was a regainer, then I was a maintainer, then I was a "just 5 pounds"-er, etc.
There is one key thing that I think Jay and I at least (if not other people too) agree on: what worked the first time may not work anymore. I lost my last 10lbs or so on 1600-1800 cals 6 days/week and one cheat day the first time through, with 3 days of exercise per week. Now in order to lose I need to be <1400 6 days a week with one smallish cheat day, and 5 days of more intense exercise per week.
I struggled with regain for a long time because I was unwilling to admit to myself that 1600/day was too many calories for me to lose weight. It worked before, why couldn't it work again? I would try to lose, fail, give up, ask myself that same question again, try again, fail, give up, lather, rinse, repeat. It wasn't until I admitted that I needed to do something more dramatic that I was able to lose my regain. That and I also realized that for me at least, I needed to take breaks from the constant calorie counting to keep my mental health stable. It takes longer to lose that way but for me it's essential.
Since then I've bounced around a bit. Right now I'm a few pounds above where I want to be. I was on a losing kick a few weeks ago, but life and various medications got in the way and I got stalled and gained a couple pounds back. I'd like to lose four pounds before the holidays arrive with their inevitable gain. I'm trying to motivate myself to count calories again, but I'm feeling extremely lazy.
This thread has been awesome...you guys all share my brain, I think!
Today was the first day in, oh...at least about two months that I felt like I was on solid ground. Not "Oh, I was on plan plus a few bites of that...oh, and a few bites of that." I have so far counted every bite that I have taken. Including 3 Lifesaver mints, 4 almonds, and a handful of carrots that I snacked on at work. I was eating that stuff thinking it was so immensely better than eating cookies, but even those calories add up...turns out that was about 100cals!!! I'm so glad that I took the time to count them. I've become so blissfully ignorant of how quickly calories add up. There are NO extra calories that don't really have to count. But, that 100cals of mints, almonds, and carrots is infinitely better than the several hundreds of calories in cookies I have been eating for literally, every day at work!
I really needed this one good day. I know it's just the start (start over, really), but I needed to get at least one toe back on solid ground. I have had one successful day, finally!
Lost focus...getting serious again?
Reading these discussions is helping already.
