That sucks Saef! I can't believe someone else couldn't have helped you?!?! At my gym, they are always more than happy to show you around and try to sell a membership.

September 24: 95 minutes Bikram Yoga

September 25: 60 minute walk

Totals:
23 days
1606 minutes

9/24: dog power walk
9/25: double dog power walk, bike ride (~30 mins, ~7 miles)
9/26: double dog power walk

Sept. 26:

60 minutes recumbent bike, steady state resistance at six
60 minutes Kripalu yoga class


It's back again: Crying during the corpse pose, as I did back in 2008, when my father was dying of cancer.

September 26:
60 minutes Body Pump class (arms are sore just typing this!)

Totals:
24 days
1666 minutes

Tuesday, Sept. 27:

20 minutes on recumbent bike, Alpine Pass setting, resistance at six
45 minutes arms & shoulders routine
45 minutes back on bike, same setting, resistance at seven


No one from that gym has called to explain or apologize. And no, Michele, they did not offer to send around a different trainer, maybe because they're sales-oriented and maybe the people are on commission and no one wanted to interfere with someone else's commission. I tried calling the head office in Ohio and explained the problem there. (I didn't want to try leaving a message or complaint with the apathetic and unprofessional local receptionist.) They said they'd look into what happened and get back to me. No word back thus far.

This morning, peddling on the recumbent bike again, near some gentlemen from the senior center across the street from the gym, who peddled and chatted, with the morning paper in front of them & coffee beside their bikes, I thought to myself what a change there's been in my life, from going to 5:45 AM spin class with weight intervals at my former gym.

I want my life back.

Saef

Well...I'm back - right, wrong or indifferent, lol. I've been purposefully shying away from posting for the last few weeks because I lost my way for a little while. I'm not proud of it but that's the honest truth.

Bad news first: BIL is still dying. Probably won't make it six months. We told my nieces and I cried for three days. No joke. I've come to the conclusion that God is good but life sucks. 'Nuff said. And yeah, I'm still turning 40 in six weeks and I'm no happier about than I was than the last time we chatted. Getting older sucks. There's no getting around it. I feel like I'm being put out to pasture, lol.

What I did about it: What does every woman who's more than a little depressed do to get out of her funk? Get a damn haircut!! I promptly marched into my hair salon and slapped down a photo of Sarah Jessica Parker with a chin-length bob from a few years and asked my hairstylist of 20 years to make me look like that. And you know what? HE DID. Haha Everyone's been commenting on how much younger, vibrant and sassy I look. This wasn't just a haircut, it was soul-cleansing. I'm not kidding. He lopped off a good ten inches and I felt the weight of the world come off my shoulders. I feel a thousand pounds lighter - at least. It doesn't solve every one of my problems but it's a start.

Good news last: Something kind of shifted in me the last three to four weeks. I'm sick and tired of feeling like the victim here. I want to be a strong woman not just fit. I'm tired of being told that I'm tiny and small. NO I'M NOT! So, I contacted some trusted people I know in the fitness industry and started inquiring about lifting some serious weight. Not the bull**** pink dumbbells like I'd been doing either. And no, I don't want to be the next female bodybuilder but I do want to add some muscle - in my upper body specifically. They suggested that I start with weights that were 5X the amount I'd been using. I was shocked but for once I didn't argue and just went with it. They also said I should be doing a full-body circuit training routine three times weekly and cut my cardio down to 10 minutes of steady state after the routine. No more hour long sessions. I had to pick what to focus on - building muscle or losing fat. I choose muscle, lol. To reiterate, I'm only working out 3x a week for 45 minutes and I have so much more energy than before!

And then a couple of days ago the most AMAZING thing happened to me: I was brushing my (now-shorter) hair and when my arm was in a bent position and half-flexed, I could see in the mirror a definite bicep!!!!!! Not huge but HUGE FOR ME. Holy Batman!!!! I. Have. A. Bicep. My body is actually capable of more than just losing fat. I can actually flex the damn thing any time I want, lol.

But the trade-off is I've never been so darn sore in my life! My abs hurt when I cough and laugh from the deadlifts I've been doing. My arms and shoulders are crying at the end of the sessions. And my legs are on fire from all the squats. I don't care about the scale anymore. I REALLY DON'T. The number doesn't define who I am. The scale has tortured me for years but no more. I just want to feel good about my body and lifting these weights in heavier increments does just that. I thought running was the ultimate high - not by a long shot for me. I fall into bed completely exhausted on the days that I lift but that's what I need right now. And you know? My abs didn't vaporize into thin air b/c I quit running (which was one of my fears). In fact, they are sharper than ever. I added about 300 kcal to my caloric intake on the days that I lift b/c to gain muscle, you've got to eat. Not an easy concept to wrap my head around but I'm doing it. My weight is still the same but everyone tells me that I look great even though the scale hasn't moved. Weird, huh?

Alright, end of my so-called rant. Hope everyone is doing well and I'll check back soon. Thanks for listening to me.

Fitmom-- thanks for the update! Sorry to hear about BIL, but the rest sounds fantastic. Would love to see the before and after of your sassy do!

My weight hasn't changed much but people keep commenting that I look thinner and I think it is the combination of my routines-- weights, cardio, bikram yoga, etc. that has me much more toned than before-- with definite biceps too!

September 27: 60 minutes elliptical

Totals:
25 days
1726 minutes

Wednesday, Sept. 28:

Ran the usual route, the four-miler, the uphill way, and walked afterward, finding it slow going in the humidity. (Though now I've been to the dentist, I think the problem with my tooth must be taking its toll on me, if that tooth really is infected in the roots.)

One hour Kripalu yoga class (planned -- I'm about to leave for it).

FitMom, Shannon, Michele, I think we ought to take flexing photographs. I'll bet we don't appreciate how we've built up our bodies because they're such a work in progress, we always see what could be improved. But others see us as we really are.

I know I'm often still the awkward fat girl in my mind, and that this probably is not what people around me see. (Even if I become her momentarily when I'm in the weights section at the nearby gym, a very masculine zone.)

Totally agree-- I know I still see a fat girl in my mind and can not come to terms with how I really look. I will take some flexing photos. I may even post them here.

September 28: 55 minutes boot camp

Totals:
26 days
1781 minutes

Thursday, Sept. 29:

To the gym before heading off for my root canal:

15 minutes Stairmaster stepper, resistance at four, aerobic setting
60 minutes back & biceps routine
45 minutes back on the stepper, resistance at five, aerobic setting. My back felt fine. This thing makes me drip sweat on the front of my shirt.

I wanted to go to yoga today, at a time that I usually can't make because I'm working, but after my root canal we ran errands, and then I had to start dinner, and the time got away from me. I felt pretty wiped out after my session in the dentist's chair but also felt compelled to get groceries.

I will probably miss out on working out over the next two days, as we are going downstate after all, but leaving the very next day. That's a lot of car time and little down time. I am telling myself it won't make a difference.

September 29: 60 minutes zumba class

Totals:
27 days
1841 minutes