I'm thinking that my body likes to be around 133 when I'm not all bloated from salt, which sadly takes me to 136-138 on those bloated days. My body and my eating habits both seem to be calling for this. I don't know that my head likes that, as it makes my pants a little snug. I need to figure out how to help my head remind my body that I don't need to eat the junk that I feel like I need to eat that got me here. How do I break back out of that habit? This weekend was a perfect opportunity - I planned a trip to the ballgame Friday night for weeks, was at 136 afterwards. Was okay with that, managed food pretty well. Then, ate within calories all weekend, but with three restaurant meals and off kilter days (no breakfast either day, etc) and right back at 138. Couldn't give myself even a day to flush the ballgame salt before I pounded in more. I'm pretty sure that this pattern is never going to allow me to lose anything. How do I get out of it?
Dagmar, I suspect you're right but I fear that if I accept 124, it will quickly spiral up to 126 and beyond. Before Paris, I was hovering around 122, now I can't get back below 124 consistently. That can't be "what it is" since it just changed a month ago.
I am quite certain that if I were anorexic and consistently ate, say, 800 calories daily, I would quickly drop below 120. Anorexia is clearly not desirable or possible for me, but my point is that my weight is entirely under my control; I am simply choosing the comfort of satiety over the ideal of weight loss because in my mind, I should be able to have both simultaneously. I won't get - and stay- below 122 if I am unable and unwilling to be uncomfortable for awhile. I am grappling with this.
Our bodies are genetically programmed for "survival mode". They will always want to be heavier than our brains want us to be. I think there should be a bit of tension between the two elements, just not so much that we drive ourselves .
BALANCE For me that will be a life long thing. Not perfection, not an ideal, just balance day to day.
That sound so darn boring, doesn't it? That's what I find troubling about maintenance - it should be kinda automatic, like breathing, but at the same time I'm looking for a result, a goal, some "magic" number.
Being the same number every day just doesn't float my boat the way weight loss did.
I fear that if I accept 124, it will quickly spiral up to 126 and beyond.
...
I am quite certain that if I were anorexic and consistently ate, say, 800 calories daily, I would quickly drop below 120. Anorexia is clearly not desirable or possible for me, but my point is that my weight is entirely under my control; I am simply choosing the comfort of satiety over the ideal of weight loss because in my mind, I should be able to have both simultaneously. I won't get - and stay- below 122 if I am unable and unwilling to be uncomfortable for awhile. I am grappling with this.
Andrea - this is me, too. I accepted various higher weights along the way and now I'm ten pounds above what I used to call redline.
I've said on the boards here that I've tried living at different weights and I picked the number based on my peace of mind rather than any aesthetic ideals.
This is just me. This has nothing to do with the BMI charts and no one anywhere near my weight and height should take it as their own guidance or their own personal truth. This is about me living in this body and dealing with my mental health and feeling free to go out into the world and engage with it.
At 107 trying to get down to 105 or lower, I am pretty much crazy. I mean that. I am not mentally well. I am not at ease with myself and don't function well outside my own very limited world.
To stay in the 110s, it takes all my will. It's too precarious. I'm constantly admonishing myself to do better, and my emotions gyrate wildly. There's guilt and there's restriction, failure, sadness over the failures, and the exhaustion of constantly striving.
At about 125, that's probably my best. But it's also quite an effort. Even more than I put in now. And I'm older. Maybe a bit more tired. I have a more demanding job. I've let up the pressure on myself in some ways -- I've willingly dropped out of working toward looking like women 20 years younger than me.
I could be in the 130s if I counted calories in addition to exercising as much as I do. But I don't care to.
That leaves me where I am. And as I've said before, I do not recommend experiencing a raging eating disorder to try various weights & understand what one must do to maintain them. But I'd say that's one piece of self-knowledge I've got & it was hard won, believe me. For some of those ranges, the tradeoff just isn't worth it. Not now, at this point in my life. Not with other things that I want for myself.
I have a friend who has kept her weight very low for years. However, she never goes out to lunch with any of us or eats anything outside of her own pre-planned menus.
I originally set my goal weight for 130 and figured I would make my redline 135. Then I got to 135 and realized that 130 was unrealistic for me. Just that additional 5 lbs. was going to take way too much of my time physically and emotionally. Much more time than I was willing to invest.
I want to have as close to a normal life as I possibly can where food is concerned. If I can never again go out to lunch with friends without worrying about every single calorie, that is a deal breaker for me. It's interesting to read everyone's take on this subject.
Milmin2043 that is just how/why I choose to say I am in maintenance as of today. If I lose more, great, but if I stay at or around this weight, which is higher than most people my height have as their goal, I will still be happy because I know I have gotten here with exercise and food intake I could do for the rest of my life, including restaurant dinners and the delicious meals my husband cooks (just in the right portions)
Take this from somebody with just 12 hours of maintaining under her belt
Saef I struggled with eating disorders in the past, more along bingeing and purging, and I have had to be EXTREMELY aware of it during this journey to avoid falling into that again. I always read your posts with great interest because I can totally relate to that portion of your journey.
God really has helped me through this process I believe.
Rationally I know that, Jay. I'm just finding myself feeling fussy today.
for "survival mode". They will always want to be heavier 
than our brains want us to be. I think there should be a bit of tension between the two elements, just not so much that we drive ourselves 
.
For me that will be a life long thing. Not perfection, not an ideal, just balance day to day.
the way weight loss
did. 
