So I'm trying to get the binging in check and it's dawning on me that maybe my eat 1600-1800 during the week and pig out at 2500-3000 all weekend just isn't working.
So I'm going to up it to 1800-2000 during the week by adding a mid morning snack so I'm eating 6xs a day and trying to clean up my foods a little more so that I'm fueling my body. I mean really cut out the crap and save it for special occassions if it's worth it.
Then I'm going to pull back on the weekends to 2000-2500 and make them more on plan having only 1 meal that I'm allowed to splurge on.
So this will actually pull my cals down a little overall I think, but will leave me feeling less deprived and less likely to binge all weekend. It will get these couple lbs I've gained of the last month off and hopefully with cleaning up my foods and working on my fitness I'll drop down to the 130s that I can't stop thinking about.
So this is mostly just a post for me to put it down on paper and commit. I've been at 1800-2000 since Monday and I'm feeling so much more satisfied and just better all around mentally, physically and emotionally. The scale was the highest it's been since hitting maintenance this morning and I'm ok with that. I know with my new plan I will be back to my comfort zone soon and that I'm taking action instead of saying oh well, I'll just be a statistic. So here's to the next phase.
Ncuneo- i hope you do realize that most if not ALL of the *little* weight youve put back on is likely water weight.... there is the water weight you gain back coming out of a deficit, eating more, possibly more carbs (although i know you lost off of relatively higher carbs and cals) I just wanted to remind you that you probably havent really gained "fat" back.. i maintain within the same range as you (135-145) although sometimes i dip below... anyway, im a lot shorter and i will gain and lose that same 10 so quickly it makes my head spin.... becasue its water, you know? The thing with water weight though, is that it STILL makes your clothes feel tighter, makes you look pudgier and softer and generally heavier (cuz you are!) But it DOES come off quickly when you dip back into a deficit
on a side note, GOD I WISH i could eat as many cals as you do! lol You were so smart in your fatloss journey
I made a horrendously long blog post this morning (click on the link in my sig if you want your brain melting lol), the first in over a month, documenting how hard a time I've been having this last month with binging etc, but I really don't know how I can get it to make sense on here as it's very garbled.
But one of the main things I've been trying to figure out is how I can stop the binges and I've considered that maybe I'm being too strict with myself Mon-Thur which means come the weekend I lose all control. Since I hit maintenance it just seems that I'm so hungry all the time during the week, and craving sugar terribly, that come Friday night I'm just desparate to eat crap until I'm stuffed. I then do this all weekend and Sunday is even worse because in my head I'm thinking that come Monday morning I have to get back on plan, so I need to eat everything I want before bed on Sunday night...
I really don't know what to do for the best, I've considered just having one day off plan each week, but would that end up with a bigger binge than ever, or trying the same as you are suggesting, and maybe eating more during the week so that I'm not so hungry and cravey (is that a word lol) and as a result I maybe won't get such a compulsion to binge on a weekend.
Then again the perfectionist in me is saying that if I allow myself to eat more during the week I'm not going to ever being POP and at least the way I have been doing it I feel saintly Mon-Thur...
This maintenance is so much harder than I ever imagined. I spent 15 or so years gaining and losing weight, but mainly gaining, then 18months on this journey, and I really don't know where to go from here...
Oh yes MK, this likely mostly, if not all, water weight. TOM started yesterday so I have to take that into consideration.
My goal, is more emotional and mental rather than weight, although yes I know I mentioned weight. I want to think about food less and use it for fuel more and try to feel more satisfied so that I don't get paniced on the weekends and feel like I need to binge because on Monday it's back to the grind. I've been reading a lot about clean eating and am trying to adopt some of those ideas and just get a lot of the crap out of my diet in hopes to decrease my cravings and urges to binge. My binging has taken a scary turn in the last few weeks and has really gotten out of my control and I feel anxious when it's happening. So I need to change things up a bit and try something new. I think if I know that I get to eat 6xs a day during the week I'll feel less deprived and if I can eliminate a lot of the processed stuff my body will just clean out and stop craving it.
This maintenance is so much harder than I ever imagined. I spent 15 or so years gaining and losing weight, but mainly gaining, then 18months on this journey, and I really don't know where to go from here...
I just read your blog post and if I may, I'd like to suggest that you take a huge step back and a deep breath. Your post made me feel anxious just reading it - I can't imagine living it! I'm not a therapist, but if you know that you are binging out of guilt, anxiety and desperation, it makes sense to me to try to get rid of those feelings. I think it's totally normal to want to loosen up a little on Friday night. The problem lies when that becomes a weekend-long free for all. I know, for me, that feeling guilty about having a nice dinner and wine on Friday will just send me into a tailspin. I think you should give yourself a break and not be so hard on yourself.
It's really hard to deal with the feelings that are causing you to binge in secret (ie. MIL). But, binging is an easy-way-out/temporary fix that is so harmful in the long run. I would suggest finding a cognitive behavioral therapist that can help you with a toolbox of strategies. You'll feel so much better!
Ncuneo - I think it's a great idea. I am with you that I get disturbed by my *thinking* and often find that's where to start. If I'm too saintly during the week, I sort of feel like I deserve to loosen up on the weekend - old habits die hard. So, by sort of incorporating those weekend foods into my weekdays and not having that glorious low weight Friday, I'm finding that I'm a lot more reasonable on the weekend.
Outside of mental, you will also have to consider the physical. Since you have had a calorie deficit for so long, your body only craves foods with massive amounts of calories, in large amounts.
And when you had a calorie surplus and when you were overweight (before you lost weight), binging was common because you were building up your resistance to insulin. That is also physical.
I suppose, what I'm trying to say is: there is certainly a mental component to binging. But, you will never get to the bottom of your problem if you only consider your emotions and mental state as the cause of binging.
I think your plan to find a middle ground or an equilibrium is great. Also, if you can't see a therapist soon (often times getting an appointment takes awhile, esp. if it is not an emergency), you could maybe make a list of safe foods and binge foods and try to keep the worst of the binge foods away. I know you have a family, so that is always not so easy.... but it works. I'm not really a binger anymore (but did have spouts of bulimia throughout my life).... I seriously feel your pain. We all need a vacation to an island with no bad food! Even in my most terrible binging moments, never once did I binge on fruits or veggies. So your focus on eating clean seems to be your best strategy - I would just like to say, make your kitchen a clean eating kitchen. Your family doesn't need any junk or snack food anyway if you are cooking good clean meals.
Well, so far so good. I don't think I've been hungry at all this week I've been eating 6xs a day 1800-2000 cals and feel fantastic. I don't feel deprived like I usually do, and I have no cravings and no urges to binge. We'll see how tonight and this weekend go, those are my typical troubled times. I'm usually starving before lunch, dinner and at bed and I've felt great all week. I think those extra cals and cleaner food are really doing the trick.
I've already lost all the water weight and am back down to 142 today, I was as high as 146 this week, and am confident that by next week I'll be back into my comfort zone of 138 - 141. I've been eating very cleanly and have been feeling like I'm eating with a purpose, and it feels really good. I can't wait to see how I do this weekend.
I also wanted to clarify that a cognitive behavioral therapist helps with behaviors that are impulsive and done without thinking that hurt us. It's not really "talk therapy" at all. We used one when we brought a very troubled 13 year old home from China. They focus on getting behaviors under control so that you can get to the deeper stuff later.
This oughta work...
Your post made me feel anxious just reading it - I can't imagine living it! 
I've been eating 6xs a day 1800-2000 cals and feel fantastic. I don't feel deprived like I usually do, and I have no cravings and no urges to binge. We'll see how tonight and this weekend go, those are my typical troubled times. I'm usually starving before lunch, dinner and at bed and I've felt great all week. I think those extra cals and cleaner food are really doing the trick. 
