I've been craving Cheesecake Factory cheesecake for months. Last night we went there unexpectedly and because I usually do not induldge during the week I said no when they offered up the cheesecake. But then something came over me and I got a piece to go anyway (dinner was perfectly on plan by the way). When I got home I waited until I was a little hungry again and then I ate the whole piece, and enjoyed every bite and felt fine about it. Then this morning I woke and thought OMG - I have to go to 3FC and confess my sins. But then I thought - why? Do you ever see any other long term maintainers confessing every off plan bite? Um no. Probably because they do it, enjoy and are back on plan immediately and no one ever knows the difference. I was on plan all day yesterday, slightly under in fact, but the cheesecake did put me 500 cals over maintenance, but today and the rest of the week will be spotless, so why the guilt?
Well, TBH from your posts, I'd say you are experiencing guilt because you might be teetering on the fine line between detail/attention in maintenance and eating disordered behaviour. I couldn't say for sure, but the constant fear of binging and being upset about things is just not pleasant or healthy is it? No matter what weight someone is.
You remind me a lot of how I am about my career. I just finished up my master's and I feel a lot of pressure to both work and stay at home. Obviously, I can't have it both ways. Even a part time job would be a huge commitment. I want to work, but I want to stay at home too. So like every 5 minutes I'm changing my mind about whether I want to work or not. I'm so envious of people who just know if they want to stay at home, or work. It's exhausting changing my mind all the ^(&**&&% time LOL!!! I feel almost powerless to make a decision because I want both so badly and even part time doesn't solve anything
Anyway, this has a point.......
From your last posts, it seems like you can't decide if you want to maintain or lose more. Losing more means a lot of dedication, giving up things you may not want to give up. Maybe you want to lose more pretty badly, but can't decide if it's worth all the sacrifices you'd have to make? Something like that, not being sure what your goals are can give you guilt when you eat something like cheesecake. You can't decide if your behavior matches up with your feelings/beliefs of what you want
Last edited by pinkflower; 11-02-2010 at 11:55 AM.
I've been dealing with the same thing. DH and I usually eat heavier on the weekends and then stay POP during the week. I can't help feeling guilty though.
I think it's getting out of a weight loss mode and into a maintinance mode. It's proving to be more difficult than I expected. I still feel guilty, and I still want to see lower numbers on the scale. But I'm really trying not to obsess about it, and I'm trying to have more fun now.
Do you ever see any other long term maintainers confessing every off plan bite?
I confess every bite I eat in my food log, whether it's on or off plan. However, I allow regular splurges as part of my plan, so it doesn't count as off-plan when I eat a piece of cheesecake I've been craving for weeks, provided I don't do it every day.
If you need those occasional indulgences, why not modify your plan so that they are allowed? Then you won't have the "I'm off plan!" guilt because it will be part of your plan. You would have to adapt your plan so that other days are lower-cal to account for your high-cal days, but IMO it's worth it.
I feel uncomfortable "confessing", but then why shouldn't I splurge every now and then? I think, as long as it doesn't become an everyday habit, then you should be fine! Don't put so much pressure on yourself. For example, over the weekend, I ate like a teenage boy. I ate everything in sight. It was delicious, I still felt miserable, and I'm paying for it now, but I don't do that sort of thing ALL THE TIME, so I get where you are coming from. I'm also too hard on myself, almost like I don't let myself have any food fun, and I always feel like I cheated my body. I say we both just try to have fun every now and then. As long as we keep eating healthy top of mind, then we won't cave in as frequently. The last time I overate was months ago. I don't even remember, but I'll always remember Halloween Weekend!
Height: 5 ft 8.5" athlete who can give a punch & certainly take one too! :)
Hey there,
Sounds to me as if you want your cake & wondering if its ok to eat it too?! ... You certainly CAN have what you want guilt free girl! I incorporate sweet things in moderation, 80 % healthy foods, 20% not so healthy, this works for me, as I needed something that I could sustain for years to come.... depriving myself of dark chocolate or sweets is not something that I am willing to do long term, it sets me up for a binge time and time again if I try and go without. So for me I am FAR better off having some from time to time instead of binge eating time and time again from omitting them. Besides the caloric comparison of a BINGE vs the treat is minimal!!!!!
It seems to me as if you are binge eating because you are somewhat restricting & have that black/white thinking, you probably think of foods as good and bad & the perfectionist in you is thinking cheesecake is bad, bad, bad. So you developed that all or nothing mentality. Lemme guess- when you are good you are oh so very good, but when you eat one thing BAD, you continue thinking that you messed up & you don't deserve to eat that, so you will probably restrict calories today & dbl up on the exercise, setting yourself up for probably yet another binge later in the week by beating yourself up over it, am I right? By giving yourself a break- (you are human afterall) we all have cravings for certain things and I think you too would be far better off incorporating things that you enjoy into your weeks instead of having an all out binge bender which in the end will be far worse than a piece of cheesecake! Yanno? Something to think about, try thinking more in the gray when it comes to cheesecake and other goodies, it is ok from time to time, really... ~ Wendalyn
Last edited by evilwomaniamshe; 11-02-2010 at 01:26 PM.
I list every bite I eat in my food log, though I don't always post it on here. I do splurge sometimes, and I don't always manage to plan it in advance. When I first started maintaining I felt the same guilt that you do now, but I have gotten a lot better at it over the last year. I have let go of some of the 'good/bad' when it comes to food.
Oh yes, I record all indulges, and binges for that matter, in my journal. And I agree we really can't have our cake and eat it too, but I do believe in moderation, 80:20 or whatever works for you. I just didn't know why I felt the need to come here and "confess".
Interestingly, I realized that when I was indulging more I was binging less or not at all, but that's an entirely different thread.
As far as weight loss goes, I do want to lose more but I'm doing it differently. I'm actually losing by eating the maintenance cals for my new "goal weight" and not eating back my exercise cals. I also throw in a few higher deficit days to make up for indulgences and it's working - I'm losing s l o w l y. But I want it that way because I want to know exactly when I need to stop because I'm bordering on too thin for my tastes, but there's always that one problem area and that one outfit that could fit a little better. The last few lbs have been pretty dramatic.
Anyway, I'm rambling...I guess I just want to be normal or at least as normal as a formally obese person can be.
I do indulge...but I try to be a bit wiser. And I dont do guilt really
Waiting to eat an entire piece of cheesecake until after dinner...at a point you were hungry again means that your body simply could not have done anything but store most of those cals as fat (unless you stayed up all night and did a mega workout about an hour or two after eating dessert). Its not just going over daily allotment, if your body has more calories at one time that it can use soonish it just stores them.
I have found I am often as satisfied by one or two bites. More satisfied actually - Im pretty sure I would physically feel very ill after an entire dose of fat + sugar like that! And this sounds insane, but Im even satisfied by the smell more often than not without even eating any!
Guilt is a waste of time and is probably a holdover from those old days. Feh!
I find it's best not to have spur-of-the-moment foods like that. If I want something like a rich dessert, I have to think it out so I've got a plan to go by. Otherwise it's too much like giving in to a craving. I'm not saying it never happens to me--just that it's better if I don't go there.
Was gone on a trip the last two days, and there were some unplanned spur-of-the-moment foods, but not many. Other people went out for ice cream both days--I was with them, but passed on getting ice cream because I knew I had already indulged in other things (or was going to do so at dinner). It was hard to say no to ice cream--but see, that's the danger. Next thing I know, it could be yes yes yes and thousands of calories over.
I don't regret not having the ice cream. There is plenty of it in the world, and one day I will set out to have some.
Either way, once I've eaten whatever it is or not, guilt is pointless.
I've been maintaining for almost 5 years, and
I, also, record every bite of food I take, every day, in my computer food journal.
I am Accountable for everything I put into my mouth,
but that doesn't mean I always choose to make low-calorie choices.
On occasion I choose to eat rich, starchy and/or sweet foods.
These occasions require me to offset that behavior,
and...either before or after...
balance out my calorie Averages to the amount of my Maintenance calorie burn.
Your description of the cheesefactory event seemed like normal behavior to me.
I frequently make similiar choices.
In fact, my opinion is that you made excellent decisions during that event,
and if that had been my behavior, I'd feel proud of myself.
Last edited by Bright Angel; 11-03-2010 at 09:15 AM.
I eat what many here would consider treats daily but I account for the calories. I won't eat anything if I don't know the calorie count. So I'm the one who , doesn't go to company potlucks , and if I attend a meeting where there's food I'm the one who doesn't eat anything.
I'm also a really bad guest. Last weekend DH and I went to a Halloween party. There was loads of food, mostly cassaroll type dishes as well as small sandwiches with too much mayonaise . And there was a plate of cold cuts. I ate two pieces of roast beef and one piece of swiss cheese. Oh, and some grapes.
I find an occasional treat does not cause the scale to go wild. That is the secret, occasional. Also you had one slice of cheesecake, you didn't have the whole thing. Don't feel guilty about it .
Different strategies work for different people. I would have thrown in the towel long ago if I tried to record every bite in a log.
I tend to identify what is a going to be a treat and what is going to be a binge pretty well. I used to buy a package of cookies saying "I will have 2 or 3", and set myself up for a binge. Now I buy small portions of treats for consumption in one sitting. That way I know I'm having a treat and that's all.
Learning how to induldge in maintenance
... You certainly CAN have what you want guilt free girl! I incorporate sweet things in moderation, 80 % healthy foods, 20% not so healthy, this works for me, as I needed something that I could sustain for years to come.... depriving myself of dark chocolate or sweets is not something that I am willing to do long term, it sets me up for a binge time and time again if I try and go without. 
So for me I am FAR better off having some from time to time instead of binge eating time and time again from omitting them. Besides the caloric comparison of a BINGE vs the treat is minimal!!!!! 
