Jay -- Your post really resonated with me. I've gained almost 40 pounds from my low and I also struggle with feeling like a failure as it seems like I can't stick with it for any length of time.

But what choice do I have?? I am NOT gaining back 90 more pounds and going back to the life I had before this. No sir, no way.

So, although I'm not exactly sure HOW to stick with it, I am NOT giving up!!

I am so moved by all of your posts...

You have all made such good points and have been so caring and supportive. It's nice to see names I don't see very often anymore, as well as new names and kind words from people I have barely met.

I know I'm not alone in what I'm experiencing. I just have to find an answer. As saef said, I may have to blow up those old railroad tracks.

heather, no, we can't just give up! But we may have to change course in some way. Perhaps some way we haven't thought of, or some way that we have dismissed in the past. The old plan no longer works so well, so trying to do that same thing again and again, hoping this time it will be different... Well, that sounds a lot like one of those definitions of insanity, doesn't it.

I won't give up. I will keep trying to find a way.

Thank you all-- so much.

Jay

You will succeed. I look forward to celebrating with you

I'm so sorry to chime in so late, I'm just seeing this now...

Failure? Come now, what kind of talk is that?

You mete out some of the best advice here on 3FC. Now tell me, how would you respond to this post had someone else wrote it?

Failure? That's pretty rough language. And it's most certainly not the correct term.

I see/hear a woman who has successfully lost weight and is now educating herself on how to navigate that all important maintenance phase. You're no failure, you're just finding out what works for you - and what doesn't.

I hear a woman who is determined to indeed figure that out. Not someone who's thrown up her hands and is saying, ummm, "screw this". No, I don't hear that at all.

Hi Jay,

A wise woman once said to me:
Step away from the cupboards

Could I please speak to the adult in charge?

Here's what you need to do. String together two days in a row on plan! You do that by reminding yourself every morning that you can easily, easily gain weight if you don't pay attention.

Once you manage two days, work on extending it. I like jenguin's idea of the sign--"What you're looking for is not in here."


look familiar?? your words I know you are not binging, just having the overall creep. But, you DO know what to do. And giving up is NOT what you will do.

stay cool
k

Jay,

You are 100% human. That does not make you a failure.

So you have slipped a lil'. Look, not that it's any consolation but you are in a good company, it happened to many others. And I definitely know what you are talking about because I am living your story myself right now. It was all very peachy for me in February 2009, I was in such a 'rhythm' (weight loss-wise) and everything was going smoothly. I was 2 lbs shy of 50 lbs lost. Then I got diagnosed with plantar fasciitis and all of a sudden my range of exercise shrank considerably. But I pushed on as much as I could, and then other issues started stockpiling. I did something to my right arm, then I took 4 wks of vacation and I realized that home improvements and daily exercise don't go together. Then I started to have an issue with my lower back .. first it was only here and there but around Christmas it was a permanent fixture in my life. Needless to say, my weight suffered and over the time, I ended fluctuating between 10 - 15 lbs higher then I was in February 2009.
I am still there. I lose four pounds and then I gain them back before I can wink. My exercise, although regular, is less intense as my back dictates what I can or cannot do. I am tired of this cycle, too.

I don't know if you watch The Biggest Loser, but they keep telling the contestants to remember that they become role models for thousands if not millions of people all over America. You have posted over 8,000 messages on these forums. Think about the hundreds if not thousands of chicks that you have been helping every single day, guiding and encouraging them.
Remember how you taught me not to be a pig and have only half an apple.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Give it a rest for a day or two and then back on the horse again.

I have no great advice for you either but know that I definitely feel your pain! Vent away - talk it out - it might help you figure it all out!

Jay - I can't contribute much more than the other wodnerful posters here, except I changed my signature quote just for you.

Failure is an event. It's something that happens. It isn't a PERSON.

You have had a setback...you can call THAT a failure if you want, though I think that language is too harsh, particularly if you learned something about what your body needs to maintain from it. But YOU are not a failure because you didn't succeed at one small aspect of your life. Weight isn't everything.

Jay,

I just saw your post now...and same boat here.
Like Alena says...let's say life gets in the way.
But I do not consider it a failure, and I don't think you should.

I gained back most of my lost weight and would love to loose 15 - 20 pounds again, but I am in a much better physical condition now. And I am convinced age has something to do with it. Because you get tired more easily, get injured more easily and because your metabolism changes. I have no idea how old you are, but there really are big changes in metabolism just age related.

Keep on hanging in there...just imagine how much worse it will be in 2011 if you give it up!

Rabbit

Jay, sorry to weigh in so late on this, I was away from my computer for several days. I have a few comments.

1. You are NOT a failure. You are still maintaining a loss! Plus, like Marie, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Perhaps by coming clean about this, you have set yourself on the right path.

2. Like Megan said, I would really strongly recommend getting a complete physical and a thyroid test. Sure, maybe you have just gained because you were eating too much. But why not check out the possibility that it may not be your fault? I especially recommend this because you said in your original post that you weren't really eating over 2000 cals, and your rate of gain seemed excessively high compared to your calorie intake. Gaining without eating a lot may be a sign of hypothyroidism, especially if you have any other symptoms that may be related (exhaustion, depression, aches & pains, dry skin, brittle hair, low libido -- thyroids cause all sorts of problems).

3. I think sometimes that you and I have a lot in common. I'm remembering particularly the thread about lifestyle-based maintenance. We have to live a lifestyle that we are capable of maintaining. For me, that means that I do a lot of things that most losers/maintainers don't do. I eat white rice. I eat white pasta. I eat a LOT of them. I even eat white bread relatively frequently. I have a splurge meal every single week, sometimes two. My dietary breakdown is 60-70% carbs, 15-20% protein, and 10-15% fat, which is significantly different from a lot of folks around here. Unless I happen to be gaining and need to lose, I don't count my calories. Over and over I see people's posts of sticking strictly to a plan, day in, day out, low carbs, only whole grains, lots of lean protein, snack on string cheese and yogurt, don't eat white pasta, etc. etc. For many people, that is what works. It doesn't work for me. When you say you manage to stick to a plan for a couple weeks, then fall off track, I wonder if that plan is really the right plan for you. IMO, the "right" plan is the one that you can stick to. Just because maybe you haven't found that plan yet doesn't mean it isn't out there!

Anyway, I don't know if that helped at all. I, for one, do not consider you a failure.

People do fail....

And as AMANDA says...failures are events....some people fail at many of these events...

not worried about my dear friend JAY...not at all....

we learn from our failures...one thing JAY has learned is to get it out there...no denial....let the entire world know if you have to!

JAY is already on her way to success!

I am not worried!...

nope...

Now...about my chips....beer....cheese.....

One thing really struck me in reading through this thread:

It just struck me all of a sudden that having weight fluctuations is really NORMAL. I mean, it's not normal to fluctuate like me, where I've weighed both 145 and 295. That is too much fluctuation. But it makes sense that many people might not be able to sustain their thinnest moment all the time.

If we are injured, stressed, weaning from breastfeeding, pregnant, postpartum, aging, changing our environment... I mean, things change.

All I'm trying to say Jay, is that from where I sit, you've lost weight and maintained it for two years, and right now, you're having a shift up, and I expect that you'll soon enough have a shift back down.

And maybe that's life....

There's a lot of stuff that seems like it will go on forever, but then it doesn't and we have to fight to get it back, and then we do, and it's terrific, and then it starts to slip away again..not just weight, but a lot of things in life, from what I can tell.

And we just have to keep our heads above water and keep paddling, and remember that even if the tide shoves us back a little, if we paddle harder, it won't shove us all the way back to where we started. We'll still stay a little ahead.

OMG, Jay. I just ran across this post this morning, and you know what? I could have written it myself! Yup, on plan for a week or two and then I give up. Lose and re-lose the same 2 pounds over and over and over.

I don't know what more I can add to all the support other than to say you are certainly not alone!

And you are not a failure. Neither am I, although I certainly feel that I am from time to time.

I've been away for a couple of weeks and am just catching up....

Jay - you are so NOT a failure!! THe first thing that needs to happen is to put a stop to the negative self-talk. Kick those thoughts to the floor when they wander into your brain. After that you know what to do......

Like Allison, I've been where you are, and I'm still taking off the regained weight but you know what, if we don't work at it we'll end up gaining all the way back. You're still maintaining a good weight loss, and you can lose the regain. Maybe it'll take longer, but what would you do instead? Gain more?