I used to post here but I haven’t posted since I got pregnant with my daughter 3 years ago. So here is a very quick intro. I lost just over 100 pounds about 6 years ago and maintained it until I got pregnant. I gained about 60 pounds due to some weird medical issues. It has taken me over two years now to lose it but I am back…well almost. I’ve got about 5 more to lose.
When I lost weight initially I found myself replacing the eating that I used to do with other things like excessive exercise, shopping, or going out drinking so I could flirt and get validation. I think I was seeking the “high” that I used to get from food. When I was overweight I used to be able to blame the fat for why people didn’t like me (or so I perceived). Taking the layers away made me have to confront some things I didn’t want to look at.
So here I am again…and I am feeling the same feelings again. I’m feeling very exposed and vulnerable. I feel like I need a new “high”. I was just wondering if anyone else could relate to this.
What has helped me is learning more about Buddhist philosophy. One looks at the desire to repeat a pleasant experience, to cling to that experience and therefore to continue with certain behaviors, hoping to have that pleasure again.
But pleasant experiences, or "highs," never last--everything changes, things arise and pass away. (The same is true of unpleasant experiences, or "lows.")
Once one really sees that clinging is futile, and that the pleasure of eating something is fleeting at best, it's easier not to pursue that. One chocolate covered strawberry can really be enough, instead of eating quarts of them and still wanting more. One stays in the moment, focused on the here and now, while still being aware that actions have consequences.
Mostly it takes the practice of feeling one's desires and just noting what they are--not to avoid them or stop them from happening, but just to understand them.
That is an awesome bit of wisdom. You said, "the practice of feeling one's desires and just noting what they are--not to avoid them or stop them from happening, but just to understand them."
I think this is what I am missing. I have been trying to suppress the experiences rather than understanding them for what they are. Thank you!
Having children was a huge life shift for me, and everything is different now. I try to keep myself (and my weight loss/management) as a high priority, but by necessity my small children almost always come first. I do a LOT of planning to make sure I can fit in the things that are really important, and make sacrifices that are needed, like forgoing income to work part time so that I can have some extra time for myself and my children.
A couple of things I can think of that may or may not be useful to you. I've learned to take it easy on myself. I'm a human being, and while I try to do my best, perfection isn't required. I also give myself lots of time. If I can lose 1/2 pound a week instead of 2, or maintain with a 10 lb red line instead of a 5 lb one, I do that.
In terms of emotional stuff, I think what Jay said is really wise. But with small children, we can actually watch the process of having an emotional response to our environment and dealing with that. The sheer joy on my DD's face when something good happens, the absolute despair when something doesn't go her way, finding somewhere/someone safe when she is scared, even lashing out physically when she is angry. Laughing, crying, screaming all appropriate to the situation. As adults we need to take that volume down a notch or two, but all kinds of emotional reactions are appropriate and they pass. And just as we do with them, we can give ourselves positive self-talk, distraction, and non-food physical comfort when we need it to help us deal with these emotions.
Stick around. I find I'm relearning a lot. Sometimes the often repeated, "Keep doing what you did" just doesn't work anymore, and we need to be prepared to take a fresh approach and try something new when life requires that of us.
Turning to food was a coping mechanism for me and I have had to adjust my mechanisms. Exercise has been a good replacement and do get that "high" from running and weight lifting.
For me, NOT eating excess food and calories gives me extreme pleasure and I guess you could say, a "high" of sorts. I get a huge "high" from being & remaining thin. And everything about it. My gorgeous new wardrobe, right down to my beautiful tiny new underwear. The added confidence. The extra energy. Just walking around and doing my every day things is so much better now that I am thin. I feel like I'm walking around living a dream or something. Hard to explain. I am so delighted to be thin and not obese - I find it very pleasurable and it's an experience I want to keep on having. I am delighted every day that I go to sleep and I have stayed on plan. Delighted. And then I get to wake up every morning and spend another day being a thin person. I never want it to be any different. It's down right intoxicating.
The enjoyment of food is so temporary and I know that now. I really, really know it. Overeating causes more problems then it solves. Of course there are many times where I have to remind myself of this.
Maybe you can try and switch your way of thinking?
Anyway, welcome back. Glad you've returned. 3FC is a golden nugget to have in our pockets.
I guess for me it's exercise and outdoor activity. I really do get that endorphin "high", I think, because I feel energized and happy after a good, hard workout session. I like the way my thinner body performs even better than the way it looks. I am almost amazed at the things I can really do now, how much more endurance and strength I have now compared to my heavier, couch potato self. The joy of hiking up the mountain and have it actually be easy, and not a struggle -- that's worth everything to me. It's the big payoff for all of the hard work.
If I start feeling stale, I look for a new challenge. I sign up for a new event to train for. DH and I took up kayaking last year. I just started swimming again, who knows, maybe I'll even attempt a triathlon some day. And I'm checking out some online writing classes offered through our local college, to explore a possible post-retirement job option. Every day can hold a new (non food related) adventure.
On the other hand, overeating leaves me feeling bloated, hung over, exhausted and depressed. I just don't ever want to go there again.
I agree with what Robin said. Being a "normal" weight for a change is exhilarating. I recently purchased "little underwear" for the first time--well, I think ever. I love them. I even purchased some pink striped ones that say HOT BOTTOMS on the waistband--LOL.
But alas, I can identify with the replacement behaviors. At first it was cleaning my house. I progressed to shopping. In the last three months or so I have been specifically thrift store shopping because shopping became too expensive! LOL.
My other replacement behavior is definitely being a healthfood FOODIE. I have always been a foodie but now I am replacing my Paula Dean creations with ones that my body actually needs. I like reading about nutrition and what foods are best for me and my family. Right now I am reading 14 Foods That Will Change Your Life. Great read and comes high recommended from another 3FC sister.
I am looking for yet even more replacement behaviors. I am learning to play tennis over the summer and hope to start playing league style twice a week when Fall arrives.
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 04-24-2009 at 03:24 PM.
But alas, I can identify with the replacement behaviors. At first it was cleaning my house. I progressed to shopping. In the last three months or so I have been specifically thrift store shopping because shopping became too expensive!
I've definitely used/use cleaning and straightening my home as a diversion at times. Often in fact. And it most certainly does provide me with immediate gratification. I really, really enjoy a clean and neat home.
Clothes shopping. Oooh. something that I need to get a bit of a better handle on myself. Although I've improved a tad lately. After years of having awful, just awful clothing/shopping exeriences, now that it's soooo pleasurable, it is hard to hold back at time. Thrift stores? I just might check that out.
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My other replacement behavior is definitely being a healthfood FOODIE. I have always been a foodie but now I am replacing my Paula Dean creations with ones that my body actually needs. I like reading about nutrition and what foods are best for me and my family.
I would say the same holds true for me. I LOVE seeking out new food finds and recipes. LOVE creating and making delicious healthy items for my family. And my friends as well. I would definitely put it in the "it's a HOBBY of mine" category. Definitely. I also love shopping for kitchen tools & gizmos. Platters, serving dishes, bowls, linens and anything at all to do with enhancing my cooking/dining experience.
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I am looking for yet even more replacement behaviors. I am learning to play tennis over the summer and hope to start playing league style twice a week when Fall arrives.
I like this idea as well. Tennis. What a great idea.
^^^ Absolutely. I'm still very much a foodie! I loooove being in my kitchen. I've replaced the gratification of eating certain foods with falling in love with colors, textures and smells. I've grown very fond of the act of preparing food-chopping, shopping, investigating recipes. I've definitely discovered the *true* pleasure of food.
How do you compensate?
