Just about all of the events I attend with my family/DH's family end in cake, various other sweets, and coffee . Most of the events are birthdays, weddings, and other larger celebrations.

I have no problem turning down cake at a dinner party but I'm finding it hard to justify not eating someone's birthday cake.

Whenever I do eat it I wake up at about 2 a.m. with an incredibly dry mouth, pounding heart and major headache.

Should I just tell them cake is now making me sick ? I don't want to lie and say I have type 2 diabetes (my dad has it so I get tested regularly) because that will make them all really concerned for me.

Any suggestions for tactfully refusing the cake would be much appreciated. None of them have dogs so I can't just surreptitiously slide it under the table either.

Dagmar (gal with a cake hangover)

I would just say, "Oh gosh, I'm so full! I wish I'd saved room for cake, it looks wonderful!"

sounds like the cake is making you sick...

i have no problem with "it will make me sick" as a statement if needed.

sadly "NO, Thank you" should be all you need.

"Geez, my body just cannot handle that kind of food anymore. It looks soooo good tho!"

"Looks great, but I'm going to have to pass. It just doesn't sit will with me, though I sure wish it would."

You could really stop at the "Looks great, but I'm going to have to pass part". If you feel the need to justify it, I would continue with the second line. Nuf' said.

What you do or do not eat is no ones concern but your own. I would never, ever eat something to make someone feel better. No way on earth.

I'd have no problem if someone said "Oh, thank you, but I'm watching my weight.", but I guess some people might. So I'd go with the others and say "Wow, that looks delicious, but I'm absolutely stuffed. Thank you anyway!"

I'm currently going through the same thing sorta with my new boyfriend's father. Yesterday morning, for example, his father made a huge brunch of omelettes, hashbrowns, fresh fruit, sausage, bacon, toast, etc. all for just the three of us. Thank goodness I ran with the BF to the grocery to pick up the stuff, so at least my omelette was made with egg beaters, but he still served me a huge quantity of food. I didn't want it to seem like I didn't like what he cooked, so I felt obligated to eat beyond when I was full, thinking that me simply saying that I enjoyed it but only eating 25% of what I was given would send the "liar, liar pants on fire" vibe and hurt his feelings. *sigh* Haha.

In your case, the sick excuse would work. I remember before I had my gall bladder taken out that I'd use that as an excuse not to eat bad foods, saying that it would upset things or that I already wasn't feeling well because of it.

You know what .. I have no problem with taking a tiny slice of birthday cake, taking ONE BITE ... and conveniently setting my plate down somewhere and "forgetting" about it. Or throwing it away and saying I finished it.

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I agree with Photo Chick. Take a normal size piece (if it doesn't tempt you to do this, of course) and break it up with your fork, looks like you ate it, and then set the plate down somewhere and walk away. If anyone notices, say, I'm coming right back for it! but don't!

Or you can say, before taking any, if having a plate of cake in your hand is too tempting, Oh, I'll come right back and get it in a minute! And then walk purposefully off like you remembered you have to do something, or tell someone something.

I am fighting Type 2 diabetes and that has covered me in these situations, but I also think you can say quite easily something along the lines of, I just can't eat this anymore, thanks so much!

It seems a shame that so many people equate our eating the food they have prepared for you with how we feel about them, and it's hard to break that link. It's almost as if we have to train them to understand our position, and even then many don't accept it. I used to try to explain, but now I just use the diabetes info or else one of these other subterfuges. Harmless to anyone and saves your health, which is the main thing.

Thank you all for your suggestions. Above is what I think both families will most readily accept . Will try it out on Thanksgiving when DH's sister always offers 3 kinds of pie, ice cream, cheesecake, and cookies.

And yes, we're supposed to take some of all of the above. And DH's family is all morbidly obese, even the 14 year-old now. So sad. DH refers to himself as the "skinny" one in his family and he, by medical definition, is obese. We're working on that.

Dagmar

You can take a teeny tiny piece and only eat one or two bites of it. It'll give you that little sweetness and it won't make you feel "left out" or anything. Just push it away from your line of vision after a few small bites.

I usually just say that I'm just too full or take a small piece and only take a bite, but then again if the bite makes you feel sick, just say you're too full...

Okay, I'm in the minority here. I say no thanks 99% of the time, because I really don't like cake (I know, I'm weird). THe 1% of time when I do have some, it's because its homemade, but even then I hardly ever finish it. I use the tricks listed above if I feel like I can't refuse for other reasons. Sunday I was at a BBQ for a friend's 80th b'day. I stood around with everyone, sang Happy Birthday, and was conviently not in the area where the pieces of cake - and ice cream - were being passed out. It was harder to walk away from the ice cream.

I also think you could use the type 2 diabetes thing, since it is true that your father has it. You don't have to lie and say that you have it, you could just tell people that type 2 diabetes runs in your family (which it does--your father has it) and that your doctor is concerned about you developing it as well (which, he/she is, else why would you be tested for it regularly). You could even say that your doctor has warned you to limit sugary foods in your diet to help prevent you from developing type 2 diabetes (what you doctor tells you is between you and him/her, no one else has to know whether or not this is a true statement). Something along the lines of "That cake looks really good. I wish I could have some but my father has type 2 diabetes and my doctor is worried about me developing it as well, so I'm really trying to cut down on sugary foods."

I have a friend who is "sugar sensitive." Her daughter has diabetes, but she does not. She does however, crash hard whenever she has too much sugar. So, she just tells people that diabetes runs in the family and that although she doesn't she does have a reaction to sugar. She's always very gracious about it and people are never offended.