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Old 11-28-2007, 09:13 AM   #1  
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Default am I awful?

I feel bad now. I hate talking about my weight SO MUCH with other people and someone (with good intentions) asked me what my dietary secret was and was I just cutting calories? And I said yeah but that I just don't like to talk about it.
And he asked if it was cause I don't want to jinx myself..and I said yeah that I just don't like to talk about it. Then I told him I'd see him later in a nice voice and I hope he wasn't offended. I just kinda wish I was never heavy in the first place, then it wouldn't be an issue, at ALL, what my dietary habits are. Not with coworkers, not with family, nobody. I feel like I was rude, but I also feel I shouldn't have to talk about something I don't want to talk about.....

Edited to add: I sometimes have those fantasies about moving far away where nobody ever knew me before so I could just be left alone on that issue and just be me...not known as a "former fattie"

Last edited by lipidful; 11-28-2007 at 09:19 AM.
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Old 11-28-2007, 09:37 AM   #2  
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Well, of course you don't have to discuss it with others if you don't want to. If I get asked something I don't care to discuss I try to give a humorous answer and change the subject .If someone should say " how did you lose so much weight?" I might say " very carefully, what is your favorite movie?Another comment might be " you have lost a lot of weight"
I might respond "And I hope I don't find it again, what are you doing this weekend?"These are just examples hope it helps. Remember you don't have to discuss anything you don't want to and a little humor helps to change the direction of the conversation.
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Old 11-28-2007, 09:37 AM   #3  
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Sure doesn't make you awful in my book!

I mean, come on, hardly anyone would think to ask a slender person how they stay slim or inquire about what they do or don't eat.

I don't understand why it's always open-season to pry into the lives and habits of heavy people trying to lose weight and make better/healthier food choices.

Our food fight is just so transparent... Losing weight isn't like trying to quit drinking/smoking/abusing drugs - when we cut back our intake and begin to lose weight it shows... Fun, fantastic but also rather unfair, if you ask me!

Bottom line, it's NONE of their business and if you don't want to talk about it you shouldn't feel obligated.

I think you handled the situation perfectly. Remember, THEIR lack of manners and/or tact isn't YOUR problem!

He probably wanted to chat you up without a clue as to how to do it... Again, his problem, not yours.

Congrats on your progress!

Last edited by CABunnyGirl; 11-28-2007 at 09:41 AM.
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Old 11-28-2007, 09:38 AM   #4  
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Hey lipidful,

You absolutely do not have to talk about your weight! As long as you were kind in your reply, his feelings are not your problem.

This topic comes up often on 3FC... other people and their comments. It's unfortunate in some ways that weight seems to be something that people feel OK commenting on-- whereas they would never say something like "Oh, I notice your hair is thinning, have you tried medication for that?" or "Gee, you've really gotten that acne all cleared up!"

That said, a lot of folks don't say anything, even when they know someone has lost weight, because they don't want to seem rude. It really is a minefield to try to make the right comment about weight.

I actually did move after I'd lost my first big chunk of weight. It's kind of a double-edged situation--because on the one hand, no one who runs into me now tells me how much thinner I look; but on the other hand, no one tells me how much thinner I look! No, I said that on purpose--I don't like it when people focus on my weight, but at the same time I did like compliments sometimes. Eh! what a dilemma!

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Old 11-28-2007, 09:44 AM   #5  
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Thanks for your kind replies!
I actually don't even like the compliments. It makes me uncomfortable. I just want it to be a nonissue. Honestly.
It is a minefield, because some people feel badly (understandably, for them) if nobody says anything.
I just want people to forget about my weight and focus on ME!

And it does stink that weight is such a public thing. So visible.

Last edited by lipidful; 11-28-2007 at 09:45 AM.
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Old 11-28-2007, 10:07 AM   #6  
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I guess I'll be the "odd man out" here. I acutually liked to be asked
how I lost all the weight. I have been mataining my current weight
now for about 2 years and the questions have stopped so maybe
it just takes time for people to adjust to the new and improved you.

I am very proud of my accoplishment and if I can help someone or
encourage them by my story then I gladly do.
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Old 11-28-2007, 10:14 AM   #7  
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I too feel that way sometimes as well. I don't always like people commenting about my weight loss. Yes I look different but that isn't what I always want to be the topic of conversation.
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Old 11-28-2007, 10:23 AM   #8  
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It's been about 2 years for me, too. I still get the odd comment now and then and occasionally a few "concerned" comments from family members, even though I've been the same weight now for so long and I'm clearly healthy.
UGH
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Old 11-28-2007, 10:23 AM   #9  
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I understand you completely lipidful. You are more then entitled to feel that way. I like the idea of glossing over it and switching the subject.

I think people are just amazed when they see people who've lost a lot of weight. The truth is, sadly, it just doesn't occur all that often. It does boggle the mind as to why people think it's perfectly acceptable to comment on someone's weight and their eating habits and what not.

I remember the first time when I banged into somebody and they didn't mention my weight loss. I had already banged into her several times and she had mentioned it each and every time. But this one time - she didn't. I remember thinking, it's a non issue, she's USED to me being this way. It felt kinda nice. Almost normal.

The compliments ARE nice though. I wonder how long they will go on for. It's so part of my life right now, I can't imagine life without them. I really feel I don't need them anymore.
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Old 11-28-2007, 10:32 AM   #10  
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I understand where you are coming from, and I agree with everyone who says - just don't talk about it if you don't want to. I particularly liked Bargoo's ideas of changing the course of the conversation

I'm with Stacey though - I don't' mind people asking, and in fact it has become a real joke between my husband and I - BECAUSE we have really noticed how people's eyes glaze over and they stop listening when I tell them that I count calories and run. Most people seem to want a 'quick fix' answer - like maybe I have found the magic pill to take once a day and lose ten pounds a week while sitting on my butt and eating lots of pies! Hubby always tells me I should start telling people something crazy... but I never have... yet!

If you aren't comfortable talking about your weight loss, changing the course of the conversation just makes sense - good luck! (and congrats on your loss so far!)

Heather
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Old 11-28-2007, 10:56 AM   #11  
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I'm proud of what I have accomplished and don't mind people asking. This is a place where you are d....d if you do and d....d if you don't - some get bent out of shape because other haven't commented and others is someone does. Just gloss over it and go on.
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Old 11-28-2007, 11:07 AM   #12  
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Ah, the glazed over eyes. I've seen it almost every time I've answered how I lost weight. It doesn't seem to matter if you answer it about cutting back on calories, adding exercise, or like me, changing medications. No one seems to want to hear the answer to their question.

Perhaps, it's just that people have a hard time just saying "You look great." that they change it into, "How did you lose it?"

This weekend, I went to a party where the 16 year old son obviously had gotten rid of 20 lbs around his stomach. Instead of asking him the dreaded question, I told him, "You're looking really atheletic." He beamed and then on his own told me how going out for soccor had helped him to take the weight off. I let him tell me as much or as little as he wanted to and smiled at him the whole time with eyes well engaged.
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Old 11-28-2007, 12:15 PM   #13  
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I don't like to discuss it because I don't like the attention. I also think that a lot of people are really hoping that I did something less healthy to lose the weight (or are looking for that magic pill) so when I say I counted calories and watched my fat intake they look bored.

But I think there are people who do want the recognition (click on the photo to see it larger):

frazz2002222371128.jpg
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Old 11-28-2007, 12:39 PM   #14  
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No matter what weight you've gained or lost, or what your personal situation is, how you lost it, etc, you are not OBLIGATED to explain anything to anyone. I think we tend to feel embarrassed to say things like "I don't really like to talk about it" because we feel like we are letting down or failing others, but really, the best way to take care of yourself is to set boundaries.

It is OK for your boundary to be not talking about your weight loss. Yes, it is uncommon in our society to see someone who has lost a lot of weight, and it makes you somewhat of an oddity, but you have the right to set boundaries for yourself that it isn't up for discussion, and enforce them.

Last edited by mandalinn82; 11-28-2007 at 12:40 PM.
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Old 11-28-2007, 01:00 PM   #15  
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I'm on the fence with this one because I do like the compliments and the shocked looks from people who haven't seen me in a while, but I do long for it to be a nonissue as well. And you can't have both. I know eventually people will be used to me this way and it won't be as much of an issue, and that's happened for lots of people already. I'm happy about that.

The way to get people to stop asking you how to lose weight is to tell them the harsh reality of it, because it's not what they want to hear. They do get that glazed-over look in their eyes, and sometimes they even change the subject because they get uncomfortable when they start thinking they might actually have to work at it instead of just popping a pill. Sometimes I just let them think it's all because of the running, because many of them would never run in a million years and then I don't have to talk about it anymore. I can just be that freaky person who actually ENJOYS running, and they can dismiss me as weird and move on. If I can tell that someone is SERIOUS about weight loss and really wants help, though, I always try to be honest with them and give them specifics about how I've lost the weight. Sadly, however, those people are few and far between.
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