Like Carolyn, I thought I was fat while thin, as well!
I weighed 125 pounds. I wear the same pants size now at 135 as I did at 125, but I have much more muscle mass. At 125, I kept telling myself that I wanted to lose 10 or 15 pounds and that I was kind of fat.
Looking back on it, I was an IDIOT After gaining 50 pounds, I found out what fat ACTUALLY felt like. I discovered what it was like to truly hate my body, as opposed to just disliking certain things. I was so ungrateful for what I had and maybe that is why I let myself take it away from me.
I'm SO happy to be the size I am now and I DO actually like my body. I have a lot of self confidence and can't help but think, "yeah, I'm hot and I know it!" The 40 pounds I lost from my body went to my head
Up until I started losing weight, I had spent my entire life thinking I was fat. I wasn't actually overweight according to BMI until about my senior year of high school (except for that period right before puberty, when lots of girls gain a lot of weight just to drop it all again), although I'm sure my BF% was extremely high since I never exercised. I thought I was SO FAT when I weighed 117 lbs. When I made it up to 185 I remember thinking "I thought I was fat THEN, now I'm REALLY fat!" Nowadays I think if I weighed 117 lbs again I would be too skinny.
Then again my weight is distributed differently now, and I am actually for the most part physically fit (excepting upper body strength). My fitness goal is still (and has always been) to be able to pass one of those "fitness tests" they used to give us in school. You know, how fast can you run a mile, how many sit-ups/push-ups/pull-ups in 1 minute, sit & stretch . . . The push-ups and pull-ups are my downfall!
I was actually quite a fit kid and almost always got presidential, even though I was always last picked in gym class. I got quite chunky in middle school (didn't even realize it - and I wasn't actually overweight according to the BMI chart - but I was MUCH fatter and heavier than all the other 13 yr old girls) but I was still in good shape and played a lot of sports outside of school.
As they always say, Jessica, muscle weighs more than fat. You probably were just "thin" back at 117 and you're fit and athletic now. I'm sure you look much better now than you did then, too
I'll relate this little anecdote: I went into the city a week ago at dusk, to take some photos and meet my husband for dinner. Lighting conditions were perfect for me to catch a glimpse of myself in a department store window (I was in a hurry as I was a bit late). I went right past it and then stopped and realized, That thin woman was ME! Not the person behind me or beside me, ME! I went back and took a a good look, oblivious to all the commuters pushing by me. Just soaked up the experience. I had to laugh at myself, but I was really happy, too.
This makes me think of another thing: I am unrecognizable to people who haven't seen me for some time, maybe a matter of months, and this has been going on for most of the year, as I run into people. The typical experience is the person looks me right in the face and has no idea of who I am. It's been amusing to see the expression on their faces change as I speak to them and they struggle to figure out who I am. I just love it.
Interesting discussion.... I always wondered.. right now I want to lose 87 pounds and feel that I'd be very happy in a size 12/14...
I think now just not being HUGE is a priority... if I got thinner at a 12/14... would I push myself more? Would I lose even more and then, instead of not wanting to be huge, instead be those awful skinny girlls you see pinching their SKIN and saying how "fat" it is?
Where do we call it quits?
I see Cookie Monster who is 6'0" and I want to freak!!! Maybe she has a slight frame... maybe... I certainly dont... but I see her at 160 pounds and think "holy COW... I thought I would be thin at a size 12 and 200 pounds, but look at her!" She dieted down to look like how the world WANTS to look.. not just how far she thought she herself could go.
I don't think I would ever want to be 6'1" (my height) and 160 pounds... I think I would look disgusting! Or, maybe, I would look like the people in magazines. Is that what I want?
Hmm..I'm not thin, but I do dress nicely everywhere I go. Mostly because I never know if I'm gonna run into someone I know, and I dont want to be looking all gross in front of them, lol.
I SOMETIMES like taking pictures. It depends on if I'm having an ugly day or not, lol. I usually take like 50 pics just to get the perfect one though, so maybe thats different..
I don't know if it's made me vain or not. I do know that I was vain before I had kids and weighed 138-140lbs. I was totally obsessed with my weight and how I dressed which is what led to eating disorders and thinking I was constantly fat and never skinny enough. That being said, I've accepted the fact that I'm 10lbs over what I was before I had kids and I'm totally fine with it because I'm so much healthier physically and most of all mentally. Also before kids I never went anywhere without being dressed up/hair done/make up on and now my priorities have definitley changed. For example, if it's 9 o'clock at night and I'm out of diapers I'm running to the store no matter how I look because I need diapers, haha. I really don't care who sees me, I'm married and happy so it doesn't matter what they think. I do still care about my appearance, I still tan, get my hair done, stuff like that, but it's because it makes me FEEL good. Plus mommys need to do stuff like that because when you spend most of your time cleaning up the house/doing laundry/changing diapers you start to feel a little gross
I haven't hit goal yet either, but I am vain, vain, vain. I could look at myself all day if left to my own devices. But I think some of it is just getting used to this skinny person being me. It's still all sort of new and exciting in a way.
And I love clothes now, and shoes, and make-up. When I was bigger I was such a tom-boy, getting rid of all the extra weight has really turned me into such a girly-girl.
I don't think I would ever want to be 6'1" (my height) and 160 pounds... I think I would look disgusting! Or, maybe, I would look like the people in magazines. Is that what I want?
Jen, everyone's body is different. At 5'4" I am currently 180lbs and I LOVE how I look. though my ticker states my goal is 135, I am thinking of calling it quits in another 30lbs.. I'm currently a size 10 and while I carry a lot of weight in my midsection, i have the beginings of abs showing up between my ribs - heck, I can SEE my ribs (i do have to suck it in a little for that though lol) . I was 135 in high school and a size 10 and while vanity sizing is the norm these days, my measurements are only 2" bigger than they were in high school around on my waist and hips right now (and my bust is smaller!) - at over 40lbs heavier! frame size (that obviously hasn't changed) muscle mass, general fitness level, these all factor in to what a healthy weight is for you. If you think you'll be comfortable at 200, stop there. you're very tall, and it sounds like a perfectly reasonable number to me.
but back on topic to the thread.. I am SO VAIN now. When I realized that I could fit into 10s at most stores, I went out shopping and spent HOURS in the dressing room looking at my butt in size 10 jeans. I have always been a grab and go kind of girl when it comes to clothes, and if i spent money on it, i would wear it no matter how it looked on me because i already felt like I looked bad, so no article of clothing was going to help that.
NOW I spend an hour in the bathroom every morning, showering, makeuping, doing my hair.. preening.. i look in mirrors now and i easily spent at least 2 years NOT doing that. I am constantly admiring the muscles in my legs, my back, my arms, how clear my skin is now that i take care of it.. now if only my stomach would catch up!
I would have to say I have gained alittle more confidence. Not completely but I have. I lost my first 5 pounds last week and I have started doing my hair (which I have never done, it's just brush and go) and started wearing makeup again. I used to feel like, what's the purpose of making myself look nice if I don't. I'm too fat and too ugly to do anything so why should it matter but this weekend, I have felt so good and I even got a few looks from other guys. I was so impressed. It made me feel so good, I even got my DH to comment on my looks again. He had that spark in his eyes again too. I have gained 2 pounds back from the 5 but I am still going. It's better than gaining 10.
After gaining 50 pounds, I found out what fat ACTUALLY felt like. I discovered what it was like to truly hate my body, as opposed to just disliking certain things. I was so ungrateful for what I had and maybe that is why I let myself take it away from me. 
I have gained 2 pounds back from the 5 but I am still going. It's better than gaining 10.
