OK maintainers, I'm totally freaking out about clothes. This is the last thing I thought I'd be doing at this point, and I'm wondering if other people have any words of wisdom about the way I'm feeling, which is like a weirdo. Or maybe just writing about it will help me sort out these feelings. What seems to be going on is a combination of circumstances:
1. I've been around 160-165 for almost 20 years.
2. During that time, I've worn T-shirts, sweats, yoga pants, or jeans (with elastic, of course) because I've worked at home or at really casual places. I also could fit all my clothes in 2 drawers, plus one drawer of socks and undergarments. I would never even try clothes on at the store, I just guesstimated and returned it if it didn't fit (or gave it away).
3. Lots of clothes, especially pants, are cut differently than when I was last buying fitted clothes. Styles are different, so it takes me a while to figure out what goes with what, if you know what I mean. I won't even say anything about sizing.
4, Since I hit 135, it seems like what fit last freaking week doesn't fit this week! Knit tops I thought I would wear forever are looking funny on me. Even my new panties are saggy and bras are lumpy, for crying out loud.
5. Here's what I think is really freaking me out. I just started an internship (3x week) at an office that is pretty formal. I bought some things during late summer to wear there (I actually tried them all before I bought them). Most of them are too big now, although I've only lost 2 pounds since I bought them.
I planned out what I would wear for the first week, but when I got dressed for the first day, the pants were falling down and I had to use an old diaper pin to adjust the waist. I'm already nervous about the job, remembering people's names etc., and inside I'm sort of uncomfortable wearing these kinds of clothes, like I'm going to spill something on them. Plus I'm afraid of having a safety pin malfunction.
6. I'm on a really tight budget, so I buy most of my clothes at the thrift stores or Ross. I love shopping there, but it can be time-consuming, and I'm so short that I have to alter almost every single thing. I'm so out of the whole clothes thing that when I was laying out my outfits, I realized, duh, you have to have shoes, stockings, and slips to go with this stuff. More shopping and more expense. I'm scared to try on my old winter coat!
OK, I actually feel better already. On the positive side, I did just get a belted jacket on summer clearance that is a dark enough color to work for fall and maybe winter. Plus the belt gives me leeway to adjust it. Another positive thing is that I'm not scared to go shopping like I used to be. But I think I have to practice putting together my clothes more and hang everything up together the day before so I don't freak out in the morning. Maybe I can practice wearing things at home so I'll feel more comfortable in them too, not like an imposter. Writing this, I realize part of my problem is wanting things that fit properly and look good, so my expectations are much higher than before. I'm sure that's part of what's stressing me out without my even realizing it.
Anyone else experienced anything like this? I read in threads about clothes being a pleasure for people and I sure hope I will be joining you soon!
Cothes have always been a pleasure me. even at my highest weight..lol
If I were you I'd splurge a little on a few nice, new fashionable things for yourself. You really really do deserve it
There are some department stores like Kohls and Target, that offer mid-low quality clothes (meaning they will last about 6 months or a year) but for 20$ you can get a nice pair of business pants.
I wear saftey pins sometimes, and I haven't had any problems.
Needless to say, the more you spend on clothes, the happier you will be and more comfortable, and more OPTIONS you will have.
I know now that I am in the office world, I need clothes that I can trust will cover my lower back, for example if I need to file something or reach below my desk for something. Also, I have noticed that some pants tend to shrink if you dry them, they should be hung up after washing.
If yours are baggy, throw them in the dryer for about 30 minutes.
Also, you may want to stay away from the juniors section, becuase even though they do make larges and xtra large sizes, the pants are cut low for bigger waste and hips and smaller legs.
If you have bigger but and legs, and a small waste, try the petite or misses sections of a department store.
Also you can try the new styles of longer shirts, that might make you feel more comfortable.
I love fashon, but have a hard time finding the right clothes too, good luck.
Breathe. Just breathe. Everything's gonna be just fine. There now, that's better.
I can relate to you. It was so important that I have clothing that fit me properly as I went along my journey. It just made me feel sooo much better having fitted clothing as opposed to droopy, oversized, ill fitting ones. I really tried to refrain as I knew I would be dropping lots of clothing sizes.
I did buy some better pieces as I got closer to my goal. And here's where my advice comes into play for you. I got real friendly with my tailor. Find a good one, ask around, get recommendations and then become best buds with her. She has worked on some of my better clothing 3 separate times as I was dropping the weight. I still have one item now that started out at a size 16. I'm wearing mostly 2's now. So yeah, it's been altered quite a bit. I get so many compliments on it. People ask where I got it and I'm reluctant to tell them that it came from Lane Bryant.
As far as the tops go, well yeah. Just this morning I went to put on a blouse that I loved, I haven't worn it in about 2 months. I thought I'd have it forever. Lo and behold - it's swimming on me. Oh well. I'm disappointed that I no longer have it to wear, but I'm also happy that I'm smaller now then 2 months ago. You gotta look at the bright side.
As far as having higher expectations now, I know what you mean. I want everything to look "perfect". Before I wore what ever got the heck around me, now there are so many choices, it's dizzying. I think it takes some practice to get a new "look". Like you said all this clothing stuff is new for you. Enjoy experimenting. Even if you can't purchase everything, maybe you can do a little window shopping, but actually try some stuff on. At least then you'll get an idea what you like - and what you don't. You'll eventually find the look and feel that's right for you. It does take time though to build up a wardrobe. Hey, we're starting from scratch. No winter coat, rain coat, in between coat. It DOES take time to find the right items.
Have your tried Target, Kohls or Old Navy? They're fairly inexpensive. Macy's department stores has great sales very often. Maybe a few new pieces here and there. Scarves can change the look and feel of an outfit. As can belts, worn over a long shirt. And they alway fit. Your idea of thrift store shopping is a good one. Perhaps ebay? I know it's expensive changing sizes. But I look at it as money well spent. Thank G-d this is a dilemma for me now. Although I don't love spending the money, I'm glad that I HAVE to. ANd yes, I LOVE shopping now. Love it. Hopefully you will one day soon. You should be super proud of yourself for taking charge of your health and paving the way for a fitter, more active and productive life.
Good luck to you on the internship. You say it's pretty formal. You may just be pleasantly surprised how much better you like dressing that way as opposed to your old ways.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 09-22-2007 at 01:38 PM.
Ah, Mariposita, I totally get what you are feeling. Congratulations on loosing the weight and congratulations on the internship. If you can do those things, you can learn to dress yourself! Keep up the good work! In another week or two, you will be more at ease in the work-place and feel better about everything. Really!
Do you know how to sew at all? Spend an evening in front of the TV and take small tucks in the waistbands of anything that's in danger of falling down.
Congratulations on the Internship! I myself just started one and have slowly been adding mix-and-match business clothes to my closet to try to make them stretch into as many different looking outfits as possible. As a student, I am on a tight budget as well, but I found a whole bunch of good things at Plato's Closet...do you have one around you? I got an Express suit jacket for $6 and a bunch of nice shirts as well. If you google the name it will give you their website and you can look for locations.
Hope this helps!
I only buy pants in Navy,Black,Brown, Beige or White that way I can wear any top with them , Sears carries great tee shirts at a reasonable price and they hold their shape.I don't put my tee shirts in the dryer and they last a lot longer. I went to Savers (a thrift store) and bought a red wool blazer, new for $4.00.Just look around , sizes are crazy they vary from store to store.
My advice would be shop-til-you-drop until you find a perfect pair of dark-colored pants that fit you perfectly, one skirt that you love, these must go with your new jacket.
It's a drag but there's just no substitute for trying on a lot of different brands and sizes.
I find it easier to find tops at thrift stores than bottoms? I guess because fit is more important and precise for pants and skirts.
Thanks so much to everyone for your thoughtful replies! I've gotten so many great ideas from you, am feeling much more positive, and even have a plan for what I'm going to do next.
There is a Target in the next town over, and I usually just shop there to buy TP and toiletries and stuff. I will take a careful look at the clothes next time I go in there. And Sears! Yes, there is a Sears over there too and I had completely forgotten about that because I ust buy toys for hubby there (can you say Craftsman?), or appliances. I live in a fairly rural area and we don't have tons of options for shopping, no Old Navy or Macy's, etc. But there are a fair number of thrift stores of varying quality, (boy do I wish there was a Plato's Closet here!), and there is one nice regional department store--that's where I got my new jacket for like 75% off. Plus I think I will be making more money by next summer, and we'll probably go to the Bay Area for a trip in the fall. Watch out then!
The idea about finding a tailor is a great one! Right now I don't have anything that is worth remaking, but I will definitely keep that in mind. I can do some sewing and have taken in the sides on one unlined jacket and a couple of tailored shirts, but the problem is really with fitting in the shoulder/neckline/bust area--that's totally beyond me, so I will keep that in mind for the future. I don't know how much more weight I'm going to lose, but the small losses are really showing up on my stumpy frame now!
You guys are so right about the neutrals too. I've been sticking with that strategy and I can blend almost everything together so far. I was looking through everything this morning and decided my priority is to replace a pair of grey and a pair of brown slacks in the next couple weeks. In the meantime I will keep using those pins! The black pants still fit fine, I have a good black skirt, and one small-print flared skirt that fit perfectly. Next I will start the hunt for a raincoat, because I know that will be important in making me feel put together.
You're also right about the fact I have to bite the bullet and just try stuff on until I find something that fits really well. I don't even mind looking in the mirrors anymore, I'm so happy with my progress. It's just dithering around in the aisles choosing which things, and in what sizes, and then the tedium of putting everything on and taking it off. I was just thinking about a friend who remade her look a couple of years ago when she switched jobs from running an apple orchard to interior design. She told me she had to force herself to stay in the store until she had tried on at least 20 items, and she gradually got used to shopping. I think I'll make her my role model!
On the plus side, I stopped in to a thrift shop on impulse yesterday morning before going to my (paying) job, and I found this cute black sleeveless PETITE coat dress for $1. It fits perfectly and my daughter (16 and with great clothes sense) advises me that it will be perfect with a little ribbed cardigan I have. That's another plus, I can always rely on my daughter's good and honest advice. And this afternoon I'm going to go through all my sweaters and see which ones actually fit. I'm not taking anything for granted.
Thanks again everyone for taking the time to send your ideas!
Boy can I relate! In April I left a full time gym job where I'd dressed in a trainer's t-shirt and yoga pants for 6 years. I have lots of yoga pants and t-shirts! My new job is in high wealth private banking and requires "business casual", but my boss is very fashion conscious and we often meet clients. THEY can dress in old jeans and t-shirts, but they expect their money managers to look like bankers
I bought a number of good jackets and pants at deeply discounted prices, all in basic colors that I can mix and match. Like you, some of the pants that I bought before I started the job were too big by the time I'd been there a week. Macy's has great sales, Boscov's has great sales, and I discovered the Talbots on-line outlet, By the time clothes get marked down there to 75% off, they are a fantastic deal, although the sizes are very limited. Ann Taylor Loft also has great clearance sales and good petite sizing for those pants!
Good luck with the internship and the clothes anxiety. The worst thing that happened to me was the day that I showed up in the very same outfit that my boss was wearing- I'd bought my Talbots jacket at 75% off tho, and whe'd bought her at the beginning of the season. I didn't work there then and didn't know what was in her closet! That's a mistake I won't repeat
My best tip is shop sales at regular department/mall stores...
I often find clothes of good quality for cheaper than you pay at Target or Ross. I just bought a top for 8 bucks yesterday that was regularly priced $58. I am pretty cheap when it comes to clothes in that it has to be a pretty special item for me to pay over $20 for something. My favorite store is Macys. My second favorite is NY & CO. Almost my entire misses/petites wardrobe is from those 2 stores. Nordstrom is one of the stores that I'd say be careful of because they do have good sales it is hard to find something for under $20 even on sale there (unless it is super casual)
Mel, I can sympathize with you. I worked for a large, urban commercial bank for 6 years. A suit or a dress were required--no pants back when the dinosaurs walked. Your worst moment is definitely a jaw-dropper.
SusanB, I will be over to check out that thread, since I shopped and bought yesterday.
Nelie, yesterday I spent hours out shopping and saw lots of really good end-of-season deals at the department store that sells very good quality clothes. I couldn't find any of the basics I need now--any that fit me anyway--but I think in the future I'll find fun extras that way.
LOL safety pin malfunction!!!! I bought some shorts for DS the other day and he refused to try them on. He wore them to school the first day of school. They were too big and he ended up attaching them to his underwear with binder clips:
He asked me to buy him a belt that afternoon!!!
I'm glad you were able to find some bargains. I've noticed that although I have not lost anything in the past year, my clothes fit differently. I think my body is re-adjusting to this weight!
clothing freak-out
I'm already nervous about the job, remembering people's names etc., and inside I'm sort of uncomfortable wearing these kinds of clothes, like I'm going to spill something on them. Plus I'm afraid of having a safety pin malfunction.
I will be joining you soon!
Keep up the good work! In another week or two, you will be more at ease in the work-place and feel better about everything. Really!
I live in a fairly rural area and we don't have tons of options for shopping, no Old Navy or Macy's, etc. But there are a fair number of thrift stores of varying quality, (boy do I wish there was a Plato's Closet here!), and there is one nice regional department store--that's where I got my new jacket for like 75% off. Plus I think I will be making more money by next summer, and we'll probably go to the Bay Area for a trip in the fall. Watch out then!
