-- Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
-- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
-- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
-- Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
-- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
-- Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
-- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
-- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is ****?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
-- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
-- The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be **** May 10 and 11.
-- Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
-- 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
-- The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
-- Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
and last but not least...
-- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Too funny! I had to add my own "church" jokes! (From an email a friend sent me.)
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?' 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment, then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!' While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'
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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.' The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.' The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
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An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service ,she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
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A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered 'Call for backup.'
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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied: 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?' The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.'
*Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
*Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
*Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
*Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
*"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
*Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
*The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
*The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"
*Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
*Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
*The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
*Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "****" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
*Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
*A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
*At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is ****?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
*Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
*The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
*Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
*The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
*Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
*Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
*The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
*Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to follow.
*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
*This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
*The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.
*Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
*The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
Time 4 a change, thanks for posting those I love church bloopers...
I was raised in a really religious family, so church was always a huge part of my life growing up, so I guess I might find church humor even more amusing than most
-- Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
Church Bloopers!
I love church bloopers...
