[littlered]

boy these are OHIO!


A Little Ohio Humor

Forget Rednecks,, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to
say about Ohioans...

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September
through May, you may live in Ohio.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you
assistance and they don't work
there, you may live in Ohio.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
you may live in Ohio.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with
someone who dialed a
wrong number, you may live in Ohio.

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of
Philadelphia for the weekend,
you may live in Ohio.

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Ohio.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more
than once, you may live in Ohio.

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the
same day and back again, you may live in Ohio.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow
during a raging blizzard
without flinching, you may live in Ohio.

If you install security lights on your house and
garage, but leave both
unlocked, you may live in Ohio.

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows
how to use them, you may live in Ohio.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit
over a snowsuit, you may live in Ohio.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph --
you're going 80 and everybody
is passing you, you may live in Ohio.

If driving is better in the winter because the
potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Ohio.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter,
still winter and road construction, you may live in
Ohio.

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your
car, you may live in Ohio.

If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you may
live in Ohio.


If you actually understand these jokes,
you definitely live in Ohio

[katiematie]

Too cute! Im from cincinnati myself but stationed in the south with the military (DH) I know one thing, i sure don't miss those cold winters! lol. Thanks for sharing :-)

[almostheaven]

I dunno, those Buckeyes come over here and go 90 on our interstate, but when I'm heading over to my brother's, they won't even do the 55 posted limit in their own danged state. And I'm the one wanting to do 60. LOL

[ArtsyGirl]

I think these all double for Michigan to.

By the way, I've heard that the Ohio state flower is the lovely "orange barrel" so commonly dotting the Ohio highways in the summer. I personally love its bud the "orange safety cone."

[lisavs]

loved this im from cincinnati : )

[sirak]

I am sending this to "kinfolk" over towards Mt Cory.
Jeff Foxworthy has never ridden in a car with snow tires for very long or he would have said something about that.

[NemesisClaws]

LOL! I'm from across the river in Kentucky, but I totally agree with all that!

[spunker]

some of those are so true.

I found some more of these:

* You've never met any celebrities.
* Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
* "Vacation" means driving through Hocking Hills or going to King's Island.
* You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
* You measure distance in minutes.
* Down south to you means Kentucky.
* You know several people who have hit a deer.
* Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
* Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
* You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
* You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
* You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
* Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
* You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
* You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
* You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
* All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
* You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
* You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
* You carry jumper cables in your car.
* You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.
* You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
* You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
* You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
* The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
* You think that deer season is a national holiday.
* You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
* You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly".
* You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
* You know what a real buckeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
* You know if another Ohioian is from southern, middle or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouth.
* You can spell words like Cuyahoga and Tuscarawas.
* You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.

I also found some for Cleveland:

• Your idea of fine cuisine includes keilbasa and Stroh's beer
  
• You think the Antichrist walks among us and moved to Baltimore in 1995
  
• You refer to Pittsburgh as a Third World nation
  
• You have to look at a map before you realize Cincinnati is NOT in Kentucky
  
• You believe plastic lawn flamingos are essential in any landscaping project
  
• Your second car is completely dissolved by salt by the time April rolls around
  
• The phrase "lake effect" strikes terror in your heart
  
• You actually remember when Dennis Kucinich was mayor
  
• You see nothing wrong with wearing white sox with black shoes, even when wearing a tux
  
• Party music involves an accordion
  
• You always knew you lived in the Rock n Roll Capital of the World
  
• You know more about Frankie Yankovic than Weird Al Yankovic
  
• Tourists ask you what time the river catches fire
  
• You believe the Second Coming meant the Browns returning in 1999
  
• You know you don't really have an accent, the rest of the world does.
  
• You hear there are always famous people in town, but you have never seen one.
  
• You hate country music, don't know anyone that does like country music, and yet WGAR just won the country music station of the year.
  
• You take credit for Cedar Point even though it is 2 hours away.
  
• You honestly believe that Cleveland is the best city in the world.
  
• The Tri-C jingle "students for life" scares the **** out of you.
  
• You take Dead Man's Curve at 60 mph holding your breath.
  
• You know about the Eastside/Westside rivalry, but don't really understand it.
  
• "Good Morning from the Buzzard Morning Zoo" is a jingle you'll never forget.
  
• Your neighborhood schools went without sports because all the senior citizens refused to pass the levies.
  
• You actually know how to pronounce Cuyahoga.
  
• You can't tell Brook Park, Brooklyn, or Old Brooklyn apart.
  
• You see Christmas lights still up in July.
  
• You love BW-3, but have no clue what the heck weck is.
  
• You find yourself singing "Garfield 1-2323" in the shower.
  
• You're still dumbfounded by the Leaping Fountain in Tower City.
  
• You have never ridden in a taxi.
  
• You wear shorts the first day of the year it isn't below 30 and snowing, just because you can.
  
• You have gotten 3 speeding tickets, and they are all from the mile long stretch of a suburb named Linndale.
  
• You have no idea how exactly to get to the Flats, you just kind of end up on a bank and start partying.
  
• You really don't know what the Warehouse District is, you just know that it's a great place to party.
  
• You know who the Jake really is
  
• You hate Baltimore and you have never been there.
  
• St. Patty's Day is your number one holiday, and you aren't Irish.
  
• You're still relishing 1987 when we ALMOST made it to the Super Bowl.
  
• You counted down with the monument in Tower City to the exact second in 1999 when the Browns came back.
  
• You heard Bill Clinton and Drew Carey love Parma Pierogies, but you have yet to ever eat there.
  
• You know Tower City isn't a city at all.
  
• You're Polish.
  
• Stories of Little Italy still send chills down your spine.
  
• At least half of your wardrobe is Tribe apparel.

[almostheaven]

Originally Posted by NemesisClaws

LOL! I'm from across the river in Kentucky, but I totally agree with all that!

Across from WV too? In the tri-state area? It's kinda messed up. My brother lives in OH, works in KY and goes to church in WV. LOL

[NemesisClaws]

Originally Posted by almostheaven

Across from WV too? In the tri-state area? It's kinda messed up. My brother lives in OH, works in KY and goes to church in WV. LOL

Yep, in the tri-state area! Although, while I have driven through WV, I've never "walked" on over there for anything. Gosh, this must be so confusing for folks on here! LOL

[almostheaven]

I wouldn't get caught dead walking across the bridge into OH. Well, I guess that's what would happen if I tried walking across...end up dead. I've seen how those Buckeyes drive.

My brother works over in Russel and lives in So. Point. I'm in Huntington.

[littlered]

Originally Posted by spunker

some of those are so true.

I found some more of these:

* You've never met any celebrities.
* Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
* "Vacation" means driving through Hocking Hills or going to King's Island.
* You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
* You measure distance in minutes.
* Down south to you means Kentucky.
* You know several people who have hit a deer.
* Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
* Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
* You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
* You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
* You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
* Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
* You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
* You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
* You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
* All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
* You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
* You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
* You carry jumper cables in your car.
* You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.
* You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
* You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
* You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
* The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
* You think that deer season is a national holiday.
* You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
* You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly".
* You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
* You know what a real buckeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
* You know if another Ohioian is from southern, middle or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouth.
* You can spell words like Cuyahoga and Tuscarawas.
* You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.

I also found some for Cleveland:

• Your idea of fine cuisine includes keilbasa and Stroh's beer
• You think the Antichrist walks among us and moved to Baltimore in 1995
• You refer to Pittsburgh as a Third World nation
• You have to look at a map before you realize Cincinnati is NOT in Kentucky
• You believe plastic lawn flamingos are essential in any landscaping project
• Your second car is completely dissolved by salt by the time April rolls around
• The phrase "lake effect" strikes terror in your heart
• You actually remember when Dennis Kucinich was mayor
• You see nothing wrong with wearing white sox with black shoes, even when wearing a tux
• Party music involves an accordion
• You always knew you lived in the Rock n Roll Capital of the World
• You know more about Frankie Yankovic than Weird Al Yankovic
• Tourists ask you what time the river catches fire
• You believe the Second Coming meant the Browns returning in 1999
• You know you don't really have an accent, the rest of the world does.
• You hear there are always famous people in town, but you have never seen one.
• You hate country music, don't know anyone that does like country music, and yet WGAR just won the country music station of the year.
• You take credit for Cedar Point even though it is 2 hours away.
• You honestly believe that Cleveland is the best city in the world.
• The Tri-C jingle "students for life" scares the **** out of you.
• You take Dead Man's Curve at 60 mph holding your breath.
• You know about the Eastside/Westside rivalry, but don't really understand it.
• "Good Morning from the Buzzard Morning Zoo" is a jingle you'll never forget.
• Your neighborhood schools went without sports because all the senior citizens refused to pass the levies.
• You actually know how to pronounce Cuyahoga.
• You can't tell Brook Park, Brooklyn, or Old Brooklyn apart.
• You see Christmas lights still up in July.
• You love BW-3, but have no clue what the heck weck is.
• You find yourself singing "Garfield 1-2323" in the shower.
• You're still dumbfounded by the Leaping Fountain in Tower City.
• You have never ridden in a taxi.
• You wear shorts the first day of the year it isn't below 30 and snowing, just because you can.
• You have gotten 3 speeding tickets, and they are all from the mile long stretch of a suburb named Linndale.
• You have no idea how exactly to get to the Flats, you just kind of end up on a bank and start partying.
• You really don't know what the Warehouse District is, you just know that it's a great place to party.
• You know who the Jake really is
• You hate Baltimore and you have never been there.
• St. Patty's Day is your number one holiday, and you aren't Irish.
• You're still relishing 1987 when we ALMOST made it to the Super Bowl.
• You counted down with the monument in Tower City to the exact second in 1999 when the Browns came back.
• You heard Bill Clinton and Drew Carey love Parma Pierogies, but you have yet to ever eat there.
• You know Tower City isn't a city at all.
• You're Polish.
• Stories of Little Italy still send chills down your spine.
• At least half of your wardrobe is Tribe apparel.

Wow!!! you know whats scary?
I know what most ALL of this is.
You know anything about the one festival with the WOOLYBEAR WORM?
thats where I live. Don't blink when you drive through THIS town. you will miss it.