sznn - pm me with where you live....

OMG that was hilarious. HILARIOUS! :lol3:

Jesus and the burglar




Jesus and the Burglar

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined

his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when

he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a

strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark

saying,


"Jesus is watching you."


He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his

flashlight out, and froze.


When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his

head, promised himself a vacation after the next big

score, then clicked the light on and began searching

for more valuables.


Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could

disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus

is watching you."


Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically,

looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the

corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest

on a parrot.


"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.


"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just

trying to warn you."


The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world

are you?"


"Moses," replied the bird.


"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people

would name a bird Moses?"


"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus

Funny, funny, funny!

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up"?

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?"


God replied, "Girrrlllllll, I didn't even recognize you!"

:rofl:

Good one!

2006 must be the year of the bad joke. This one is especially for our over-40 crowd... Love, BKS

HARVARD TEST

This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

.
.
.
.
.
How did you do?
.
.
.
.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down; and I bet you can't resist passing it on. ;)

BKS - :tantrum: :rofl:

Okay - another one for the oldies among us: I got this list from my mom - how many do y'all remember?

Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3 Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5 Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (OLive-6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM re cords
15. S&H Green Stamps
16 Hi-fi's
17 Metal ice trays with levers
18 Mimeograph paper
19 Blue flashbulbs
20. Packards
21 Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25 Wash tub wringer
26. Incinerators
27. Garbage pails & the garbage man
28. Clothes lines
29. Air Conditioners for cars than mount on the window
30. Lawn Darts
31. Water Wiggle
32. Metal Tonka Toys
33. Drive ups
34. EVIL KINEVIL (jumping bike over friends laying down)
35. PONG
36. Pinball games (3 games for 25 cents, 5 balls a game)
37. Manual score keeping bowling. 50 cents a game.
38. over 100 octane gas for under a dollar
39. 10 miles a gallon
40. Real Floppy Disc
41. 8 Track Tapes
42. Skate boards/Skates with metal or clay wheels
43. what helmet?
44. 15 cent comic books
45. Milk Man
46. Full Service Stations
47. Feed and Fuel Stations

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 1-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

Thanks Jule - that would make me older than dirt..........lol

Star - I'm older than dirt, too -- I remember 12cent comics! And do you remember those colored plastic inserts we had to use for the 45 records? and what RPM means!??

Revalutions per minute, there were three speeds; 33 1/3, 45 and 78.....
My friend had a record player in the glove box of her car...
I had the first heated rollers, you boiled them....LOL

ok, I guess i just grew up in an old house :lol: I was using a Wash tub wringer far into my teens, DM said that was the only way to wash clothes and I loved candy cigarettes and those little wax candies..never really knew if it was ok to eat the wax ;)
So i won't claim the "don't tell your age" (I got 11 of them) I will just say that I was reared in an old home :lol:
DBF always says I am the oldest 26 year old he has ever met.

Shennie - I agree with DBF, only becuz you seem way to wise to be 26....
I LOVED the candy ciggs too and the wax bottle kool aides.......