Happy September, threadmates!

Maryblu, I'm probably up the scale a bit myself because I can't always string together a decent run of "good days" right now either. But always remember, it's the overall tally that really counts. If at the end of a month you've had 20 good days and 10 not-so-good days, that is still progress. And after several months like that, you will have lost instead of gained. And that's what it's all about, right?

And I enjoy fall too--it's not so hot that you're miserable but not cold enough to want to hibernate either. We can get in a lot of outdoor activity in the fall. Let's go for it!

Good Morning, Girly! I hope today is a good day for you. I am dedicating the month of September to being back on plan. I really want to be somewhere in the 150s by the time December rolls around and I'm going to keep that foremost in my mind. Let's make fall our Season of Success. Even if we have some setbacks, let's make our overall motion forward!

Sue, keep riding that wave of good choices and exercise. Hang a hand down here to us and give us a boost back up! I'm determined to join you there!

For some reason, a marker of some sort (a Monday, a new month) always give me new inspiration. I need it now and I'm going to milk it for all it's worth.

Today my goal is to cut the junk food. I have a party tonight but I will eat wisely all day. I need to get my water in too. Those thirst driven "false hunger signals" are getting kicked to the curb today.

Happy September, all!

L

Oh, I love when it's a new thread, too. A fresh month. Actually, we have a fresh day every day if we think about it, but the month feels even better. Your post was great, Liannie. Uplifting.

Hello to vegetable girl, Sue.

I wanted to reply to Maryblu's comment that Judith Beck had such a small amount of weight, etc. because I had the same reaction (my reaction: what does she know...15 pounds...sheesh...she's such a tiny thing, how can she know, etc. Even though I'm loving her books, I thought this)
***********
In one part of this four-day win book, she is talking about famine brain from dieting/deprivation.

"Famine conditions cause the brain-body connection to haul out some very big neurochemical guns. The hungrier we get, the more a hormone called dopamine floods an area of our brains called X. This causes goal-seeking activity, including the search for food. If we eat immediately, the XX gets swamped with serotonin, we feel satisfied, and we stop thinking about eating. If no food shows up, dopamine levels keep rising, driving increasingly urgent food-seeking.

I spent years avoiding fattening food to keep myself from overeating, and I developed a case of famine brain that nearly made me suicidal. When I was a college freshman, always on a diet, I'd eat the meager dinner allowed by the regimen I was on. Then, while I wasn't hungry, I'd engineer my environment so I couldn't get more food until the next day. I'd stay away from the student union at the hours when food was available. I'd make sure I had no money, not one red cent, that I could spend on food. Then I'd settle in and try to focus on studying.

As the year went by, I started to experience the full nightmare of a famine-modified brain. I'd lie in bed, exhausted but too hungry to sleep, until 2 or 3 in the morning. Then I'd get up and ransack my dorm room, looking for spare change. When I didn't find it (of course I didn't find it; I'd made sure of that myself), I'd head out into the zero-degree weather and run for hours, desperately checking to see if there were any 24 hour convenience stores giving out food samples or throwing away food that was still packaged. Or not packaged. I'd run almost all night. Usually, I found nothing edible. But when I did, no matter what it was, I ate it. I couldn't not eat it. I might as well have tried to stop breathing.

This ghastly ritual took on a life of its own. I began bingeing during the day, regaining some of the weight I'd lost........
More than 20 years later, I think my brain is almost back to normal........."

Interesting, huh. I think she understands. I think she qualifies to be in our club

Oh, she does indeed understand. She has heard it,seen it all....that is so obvious. It is just that she was a "civilain" ie acceptable wt. to start with...that said.....these 20#s that I have gained make me feel as fat as I did at 220#..nothing fits right; I have rolls....the trouble is, when you gain wt. back, it is all fat..just ugly fat...

Honestly, when I first read Beck, it all made perfect sense......she lays it out so well.....I just got to feeling like a "civilian", and I got away with eating intuitively for quite some time...but then when I saw my wt. going up, I started that "diet mentality" and that is where things got sideways....if I could just get that gift back...that gift of sanity I had about food...just had a little bit of whatever I wanted and was satisfied with it. Hungry again in about 3 hours, but not starving......ate a little bit and was really quite happy to never be full. *sigh

howdy,

happy September to you all. This the time when things get calmer in our area-Tourism is big industry in our area and now there will be far fewer of them. It will be nice to be quieter.

I have had a mini pig out. I though I had conquered some addictions better than I actually had. I brought home a 1/2 gal of low cal ice cream-I was sure I could eat 1/2 cup over the next week. It seemed such a good idea on unusually hot day up here. Wrong-Once home all the old sirens called to me ate it all in 24 hrs. It was real work for me to leave any late Friday night. All day Sat I continually thought of it and just had to finish it. And it was not that favorful!!! But cold and sweet. Naturally once I "blew it" I added a sweet roll, fried food and another ice cream cone to the day total. I am not wired to think like a thin person! Deep down there is a force that says-"There NEVER is enough of certain foods."

G-College days and food cravings sounded horrible- That insane pull between one part of mind saying "You Must" (if you have any moral fiber and self control)and the other part saying "You Can't" (if you want to have any peace of mind and concentrate on something else than food) I had similiar struggles in highly stressed times in my live. For the last 2 decades I choose to Completely ignore the "ought to be healthy" part of the brain-went to increasing serotonin at "Any cost" to my body. Whew. now am over 300lb and find each step painful. When we first moved to this isolated area I actually felt some panic there was nothing open after 8'oclock anywhere to buy food.

While loving some breaks from the measuring and recording of food and taste treats of some of high cal foods, my desire to move again without pain is so powerful. As I ate my yummy treats I could evaulate how good it was, but knew I was trading in time of being able to lose weight and walk easier. The slower I lose, the longer it will take walk in less pain. I can be much more logical when buying individual treats in the community. I lose all rationale when the food is in the house. The most important role for me now is only non-addicting food in the house! Somehow the steps of parking, going into the shop, paying and then get the treat, I can stop process,(lucky there is no drive thurs for about 55 miles) but treats in the home are a hugh magnet for me-both physically and mentally.

M- I so understand that any gains feel so ugly. I feel better at 350 going down than gaining a lb at 325. I am so dam* mad at myself.

L-like you I focus on the number of days being on target, When I am not- try to learn why I "needed" to overeat and learn to accept those times.

I also feel there is only one expert about me losing weight and it is me.-I have had so much crappy advice-ideas that work for one person and will never work for me. Just spent the day with some family members who feel thier thinness has given them a moral edge of the rest of the fat world. Felt like I was wearing heavy invisible jacket made of their judgemental criticism of my body. To bad I give them that power. But they are just thinking what I working on not to feel. I have a tough time being around critical people.

back to eating well for all

sue

HI, all...

It is a beautiful day today......gonna head to the other side of the lake soon for an annual bbq and am looking forward to it. My friends over there are some of the best cooks I know. I am going to eat what I want, just less.

I have only had a fiber one bar so far and have been outside gardening....actually, doing some of my famous fiddling around....just going from garden to garden deciding what needs to be moved where. My dear SO (what a digger!) just finished a whole new garden spot for me....kidney shaped..though he says it is Lake Superior...nice size about 20 ft. by 10 to 15 in spots.....some of it is full sun and it goes to quite shady, so will be quite a nice spot.

Sue, you have posted about those judgemental thin family/friends before..guess it is quite likely their own insecurities lead to needing to feel superior......just like in grade school..just like with the race hatred..gays, etc. I have often wondered if somehow all the people who are "hated" (I don't mean that quite as harsh as it sounds) for whatever reason.....if all the gay people, all the fat people, all the minorities were shipped away, then who would be left to "hate" ...to feel superior to, to judge.......then what? Would the world be perfect? I don't mean to imply your family hates you; I just took this a step further to the intolerance thing...

Enjoy today, all.....

hi

M-thanks for the support-Working on getting more and more distance from their behaviors and words-I agree it is insecurities but I have lived with some of them for a time when younger and actually then believed they were correct. So the hook is quite old and really do need to removed by me.

I miss MN after reading your posting about the lake,

sue

Hi everyone,
Sue, those comments about college were actually a quote from Dr. Beck's book...they were her college experience. It sounded like pure ****.

Looking back on my college days, I was pretty darned healthy in my attitude about food, and oh so thin. Those were the days! I didn't think, "Oh, now I'm going to walk to school. That will burn off calories. Oh, good." No, I just enjoyed the walk. Then eat. Then do other stuff I liked. I can remember an occasional obsessive thought about wanting to eat, but once I went off to university, I was so happy and I don't remember obsessing, though I've always liked food, that's for sure.

Sue, I feel a change is imminent with you and your relatives. I can feel it brewing. I think they really have NO idea, NO idea of the struggle that it is. As a formerly thin person with a ridiculously good metabolism, I remember having some feelings of judgment, too. I'm ashamed of that, but I just had NO! idea. I'm bordering on wanting to say SCREW THEM (your relatives) and at the same time, understand that they are clueless, not having experienced it.

I'm realizing that I've used food to soothe myself, to insulate myself, because it has seemed hard to get thru some of the hard parts of life w/o the insulation of something. Maybe, besides altered brain chemistry that overeaters have, maybe we are just a more sensitive lot. That's what *I* think. Anyway, I've always been ultra-sensitive. Sometimes I ask God, OK, what is the BENEFIT of being sensitive? Mostly it's just painful. But part of it is learning to deal with my emotions and sensitivities in a healthy way, not eating.

OK, I'm rambling here.
I've gained even more weight. I am taking these herbs (long story) for another week, and I don't know if they're messing with the efficacy of my thyroid meds or what, but I'm gaining even faster than usual.

I've been debating about going back onto Weight Watchers. I'm so fickle. I'm tired of trying to figure out my calories on FitDay and it's WAY easier to account for "points." IT takes like 5 seconds to figure out. The last time I didn't lose anything despite sticking to it without cheating for a month, but I think my body was more messed up then. And I got pissed when one of the leaders poked fun at people using their thyroid as an excuse to not lose weight.

Maryblu, you look great in that photo....you look thin!

Hi to Liannie. Hope things are settling down for you.

girly

Hey Ladies, can I get in on your discussion here? I just started Beck's 6 week program from the Diet Solution. I'm on day 10 and I like it so far. Any hints for a newbie?

A little about myself: I'm 25, I live in Iowa and my SO and I have a 14 month old daughter. I'll find out in 10 days or so if I passed the bar exam and can actually be a practicing attorney. I work for a non-profit that provides legal assistance to low-income people.

Veronica! Welcome. I get to welcome you; that means I am not the newest "newbie" anymore! LOL.

Girly, I have to confess..I was "thin" in that pic.....15 #s thinner...haven't worn that dress in 2 years! That pic is from 3 yrs. ago.

I posted that pic for a very weird reason, but we all share our "weirdness" here..........that tree that I am posing by....that plum tree.....it frames a very special part of two of my gardens.....it is what I see every morning first thing outside my kitchen window.......it is the last thing I see framing my gardens...two of them... at night....the border by the lake and my BIG garden...the one with all the Phlox......it is so cool with its weird shape....I plan my tulip planting around it every spring.....I get the latest flowering bulbs I can so they bloom when the plum tree does.....it has to go......it is being cut down and "stumped" on Thursday...I am crying as I write this....this has been the focal point of two of my gardens for the 12 years I have lived here...it is old and not doing well.....it has to come out so we can get a boom truck in and get out a dead Elm on the lakeside that could take out my steps down to the lake.........AND........I found out last year I am deathly allergic to Yellow Jackets, and the fallen plums are a MAGNET for those little suckers.....I still don't know if I will be able to part with it.....I have given it a reprieve once......it is so cool......I may not be able to part with it...we shall see...

Anyway, I still am thinking alot about those who have to be superior because they are thin, and seem to have to have that "attitude". I know someone who was very heavy...got control of her life on her own....good for her, but now when she heard of someone having a bypass was VERY judgmental...saying couldn't you have a little control? Well, obviously NOOO, or she would not resort to major, life-threatening surgery......a last resort..and now I am thinking about what I am judgemental about.......and...I certainly have my chosen bugaboos.......lets see........what I am judgmental about?

I really have my issues, that is for sure.......and this one is just PETTY, but I really do judge ladies...especially young ladies who wear tight clothes. It seems that everyone does it these days......whether you have bulges or not......just the skin tight-over-the-rolls.....it doesn't seem like a good idea!

LOL

M

Hi Veronica,
Welcome! I wish I had some words of advice, darn it! I'm still learning from the people here, though. I have only "welcome" like the little drummer boy. Have you chosen a food plan? Would you like to share some of your reasons list for losing?

MaryBlu, wow! I really got your post about the tree. They really do have an alive energy. Sometimes I can barely trim my plants...I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm just trimming you, you're beautiful. With trees it's even more palpable.

Regarding the tight clothes, I haven't had that feeling so much. I'm 42; I work with 18-25 year olds (my students), so I see a lot of the fashion stuff. What I was completely horrified about was the trend with the butt crack! Girls sitting with their low pants and their butt cracks showing all over campus, like it's absolutely no big deal.

And I do know what you mean about the tight clothes in regards to the low pants--have you ever heard of the term "muffin top?" It's when they wear really tight low pants, and all the fat gushes over the top, like a muffin top? Even "skinny" girls can have that. I want to shout out, "That doesn't look good!" I really feel a generation gap with the tattoos, too. I can feel OK with a little one, but it's becoming more and more mainstream here to get LARGE tattoos, or like a whole arm tattooed; I feel like they are just ruining themselves with those. Yuck.

I joined Weight Watchers Online last night; trying a 5 day free trial. I guess I'm not really changing my plan; it's just calorie counting in an even easier way. ANd the online plan is awesome; I wasn't one of the ones who enjoyed those meetings.

Played tennis tonight; have stayed on plan for the first day in many.

Liannie, how's your recommitment going? Shout out to Sue.

girly~

Hello everyone,
welcome Veronica-good luck on passing the bar-my son also is a lawyer focusing on envronmental law-not destory it but saving it. I found Beck a good foundation for me. I really liked having the reasons for weight loss in the kitchen. Even now I remember them when I have periodic overindulgences. I must admit I sort of plateaued studying the book. Keep us posted with your responses to the book and it will help us all re-focus on it. I still sort of preplan and do record everything on Fitday-For me that daily recording is critical for eating less.

M-oh that beautiful tree which is so important in your daily view. It is going to be a tough looking at "where it used to be". Your passion for gardening really comes thur. thanks heaven there are you talented folks out there to beautify the world so-regretfully my talents are else where. I have more small plastic seedling holders than successful healthy plants. I agree with G loved the pic of both you and tree-may you soon be in that dress size again.

The everychanging dress code of teens-Always being a large girl-5'8'' at 12 yrs, I feel for the girls who pour themselves into outfits that belong on the those who should be 20 lbs underweight, That desire to belong is so powerful inspite of looking rather foolish and often behaving foolish. My own kids wore some of the uglest, tasteless rock t-shirts-everywhere! But now I think that looked better than the pant waist at the knees.

g-keep me posting on the on line WW. I have been temped but want to know it is worth the money. Got to be so frugal due to that dam* increase in medical insurance.

I have been pondering hurt feelings and why I hold on to them. Today I had this Ah Ha moment. I was raised by a talented but very unhappy, angry mom who being the only daughter I was "assigned" the role of care taker. The unspoken duty was to make her happier- So when she was unhappy, critical, judgemental I felt that I was guilty of "something" . Instead of dismissing her attitudes, I worked harder to please her. The challenge was getting her to like me. She actually told me when I was an adult she has never liked me. Heck, I could never make her like herself.
The relatives I just saw carry the many of same attitudes and I reverted to old unhealthy ways. Trying to please the unpleaseable and getting hurt and mad when they remain unhappy.
so G- you are right there is some changes brewing, most importantly there are with me and I will NOT internalize nor get invloved in their unhappiness. Yep I'll be the "rude" one for not visiting more often.

I am sensitive or even oversensitive and I have self medicated with food when I have felt hurt or unsucessful. Some times I just absorb that negative energy being around such folks. I have been far too influenced by grumpy judgemental folks versus seeing them as unhappy, unsatisified people boosting their ego at the cost of others' self esteem. Obesity is still an easy target- can be Politically Correct and still laught at the fat or "pity" them.

I want to get to the point that when I hear criticism I know that is their problem and let the crappy energy go quickly thur me. That will be a hugh help in me losing and maintaining a Large weight loss. Thanks for letting me write about me "weirdness".

L what is up-hope you are not super busy.
Best thoughts to all
sue

Hey Everybody!

Just a quick holler. I'm still out here. Welcome Veronica! Glad to have you with us.

I'll edit and write more later....

L

Thanks for the welcome everyone! Maryblu - I'm sad for your tree, but you are so lucky to live on a lake in MN! That's my ideal for the perfect place to be in summer.

As for diet plans, I've chosen to go with a low glycemic index diet, which seems to be how I really want to eat anyway, just couldn't get the motivation up to do much cooking! One thing I've found interesting so far is that Judith Beck talks about thin people not experiencing hunger as an emergency. I definitely think hunger is an emergency! So I always just want to eat cheese and crackers instead of cooking something when I'm hungry. This is definitely something I'll have to work on.

I'm using WW as my back-up plan. I've done it before, but quit when the compulsive eating got out of control. I really liked the online stuff, the tracker is great and the recipe searcher is good too. I never really got into meetings either, but you gotta like the accountability at WW.

Oh, thanks, all...for your posts, your understanding about my tree.........and for including me. For the first time since I registered in March, I feel as if I belong.....I was posting on other threads, as you can see by the # of my posts, but for some reason, never found "home"..I am home....love to all. M

Hey Everyone,

Things got busy again and I didn't get to the board for a few days. I hope everyone is doing well today. I'm glad there are 5 of us now, so much more to read!

The fashion discussion is so interesting. I look at the teens with their buttcracks hanging out, underwear poofing out over the top of the pants, or some of the styles the girls wear that show everything you could ever want to see, and it amazes me. But then I remember how scandalized my grandmother was when I wanted a pair of hip hugger bellbottoms when I was 12. It really makes me laugh now to think of how radical that seemed!

As far as the diet, I hope you are all doing well. I made it through 2 days back on plan and am averaging about 1500 calories. Hopefully, I can step up the activity level pretty quick and start kicking them fat cells to the curb again.

I'll holler back later. I've got to go to bed now!

L