Today is a really hard day, but better than yesterday. I'm really struggling with my diet but is directly linked to what is going on in my life. I'm not sure how personal we are allowed to get and appologize if I do say too much, I think I'm stuffed to the brim with stress and emotions that its seeping out anytime I even talk, even when someone asks how I'm doing, it turns to a venting session. I am truelly struggling woth my emotional eating!!!! over 4000 cals yesterday, ouch.

So far I've bean balancing 15 credit load of college, parttime work, and single parenting. I've been trying to find time for exercise but don't even mannege to get more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night. Just as I was getting motivated again to stick to my deit another "whopper" lannded right in my lap. I was in court yesterday trying to get my sons last name changed and the judge decided that the "other" parent needed contacted. It looks as though I am going to have to fight to have hte "other" persons parental right completely removed. I am in a state of panic, the "other" has never been involved, is mentally ill and is a direct threat to my childs safety. He is so unsafe that he is not allowed to live with his family because he is not safe to live with the children in the family, but they want me to involve him with my son ( Oh the insanity!!!). I am so so scared and have beeen up all night looking for pro bono attorrnies. so sorry if this is too much venting, at a loss for what to do, I still want to lose the weight, its vital to keeping my diabetes under control, I just don't know how to juggle everthing and stay away from the emotional eating.

VENT all you want especially if it is helping. Get as personal as you feel comfortable with. If you are religious start by praying and then start giving control over to God. The eating may be helped some any ways if you try to come here and vent before giving in to the urge to eat. Perhaps by the time you are done you may find the urge has gone. If you can not come here carry a small note book or journal just for venting or worrying. Same concept the urge may go away before you start to do to much damage to your food lfe style change. Eating healthy can be so very hard. Make one simple rule do something first before you start to binge. What ever will work for you try it for aboiut 15 to 20 minutes. The urge should go away by then.I would like to ask that God watches over you and your child and that he takes away your stress in christ name I pray amen. Oh yes before I forget WOW, you are really doing amazing things with your life. It will pay off big time and remember sometimes we must work through the hard stuff to get to the good stuff but how sweet it is when we get there.


Tammy

Okay, first things first. for you Vanilla! Slow down, take a deep breath and remember to just take it one day at a time, or as I like to say, babysteps.

As far as the "diet", I suggest that when you want to eat something you should not, try to stop and think about the diabetes. How will eating said food affect that? Think about how you want to be healthy for your child as well as set a good example. Next, if you still "have" to have the food, take a small portion of it out. Put the rest away and go to another room and eat it SLOWLY. Now it is more of an effort to go get more and maybe the urge will pass. That should help to control the number of calories as well as remove the mindless eating. Remember, baby steps. You don't have to go all or nothing. Every 100 calories you cut out will help.

As far as the child, name thing, contacting the other parent - well how important is it to change the name? I don't know anything about legalities, so I honestly can't help. But maybe you can wait until the child is old enough to understand the dangers this person poses to them before you bring this person into contact with your child. In other words, leave the name as is and when the child is 8 or 9, make your move then to permanently revoke their parental/visitation rights. I don't know if that helps, but it is an idea anyhow.

Just know that we are here for you and we support you no matter what. Keep trying to control your weight because YOU are worth it! Even if you don't lose, try not to gain anymore. I'll say it again - babysteps!

Prayers to you and yours - Sharon

Oh my dear, I think we can all certainly understand your over eating right now. What you are going thru is overwhelming. So many coming your way.

So lets see??? 4000 calories ....how does that make you feel??? Do you feel better??? I am guessing not and feeling guilty for eating so much. It solves nothing.

Look at what you were eating and see where you can cut down.....are you trying to drink the water???? There is no easy answer for you, you are under much stress but you can control what goes into your mouth.

When all this school is over, the name is changed do you want to weigh 25lbs more??? It is your decision....we are here to help you...(I am no person to critize with my weight...just trying to help here).

Just think before you eat and drink your water. Can you put in a short walk with your son some days??? Look at what you can do not what you can't do.

Vent here anytime.....Phyllis

Tammy- Thank you for your prayer, I am Christian and unfortunatly do not lean on God as much as I should. The part about giving it up to God is just what I need to hear, its what I'm finding the hardest to be able to do, I know all too well that I can do absolutly nothing about some of my situations and I need to have faith in Gods work in things. I just feel so helpless, I've done all I can to protect my son and am scared of what could happen to him if the other parent gets ahold of him.

Sharon-thank you, at times all I can do is breath, The name change is quite the lengthy story but in short, I already went to my first court hearing and the judge has taken it opon himself to get the correct contact information so that he is sure I have the right contact info.( so the other parent may be informed before I get around to serving the papers myself). So now I get to wait and see, but in the mean time I am trying to figure out what cards I hold so that when it comes time for me to play them I know what I am doing, I don't want to chancemy sons safety. So its really too late. On the plus side they other parent is cetifiably nuts (at know saying that might people think what kind of person would get involved in that, but in my defence I was young and foolish.) He will forever be in state custody so I am hoping his legal guardian will want as little trouble possable and be willing to work with me. The name change it self is minor, its the custody battle that comes from the guy being contacted. When I was pregnant the other parent threatened to not let my son even be born when I broke up with him so I went into hiding while pregnant so the "father" never new my son had been born.

Phyllis- you are so right, I do feel yucky. The day after Easter and so full of junk food kind of yucky. Walks, that sounds GREAT, I've been meaning to do it I just haven't brought my self to do it again yet, it snowed just yestersay! That wasn't an excuse for me last semester though, going with my son is a great idea, maybee I can put the air in my parents all season stroller.

Thank you for your support

on a good note I'm eating better today,

Breakfast= A slice of honey toast and cottage cheese
Snck/luch combined= two chicken soft tacos and a small bag of sun chips
snack= 1 bran muffin
Dinner= not yet, still early here in AK

oh and my caffine splurge, 1- 16 oz lattes ( no syrup of coco)

Hi Vanilla Sky,

As a college teacher, I'm going to focus on the school work. First, if there is anything I can do to help you with your papers/assignments, let me know. I'm a REALLY good editor. You can email to me, I'm sending you my email & I'll edit and send back to you. I can also help in other ways - finding resources/articles/sources of funding...

Can you tell me the courses you are taking? Are you near the end of the semester? How are you doing in the courses? Give me an idea of the college end of things & I'll help - I promise - I'm REALLY good at this stuff.

Lynn

Hi Vanilla Sky

My heart goes out for you! Being a mother myself, I know how you feel. I would never want to put my children in danger either. I think in the end, you will find what it is that you have to do. Follow your heart!

Having grown up with a mentally sick mother myself (luckily she wasn't violent with me), I completely understand that you do not want your son in the father's presence. Often, I wished somebody in my family would have helped us by forcing my mother to get treated. I have a lot of emotional baggage I've been dealing with in the last few years and probably will deal with it forever. No child should grow up with mentally ill parents who are not treated or who are dangerous. So you do what must be done to keep your child safe from that.

The other ladies here have given you great advice, so there's no need for me to help further on that. They have said it all!

Hang in there! I wish you all the best.

Lynn,
Just emailed you back but am only now reading your post, again THANKS I really apreaciate the offer and just might take you up on it. This summer will be a busy one, yes I'm at the end of a semester but am going to enroll full time for the summer, I'm signing up for one 4 week (3 credit) class and 3, 9 week classes. Those I may really need help in. right now I'm barely passing two of my classes PSY 111 ( intro to PSY), and HUMS 106 ( Intro to Welfare) the rest I'm doing good in.

flemay- thanks, I too have a mentally ill mom. Not all mentally people are unfit parents, its the type of mental illness he has, combimed with his chemical dependancy on llegal substances, as well as the extreme violence and unpredictability. He finds a thrill causing people pain too boot.

I guess I don't want people thinking I'm a nutty person going frantic over some little thing. It is a real threat, the Child Protective services won't even let him (my son's biological father) live in the same house with his siblings ( my ex 22 and his siblings still all young children and teens)

Vanilla Sky,

Would you believe I teach ed psych! Let me know what I can do - I didn't read my email yet - I always come here first.

Lynn

Hi Vanilla Sky,

I just checked my email. I do NOT see a post from you. I'm re-sending my address to you.

Lynn

I emailed you again, let me know if you get it.
The trouble I'm having in my PSY class is all the terms, there are so many. I really enjoy the class and wish I could take it when I didn't have so many other things going on. I'm really interested in that area and would have majored in Child Psycology if they offered it at any of the colleges in this state. PS. please excuse the spelling!!! I'm not the best.

Vanilla Sky,

I'm sorry about all the trouble you are having. I do not have quite the load you have but can relate to the parenting and going to school aspect. I work full-time, have 2 girls, my husband works nights (we pass each other going to work most days and talk on the phone more than in person some weeks), and go to school part-time. I am a history major and if you ever need any help with anything please let me know. Sometimes I feel like I would like to throw in the towel but if I wait long enough the feeling passes. The same with eating, if I put it on hold, it goes away. I too will say a prayer for you and your family.

Vanilla Sky: Just said a prayer for you; prayer works.

Thank you for your prayers! I am feelling better, not feeling as hopeless. I just need to get m eating back on schedule ( had 7 chocolate covered marshmellows in the last 12 hours)