overwhelmed and need help
 

I am a 33 yr old female who moved recently to start my first job. I was in grad school for a long time. I need to lose about 30 pounds and am very frustrated because I started running 2 months ago and I have lost nothing. I am having a hard time adjusting to a lot of things, including how to schedule my time for cooking and exercise and take care of myself. Being in a new place means I don't have many friends so I am hoping someone here will want to correspond with me. I've looked through some of the other threads but just get overwhelmed at the idea of just jumping into a discussion. I just don't even know where to begin. I want to give support also - just looking for a friend.

Hi! I know how you feel about being overwhelmed at the idea of jumping into the discussions already in progress here! I feel the same way. I'm still in college (summer school right now) and work 32-40 hours a week, so I can relate to not feeling like you have time to take care of yourself. I've been having trouble finding time to walk lately, so I'm thinking I might just have to start getting out of bed extra early in the morning and do it then. And I don't really know how much I need to walk and how often in order to get to my goal weight. Quite frustrating... How much do you run? And are you sure that the reason you haven't lost any weight isn't because you've gained muscle? My main problem right now is that I'm big on convenience as far as food goes.. I'm not much of a cook, nor do I really have extra money to burn on buying lots of different kinds of things required for most recipes. So.. I'd be happy to be a buddy :o)

I tried to run in the morning but it just didn't work for me as I am not a morning person and could not get myself out of bed, regardless of how much I knew I would enjoy it after being up. I run 3 to 4 times a week about 3-4 miles each time at a snails pace, literally. :) How much are you walking Kelbelle? Based on some advice I got, I am trying to get to 45 minutes minimum each time I go out - you may be able to use that as a guide with walking too. For now I am hoping that the lack of weight loss is due to muscle gain but eventually the scale has to move, right? I know what you mean about convenience. I don't cook for the most part - I prepare foods at best. I buy a lot of bagged salads and cooked chicken and frozen dinners. Do you go the fast food route or do you have places where you can by prepared food, like at a grocery store? btw - what are you studying in school and does your job entail any activity? I sit in front of a computer most of the day and hate it. It does nothing for weight loss either.

Thanks Sheila for the welcome. I will go check out the exercise thread too. You have miles in your signature - walking? running? biking?

Hi, and welcome! Glad you've found the best bunch of people for supporting your weight loss efforts. You don't say what you are eating - you'll have to include a weight loss food plan with the exercise to lose weight. The recommendation for weight loss is 1 hour a day 7 days a week...30 minutes will improve health. Unfortunately, exercise doesn't burn nearly as many calories as we think.

1 hour a day every day! I don't think my body or my schedule could handle that kind of frequency - definitely not running only. Is this recommendation exercise dependent or will any activity due?

I am not on a specific eating plan. I eat a lot of fruits and veggies and chicken. I don't do fast food. Right now I have a slim fast shake for breakfast and a frozen dinner with fruit for lunch. Dinner is usually a salad or chicken with veggies. I eat very little rice, pasta and bread to try and keep my carbs under control. Since I don't cook I really need easy to prepare or buy. I think that my basic diet is good. I do realize that I need to limit my 'indulgences' though but I am not sure how to do that since they are connected to emotions or being bored at work sitting in front of a computer. Any suggestions for good things to munch on at work or to do as a distraction?

Hi shyangel, KelBelle, Sheila, Susan - and anyone else!

shyangel - I just wanted to say hi. It sounds like it's an exciting time in your life - with the new job, new place to live, and new people. And probably a little stressful too. Is it a good job, and do you like it there?

I'm 'newish' here at the forum, but wanted to write and say hi. I've just turned 36, and I'm still in grad school actually - on my way to becoming a psychologist. I went back to university at 31 to study psychology, after working in the oil industry with accounting/cost/document control for several years.

Running 3-4 times a week sounds very good - but like Susan and Sheila say: it's also about the food plan - even when your basic diet is good. Have you ever tried to calculate how many calories you're eating?
That was my big aha-moment: I was completely stunned when I found out how many calories I ate on a daily basis. It's an ongoing process for me to learn how I best can eat while loosing weight.

Susan: exercise 1 hour a day 7 days a week for weight loss, you say? See, I didn't know that. I have been doing 30-35 minutes a day. Better to increase - huh? :D

As for sitting at the computer all day and being bored: I'm very interested in hearing if anybody has suggestions for good things to munch at work too! I'm mostly doing sugar free gum. And coffee. And water. And more coffee.

Good morning everyone.

mette - Exciting is one way to describe my life but I would say stressful is much better. The job is good but has turned out to not be a very good fit for me so I am not happy with it. I am already trying to figure out what I would do if I left here. I have learned that I need more activity at my job. I don't have the proper attention span for sitting at a desk by myself 8 hours a day. Congratulations on taking control of your life and going back to school. Psychology, a very noble profession.

I guess I should start a food diary and calculate the calories for a few days. I'll let you know how it goes. I had a dietician analyze my diet once and I was under 1200 calories and she said I was actually not eating enough food. Of course, if I binge on sweets all bets are off. What should I be aiming for as a calorie maximum? I know a little about WW and it seems to be flexible. i might give that a try.

Tip - I've read that nuts as a snack during the day is good.

I have a friend going through a similar life change right now. She has been in school most of her adult life and is now out of graduate school. She hardly knows how to operate without having tests and papers to write! I know how it feels to be in a job you don't like, too. It can feel very stressful, especially when you don't have alternatives lined up.

I posted about this site elswhere, but I'll mention it to you because it sounds like it may be a big help with your nutrition and exercise. The Discovery Health Channel has a really good support website for people trying to lose weight. They have a food log, journal, meal plans, exercise plans and lots of tips on weight loss, all customized for you based on weight, body fat %, weight loss goals, activity level, etc. The food log calculates calories and other nutritional information for you and compares it to your ideal caloric intake per day and per meal. I guess after a month you have to pay for it, but it might help you get started on your "journey". The address is: http://in2nutrition.com/discovery2/ Let me know if it's helpful!

I wouldn't mind having a buddy through this either. I am following the Sugar Busters program, which worked for me a few years ago. I just got complacent and slowly the weight crept back on, and then some. I've lost 8 lbs since 6/20/04 and I'm pretty please with that. I used to be a gym rat, jogging, yoga, weight-training, even did Aikido. I'd love to get back into exercising, so that's my next lifestyle goal. Please contact me any time you need support or just want to chat!

Cheers!

Hi guys! The Discovery Health Channel website sounds very helpful. Another one is Fitday.com at http://www.fitday.com/. Registering your food intake there makes counting calories much easier than the manual way! :D
I don’t’ think eating under 1200 calories is enough food, normally. I eat about 1500 calories a day (10.500 for the full week). I’m tall (5’11”) and weigh a lot (195) so my daily calorie requirement is about 2350.
Fitday.com / Discovery Health Channel can help you calculate how many calories you need everyday (depends on height, age, weight, activity level) – and then you can plan your eating and calorie intake from that.

I’ve never tried WW, so I can’t help you there. But there are a lot of people here that have – I’m sure they will help.

It’s the flexibility that I’m drawn to too – I allow myself to eat everything; I have no food I don’t eat (well, that’s not true – I don’t eat meat, but that has nothing to do with counting calories or loosing weight!).
What I have learnt is that when I eat cookies or chocolate during the day - dinner will be sparse! ;) Today I had café au lait and cookies during my break – so dinner will be tuna salad or something equally low in calories…
And it’s quite OK. At least I got the nice coffee and cookies! And I really like tuna salad – as long as I don’t have to eat it every day! :D

goofgirl - thanks for writing. I set up a profile in the Discovery Health program but will need to take some time later to really see what they have to offer. I should at least try to get some work done today. :)

I don't know much about Sugar Busters. Why did you choose it last time?

Congratulations on losing 8 pounds! Just think what you could do if you started to exercise again. Do you have any idea of what type of exercise you want to start with?

I ran last night (3 miles) with my running club. I felt awful but did the run anyways. My legs were like lead but I am happy to say that I finished the entire run. I have been very frustrated with my weight. I am hoping that there is something wrong with my scale. It seems to give odd readings since I moved, maybe I should try a new battery. The scale keeps saying I am gaining weight but my pants still fit so... I find that unless I lose a considerable amount of weight I don't notice the changes in my clothes. I need something to give me encouragement and positive reinforcement, hence the scale usually. I guess that should be my goal for this weekend is to figure out what is going on with the scale or get a new one.

Do you have any plans for this weekend? I am running in a 3 mile race Saturday in my town. My boyfriend is also coming home from 10 weeks out of state. I am just a tad nervous about seeing him again, which doesn't help me stay on a good diet. Of course, the holiday party on Sunday isn't going to help me lose weight but I need the day to have fun so I am not going to worry about it too much.

mette - are you on a specific 'diet' or do you just monitor your own eating?

It sounds great to have a running club – I would love to have a group of other people to run with. And even if you felt awful at first shyangel, how good that you finished!
And it probably wouldn’t hurt to try new batteries on your scale – it sounds a bit strange that the scale shows weight gain – when your pants still fit.

Hope you have a nice weekend – good luck on your race! (and the boyfriend ;))

I’m not on a specific diet. I have a history of yo-yo dieting, so this time I’m doing everything very slowly. I lost 35 pounds a year and a half ago, and have been maintaining the lower weight since. I started up again with a new “loosing-weight-period” this spring – and will do that until November (a 6 month period is usually enough for me – I get sick and tired and bored with limits after a while). Then I will maintain the new weight for a while.
I’m slowly learning how to eat – how to eat enough fruits and vegetables, how to eat enough protein, fiber, etc.

As for exercising - I work out a little every day: jogging 2 or 3 days a week, lifting weights 3 days a week, and some hiking, Pilates, or yoga during the weekends.
I do want to join a gym eventually – and I want to learn how to lift weights properly – have instructors telling me how, etc. I’m sort of planning to make that a goal for next semester: to join a gym.

Thanks mette - I think I need more luck with the boyfriend :o than the race (my only hope is to finish the race). If you can find someone to run with a highly recommend it. There are more clubs around than you might think. Running with a group helps motivate me on the days I am not so sure I feel like running, like yesterday.

Congratulations on the 35 pounds already lost. I admire your will power and patience in the weight loss battle. I like your idea of being more 'restrictive' for periods of time and then maintaining. Maybe if I looked at it that way I would not feel so overwhelmed. It's not even dinner yet and I have already consumed about 800 calories. Yikes! Worse yet, I am going out to dinner to celebrate a friend's birthday. I guess I am starting to learn why I have not lost any weight.

On that note - everyone have a great weekend.

Hello Shyangel and welcome. I am no expert but it seems like you are trying to do too many things at once. Concentrate on one behavior at a time. It's hard to juggle, work, exercise, cooking, and being lonely. Take things one day at a time. You may want to get settled into your job and get that going before you try organizing the rest of your life. Running is good, great stress relief. Stress in itself is enough to stop weight loss, take long hot baths or showers, massage your feet, journal, listen to relaxing music, do what helps you de-stress. God Bless and good luck.

Saturday! Yey!
 

Just checking in at the start of the weekend to wish everybody wonderful weekends!

See! That’s exactly what I found too!
But at least – when you find out why you’re not loosing weight, you can modify what you’re doing!

And thanks for the tip about finding some organized form of running. I’ll look around for that. I’m always looking for things that will make exercising easier for me since I find it difficult to keep up the motivation. The eating is easier – probably because I still eat enough at 1500 calories and because I do it for a limited period; I know that when November comes I will eat more again.
I have a really simple exercise plan now – as a starting point – it includes a little cardio (jogging 2 mornings a week for 30 minutes) and lifting weights (an easy program, all dumbbells). But I want to expand this program as I get in better shape, and to go for longer runs – in the evening, with other people – would be a great expansion! :D

So: great weekends everybody!

Good morning ladies! Hope everyone is having a nice holiday weekend so far.

Shyangel, did you have a chance to explore the Discovery Health Channel site? Sounds like you were able to log some of your food in. It can be a real eye-opener when you realize what you're really consuming, huh? FYI, I got a recommendation from another gal here for a site, www.fitday.com which also allows you to log food and activities, and creates charts and graphs to illustrate your progress. I would say it's not quite as sophisticated and in-depth as the other site, but it's free and would also be a good tool.

Some day I would like to start running again. Right now I think I'm too heavy for it to be comfortable. I am "well endowed" and even when I was thin, had to wear 2-3 bras and sports bras to keep it all under control! ha ha ha... I also was in a motorcycle accident several years ago and have developed arthritis in my left knee because of my injuries, and plantarfaschitis in my left foot, which is just always in pain. I'll probably try to get some physical therapy for it and maybe I can run again. I used to a couple of years ago and really loved it.

My success for this week was that I finally went back to the gym yesterday afternoon! It felt wonderful. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine and then some stretching. I have a heartrate monitor, so I wore that to make sure I wasn't exercising too hard, which they say is important for weight loss. Have you heard any of those theories? Maybe that's what's going on, the jogging is too intense and not helping you lose weight? Just an idea. I plan on lifting weights today, and maybe more cardio. I'll take Sunday off and go back on Monday. I will start planning out my exercise routine like I plan out my food, so I'm prepared when I get there and know exactly what I'm there to do.

Went out to dinner with the boyfriend last night. I substituted broccoli for the baked potato, and he did too because he didn't want to torture me. What a guy, huh? :-)

What are everyones plans for the Fourth?

Hi Everyone.

Just a quick note as I am heading out to Cape Cod for the holiday weekend with my 'boyfriend'. It should be an interesting time - more on that later.

praytherosary822 - you are right that I need to make time to relax. Unfortunately most of the things I am doing I can't eliminate. I have been at my job for a few months now and just don't like it. There isn't much I can do about it, except look for another job I suppose. I am trying to concentrate on my health right now to try and get some control of my life again. Thanks for the support.

mette - I can't believe about the calories, but you are right that after the holiday I can really look at my diet (get a few days of calorie counts) and see how I can improve it. Thanks for the tip. btw - I ran a 5k race today with my running club. I can't encourage you enough to find a group if you can, or start one. :D I never keep up with the people but still love the support and group feeling.

goofgirl - I looked at the DC site a little and was overwhelmed. It could be a fulltime job getting everything set up. I have gotten some good information out of it already (e.g. list of nutritous foods) and plan on checking it out more when I get home next week. I really need to site down at home one evening and devote some time to revamping my eating. I'll also check into the fitday site.

Congratulations on your workout! Did you lift weights today? I have dumbells at home and plan on putting lifting back into my exercise routine to try and raise my metabolism some. mette - you said you used dumbells, what exercises do you do? goofgirl - do you use machines at the gym?

I have heard that if you want to lose weight you need to be between 60-80% of your max heart rate (or something like that) and you need to maintain it for at least 30-45 minutes. The first 15 minutes burn sugar/glycogen I think and then the body gets to fat if you are consistently up in your target heart rate zone. Does any of that sound about right? I am trying to exercise at least 45 minutes but usually only get 30-35. Better than nothing, right?

Wish me luck with my boyfriend at the Cape this weekend. It was a little bit of a surprise and I'm not sure how I feel about it (or him for that matter right now). goofgirl - you seem to have a great boyfriend. Does he have a brother? :lol:

Be back Monday night - have great weekends!

Hey there!

Hope everyone has had/is having a great 4th. I had an interesting food experience today. I went to a bbq this afternoon. I made some healthy vegitarian chili (with cashews in it... I know, it sounds strange, but it's really good!) and figured I would ease up on myself and have the usual fare. So, I had a hamburger on a white bun, macaroni salad, broccoli salad with lots of dressing on it, a small piece of steak, and some of my chili. It was about a small plateful. Anyway, after eating I got the worst stomach pains, and 6 hours later, my stomach still feels in knots. What a mistake! I'm following Sugar Busters, so I haven't eaten any white bread, potatoes, pasta, sugar, etc. in two weeks and that little bit I had really made me feel awful. I guess it just goes to show how much that stuff really affects us, we just get used to eating it every day. I was down another two pounds this morning; it will be interesting to see how my eating today affects that.

shyangel: I know it's not any of my business, but I'm really interested about this "boyfriend" situation and your weekend trip... ;) Give us the scoop! :) I didn't end up at the gym yesterday, I ended up spending like an hour and a half shopping for groceries and I figured that was enough for one day. My gym was open part of the day today, so I went this morning. 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, and then I did some weightlifting, back and chest. I typically use a combination of machines and free weights to work all muscle groups. A good book for beginning weights is "Weightlifting for Dummies." They describe different exercises for all the major muscle groups, have illustrations to show you how to do them, and help for setting up your own routine depending on your goals. It was so funny (and kinda sad) because I used to be able to bench-press almost 100 lbs. Today I did 3 sets of 15 chest presses with 3 lb. dumbells and thought I was gonna die! :lol:

Anyway, hope y'all had a good weekend and talk to you soon!

Monday
 

Hi guys.

Jessica - sorry to hear about your motorcycle accident, but what in the world is plantarfaschitis?
Good for you that you got back to the gym! I'm starting on my 4th week of exercising everyday today - and I feel really good about it.
I really agree with you that it's about planning out the exercise routine in the same way as planning out the food. It makes everything so much easier.

Shyangel - congratulations on the race! It actually sounds like fun - I think I must look into any local races where I live too. As for dumbbells and lifting, I recommend this wonderful site by Krista: http://www.stumptuous.com/weights.html
Everything she writes is really good. I use one of her workouts - the one that's called " all dumbbells! all the time!". The exercises are easy and effective!
(And I'm with Jessica: what's with the boyfriend???? ;))

Congratulations on loosing another 2 pounds this week Jessica - I did too!!
My total weight loss is now 50 pounds off!!! Yey!!! :D

Everybody have a great Monday!

I just wanted to let you all know that I was back from my weekend. I will write tomorrow with all the details about my boyfriend and this weekend. The short story is that as of now he is still my boyfriend. The teaser is that on Wednesday he may not be.

How did everyon'e weekend end up? It sounds like everyone is has been doing really well. All I know is that I tested my scale and there doesn't seem to be a problem with it reading the right weight. I guess it means I really have gained weight. :(

For the record then I am 'starting' my 'new lifestyle' (not diet) at 187 pounds. This does not make me happy since a year ago I was about 171 pounds and 3 months ago before I started running I was 184ish. I'm going in the wrong direction.

Have a great Tuesday!

Hi guys,

I'm glad everyone had a good weekend!

Mette- Congrats on losing the two pounds! It's so cool to watch the scale go down for once, isn't it? I'm a little concerned about my indulgence yesterday, but when I think about it, a normal "festive" meal for me would have been what I ate PLUS a hot dog, potato chips, a couple of cookies and a brownie or two (or three...) so in cases like that, just eating in moderation is much better than over indulging, right? For the record, I misspelled what is wrong w/ my foot: it's plantarfaciitis, and basically it affects the tendon that spans from your heal to your big toe on the bottom of your foot. The tendon gets stretched in a weird way or gets little tears on it that are very painful. Usually it goes away w/ rehab, but I've had it for like 2 years and am considering maybe seeing about having surgery on it. By the way, thank you so much for the website recommendation for women weightlifting. I spent a good deal of time today reading through everything and was very inspired! Did the gym again today, 20 minutes on the elliptical machine, plus did one of the routines from the website. I think I'm going to be super sore from the squats. Yikes!!

Shyangel: Welcome back! Please let us know about your weekend when you have a chance to write. Sounds interesting. I'm glad (however bittersweet) that you found out your scale is working correctly. At least you know where you stand. Don't feel bad. I have never owned a scale, so I bought one that measures body fat. First time I stood on it I weighed slightly over 200 lbs. That is my highest weight ever. That scared me, I guess, and that's why I'm here. 190, 45 more to go (at least). Bodyfat wise, I'm at 39%. At my fittest I was at about 17%. Ah, the good old days!! ;)

Have a great night everyone. Talk to you soon!

Hi girls -

'New lifestyles' all around then! ;) And - isn't it a funny coincident that the three of only vary 6 pounds weightwise? (OK - the difference being that you are on your all time high and I'm on my way down from a lot more. Ah, well. Not important.)

Jessica - the plantarfaciitis sounds painful and awful (no matter how you spell it - I still didn't know what it was). Hope it gets better.
And yes, aren't Krista's pages about women and weight lifting great? I love them too.

I'm a bit down today. I talked to a girlfriend on the phone yesterday about a couple of friends of us who had lost a lot of weight recently - one on Atkins, the other on WW - but now they both apparently have gained all the weight they lost and then some.
We ended up talking about how all the people we know of, who have lost weight at one time or another (me included), have not been able to keep it off. It's really discouraging. I know hardly anyone in real life who has lost weight and kept it off.
And I know that the way I lose weight: lose weight for a limited period, and then maintain - lose weight again, and then maintain, is a good approach and increases my chances of maintaining the weight loss. But still. The chances of success are not very big.

But it does help that I'm feeling better in my body when the weight comes off - so at least it's not all hard work: there are some good feelings too!
Ah, well.
Have a good day everybody - I'll see if I can find some coffee! :coffee:

Good morning!

Jessica - I had problems with my arches once and luckily a lot of massage and physical therapy did the trick. I'm sorry it's not working for you. Good job on not letting it stop you from exercising, although without the right treatment is it making it worse? I think you did fine over the weekend with your eating. you can't do anything about the past so just concentrate on the choices you are making today. If you want to keep the weight off you have to live your life and that means small indulgences once in a while.

You are all inspiring me to get to my weights tonight. I think I'll check out that website and do one of the routines. I'll let you know.

mette - I'm sorry you are feeling down today. Anything we can do? I know all too well how that feels. Losing weight can be very frustrating but you are an individual and this time is different for you than any other time. Don't risk sabotaging your efforts by worrying about keeping the weight off. Right now you seem to be doing everything right and taking things slowly. Be proud of your accomplishments and just take it one day at a time. I thinkit's great that you feel better. I know that one of the reasons that I keep running is because I like running and being with the people in my club. If I only did it to lose weight I would probably have stopped a month ago. Remeber that the journey is as important as the destination. Enjoy!

Now, what to tell you about my boyfriend situation....I am almost 34 (July 20) and he is 39. He has never been married and a little emotionally distant. He just returned from 10 weeks of work training that kept him out of state. :( We have been together for 8 months and prior to his new job (3 months ago) he was talking about having children, moving in together, etc. Lately he is even more distant (maybe scared) but does not talk to me about it. I 'put up with' the detachment while he was training but now that he is home it is time to put up or shut up from him. I have trust issues too but I can't be with someone who can't communicate with me and be supportive of my life and feelings. My friends say I have the patience of a saint with him but I love him and am scared to throw the relationship away in case I am right and he is the one (maybe I just need to be a little more patient).

The question is: he knows we need to talk but I doubt he will bring it up so it is up to me. He came home Saturday night and things were fine but then he basically ignored me at the holiday party we went to on Sunday at his sister's house. How long do I give him before I initiate talking? You can imagine that this emotional turmoil is not good for my eating and exercising as I am upset more than I should be. I should say that he is a great guy in almost every other way and I don't really doubt that he cares about me, I just don't know if he is ready to show it as much as I need. Am I being too needy? Why do relationships have to be so difficult?

That's the short version of the story - I'll take any comments or suggestions as I am at my wits end with him. Sorry for the extra long post. How is everyone's Tuesday going?

Hi girls,

Mette: Hope your feeling better now. Being one of those who wasn't able to keep the weight off, I know how you feel. I'm hoping I can bring what I learned from that experience to my current efforts and not repeat the same mistakes. Maybe you can learn from your friends and avoid ending up where they are. You are worth all the effort you're putting into your fitness. We all are. Sometimes we just need a reminder of that!

Shyangel: I think I'm going to send you another reply about your boyfriend situation when I have more time to write. I'll share some of my experiences in similar situations and maybe that will help you with what you're going through. Thank you for the advice about my foot. I think if I were to start running again, it would definitely aggrivate it, but I'm staying on the elliptical for now because there is no impact. I should probably give physical therapy another try.

Hope everyone's having a great day. I'm home for lunch so I need to wrap it up and get back to the grind. Ick.

Hi again,

shyangel – thank you for encouraging words – I do feel a bit better now. And you’re absolutely right; it is about keeping the focus on the here and now, one day at a time and all that. I’m usually good at remembering to see the good stuff, but once in a while I just get a bad day. It was good that you reminded me! Thanks. :smug:
I know maintaining is sometimes hard, but once again – I think it’s also about planning, and about being prepared. To eat right, to exercise regularly – for me those things come down to planning, and that’s what maintaining is about too. And – again – I already know this, I have already done this – but sometimes I just forget. Stupid. Ah, well.

Jessica - yes - that's what I want too: learn from experience and not repeat the same mistakes. But I really need to find out how I can do that - sometimes I'm not so sure what happened.

Now – about the boyfriend situation, and the eternal question: “Why do relationships have to be so difficult?” Yeah. I want to know that too. It should be easier!

I don’t think it’s about being too needy. I think when someone thinks they’re too needy in a relationship (and I know I have) – they’re really not getting what they need out of the relationship. That’s my take on that issue. And to fix it – well, of course – that’s where the talking comes in. Being able to tell each other what you need. It’s really the hard part – at least for me. (And yeah – I’m single right now, did I mention that? I’m probably not even suitable to give advice or comments about relationships at this stage! :p )

But if he – as a type – is a bit distant, it sounds logical that he’ll get even more distant when things get difficult between you. Do you think that he ignored you at the party, because he didn’t want to talk with you about your relationship?
I suppose the question then is: Do you think he doesn’t want to talk about it for a reason – or is it just that he doesn’t like to talk about “things like that”?
It’s sounds complicated, and I can understand why you're stressed out about it. He sounds like a nice guy too; he cares about you, and you about him
So you need to talk to him about it, and sooner is probably better than later. Do you see him every day? Hope things turn out OK for you shyangel! If there’s anything we can do, just let us know.

This became a long and rather rambling entry – sorry about that – and I’m done now. Hope everybody is having a great Tuesday. :D

...On Relationships (Long!)
 

Oh mette! You beat me to the punch with shygirl's boyfriend situation. You really made a lot of great points that I will probably reiterate in this post. Shygirl, I was married when I was 20. Ok, that's probably not a good way to start because I'm might not be the best person to give relationship advice but, I digress...! We were together for 2 years, married for 10 months. Yup. He was much like you describe your current beau. Kind, intelligent, together, but distant, and it was difficult to get into his head. He was also not terribly affectionate or empathetic. These particular traits became magnified after we were married. I knew I wasn't getting what I needed from the relationship before we were married, but I think I wanted it to work out and wanted to love him so badly, I overlooked it. I became miserable. Long story less long, he ended up having an affair and we divorced. I don't blame his affair for our divorce, I simply believe we weren't giving each other what we needed emotionally and he found it elsewhere. :p

Fast forward 6 years (and several relationships later...) I met a man who, on paper seemed absolutely perfect for me. Exact same interests, not bad looking, good sense of humor, made lots of money, well educated, blah blah blah... We dated for 3 months. At the end of the relationship, we had this very long, like 4 hour long, break up conversation where, to his credit, he made several great observations about how we loved and needed to be loved differently. I'm warm and nurturing. He got very distant when not feeling well. I'm easy-going and mushy. He was very literal and emotionally and physically disengaged. We both loved each other, but it was love that was expressed in the wrong way for both of us. At the end I felt pretty much the same way I'd felt with my ex. Drained, sad, but a little relieved. I came to realize that I'm only "needy" when I'm with someone not giving me what I need. I guess that's my whole point in this ramble. It's miserable to love someone but wish the entire time that they would love you back in a different way than they do.

With all that said, I have met someone wonderful for me. We've been together 8 months as well, and communicate and click emotionally like we've been best friends for years. Not all of our interests are the same, sometimes we just put up with each other, but we can talk, we can snuggle, we can make fun of each other and not be hurt; he gives me what I need in my heart. To me, a relationship doesn't get much better than that. :D

I think I've taken up my alotment of space here, so I'll just end by saying that you deserve to be happy, and comfortable with who you are and what you need, here, in this effort to lose weight and be healthy, and in your relationship, emotionally. Does that make sense? I hope that all gives you a little perspective. It's a little hard to go into personal stuff, but I just wish you the best! Thanks for letting me ramble!! :)

frustrated still
 

mette - I'm glad you are feeling a little better. Today is a new day!

Jessica - Have you been able to identify what happens when you gain weight? When I moved recently I gained 15 pounds 'without reallly realizing it' and can't believe it took me eight months to put a stop to it and try and do something about it. I still haven't quite figured out what I need to do, but at least I think I stopped the weight gain. Luckily I think I figured out why I was gaining so I could take some control. If the next step (losing) was as easy I would be all set. :lol:

Boyfriend...thanks for your help and support on this issue. It has been quite a trying time. The fact that I don't have high self-esteem and hate my body doesn't help the situation as I am partially afraid that no other man will ever want me.

We are both bad communicators but I am at the end of my rope. I want to talk but cannot pin him down to when I am going to see him next. He works 12 hours a day (evenings), 5 days a week so I don't see him much at all and we talk about 5 minutes a day when he works (nothing too deep and meaningful). I don't think he ignored me at the party because he was afraid of talking. I think he may have been a little self conscious about being with me with all of these people he did not know (he is really insecure inside). He did keep an eye on me all night and finally talked to me near the end when he was a little drunk. To be fair, he did ask me twice if everything was alright and I chickened out and just said fine. Shame on me. In general he doesn't talk about 'emotional stuff' too easily. I guess all I can do is wait until I see him again.

Thanks again for your support. I'll keep you updated. Jessica - congratulations on finding a great guy.

What's going on today for everyone?

Jessica – glad to hear you’ve got a wonderful boyfriend! I know the good guys are out there too, even if I’m not looking for one right now. (It’s still good to know, you know?)

shyangel – I know what you mean about gaining weight without realizing it. Suddenly it’s just there: 20 extra pounds! Huh? What happened? Gaining weight unconsciously? Oh yes!

Wish you all the best with the boyfriend.

My day today is a good one. Did I tell you guys that I have the best job for the summer? (Yes, I’m a student – I don’t really have the all-year-type-job! :D) This summer I got a research scholarship so I’m spending my summer doing research. I’m working on a study on depression, body image, self-injury, and attitudes toward sexuality in local 16-years-olds. And everything I do on this project interests me. I’m learning a lot about research methods, about the technicalities – but also about relevant psychological theories.
Personally, I haven’t decided yet whether I want work as a researcher or clinician when I finish my degree. And I applied for the scholarship to learn more about the research part, I have already had some clinical experience - with more to come. And so far everything seems interesting! I think I want to do both the scientific and clinical parts.
And it’s really nice to be so enthusiastic about what I’m doing – my jobs during all those years I was working before I went back to university were never anything to get very enthusiastic about.

So today I’ve been working on statistical parts of the data-material. It may sound really boring to anybody else, but I got really excited about some new variables – and when I tried to tell a friend about it… Heh. Well, I see that not everybody is as excited by statistics as I am! :D
But I have good friends: they let me rant when I need to!

How are you guys doing so far today?

Hope everyone's having a great Wednesday. Having Monday off from work was great because this week seems to be flying by. It will be the weekend again in no time!

Shyangel: What happens when I gain weight? Well, I think after being so active and fit a couple of years ago, I decided to quit smoking. I told myself I could eat whatever I wanted because I was going through such a big thing with the smoking. I couldn't very well deprive myself of EVERYTHING, right? So, I rewarded myself with things like Frappucinos from Starbucks, let myself eat the goodies people brought in to work, etc. Well, the quitting thing only lasted a month, but I kept eating whatever I wanted. I think I stopped going to the gym because I was to the point where I was going 6 days a week for like 2 hours each time. I pushed myself too hard, then got burned out. I told myself I'd just take a month off, then never went back. Recently, I experienced the unnoticed 20 lb. weight gain. How does that happen?! Why don't we notice when it's happening? We just stop wearing our jeans, because somewhere deep down we know they aren't going to fit. I don't know! I think that happened because Mike and I started dating, and food, cooking, having dinner together, shopping for groceries, going out to dinner, all were such an important part of our relationship. Both of us were making really bad food choices and over-indulging. We were like partners in crime. Finally I just asked him if I were to start eating better and "dieting" if he would be ok with that. He lets me plan our meals and prepare the food. He does the cleanup. It's really worked out and I hope both of us benefit from it.

Mette- I'm so jealous that you've gone back to school! I've gotten stuck in the rut of working a job that I don't really enjoy so that I can support myself, but it doesn't leave any time or flexibility for school. I majored in psychology too and am about a year away from my Bachelor's degree. I have friends who are done with grad school now and I'm so proud of them. I know someday I'll finish (when I win the lottery!) I'm one of those weird people who loved statistics too. It's fascinating. Congrats on your great summer job. Let us know what you find out in your research. It sounds really interesting!

Hi everybody –

Jessica – no wonder you burned yourself out when you went to the gym 6 times a week. I can relate to the black/white and all/nothing thing though; it’s difficult to find a balance sometimes. But it sounds like you’re doing much better now. And – about your recent changes in eating better – it’s really good you and Mike are doing it together.

To stop smoking is a massive change in one’s everyday life! And for a lot of us it does bring along a lot of eating and weight-gain. I quit smoking 8 years ago – and I put on a lot of weight. It took me a year or so before I was back to normal and could start loosing some of it. I am *never* taking up smoking again – there’s no way am I going through that again!

And yeah – I’m really glad I went back to school – I was way too miserable with my job. It took me some time do decide to do it – it was a bit scary, especially the “not being paid every month” part. You know: being a student and having no money again. What I figured was that one day I would be 40 years old (it seemed far away back then when I was 31 ;) ), and I asked myself: do I want to be a psychologist when I’m 40, or do I want to still work in jobs I don’t like all that much?
I had this mental image of myself being miserable for the rest of my life because I was too chicken to actually make the changes I needed. So I quit my job, moved here and went back to school. I have never regretted it, and I would warmly recommend it to everybody!
It’s one of the things I’m proud of, you know? One of those hard decisions that I made because I knew it was right. Hard yes, difficult yes – but right doesn’t equal easy.
I guess weight-loss is a lot like that too. :D

Take care!

hey there
 

Can you believe it is Thursday already? I don't know where this week went - not that I'm complaining. :D

mette - I am glad yesterday was a better day for you. You sound better today too. Your job does sound fascinating. I love learning about people. I am a researcher for my job. I do biomechanics and occupational safety though (industrial and systems engineer). It's not as cool as what you're doing, but I definitely get to work with people and stats. I have a grad degree in math also. I love numbers. Good luck with the job and definitely keep us updated.

Jessica - are you still smoking? It does sound like you are in a much better place. More kudos to your boyfriend for making this healthy change with you. Maybe next you'll have to seriously look at your job situation. I just got out of grad school last year and am still trying to figure out if this is the right job for me. I would rather be doing a lot of other things but they won't all pay the bills. I have to eat - right. :lol:

Today has been a pretty good day for me. My boyfriend called on his way to work at 7am. It was a nice way to wake up. Work hasn't sucked today either. My latest (continuing) problem is being really frustrated with not losing any weight or feeling better in my clothes. I checked out my eating and I'm not sure what else I could do.

Breakfast - slimfast shake (when I am done with the ones I bought I'll move to something better)

Lunch - salad (fat-free dressing) and fruit

Snacks (if needed) - nuts or more fruit

Dinner - fruit (see a pattern?) and a frozen dinner (Smart Ones) or a meat with veggies

I don't eat pasta at home or bread so usually dinners are mostly protein, cheese, and veggies

I know it is the same old song (sorry), but if I don't get some positive physical reinforcement soon I am afraid I might give up. I even tried measuring and in a month and a half no positive changes (maybe even negative ones). :(

Sorry - today couldn't be all good. Thanks for letting me vent.

shyangel – your job sounds interesting, I read up on occupational safety last semester when I wrote a (short) research paper about organizational psychology – but it was more directed toward psychological harassment, bullying, etc. It’s quite a combination: biomechanics and occupational safety – how does that work?
Good to hear both you and Jessica like numbers and statistics – I’ll report back on my findings later! :D

And: yes - a very nice way to wake up for you today! Good for you!

So your eating today – is this what a typical day look like for you? Do you know how many calories this amount to? And how the carb/protein distribution looks?

I know we all are different etc. etc. But I’m looking at how you’re eating and can’t understand that you’re not starving for the first half of your day. Just shakes, fruits and salads all day?
If it was for me, I would suggest a lot more complex carbs and protein at the start of the day – breakfast and lunch. You know: oatmeal with skimmed milk, müsli with yogurt, dark bread with cheese, Lanaii1’s oatmeal pancake (see http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=42517), etc.
You seem to choose good dinners – veggies and protein. Do you eat fish at all?

I get that positive physical reinforcement would be good! Your eating looks very good – so it’s a bit strange that you’re not loosing weight but gaining instead. I can only say what I’ve said before: check your calories! Do a couple of days, maybe a week: weigh all your food, enter everything in fitday/whatever.
And you’re always welcome to vent! :)
I really believe that it’s about analyzing what’s going on with your intake and outtake of calories, shyangel! (But then, I have a strong belief in the scientific method of counting calories in and out! I like numbers! :D )

We can figure out how you can loose the weight, shyangel - just get us all the data we need! ;)

Hi guys,

Happy Thursday! Actually work has been downright crappy today. It started out with getting my a** chewed out at 8:05 a.m. by a guy who is a supervisor in the same department I'm in but in another jurisdiction. I work in Building and Safety for city government, and his wife had come in yesterday to get a permit. Well, she supplied me with the wrong info and this guy blamed me for the fact that they didn't get all the permits they needed. I'm telling you, I'm SO glad that guy isn't my boss. Anyway, that was extremely unpleasant. I also forgot my glasses and although I'm not blind or anything, everyone more than 5 feet away just looks like a blur, like on those "Cops" shows when they don't want to show peoples faces. It's been annoying.

Yes, I still smoke. I know it's a horrible habit, my grandmother and Mike's dad both died of emphasema, so I know what the ultimate outcome is. I just can't go through the pain of quitting again right now and until I'm REALLY ready to do it, I know I won't be successful. I guess we can all relate to that for different reasons.

Maybe it would be good for us to post our food for the day for each other, just for a while so that we can help shygirl with her nutrition (and we can all get ideas). I can't help but think maybe you aren't eating ENOUGH, which is causing your metabolism to slow down, especially since you're running. I know it sounds strange, but I have heard that can happen. Also doing Sugar Busters, I would be concerned about the amount of fruit you eat in a day. It's fructose, but still sugar and might be causing a jump in your insulin. Just a couple of thoughts, for what they're worth.

So far today, I've had:

Breakfast: homemade protein shake w/ 1 cup 1% milk, vanilla whey protein powder, 2 tsp. natural peanut butter
Snack: Whole wheat english muffin w/ hardboiled egg, 1 whole, 1 white only
Lunch: 1 cup cabbage soup with veggies and ground turkey in it

Afternoon snack will be: Either rye crackers w/ cheese, hummus or almond butter
Dinner will be: Turkey chop salad w/ bleu cheese and olive oil and vinegar dressing
Probably a sugar free popsicle for dessert.

Thank you both for the advice on my job. August 30th is my 5 year anniversary with the City and I just feel like I'm meant to do something else. I'm a homeowner now, so that steady paycheck has become more and more important. It's a whole other subject, but I get absolutely no support from my family on the idea of going back to school. That makes it extra difficult because in my family, you're practically viewed as a freak to get a college education. Some day I may just need to give them the finger and do whatever I want despite what they think. I guess again, it comes down to self-esteem and making the decision that's right for me, which can be remarkably difficult some times.

Anyway, hope everyone has a great day. Talk to you soon!

The weekend is almost here! Yey!
 

Sorry you had a crap day at work yesterday Jessica - but at least today is FRIDAY! :smug:

Heh. :D

I don't think there's a smoker alive who doesn't know the health risks involved in smoking - it doesn't mean a thing. I totally agree with you Jessica: there's no point in trying to quit until you're ready. And I'm sure you'll get there!!!

Good point about the fruits in shyangel's diet. See - this is where it's useful that we're doing different food plans - I hadn't considered that.

This breakfast shake you're making, Jessica: does it taste good - and how filling is it? (How long until you get hungry again?) I have been making smoothies as snacks in the evenings sometimes; they're not enough for breakfast or a meal for me. I wonder whether other shakes can count as food!?! ;)
Your food plan looks really good to me - do you have any idea of how many calories that is? Have you ever tried counting?

As for my foodplan: Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast: oatmeal w/cinnamon, banana, skimmed milk.
Lunch: homemade bread w/low fat cheese, red peppers. 1 apple.
Dinner: white fish (cod), spinach-stew, vegetables.
Strawberries & skimmed milk for dessert.
Evening: rye crackers w/ avocado.
Sum: 1430 calories.

I understand the importance of a steady pay check when you're a homeowner (congratulations!). And no understanding from your family doesn't make it any easier to go back to school either. But I'm sure the self-esteem will come - and then you'll make the decisions you need to make. :smug:

Hope everyone is having a really good Friday!

Hi Mette,

I added up the food I ate yesterday. I ended up not having a snack after lunch, but I did have some non-fat yogurt and blueberries after dinner. It added up to about 850 calories, plus 2 cups of coffee w/ half and half, so I'd say about 900 calories for the day. That was actually a very low day for me. I try to stay around 1100-1400 a day. Last week and the week before, I did log in everything I ate to both the Discovery Health Channel and fitday.com, just to get an idea of what my intake was. I'm trying not to obsess too much at this point, but it was interesting to see how low my intake was Yesterday. The shake turned out to be the highest in calories and fat, coming in at almost 300 calories and 11 grams of fat. I normally have oatmeal or whole shredded wheat cereal, or the ww english muffin with the eggs, but I was in a hurry. It kept me pretty full for a couple of hours, plus it was such a busy day at work I didn't have time to think about food. I ate my snack at about 11 a.m., and lunch at 1:30. It really works for me to have several (up to 6) small meals throughout the day.

Hope everyone has a good Friday. Yay! And I get paid today too, which is always a bonus. Keep your fingers crossed for me that today is better. Oh, and that guy who yelled at me on the phone? He came into my office at the end of the day yesterday, apologized and told my boss what a great job I'm doing. Can you SEE the confused look on my face??! Anyway, it was a nice way to end the day, I guess. Talk to you later!

Hi Everyone. I am sorry I haven't written but things here are have been so hectic. I am actually just going out the door to go "talk with the boyfriend". I am very nervous but know it needs to be done. I hope you all are well and I will write more soon when I have a moment to catch my breath.

Take care and enjoy weekend!

Just checking in at the start of the weekend:

Jessica – yes, 800 calories sounds terribly low (to me anyway) – it’s about half of what I’m eating (averaging on 1500). 1100-1400 sounds much better. And how funny that the guy came back and apologized! I bet that doesn’t happen every day, huh?

shyangel – wish you all the best with the “boyfriend talk”. I’m sure you’ll do great!

I started Saturday off with some jogging. The weather was nice, but on some days I have trouble finding my rhythm (for lack of a better word) when I’m jogging. To day I spent most of my trip working hard just to relax my breathing and lower my shoulders.
I’m so out of shape!
But at least I’m working on it, right??? :^:

Morning gals,

BF let me sleep in this morning until about 8 a.m. He always gets up first and usually leaves the bedroom door open so I get bombarded by the cats who have been locked out all night. He kept them out this morning and I was able to get lots of rest. I think I needed it after the week I had at work! I have an appointment to get my hair done this afternoon. Right now my hair is VERY blonde from too many times of coloring it myself, and I'm getting sick of it. So, I'm having it colored hopefully closer to my natural color, and cut. I'm not even sure how short or what style, I'm just looking for a change. I tend to be more adventurous with my hair and if I'm going to a good salon, I'll just trust the stylist and let them do their thing. I'm excited. Tomorrow I take my kitten in to have him neutered. Poor little guy. But he's starting to get aggressive with the other cats and just out of control in general, and this should mellow him out.

Shyangel: I hope all goes well with the boyfriend. I know how difficult and sometimes grueling those "talks" can be. I'll think good thoughts for you! ;)

Mette: Yes, it's absolutely wonderful that you're jogging. Doing even a little has to be better than not making an effort at all. :cp: I think, with my knee and foot problems, that running at this weight would just be too much for me. :faint: I look forward to being able to after shedding 20 or 30 lbs. maybe, and taking shyangel's advice and go back to physical therapy. I think my eating was better yesterday, if for no other reason than we had pork chops for dinner, so I'm sure I consumed a bit more calories there.

Wanted to tell you guys about another good site I found; it was a link from that female body builder site that mette told us about. The address is: http://www.hussman.org/fitness/index.htm
It's very involved but really spells out nutrition, fitness, and weightlifting in an in-depth manner. Takes a while to get through all the information, but I would recommend checking it out.

Hope you guys are having a great weekend so far. Let me know how you're doing! :D

By the way, I just weighed myself an lost two more pounds! I'm at 188. Thank god!!! :cb:

Hi Ladies.

I'm sorry I have been so busy but I have been thinking about you two. On Monday I will start logging in all of my food and posting it (I promise not to cheat if you promise not to laugh at some of the weird foods I eat :dizzy: ). I am planning on going to the store though and getting more protein as mette suggested. Right now I hate to reduce the fruit because I love it so much and there are really only two months that I can get lots of good fruit each year.

mette - keep up the good work with the jogging, every little bit does make a difference. As one who started jogging fairly recently, and at a high weight, I can tell you that you do get better at it and in no time you will be running all you want. I can't believe that I can run for a whole hour at a time considering how I started.

goofgirl - are things going better? I am so happy for you that that guy apologized. Not as good as him not saying anything in the first place, but you must have felt a little better after he came back. As for your exercise, do what you can. There are so many types of exercise. If you pick something that hurts or you don't like then you won't stick with it. I think we all know that we only accomplish things (quitting smoking, losing weight, etc.) when we are really ready. I think the important thing is to keep trying to be ready. Any growth or improvement is a good thing. I don't plan on being 'perfect' before I die, but if I don't keep trying to get there I may as well die today. So just keep trying and if we can do anything just let us know.

Update - not much to tell with the boyfriend unfortunately. I chickened out last night and did not initiate the talk. :?: I am just scared to hear his reaction because I don't think he thinks anything is wrong. We had a good night and I didn't want to spoil it. OK, it's true we were having a good time but that's really just an excuse (I'm really just very scared). Today I REALLY meant to say something and had it planned out, but fate got in my way so he left for work without me getting a chance. Maybe tomorrow (but don't hold your breath).

What are you doing for the weekend? I hope you're having fun. Today I weeded for 4.5 hours and missed running and biking. :( Does weeding count as exercise? When I got home I was hungry though and ate too much.

Breakfast - ceral with soy milk and blueberries (boyfriend made it for me)
snack at farm - peach yogurt and banana
late lunch - smart ones chicken dinner, 5 pecan halves, fat-free pudding cup, small can of green beans, 1/3 pound (guessing) diced ham.

I think that is it - remember, no laughing. I don't cook and I hardly have anything in my house to eat so I rummage. I'm trying to get better by shopping regularly and getting advice here and on websites. btw - I have been reading that website mette recommended and it is great. I printed the dumbell routing and plan on starting that this weekend to go with my running and biking.

OK - I have procrastinated long enough. I'm actually going to try and get on my bike for 30 minutes or so - not much but I love it and am doing it more for me than for exercise today.

Take care - Ang

Hi Shyangel,

I think what you said can apply to your bf situation too, don't you think? You'll handle it when you're ready. Glad you guys had some quality time together, though. I got my hair done today, got rid of my hiddeously fake looking blonde hair (and brown roots!) and had a trim. I feel so much better just from that! Went and got a late lunch (bbq chicken and a small salad) and I'm going to the gym for a bit tonight. Mike will have to entertain himself while I'm gone. I think while I'm there I'll pick up the paperwork to add him to my membership. I'd love to have him start going too.

Hope everyone had a great day. Oh, today I also ate: 1 cup whole shredded wheat cereal w/ 1/2 cup 1% milk, 1 sweet potato w/ small pat of butter, 1 protein shake, and the chicken and salad. Will probably have nf yogurt w/ berries after my workout tonight.

Talk to you guys later!

Jessica - you are right about my bf. I guess until I am prepared for him to walk away (or me) I won't say anything. Low self esteem can really suck sometimes but I am trying to take my own advice and at least enjoy the good times as I try to get to the next step in this relationship. Thanks for helping me see that I needed to do that.

I'm glad you are happy with your hair. It sounds like the cut wasn't too drastic, but I know how small changes in appearance can sometimes make you feel like a 'new person'. It's fun just to get it done too (being pampered). :)

How was the gym? I went out on my bike for 45 minutes. I felt a lot stronger since I have been running. I could actually feel the muscles in my thighs and butt as I pedaled up the hills. Have you asked Mike if he wants to join the gym?

Now that I have seen two sets of your meals, I have to ask if you are hungry during the day at all. It does not seem like you eat that much. How has your weight loss been?

Since my last post I have eaten dinner: 1/2 cup instant brown rice, baked beans with two all beef hot dogs cut up in them and an apple. I think that was it. I know it was a lot of calories (probably 1000 just at dinner) but it could have been worse since I really wanted ice cream but didn't get any.

Tomorrow is another day. Ang