long post - but what else is new
 

A new week - yeah!

Jessica - thank you for your support regarding the bf. Right now I am just waiting until my bday is over and then I will confront him. My cousin and some friends suggested that I wait so I don't totally ruin my birthday (Tuesday).

My weekend had some good moments but I have been so disorganized lately, I forgot some of my clothes, my brother's house key so I was locked out, etc. I also spent a lot of time with friends with children and it made me really sad. I want a family and to be surrounded by love and I am happy for my friends but sad for me. One good thing is that I began to appreciate my home. I guess I had to leave to really want to come back.

I'm surprised your clothes don't fit a little differently after all your weight loss. I know it is no comfort, but if you lost weight in other places, like your lower back, then there must have been fat to lose there. Now with your measuring tape you will be able to quantify your changes. You might be losing some in your hips (for example) and not even realize it yet. I know I don't feel any different in my clothes, although I have not lost on the scale either, but a couple of people this weekend said I look a little different. Maybe there is some toning and shifting going on because of the running. Keep up the great work and you'll eventually see all the results that you want.

That book sounds interesting and very scientific. I have heard before about the importance of certain amino acids and such but don't know much about body chemistry. Let us know what you find out. I think we all agree that more protein is a good thing. When I finally get to the grocery store I plan on getting a lot of protein sources for more beneficial snacks.

Thanks for the recipe. I will definitely be trying this one. Thanks also for the link. I guess it's just another reason for me to log my food.

mette - congratulations on another 2 pounds! :cb: Lifting weights should definitely help any of us to lose more weight (so why am I not doing it? :dunno: ) and produce nice muscles to show off as the fat disappears.

Although I'm sorry you are bored, mette, I am glad you are taking care of yourself while your mother is visiting. Working should help make the next two days go by relatively quickly, as compared to the weekend. I can sympathize about letting your mother close. This weekend my mother was just being her and trying to be helpful and nice, but I had no patience for the whole thing. I just resist anything she says that would give her control over my life or even hint that she has control (she was very manipulative when I was younger). I must admit I snapped at her some with the control issues but other times I tried to smile and be appreciative of her efforts to be nice even if I did not really care about what she was doing. My mother shows 'love' with food. She means well so I just go with that. When I got home I through out some of the food she gave me. I didn't want to offend her but I also didn't need it in my body. Bottomline from me, do your best to be nice to your mother when you can but you come first because your feelings are most important. If you see that movie please let me know if it is any good. It sounds like it could be very interesting.

Have a great Monday ladies. I am going to try and run at lunch today. Pleae hold me to it. I don't have a lot of time because my experiment starts at 1pm, but I hoping for 30 minutes better than nothing right?

Ang

Hi Ladies - the count down begins. I justed wanted to let you know that I actually went running for 30 minutes at lunch today. I don't want to do it again soon though because it is too stressful taking a shower and rushing back to work. I also don't like the way I look with wet hair - yuck. I don't plan on exercising today though so I was happy that I got something in. I also weeded around the new watermelon plants for an hour (after thinking about it I really don't get much exercise just weeding - oh well, it still needs to be done). Still in emotional upheaval and ate more than I should have this evening but can't really worry too much about it right now. I am not looking forward to my birthday. When I am upset and lonely it is just magnified when a birthday or holiday comes around. It should be a special day so if no one cares it hurts even more than a regular day. We'll see what happens.

quick bf update - bf had given the impression last week that he was taking a day to spend with me this week for my bday. Today on phone he blew it off. I am giving him one chance to surprise me and when he doesn't that will push me over the edge and he and I will have a 'talk' that will probably be messy, lots of tears and eventual break up. I'll keep you informed.

I hope you are both having lots of fun. mette - I hope you had a good day with your mother. Jessica - how was your Monday?

As best as I can recollect:
breakfast (8am) slimfast shake
10:30am snack: pecans
lunch (12:30pm): 2 chicken cutlets, fresh string beans, apple
dinner/snack (6:30pm): 1 chicken cutlet, more string beans (can't remember what else)
snack (9pm): 2 ff pudding cups, banana, walnuts; hotdog (don't ask), english muffin with peanutbutter (it's hard to remember when I start eating like this)

No time for afternoon snack with subject. Ang

Hi mette and Ang,

Well, Monday is over and I'm exhausted. I worked non-stop from 8 this morning to 6:30 tonight. Whew. Mike is in Long Beach until Wednesday, so it's just me and the cats tonight and tomorrow. I ran a couple of errands after work, came home and made yummy healthy chicken enchiladas and am now just trying to unwind and get ready for tomorrow.

Ang, did you run at lunch today? I hope you did. I'm planning to go to the gym after work tomorrow, so we'll see if I follow through! I just hope tomorrow isn't as draining as today was.

I know what you mean about being around friends who are married, have children, etc. It was especially hard for me right after my divorce. It was just a reminder of what a "failure" I was. Of course I realize now that sh** happens and I'm certainly not a failure, but it was like salt in the wounds. I end up feeling the same way around people who've finished school and have the successful career they've always dreamed of. I guess it's in areas that I've never been able to feel capable of mastering. I know as we get older, too, those things that we want in life can seem farther away. But it's not. It's all within our grasp and if we can come to believe that, and believe in our selves, we can make it all happen. That's my soapbox for tonight!

mette: Congratulations on the two-pound loss! You're doing fabulously. I'm sure the time with your mom will fly by and you'll be back to your normal routine in no time. Don't worry about not being around; the support really helps, but I did spend some time on this site giving support to some others, and that always helps me stay focused on MY goals and I realize I need to take my own advice! Anyway, it's nice as always, having you guys around to talk to.

I'll wrap it up here with posting my food for today. Talk to you all tomorrow!

Breakfast: 1/2 cup whole shredded wheat, 1/2 cup 1% milk
Snack: 1 nectarine, 1 string cheese
Lunch: 1 California Cobb salad from McDonalds (hommade oil and vinegar dressing)
Snack: 1 Low carb low sugar protein bar
Dinner: 1 ww chicken enchilada with green sauce, olives, jalepenos and low fat cheese
Snack: 1 sugar free jello

Happy birthday Ang!!!!
 

Ang: Hope you'll have a great day - completely stress free and with you feeling good about yourself and your life. It's true that birthdays touch all the issues we have with what we want to achieve in life. Whether it's a family, a job, or a house - birthdays are when we think about our progress in life and where we're going etc.
As for you - you have made huge changes since your last birthday, haven't you? You have a new job, a new house, a new garden, a new boyfriend, new habits around exercising and eating - those are all things you didn't have last year on your birthday?
You really have a lot of things to get used to and to figure out.
And I have to admit that I'm a bit curious about what's going to happen to you and the BF.
But first of all I wish you a very nice birthday!

And Ang - I think your advice about dealing with mothers is very good - about doing my best to be nice to her when I can - and take care of myself. I'm doing that I think, and it's going OK. Better than I feared. So that's good.

Yey! for going running in your lunch break! That's very impressive. Also - I think gardening and weeding counts as exercise! Why shouldn't it? It's hard work!
Your eating looks OK too - your 9pm snacks aren't that bad - I think overall you did OK under the circumstances. For the next weeks you can work on getting fewer things in your life to feel stressed out about! ;)

Jessica - you really work long days, don't you? You must be exhausted after working 10,5 hours?
As for your eating - you seem to do everything right and are generally having a really good food-period? It must make you feel very good about yourself? I always feel good when I'm having good periods with food: it feels like I'm taking extra good care of myself.

I think your soapbox-talk was completely right. I agree that the things we want in life can seem farther away as we grow older, but that they're not. They're really not, but not everybody remembers it - some forget it I think. A lot of friends my own age was completely amazed by my choices when I went back to school - because I had a job that paid well and took me interesting places. They didn't get the part that it wasn't "the thing I really wanted for me in my life".

And yes - your eating looks really good - but I think I already said that.

My eating yesterday:
Breakfast: oatmeal, cinnamon, skimmed milk, banana
Lunch: salad with brie (mmmmm!)
Dinner: vegetarian pizza, salad,
Dessert: strawberries, skimmed milk, a little sugar
Snack: chocolate cookie

French full-fat-cheeses like brie and camembert are favourites, but I don't eat them that often while loosing weight - because - well, they're full of fat. So they're always a treat.
I see the day is lacking in protein, but it's not so bad considering. I'll do much better by Thursday when I get back in order again.

And: :cheer: Ang!!! Happy birthday!!!! :cheer:
:hb:

Good morning!

:gift: :flow1: :flow1: Happy Birthday Ang!!! :flow1: :flow1: :hb:

I hope you focus on all the great things you have in your life today, and what a good person you are, despite what situations come up in your life. Have a wonderful day and treat yourself to something nice!!!

I remember you said that your bf was going to take some time off this week. I'm so sorry he's blowing you off. He doesn't sound terribly mature or willing to "go the extra mile" for you. That's so discouraging. :mad:

Congratulations on going running. I could see it ADDING stress to your day, though, to run and then have to get cleaned up in an hour. You proved that you can do it though.

Mette: Sounds like you're doing well with your mother. And your food yesterday sounded really delicious!

I had a good night's sleep and hope that I maintain a better energy level today. I swear yesterday I was ready for a nap by 3 p.m. and by 5, I just wanted to go home! After the zoo on Sunday, I PURGED my walk in closet that you couldn't walk in. I got rid of a lot of clothes that I don't wear, and went through my "skinny clothes" such as jeans that I haven't been able to wear since I was 148 lbs. a few years ago. I threw some of those clothes away, but kept the good pieces in boxes, looked through them all, and tried to muster inspiration from them. I have one skirt in particular that I'm keeping out to look at, it's a size 8 and I still can't believe I was once small enough to wear it! So last night I finally drug all the bags down to my car so I can donate them today. I feel cleansed, and it's so nice to go into the closet in the morning and not have to climb over STUFF!

About my eating, something funny happened yesterday. At the end of the day, I told one of my coworkers that I was hungry for dinner, and he said something like, "You're always eating. Every time I look over, you're eating something." I got kind of defensive about that, and tried to explain to him that I "have" to eat several times a day, very small meals, blah blah blah, and that's how I best lose weight. And the ironic thing is I used to eat so much MORE, but I would have 3 danishes for breakfast instead of 1/2 cup of cereal. Guess he just never noticed that, or that type of behavior is more acceptable in an office environment than bringing your own breakfast. Oh well, I have to do what I need to do for myself and not worry about what other people think. It's really none of their business.

Anyway, I'll post more later, time to hop in the shower and get ready for the day. Hope you both have a nice day, especially you, Ang on your Happy-B-Day!!! :D

thank you so much
 

Hi mette and Jessica,

I can't thank you enough for all of your support and well wishes. I actually had a good birthday considering I was afraid I would be very disappointed. Work was busy and a number of people remembered my birthday so I made it a little special. I got home from friends recently but just wanted to post quickly.

Jessica - did you go to the gym today? Good for you on cleaning your closet. Sometimes cleaning and organizing the outside can help reorient or focus the inside. I am glad you kept some smaller clothes for inspiration and the day when you can fit into them again. I am confident that you will do that one day. I have brand new jeans (3 pairs) that are a size too small. I won't get rid of them just in case.

mette - I'm glad things with your mother are better than you thought. Isn't it a nice surprise to have it happen that way? Has she gone already?

You both seem like you are eating very well. Jessica - don't listen to anyone else about your eating or anything else that you do. You are doing awesome and you know it and that is all that counts. You're probably right that healthy eating is more noticeable (and rare) in the workplace. You can be a trend setter. :)

Today I ate whatever I wanted since I went out to lunch (Chinese) with a coworker and then friends took me out to dinner (Italian) and then baked me a cake for my birthday. I am stuffed. Tomorrow back to exercising and grocery shopping to try and get back on a good eating track.

btw - bf left my present on my back deck before he went to work and while I was at work. I think I am going to see him tomorrow so I don't know why he didn't wait but I'm just happy he didn't forget the big day. I think trying to figure out his reasoning behind the gift giving time is futile. It was a wooden rocking chair. Thoughts? Reactions? Doesn't scream romantic but a very nice gift. I wonder why since we never talked about them before. Again, futile to try and figure it out. Wish me look on talking with him tomorrow. I think my birthday has given me some additional strength so I may actually do it this time.

I'll write more tomorrow - gotta get some sleep now.

Ang

Ang, I'm so glad your birthday was a good one! It's so nice when those in our daily lives remember our special days. And I'm glad you splurged on your eating and know that you'll get right back to your program tomorrow. That's such a good attitude!

So, a rocking chair, huh? That's a really nice gift, but if it's out of the blue, a little peculiar, no? Did he leave a card or note with it? Let us know how it goes tomorrow. You're a strong person. I know you'll do the right thing for yourself.

I'll start out telling you about my day by saying I DID make it to the gym. Yay, me! ha ha ha... 30 minutes cardio (10 minutes on stair stepper, 20 minutes on elliptical) and my weight training. With that said, I'll tell you, my day started out ok, but after lunch I got back to work and felt horrible. I was tired, and fuzzy-headed, was having trouble finding the right words, felt flushed and just kind of "buzzy" in general. It's hard to explain. I stayed for about a half-hour and told my boss I had to go home. I came home, called Mike to tell him I left work early, and took a 2 hour nap. I woke up feeling a little better, had some sugar-free pudding, puttered around for a while then went to the gym around 7:45 p.m.

I feel back to normal now, thank goodness. I am attributing it to the amino-acid supplements I've been taking since reading that book I told you about. In addition, Mike and I have been taking melatonin before going to bed. I'm going to stop taking everything and see if I feel better tomorrow. I had a similar experience yesterday, but not as bad. So, if you read the book, be cautious about the supplements she suggests. And I was only taking a fraction of the dosage that was recommended. Yikes.

Because of how weird I felt today, my eating was a little off too. No vegitables! Oh well, tomorrow is another day. Good nite, all!

Breakfast: 1 ww english muffin w/ butter, 1 hardboiled egg
Snack: 1 cup cantalope, 1 string cheese
Lunch: 1 ww chicken enchilada
Snack: 1 peanut butter protein shake
Snack: 1 cup sugar-free vanilla pudding
Dinner: 1 ww chicken enchilada
Snack: 1 cup cantalope

Hi guys!

I'm so glad to hear you had a nice birthday Ang!

My mother will be leaving this evening. And it's been OK to have her here - I think the worst part is that my place is so small that we're on top of each other the whole time. It gets very tiring after at day or two.

And Jessica I agree with Ang: you're really doing extremely well with your eating. How funny that it's now people notice that you eat, huh? You go - you trendsetter you! :D

The rocking chair sounds lovely Ang. Did you like it? Not romantic, but nice - as you say.

Jessica - congratulations on getting to the gym! Sorry you felt weird and fuzzy-headed after lunch, but what kind of amino-acid supplements have you been taking? Hope you'll get better now that you've stopped taking them.
And melatonin? Isn't that for jetlag? Are you sleeping badly or having trouble falling asleep in the evenings?

Oh well. I have to be quick. I just wanted to report in! ;)
Hope everybody is having a great day and everything. I'll be back to normal Thursday.

Hi Guys,

Ang, hoping everything goes the way you want the the bf tonight. Keep us posted.

mette, looking forward to having you back full time! I was taking L-glutamine and L-phenylalanine, both of which are "supposed to" help with sugar cravings, boost energy and mood, etc. I didn't take anything today and felt SO much better. I may just be really sensitive to supplements, or maybe I'm already getting enough aminos through the protein I eat. Anyway, I think I was trying to fix what wasn't broken, so back to just eating right and exercising. I don't need a bunch of expensive pills to keep me on track.

Mike's back from Long Beach tonight. Feels so good to have him home! Work was really good, busy, but I issued the building permits for my "big project", and got another pat on the back from my boss. I could get used to that! I don't have much else to report. Food was really good today, I'll list below. Talk to you all soon! Hope all is well!

Breakfast: 1 cup whole shredded wheat, 1/2 cup 1% milk
Snack: 1 string cheese, 1 nectarine
Lunch: Salad w/ blue cheese, imitation crab
Snack: 5 cashews, 1 low carb/low sugar protein bar
Dinner: tri-tip, squash, salad

Hey there ladies.

I hate to say it but I did not talk to bf again. I really was going to but he was sick today and I didn't have the heart. We are really behind at the farm so he is also stressed about that. 4 hours weeding today and more tomorrow. I am skipping running tomorrow night to go help him weed for a couple of hours. I know I should just run, but I am also hoping that if he feels better I may be able to talk to him - finally.

mette - I also can't wait for you to return full time. What is the finally thought on your mother's visit?

Jessica - I'm glad you feel better off of the supplements. I don't have a strong idea about them, but if possible I try not to take anything (even medication) unless I really have to. I bet you're right - you are not broken and didn't need to be fixed. Good for you.

Kudos again Jessica for work. Lucky you that Mike is home too. A good day all around. :cool: Any ideas on your next exercising adventure? Not being pushy but just inquiring to help keep you motivated. ;)

I went to the grocery store today and got some lf swiss cheese, turkey and ham to make little wrap ups for snacks at work. I also bought some ff yogurt (forgot to check the sugar) and a lot of fruit - still can't resist. Food today was a little strange since I went shopping late in the day. Transitioning to all good hopefully.

Breakfast (9:30am) - shake
Lunch (noon) - fresh string beans, engligh muffin with peanutbutter, Russian chocolate (2 pieces)
dinner (5:30pm) - more string beans, another e muffin with pb, hotdog
snack (after shopping at 8pm) - cherries (too many, maybe a pound), leftover bday cake

Ang

Thursday
 

I am back on track, and it feels good to have my life (and most importantly: my space) back!

Jessica – I think you’re completely right: when you’re eating all the protein you need, there should be no need for extra amino acids.
And a very good day for you: getting Mike home and getting appreciation from your boss! :D

As normal, you eat very well. Can I ask you; do you ever get cravings for (bad) food now – or do you feel that the cravings go away when you’re eating so well?

Ang – you’ll figure out what to do with the BF eventually. It’s not like you’re in a hurry, is it? The farm – is that your place that you’re growing vegetables in? Or does he have a farm of his own?
No matter what - weeding must be good for burning calories – it’s hard work!
And Russian chocolate? What kind of chocolate is that? Dark?

My mother left yesterday evening, and – I don’t really know what to say about it. It wasn’t that bad, I was a little bored – as I said earlier. But it didn't end very well. It ended a bit emotionally – my mother was sad to go, she didn't want to leave and not see me for a long time. And I always feel it’s my fault. I should do better, be nicer, visit her more often, be more open, be warmer, etc etc. I ended up feeling low and kind of ashamed – so it wasn’t a very good ending.
Oh well. It’s done. Right now I’m just a bit numb I think.

But anyway, I wanted to tell you guys that I went to see Supersize Me! And man, everybody should see that movie! Even I – and I never eat fast food anymore, I haven’t done that for years (since I stopped eating meat a few years back) – needed to see that movie.
Because of course it’s not just about McDonalds. What shocked me the most was the bit about the school lunches at different junior high and high schools – were junk food was all that was offered. No vegetables. No fruits. No whole grains. Just fries, fried food, pizza, sweets, cakes, etc. Not a nice sight!
And I do recommend the movie, it was also very funny and smart. And everyone who’s ever binged or had periods when they’ve eaten a lot knew exactly what he was going through – with the highs and lows. Heh. Well, at least I did.
I wanted to go home and eat salad and exercise after seeing it! :p

I’ve also been watching (and enjoying) “I love the 90s!” at VH1. Can somebody tell me when the nineties became “so long ago”? :D
Good times! I had already forgotten most of the terrible clothes we used to wear in the early 90s. :lol:

So. how are you guys doing?

Off to go weed but wanted to welcome you back mette. I'll write more later. Not a bad day but busy at work so not much time for e-mail, or anything else for that matter.

Take care - Ang

Hi there!

Mette: So nice to have you back! I'm sorry the "goodbye" was so hard for your mom. I feel that way a lot with my grandparents. They live in a nursing home about 15 minutes from my house. I see them once a week when I'm being really good about visiting. They are just so happy to have company, and it breaks my heart when I leave. Although I love them dearly, it takes all the strength I can muster to go visit regularly, there are just so many other things I'd rather be doing, and a nursing home isn't the most pleasant place in the world to hang out. I try to put myself in their shoes, and do what is important for them, setting. I have a full life, and their family is all they really have now. I think sometimes the "sacrifices" we make for others makes us feel more full and content with ourselves in the long run, even though at the moment, it may be boring, painful or unpleasant.

I haven't really had many cravings since I've been eating healthier. I think sugar and junk are really like drugs in the sense that the more you have, the more you want. Once you get it out of your system, I think the desire for it tapers off. I think sometimes about how good the pancakes are at this one restaurant we used to go to all the time, or when I see danishes at work, how good they taste, but it's more of a thought than a feeling. Tuesday when I was feeling crumby, I made that sugar-free pudding and ate more than I normally would, but part of that was the crummy feeling, and part of it was lonliness, I think, because Mike was gone.

I'll have to rent "Supersize Me" when it comes out on DVD. Sounds like a really good one to see. And as far as the '90s go, I was in high school when "grunge" hit the music scene, so yeah, I wore the Dr. Martins (which I still have!), the holey jeans, thrift store clothes and even colored my hair with cherry Kool-Aid... Sheesh.

Ang: The wraps sound really good. Did you eat them today? I agree with mette, the weeding has GOT to help you work up a sweat, probably good for stretching, too. Do you guys spend a lot of time stretching when you exercise? That's one thing I really try to focus on after my workouts now, because I've become very stiff and inflexible. I'd like to start doing yoga again, too.

Well, I'm home for lunch and better get ready to head back. I'll write more tonight. Have a great afternoon!

Hi Jessica and mette - it's late and if I tried to respond to everything I would get overwhelmed. I'll try to respond tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know that I sort of talked with my bf. I asked him if he still loved me and he said he hadn't really thought about it. I was blown away. I was ready for yes and no but not that. I told him that things were very different in the winter. He apologized and said that he would try to be more affectionate. He missed the point all together. Basically I was shocked and ended up letting him off the hook tonight, although only an idiot wouldn't have realized there was something wrong with me afterwards. He asked me if I was alright and in my shocked state I said yes because it was obvious that he did not want to have a long discussion. Tomorrow I will tell him what I think about his response. I foresee a breakup in our near future. I'm not happy about it, but no one can say I didn't try.

Ang

Ang - I'm so sorry about you and the BF. Hope you're doing OK - no matter what happens next. At least he has to think through some things about your relationship too. And if he said he would try to be better - he must want to be with you.
But his answer - I can really understand you were blown away by that, Ang. Ouch.
And, please - try your best to take care of yourself in the middle of this!

Jessica - I do think you're right about sometimes doing "sacrifices" to make other people happy. Of course we should. I'm just trying to find the right balance, you know? And not beat my self up about it when I can't.

I still have my Doc Martens too!!! God, I loved those! I had them in multiple colors (I had one bright red pair! (..it seemed like a good idea at the time...) - and wore through several black pairs. They were so comfortable, and perfect on my feet (which are sort of short and wide). I'm holding on to them and eagerly await the time when they come back into fashion! :D
But the tapered jeans with the high waists? Not so much waiting for them to return!

I should really do more stretching after exercising. I do yoga sometimes, but not more than once a week, and that's not enough for me to become more flexible. I have to do it at least a couple of times a week for that. I'm going to do a Pilates class this fall - I think it starts in September - and hopefully that will get me more into stretching.

So as the weekend comes up. My week so far:
Exercising: no exercising Monday. Jogging Tuesday and Thursday. Weights Wednesday and - planned - Friday. Planned for the weekend: long hike Saturday and Yoga Sunday.
Eating. It hasn't been so bad. I ate more with my mother here - Monday and Wednesday both came up to 1800 calories. Thursday I had fresh salmon for dinner (with spinach stew), and since salmon is quite high in calories I came up to 1500 calories. Which means I have to be a bit lower Friday, Saturday and Sunday - if I'm going to average on 10.500 calories for the week. So something low calorie for dinner - I'm thinking codfish or tuna or green beans. We'll see.

Hope you both are doing fine. And Ang: take care of yourself!

I just wanted to let you know that as much as I try I am not doing well and don't know what to do to snap out of it. I hope to be somewhat better later and will write. I am sorry for not being there for both of you right now but I just can't sit in front of this computer anymore.

I hate being a 'deeply emotional' person. My best friend says that's what I am. It doesn't sound bad when she says it, but it sure can be bad to be it.

Have great Fridays both of you. Jessica, are you off every Friday?

Ang

Oh Ang. I hope it will be better for you later too. I am so sorry that you’re feeling terrible.
Please do whatever you need to make yourself feel better. Come here and write only if you can, but we’ll be here when you need us, OK? :grouphug:

Being emotional is awful when the emotions are negative and wonderful when the emotions are positive. I’m sorry they are awful right now.

Hi ladies,

Ang, I think you'd have to be void of emotion to not feel terrible after the comment the bf made. Although I know from experience that being someone who feels very deeply can definitely make life more difficult when it comes to emotional issues. Sometimes I wish I could be one of those "happy-go-lucky" types who doesn't get phased by anything, but I've always been very sensitive, especially when it comes to relationships. You know what I think, though? I think people like you (and I) are also luckier in some ways, because we DO love more deeply, we are sensitive to others needs, and that "emotional" side can also bring such wonderful things to a relationship. We just have to have the right person to receive it. Someone who can appreciate that about us, take care with our emotions, treat us in a way that we flourish in the relationship. I know I sound like a pop-psychologist, or an Oprah guest, but I really believe it. We'll be here whenever you're ready, don't worry about that. Please just take care of yourself above all else and do what you need to do.

Mette, sounds like your exercising is going really well. I will go to the gym at least once this weekend. Today was not a great food day, but I think I deserve a little relaxation. Mike took today off, so he got sandwiches for lunch. Pastrami on white bread, and corn chips with spinach dip. I only ate 1/2 the sandwich, but the white bread was a no-no, as well as the chips, although at least they were fat free. Dinner last night was a lasagna with cabbage instead of pasta. There's leftovers, so we'll probably have that for dinner.

I still love my Docs, too. I never did the high-waisted jeans, was more into the Levis from the thrift store. I was a raggedy girl, and in truth, my fashion sense hasn't really improved much since then! I am looking forward to being able to buy cute, smaller clothes. Right now, I'm still on the perimeter of the "big girl" department. Ugh.

Anyway, I don't have much new to report. Hope you girls are ok, and I'll talk with you soon!

Hi Ladies.

I'm back and in better spirits, although still confused. I can't thank you enough for all of your support. Instead of going to the farm tonight (yes, I was still going to go even after the bf comment) I went out to dinner with a coworker and we sat and *****ed about everything for 4 hours. It was good. I needed it. I think I am started to finally see things the way everyone else sees them. I still don't know what to do about bf (even though it is obvious to everyone else that I should dump him) but I am in a better place about it. I think I can continue to live my life as I deal with it. Maybe I'm getting a little stronger. btw - bf called tonight and acted like nothing had happened. He was not happy that I hadn't watered tonight. He is in his own reality - he really thinks I am going to spend everyday on the farm, is he nuts? :lol:

Anyway...

mette - It sounds like you did a good job with your mother. I'm sorry the ending was difficult but in general you seemed to handle the whole visit pretty well. Congratulations on your week. Especially given that your mother was visiting, you seemed to have a great week with your exercise and eating. You are inspiring! :D

I have to ask, what are Doc Martens?

Jessica - thanks for your words of wisdom. I think I have a strange combo with being very emotional but also very analytical. On the surface, being an engineer and stuff, I seem put together, organized and maybe a little cold. It is not too often that people get to see my emotional side. I try to protect it. After the bf situation I think you can understand why. I will take your word for it that there is someone out there who will be able to appreciate this side of me. If you find one send him my way. :D

It doesn't seem like your eating was that bad, Jessica. I guess when you compare it to your usual perfect eating it may not be optimal but still good. You have to be able to live your life and be flexible if this is a life change. Do you and Mike have any activities planned for this weekend? Maybe a walk in a park? Let us know what happens with the gym this weekend.

I was a tom boy growing up and never really out grew it. I love jeans, t-shirts and comfortable stuff. Wearing stuff that fits is so uncomfortable and not forgiving when you gain a couple of pounds. I hate getting dressed in the morning for work. :p You are right that when you are smaller you can wear cuter things. I don't know why they make some clothes in bigger sizes. There are certain things big people should just not wear in public. I would like to be able to wear clothes without having to cover up my stomach. I'm glad I haven't had an ocassion to wear a bathing suit so I haven't had to worry about my thighs - yuck. I still need to buy more clothes but can't stand the frustration of shopping so I am just doing without. I wear a lot of stuff over and over. Oh well. I doubt anyone really pays attention.

My food today could have been worse. I have definitely found that even my really bad eating days are not nearly as bad as they once were. I indulge but don't seem to be obsess with eating the whole world when I get upset. Again, maybe some growth there? btw - just to let you know, I used ot be bulimic so binging is a big problem for me.

slept through breakfast
lunch (11:30am): fiber one cereal w/ soy milk and blueberries, slice of turkey, slice lf swiss, apple w/ pb
dinner (6pm): Applebee's oriental chicken salad, triple chocolate dessert thing

Tomorrow is running, watering and weeding, mowing lawn and maybe I'll splurge on a movie or something in the evening. What are you two doing? I hope you have fun.

Ang

sw 188/ cw 186/ gw 153?

Just curious
 

I just realized that we are all almost the same weight right now. I know we may not be the same height (I'm 5' 8 1/2") or body type though. Do you mind if I ask what size clothing you wear? I am in 12s for the most part although some are tight, except jeans and some other pants where I wear a 14. My weight is in my abdomen and hips so I need the extra room in pants. Jessica - I know you mentioned the perimeter of the big girl section but not sure what that really means.

I have never been thin so I don't know what is a realistic size to want to obtain. Of course I won't know until I get there, but as a goal I was thinking a size 10 for starters. Too big? I am trying to be realistic but also want something to aim for.

Ang

Hi Ang,

You sound like you're feeling so much better! I'm so glad. :) I guess I used to try and protect my emotions, especially when I'd been hurt so bad with my divorce. I don't do that so much any more, maybe I don't feel like I have to anymore. It's funny what you said about being an "analytical engineer". I've dated a couple of engineers in my life (one of whom just came back to work in my department and is now technically, one of my supervisors... that's a whole 'nother story) and our perspectives of the world couldn't be more different. I think I took a lot of comfort in being with someone who was able to be a little distant and matter of fact, there was strength in that for me, but in the long run it just never could have worked out. We would have driven each other nuts! In fact I remember telling the structural engineer (one was structural, one was chemical) that if he rulled the world, everyone would walk in straight lines and enjoy math; if I rulled the world, we'd all lay around in fields, barefoot, reading poetry... :lol:

Well, the size thing. I'm 5'4" and in pants wear a 16-18 (18 for jeans because I, too, have a lot of fat around the midsection and I refuse to have a big roll over the top of my pants when I sit down. Nothing is more unattractive to me). :eek: When I was at 148 lbs, 17% body fat, I was a size 8 to a size 10, depending, and I was pretty comfortable there. Just being into single didgets in clothes size was a big achievement for me. In fact in high school at 135-140 lbs, I was still unfit and around a size 12, in men's jeans like a 36" waist. At my fittest I wore men's 33" Levi Jeans, and they fit perfectly around my hips. I was a 34C in bra size, where now I'm like a 38D. So my tops are usually XL if they are button up, otherwise I get that gap in the buttons. So when I say I'm at the "perimeter" of the big girl section, I mean I can still find clothes at regular stores in the regular "misses" section, but fewer selections and I'm a few inches away from having to go to "plus sizes". :p

I can totally relate to being a tom-boy. My favorite day of the week is still Friday because it's casual day in our office and I can wear my overalls or my jeans and tennishoes, t-shirt and hooded zip up sweatshirt. That's pretty much my uniform if I'm not in work clothes.

This weekend I don't really have any plans. I slept this morning until about 8:15 a.m., which again, felt really good. That was after our kitten decided to scratch insessantly at the bedroom door at 6 this morning. Sheesh. Mike rented some movies and found some used that he bought "Master and Commander", "The Last Samurai" (one of my new favorites" and "Big Fish". We've seen those three but they were really good. We'll probably watch one of them tonight. I think I may try to buy some herbs for a fresh herb garden, I have the soil and the containers, so maybe I can do that today.

I'm thinking about having dinner with my parents tonight, and I also need to see my grandparents. So, it may turn into a family weekend. In fact, maybe you guys can give me some advice. Mike and I have been living together "officially" for about 2 months now, but he more or less lived here for many months before, he was just continuing to pay rent at his apartment. I can count on one hand the number of times he actually stayed at his apartment. Well, I haven't told my parents yet. I just DON'T want to hear what they have to say about it. Ugh. I dread the thought. They met Mike once, and my mom was very judgemental and didn't like him, well, didn't even get to know him, but formed some negative opinions. So now, I have this BIG thing in my life that makes me so happy, yet I don't feel I can share it with them. Do you guys have any advice about this? It's starting to get to me. Like I've said before, it seems they would just rather have me stay single the rest of my life, never get married again, never have kids, and more or less stay dependent on them (emotionally, financially, whatever...) Should I just not tell them? Make an official announcement? Casually mention it? I don't know the best way to address it, if at all. :?:

Anyway, this has been a long enough post. Hope you all have a great weekend. Talk to you later!

Good to hear you’re in better spirit, Ang! Hope you’re enjoying your weekend – both of you.

And Doc Martens? Best boots ever! http://www.drmartens.com/ My favorites are the ones with 10 holes (not the shortest ones, and not the shoes – but not of the longest either) – and it was quite some work to get them on and off! But still! Best boots ever!!! :D

Jessica – how did your plans for the gym go?

The whole going shopping for new clothes – it’s not something I’m good at either. I prefer jeans, sneakers and sweatshirts – lots of black, grey, dark blue, dark brown.
While I was working I wore very straight and simple suits (Scully was my big role model! :smug: ), mostly black, with comfortable shoes and boots. Now I’m a student and no longer care what I’m wearing – I stick to jeans and comfortable clothes.

Ang – good to hear that you’re eating is going OK, and that you’re feeling a bit in control. About the bulimia – I used to do that too, in my teens and early twenties – how long since that have been a problem for you now? How did you get better?

As for my body type and clothes size – I wear most of my weight on my upper body (I have no waist, but have a big stomach, big breasts, “love-handles” and fat on my back) – my legs are relatively thin and I don’t have much in the hips- and *** areas. I’m also tall (5’11”).
I think I wear about 14 in jeans – but haven’t tried on new clothes since early May, and my size 16 jeans are too big now – I had to buy a belt to keep them from sliding off my hips. My breasts are really big – at my largest I used an E-cup, at my last maintaining weight I was down to DD. Hopefully, by November, I’ll be down to using a D-cup. As a result I usually wear a size larger in shirts and tops.
I think my breasts are the part of my body that I really, really dislike. I want to have a breast reduction done when I’m stable at the weight I want to maintain for the rest of my life.

A size 10 sounds like a reasonable size for me. It’s a size I’ve used when I’ve had “thinner periods”.

You know Jessica – I would definitely want to live in your world! :lol:
I have these two sides too: a strong scientific part and one very emotional part - and I have struggled to figure out how to find a balance between the emotional and the rational sides.

I haven’t watched “The Last Samurai” yet – did it involve anything more that swordfights? Was there a good story too?
I’m going to see “Kill Bill 2” tomorrow I think – it was the only movie we could agree on (I'm going with friends). I liked the first one actually (and I want to be Uma Thurman in my next life! She’s awesome!), but haven’t heard that many good things about the second one.

Jessica – about your parents and telling them about Mike. Have you considered their motivation for wanting you to stay single? Do you think they want to keep you from getting hurt again or something like that? I’ve found it easier to deal with my parents and their negative sides when I try to figure out why they’re being stupid/unreasonable/mean.
I would personally recommend to tell them – because it would be good for you (not having this *big thing* in your life you haven’t told them about – which probably is stressful for you?). Being honest is always the best solution in the long run – or so I’ve experienced with my parents. I’m the queen of avoidance so I have to work hard to be honest when it’s easier not to be.
How to tell them – I suppose that’s about personal taste? I would definitely go for the solution of mentioning it casually – just stating it between other stuff you’re telling. The whole “making an announcement” is too dramatic for me. :p

I hope it goes well Jessica, I don’t know what kind of reactions you’re hoping for from your parents. But even if you don’t get them – don’t you think it still would be easier for you if telling them about Mike was off your chest?

Your relationship with Mike sounds really good, loving and fun – so it’s a shame your parents can’t see that. But maybe they’ll just need some more time to get used to it?

This has obviously become the post that never ends – so I’m ending it here!
Wish you both great weekends.

If it's not too late - Jessica - I would also vote for telling your parents as it seems like it would make you happier. I also have problems telling my mother things so I casually mention stuff and eventually it becomes part of life without a big dramatic scene. I am not saying that it is the right way to do it, but it has worked I guess for me and my mother. I also have a mother who would prefer not to be confronted though (at least I think that is how she is). Good luck and let us know what happens. Bottom line for me is to do what makes you feel best. Think of it this way - even if they disapprove, would it be worse than what you are imagining and worrying about? I bet not because it never is for me. Their reaction/attitude ends up being the same but you have been able to tell them and make yourself feel better by not having the feeling of keeping something hidden from them. I hope this made sense. Sometimes it is not too easy to convey what I am thinking.

Goodnight Ladies. Ang

Hi girls,

Hope you are both having a great Sunday. Mike had to work overtime in Long Beach (on his day off, poor guy), so I'm solo today. I have a laundry list of things to get done, since I was a total veg yesterday. I did visit with my grandparents for about an hour. I hated to leave. I also spent time with my parents last night. I didn't tell them about my living situation. In fact, I just mentioned the fact that Mike is taking me away for a weekend in September to my mom and it pretty much stopped the conversation dead. Ugh.

Ang, you really did make sense with what you said. And I don't mean to turn it around on you, but do you think what you told me applies to your situation with your bf? Just food for thought.

I also just wanted to let you guys know, I took measurements today and lost an inch in my hips! That must be the result of the fat loss I noticed in my lower back area. Anyway, the scale hasn't gone down, but that was a nice surprise! Well, I'm off to get my errands done. Hope to talk to you both later!

Hi guys - how are you doing today?
The weekend is over - did you do anything fun? Jessica, any trips to the gym? ;) Congratulations on loosing inches! I should do my measurements too; I haven't lost any weight this week either.
Ang, how did your weekend go?

I had a rather quiet weekend. Went hiking Saturday, and have the sore calves to prove it! But the trip out was wonderful - the weather was nice, cool, and sunny. Sunday I did yoga for 30 minutes, and I really should do that more often - the muscles in my shoulders, neck and upper back are painfully stiff. Other than that - went to the movies (watched "Kill Bill 2" and think I liked the first one better), had salads for dinners and pancake for breakfasts. Definitely a good weekend! :smug:

Have a great day - both of you!

Hey there!

Mette, your exercising was really good for the weekend! As usual, my eating was good, but no exercise (except for cleaning, which at least gets my heartrate up!) I would love to go hiking. We've got some really nice foothills and trails around here. Maybe I'll plan that for next weekend.

Wasn't feeling well yesterday. It's "that time of the month" and I tend to get really crampy, so after I ran my errands, I sat in the sun, read, took a nap... a very relaxing, if unproductive, day. I picked up a couple of books from Borders, "Eating for Life", the cookbook that goes with "Body for Life" and "Bushido: The way of the Warrior" which is the text that outlines how to be a good samurai. Yeah, I know, why do I need to know how to be a good samurai, right? Ha ha... Actually, a lot of their principles can be applied to living a good life today. I'm very interested in Eastern philosophy, so I really enjoyed reading it yesterday.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little sluggish this morning, and not looking forward to going to work. Hopefully my energy will increase as the day goes on. I didn't go grocery shopping yesterday, so I need to do that after work. Probably won't get in exercise. Hmph. Hope you all have a good day!

Hi – hope you’re all having a nice Monday.

Jessica – you shouldn’t disregard cleaning as exercise! Sometimes it’s really good exercise! ;) And I like hiking in the summertime (when it’s not raining or too warm), I like bringing water and snacks, and just enjoy moving and being outdoors.

Sorry you’re being a bit sluggish – hope your day is improving a bit?

I’ve heard very good things about Body for Life and Eating for Life, probably because a lot of the “ladies who lifts” have used/ are using the system. What do you think? Is it something you would want to try?
I’m thinking a lot about doing the weight lifting a bit more seriously, starting at the gym next week, get some instructions, and get started. But I seem to be stalling. I don’t want to start before I know I will stick with it – but how do I know that before I try? I’m not making much sense. :dizzy:
The Samurai book sounds interesting – I completely get the attraction to Eastern traditions and philosophies. You watched the Last Samurai movie the other week too, didn’t you?

But the reason for this rambling post was actually a very short and simple one: I just wanted to tell you that I tried your mock mashed potatoes! And I loved them!!! Definitely going on my list! Yummy yummy! :hungry:

Ang, how are you doing?

Good morning~

Ang, we haven't heard from you since Saturday night. I hope you're ok.

Mette: I'm so glad you liked the "mock potatoes"! I think they are really tasty too. They make a perfect, healthy side dish. The Body for Life/Eating for Life thing is very sensible. It's very much like what I already do, eating-wise, although I'm not always successful at having 1 serving of protein and 1 serving of carbs at every meal, especially breakfast. Yesterday I ate trying to eat the FBL/EFL way:

Breakfast: 1/2 cup oatmeal, 1tbsp. peanut butter, rice/soy milk, wheat germ
Snack: 2 lg. whole grain crackers with roast beef, cheddar cheese
Lunch: 1 tuna quesadilla (1 ww tortilla, hickory smoked tuna, nf cream cheese, lf shredded cheese, red bell peppers, green onions, salsa)
Snack: 1 sm apple, 1 protein bar
Dinner: 1 sm chicken breast w/ slice of cheddar, bacon bits, 1 sm potato, broccoli
Snack: 1/2 cup sugar-free, nf chocolate pudding w/ cottage cheese

I ate a bit too much cheese, but other than that I think I did really well. The exercising in BFL is really focused and weightlifting is really important. I tend to feel a little overwhelmed when I think about the exercise routine, because it's so structured. That's a good thing, but it calls for exercising 6 times a week (3 days cardio, 3 days weight lifting) which, when I can barely do 2 days a week, seems very hard to do. I'll ease into it and work up to the routine at some point.

My day yesterday got better. I didn't get home until 7:30 last night because I went grocery shopping, which sucked because I still had to cook dinner, and Mike had to leave at like 4:30 this morning and won't be back until Thursday, so I didn't get to spend much time with him.

Oh, and about "The Last Samurai", we didn't watch it last week, but I had seen it when it first came out on DVD. It really does have a good story line, not all just violence and sword fights. If you like Japanese culture, I think you'd love the movie.

I'm still feeling crampy and icky this morning. Time to start popping Midol... ha ha... Hope you have a great day. Talk to you later!

Hi there. Sorry fo rbeing gone but been very busy and not able to get to e-mail. I think I just ran myself intot he ground the last couple of days to avoid parts of reality. I'm try, really I am. I just never seem to get anywhere.

Jessica - congrats on the inch loss in the hips. That's great! I'd give anything for some movement somewhere. Don't discount the loss wherever it happens.

I think what you did with your parents was good. You through something out there about Mike and observed the reaction. At least you have a little more information about their feelings. How do you feel about the situation and possibly not telling them?

I reread my post and laughed because Jessica you are right. I should listen to my own advice. I am hoping to talk to bf tonight. he may have the day off and I am going to invite myself over and not leave until I am sure one way or the other. I just can't take this anymore. I am not living the rest of my life and work is suffering and my house isn't fit for a pig.

Great weekend mette! Good food and good activity. Way to go! I spent about 7 hours working on the farm this weekend and hung out with some friends but no running in a week. :( I get way off track when I get in an emotional and mental upheaval. I was never in my house the whole weekend. I just kept really busy doing nothing important. My eating wasn't too bad in the last couple of days though but I feel like I have gained 2 pounds. Is this just from not running? I'm getting very frustrated. I am still working on the farm each day. I would think that would be enough activity to at least maintain. Yesterday's eating (in case I am missing something bad):

breakfast - fiber one, blueberries, soy milk, walnuts
lunch - apricot, blueberries, slice of chicken quesadilla
snack - 3 slices turkey, slice lf swiss cheese
dinner - big salad (romaine, dried cranberries, blue cheese crumbles, nonfat blue cheese dressing, almond slices
dessert at friends - homemade peach pie with scoop of vanilla ice cream (ok - I know this one was not good)

mette - why are you hesitant about the weight lifting? Is there something about it that concerns you? After reading your post I realized that is another thing that I keep meaning to find time for but have not. Maybe we could make a pact together to start doing it?

I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better Jessica. That time of the month can really suck the energy out of you.

Ladies - sorry I was gone and this post was a little choppy. Everything you wrote was important but I have to get back to work. I will do my best to get back on later. I think I just need to jump back in - it sounds like you both are doing very well. Jessica - keep us up to date on the exercise. Maybe while Mike is gone you can make some time to get to the gym? mette - did you run this morning?

One more complaint - I feel physically ill as I am exhausted, have a migrane and got bitten on the chin by something at the farm last night so it hurts and I have a big red spot on my chin. I hope I wasn't bit by something dangerous. bf is always warning me to be careful on the farm because there are bad spiders and all sorts of things there. Yikes!

Take care - Ang

It’s good to have you both back again!

Jessica – about the BFL eating, I can see that it would be quite easy for you to do, because you eat really well.
For me - I’m not really sure how I could structure my day around it, and also – I normally don’t eat that much protein, and since I don’t eat meat, I would have to rely more on protein bars and shakes. It would be quite a change for me. But I have been thinking about it.
The exercise would probably be hard to get used to too, not the 3 days with cardio, but the 3 days with weight lifting. For cardio I could keep jogging 2 days a week, and just add one day at the gym using the row-machine/ bicycle/ treadmill/etc.

When you overdid and burnt out on exercise, what were you doing at the time, Jessica? Lifting weights? A little of everything?

Ang – it’s good to have you back. And also good to hear that you’ve kept yourself busy with the farm and with friends. Sometimes – it’s the best thing to do. It’s also very good that your eating was OK. It looks really good – and even the dessert Ang (it sounds very good!). I had fresh raspberries with vanilla yogurt today (and not the fat free kind either!), and it was delicious! I truly love this time of year with fresh berries and fruits! :T

And yes, I did run this morning. Even though I’m feeling a bit sluggish too. I go to bed early and can’t seem to get enough sleep – a couple of weeks ago I noticed that I woke up earlier in the morning and had a lot of energy in the morning. That’s not the case this week! But I got myself out of bed this morning and dragged my feet along – and went jogging. And I always feel a bit better after – even though it didn’t go very well – at least it got done! I’m going early to bed tonight to see if I can shake this with sleep.

And Ang – hope your chin is better?

It’s also my last week at work. We are mainly working on the written report now, and it’s a lot of work to get references and the bibliography in order. Next week – my vacation - I’m doing things to prepare for the fall: some painting (a bookshelf, a door, a table…), I have to fix my kitchen counter, I have to organize papers and notes from last semester and get it into folders and such. Things like that. I also would like really nice weather so that I can spend long days in the park – reading! And start to look at what the next semester will look like. See if I can build up some “going-back-to-school-feeling”! ;)
(Yes, I do know I’m very lucky!)

About lifting weights and being hesitant Ang, I would love to make a pact!
I want to try it, but gyms intimidate me quite a lot. And I can do the machines, the treadmills and such – but I’ve never dared to enter the area where the free weights are. I know it’s just stupid insecurities, and what I should do is get an hour with an instructor for my first time.
But I keep postponing it, you know?
Maybe we all three should make a pact? A weight lifting pact? (That sounds cool! Heh. :D )

OK. Hope you’re having a great Tuesday. Talk to you later.

I'm going to pack my gym gear and go right after work, no matter how busy it is. If I come home first, I know I'll be doomed and not go. I think the pact would be a great idea! Mette, do you think you can schedule an appointment with a trainer between now and next Monday? We can all kick it into gear next week, and post our training routines like we post our food. I know I need to start working my muscles to increase my metabolism, and it would probably be good for all of us.

With that said, Ang, I'm so glad to hear from you! I get worried when you're not around for a couple of days! ha ha... Have you gone to the Dr. about the bite yet? Considering you're not feeling well, you might want to have it checked out, just in case. I'm feeling better myself. I realized that I kind of have a short work week, since Thursday I'll be on that interview panel all day, and I'm off on Friday. That's a good feeling!

Mette, I think you'd be eating ALOT of cottage cheese on the BFL eating plan, and eggs, and tofu/soy stuff. He requires that you have a portion of protein with every meal (about the size of the palm of your hand, he says.)

Anyway, I'll check in again tonight when I get home. Hope you all have a good afternoon and evening. Ang, good luck!

It's good to be back. Today I crashed after running around like a mad woman. I blew off my track workout :( and did not mow. I just ate, cleaned a little and sat on the couch. I can't believe I am not in bed yet (hint - this will be short). I think I just needed a day for me. Plus, bf has day off and did not want to see me. I am trying to talk to him but I wonder if he is avoiding me knowing that I want to talk. Anyway, I'm trying not to worry about it to much and concentrate on me and my life and work. There is enough of that to do these days. Tomorrow if the weather is not rainy, although it is supposed to, I promise to get out on my bike or run. Please hold me to it.

I don't know anything about this BFL thing. Is it something that I should look into? I got VERY frustrated tonight thinking about what to do about dinner. I realized that when I eat crap (as in pull something from here and there) for dinner I eat too much because I am never satisfied. I just eat until I am full (usually too full). I don't know how, but I must change my ways so I actually sit down and eat a proper and tasty dinner.

mette - good job on getting out this morning to jog even though you were dragging. You have great will power and determination. I hope you are feeling better. My chin is still sore and has a big red mark on it (size of quarter). I am just hoping it goes away. I don't think it is anything to worry about but did it have to be on my chin? :lol:

Are you sad about finishing your job? You are very lucky to be going back to school. Regular jobs stink. :p Good luck getting organized and everything. When you're done you could come organize my house. It's on my list of things I must do.

I'm all for a weightlifting pact. I will just use the dumbbells I have at my house. mette - someone told me once that most people in gyms are so concerned with how they look that they barely notice that other people are in the room. Just ignore everyone else and think about how lean and strong you will be when you are done. I think Jessica has a great idea about starting Monday. How many days a week should we be aiming for? Upper and lower body?

Jessica - did you make it to the gym today? You are so lucky to have a short week. I hope the interview is fun and interesting.

Gotta get some sleep. Until tomorrow. Ang

Hi gals,

The good news is, I went to the gym, lifted weights, followed the BFL lifting plan, pushed myself and feel so good about it! I did upper body, mostly free weights. I feel energized and powerful and have seen my poor muscles respond in very positive ways to the few times I've lifted. Yay! The bad news is, I warmed up on a different elliptical machine than I'm used to, only for two minutes, mind you, and now I can hardly bend my knee. I have a horrible pain in the bottom of my thigh, the muscle that contracts around the knee, and truly can barely walk. I was doing alright as long as I kept moving, but as soon as I sat down to eat dinner, it stiffened up and hurts bad! Leave it to me to hurt my knee on a night I'm working on my upper body. What a dork. Anyway, I'll put some Ben-gay on it and a brace and hope it feels better tomorrow.

Ang, the premise of the "Body for Life" book and program is based on "transforming" your body in 12 weeks. The eating plan is a lot like I already do, eat 6 small meals a day, all with 1 portion of protein, 1 portion of healthy carbs, and added veggies to at least 2 meals. You follow the eating plan for 6 days out of the week, and then have a "free day" where you eat whatever you want. There are a couple of different reasons for that which he outlines in the book. The workout plan consists of exercising 6 days a week, alternating upper body weights, cardio, and lower body weights, with your "free day" off. He's very specific about the amounts of cardio (20 minutes, interval training) and weightlifting (has a whole, timed routine with increasing levels of intensity) and as I realized tonight, the weightlifting plan beats the heck out of the standard 12-reps of one weight. It's all good stuff, and having that 12-week goal might be a really good thing for you; I know that I'm starting to encorporate more of his program into what I'm doing. If you have a chance to check the book out, let me know what you think.

I'm also jealous about mette going to school! The closest thing I have to a "dream" is to be able to quit my job and go back to school full time. I've never done that. Even when I was in high school I worked. What a dufus I was! I've always worked full time, even when I was taking a full load of classes. Ugh.

Well, time to Dr. up my leg and get ready for bed. Hope you guys have a great day tomorrow!

Yey! Jessica!!! Congrats on getting to the gym!!! And feeling great about it too. Except for the stupid muscle-pulling - hope that gets better right away!
I don't know much about the weightlifting routine in BFL - what does it mean that it's not the standard type but based on increasing levels of intensity? You're lifting heavier and heavier weights when repeating the exercises?
I will schedule an appointment with an instructor at the gym, but I don't know just when yet. I just registered for my next semester yesterday (did I mention the postponing part?). I did this online, and I'll need to receive the receipt first. I'll need this receipt to register at the gym (and get student price). Then I can get an appointment with an instructor. But let me see what I can find out about this today, and get back to you. OK?

I would love for us to get serious about training and eating together!

Ang - great to have you back! I know this is something I need to learn too: how to stick around on days that suck. It's part of finding out how to stick with it (for me).
It's so much easier when everything is going great, but I'm learning the most important things on the days that suck. The great days are more like the reward in between the hard work. But I'm really trying to learn to enjoy the journey this time, you know?
And I'm just finding out how much eating well changes my mood too. I've never seen it as clearly before I think.

As for our pact - :workout: - I suggest we aim for weightlifting 3 days a week, alternating between upper and lower body. This way we can follow the same "rhythm", but Jessica can do BFL at the gym, Ang can do dumbbells, and I can do standard lifting at the gym. I'm aiming for weightlifting on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

I have another thing I wondered about. We have been posting here at the "Buddy up" forum, but I think we should look into moving our thread to "Support Groups" - we have sort of established ourselves as a group (Yey!).
And we'll need a name on the thread of course. Being the dork that I am, I would love for us to have a cool name like "The Pact" or something. :dz: (Heh!)
What do you guys think? Let's discuss!

Everybody have a great day with lots of exercise!
(no rain for Ang, and no aching muscles for Jessica!)

Ha ha... Mette, I was thinking the same thing, only something more along the lines of "The Dumbells".... :lol:

I know what you mean about the way food affects your mood. To tell you the truth, I've felt happier and healthier in the last month than I have in the last two years. :D It cannot just be a coincidence. Not only did I feel bad about myself for indulging EVERY day in whatever I want, and having food, like an unhealthy breakfast or big dinner my highpoint for my day, but I was getting a lot of colds, infections (I got two sinus infections back to back) and generally feeling tired and sluggish. Some days I just couldn't get out of bed. :p

The BFL weightlifting routine: Here's a for instance... Last night I did upper body, chest, shoulders, back, triceps and biceps. You chose 2 exercises for each muscle. For the chest, I did 6 sets-

Dumbell chest press:
12 Reps, 8 lb. dumbells, intensity at 5 (he describes your personal intensity level in the book)
Rest 1 minute
10 reps, 10 lbs., intensity at 6
Rest 1 minute
8 reps, 12 lbs., intensity at 7
Rest 1 minute
6 reps, 20 lbs., intensity at 8
Rest 1 minute
12 reps, 20 lbs., intensity at 9
No rest, then change exercise immediately
12 reps (dumbell flyes), 10 lbs, intensity at 10
Rest 2 minutes and move to next body part set :strong:

You write everything down on a chart (I use a 3x5 card) so that you know what you need to increase/decrease next time. Ang is right about the gym. Everyone's so self involved, they hardly notice you. I felt really weird about being so focused, knowing what exercises I was going to do, wandering around for a minute between each set, and writing everything down. But I just did what I needed to do, knowing I had a plan. Of course I'm still quarentining myself in the "women only" section because I too am a little intimidated by the guys. I figure the more I know about what I'm doing and the better I get, I'll break out and go use the good equipment (the women only gym has really old equipment and usually at least one dumbell is M.I.A.) Work out however you feel comfortable and try not to mind everyone else.

My knee feels better. I haven't taken the brace off yet, but I think I'll be ok. I don't think I'll work out today though. A coworker gave me a ticket to her daughter's dance recital just down the street from my house. I actually love watching dancing so I'll probably go to that tonight. Plus I'd feel bad if I didn't go since she gave me a free ticket.

Here's my eating for yesterday, it was really good and I need to think about today's menu, so posting may help:

Breakfast: 2 hardboiled eggs, 1 orange
Snack: 2 string cheese, 1 apple
Lunch: Chicken ranch ww pita w/ lettuce, cucumber, tomato
Snack: Lite blueberry yogurt w/ 1 scoop protein powder
Dinner: Ground turkey "goulash" with low carb tomato sauce, zucchini, red bell peppers, onions and "No Yolk" egg noodles
Snack: ff, sugar free chocolate pudding w/ 1 scoop protein powder

Hope everyone has a great day. I'm off to get ready for work!

Good morning.

Yeh Jessica. It's great that you got to the gym. I'm so happy for you that you enjoyed your weight lifting. I wrote down the name of that book and will definitely check it out. I'll let you know what happens with it. I hope your leg is feeling better today. Hopefully it is just a sore muscle. Did you ice it at all?

I am getting excited to start our program. mette - definitely let us know what you find out about the gym. It is raining here today so I may not be able to run, but I can definitely use my dumbbells. That will be my goal for tonight if it is still raining tonight. I'm trying to think positive. I agree mette, that when I exercise I feel better mentally. I haven't had eating success so I don't really know if that would make a difference. Mostly, if I think about food I think that I feel deprived of the foods that I love. I'm kindof a picky eater when it comes to what I really like. I have learned to eat other foods but don't necessarily enjoy them. When I am thinking abou not exercising I will try to remember how I will feel when I'm done. Maybe I'll even write down some thoughts after I exercise the next time and feel good.

I hate to be a downer, but I haven't gotten to the point where I can enjoy the journey. You both seem to be in different and better places than me but I'll get there eventually. :)

I can try for three days a week. Just to understand then that we will do three upper body routines within a two week period and three lower body workouts in the same two week period? Don't forget some abs at each workout though. mette - I also like your idea of moving to the support group forum. A name would be good and "The Pact" is fine with me. Maybe if that is our name then it will give us more incentive to stick to it. :D

The rain is here and so is the work. Yikes - been on the internet too long. Be back later. Have a great Wednesday!

Ang

I’m getting a bit excided to start our program too, Ang! :high:

Jessica – the BFL weightlifting sounds great – but at this stage it’s way too complicated for me. I have to start somewhere easy. With some straightforward exercises, a fixed number of repeats and weight. Mostly because I’m completely new to this, I’ve only done a few very simple exercises at home – so I think I have to ease my way into the whole “weightlifting at a gym” thing. My gym does not have a woman-area for weights – so I’ll have to go straight in to where the guys are. But I’ll just take both your words for it: that nobody is looking or noticing.

Also – your eating looks really good as usual, Jessica. And great news that your knee seems fine!

Ang, about being afraid of feeling deprived of the food you really like – sometimes it works to modify that food (so that it’ll have less calories) or to eat less of it, but I’ve found that other times I really need to eat it! There is no way I can live my life feeling deprived all the time – I would end up miserable, mean, and grumpy! :mad:
And I haven’t really gotten to the point where I enjoy the journey most of the time either, but I’m working on getting there. Working on getting a more positive attitude toward what I’m doing.
And don’t feel that you’re being left behind or anything, because this will go on for a very long time – and there will be all kinds of ups and downs along the way. I was thinking the other day that I’m almost half through this period of loosing weight (August through October left), but after that I will have to maintain the weight for at least 6 months, probably 9. And then do another loosing weight period. And then another maintaining period. So I’m talking a couple of years before I’m anywhere close to “done”. A long time.

You’ll get there Ang, of course you will.

About the upper/lower alternations – aren’t we suppose to just alternate so that each week you’re either doing: upper – lower – upper, or: lower – upper – lower (that would be the next week?)? And abs, yes Ang – we’ll do them on both upper and lower days?

So we are agreeing on moving. That’s good. Jessica – “the dumbbells” is a good name. My thoughts about “the pact” was that it would include both exercise *and* eating, but I’m open for other ideas too.

Wednesday and weightlifting at home for me. My eating has been OK, I’m trying out new recipes with beans – but not everything is a success! ;)
I’m also working on keeping up my calories, I have this tendency to limit my calories more and more as time goes on. I started with 1500 in April, then gradually I ate less and less, I’m not really sure why. Something about pushing it, when it’s working I suppose. My average on a week should be 10.500 and I’ve been down to 9000 for weeks – so this week I’m eating more again. And try to eat more varied. My goal is 10.500 calories this week.
If I don’t do these things – eat enough, eat varied, eat food I want – I will not be able to see this through. I know that. And I really want to see this through this time!

OK. Have nice Wednesdays guys!

I wonder if my eating and exercise affects my mood or if my mood affects my eating and exercise. I think it is the latter at the beginning. I think having some success helps the ball rolling for me but the mood has to be there first. I am glad both of you are doing so well and feeling so good. I hope you can use it to keep up the momentum.

THE BFL lifting does sound pretty involved. More power to you Jessica for doing it, and liking it. Keep it up. I would imagine you get used to it but you need to have the weights ready to go, right? I'm not sure what I should do with the dumbbells. Maybe I'll use that routine from the web that we talked about before - Krista or something. I think I printed it out.

Jessica - so glad to hear that your knee is feeling better. Congrats on another awesome day of eating. I couldn't say no when a coworker asked me to go out to lunch (I hadn't brought anything since I am in desperate need of groceries) and didn't protest when she suggested a Chinese buffet. The weird thing is that I didn't even enjoy it that much. I think I am just so 'mad and frustrated' at food that I don't really take pleasure in eating anything. One day I am going to scan these posts and write down a bunch of ideas and then go to the market. Thanks for posting the food, it really helps me and hopefully it helps you too. :D

I'm with mette on the weights. I need something simple and not too time consuming. When I have used dumbbells in the past I was able to be done in 30 minutes. Maybe I wasn't working hard enough but I did everything I was told to do. I don't know what I would do for an hour and a half (the amount of time bf takes to lift). I guess it's different for men who want to bulk? :?:
mette - you described the exact order I was thinking of with the alternating weights. Does anyone have any suggestions on ab routines?

I think the name should represent both the eating and exercising. I have to say that 'the dumbbells' is cute but I don't think I would want to deal with the negative connotation since we are obviously three very smart ladies. :D I don't have any other ideas though.

mette - it seems like you really understand what you need to do with your eating. I'm glad you are adjusting your caloric intake if it has been declining. You definitely don't want to slow your body down. I hope the weightlifting goes well today.

I am getting ready to leave work and have so much that I didn't get done. A coworker took all my time today on a new project so I didn't get any of the 'old' stuff done. I am bringing work home but you can guess how that will go. I am also looking outside and seeing how bleak it looks. In my head I want to go running, but my body says no way, just be lazy or go grocery shopping and then be lazy. :lol: I feel like a blimp after the Chinese lunch. I am trying to convince myself that getting outside would be the first step to changing this cycle. I just don't know if I have the energy or motivation to take the first step. Why do I make this so hard? :?: I wish one of you were here to give me a swift kick. :mad:

Ang

:mad: I didn't run again. :(

I don't know what/who I hate more: me, bf, food, or being fat. Please kick me - go ahead, kick me. you guys are great, but these are the times when I really wish I had someone here in town to grab me and pull me out of the house. Once I get started I should be alright or at least better.

I hope you both had a good evening. See you tomorrow.

Ang

Ang, please don't hate yourself. You've done nothing wrong, other than not doing what you know you WANT to do, deep down, and what you NEED to do for yourself. You don't have control over your boyfriend's actions. You don't have control over food (in other words, you need food to live and if you constantly try to fight it, you're going to lose.) You don't even have immediate control over "being fat." What you DO have control over is YOU. Your actions. Who you associate with. What and how much you eat. What you do to take care of yourself. If you really hated yourself, you wouldn't care if you were "fat", wouldn't be hurt by your boyfriend, wouldn't be frustrated by what you eat and not exercising. What we all need to assess are the things we want, the things we need, the things we can control, and the things we can't, and stop beating ourselves up about it all, stop being scared, stop thinking "I can't..." and "maybe if/when..." Please know that when I'm typing this, I'm writing to myself, too.

I spent this evening at my co-worker's daughter's dance recital. First of all, I fell in love with the tiny kids, the 4-5 year olds. It made me feel sad that I don't have any kids yet and that I haven't gotten myself into a position where I could right now. The next thoughts I had were about how unsupportive my parents were, and how I never got involved in activities like dancing or sports because they were always working and never encouraged me. There was a dance group of older girls, high school/college age, who were SO good. They were amazing. Graceful, in great shape, beautiful, coordinated, had the loudest cheering section in the whole place. I guess I realized that there is no reason on earth why I can't be and have all those things. The only thing keeping me from being graceful, sexy, active, talented, is that I haven't truly believed it's possible. I don't have the faith in myself to be all of these things. So, I am making it my priority every day, to do what I need to do to lose weight. To be in the best body I can be in, so that I can start seeing myself as that dancer on stage. So I can get out of my head and in touch with my body, it's gracefullness, sexiness and beauty. Because it's there for all of us. We just need to believe it and then cultivate it.

I'm tired and need to go to bed, but I wanted to share that with you and let you know that you're ok. I'm not there to kick you in the butt, so this is the best I can do.