Hi Everyone.

Just a quick note as I am heading out to Cape Cod for the holiday weekend with my 'boyfriend'. It should be an interesting time - more on that later.

praytherosary822 - you are right that I need to make time to relax. Unfortunately most of the things I am doing I can't eliminate. I have been at my job for a few months now and just don't like it. There isn't much I can do about it, except look for another job I suppose. I am trying to concentrate on my health right now to try and get some control of my life again. Thanks for the support.

mette - I can't believe about the calories, but you are right that after the holiday I can really look at my diet (get a few days of calorie counts) and see how I can improve it. Thanks for the tip. btw - I ran a 5k race today with my running club. I can't encourage you enough to find a group if you can, or start one. I never keep up with the people but still love the support and group feeling.

goofgirl - I looked at the DC site a little and was overwhelmed. It could be a fulltime job getting everything set up. I have gotten some good information out of it already (e.g. list of nutritous foods) and plan on checking it out more when I get home next week. I really need to site down at home one evening and devote some time to revamping my eating. I'll also check into the fitday site.

Congratulations on your workout! Did you lift weights today? I have dumbells at home and plan on putting lifting back into my exercise routine to try and raise my metabolism some. mette - you said you used dumbells, what exercises do you do? goofgirl - do you use machines at the gym?

I have heard that if you want to lose weight you need to be between 60-80% of your max heart rate (or something like that) and you need to maintain it for at least 30-45 minutes. The first 15 minutes burn sugar/glycogen I think and then the body gets to fat if you are consistently up in your target heart rate zone. Does any of that sound about right? I am trying to exercise at least 45 minutes but usually only get 30-35. Better than nothing, right?

Wish me luck with my boyfriend at the Cape this weekend. It was a little bit of a surprise and I'm not sure how I feel about it (or him for that matter right now). goofgirl - you seem to have a great boyfriend. Does he have a brother?

Be back Monday night - have great weekends!

Hey there!

Hope everyone has had/is having a great 4th. I had an interesting food experience today. I went to a bbq this afternoon. I made some healthy vegitarian chili (with cashews in it... I know, it sounds strange, but it's really good!) and figured I would ease up on myself and have the usual fare. So, I had a hamburger on a white bun, macaroni salad, broccoli salad with lots of dressing on it, a small piece of steak, and some of my chili. It was about a small plateful. Anyway, after eating I got the worst stomach pains, and 6 hours later, my stomach still feels in knots. What a mistake! I'm following Sugar Busters, so I haven't eaten any white bread, potatoes, pasta, sugar, etc. in two weeks and that little bit I had really made me feel awful. I guess it just goes to show how much that stuff really affects us, we just get used to eating it every day. I was down another two pounds this morning; it will be interesting to see how my eating today affects that.

shyangel: I know it's not any of my business, but I'm really interested about this "boyfriend" situation and your weekend trip... Give us the scoop! I didn't end up at the gym yesterday, I ended up spending like an hour and a half shopping for groceries and I figured that was enough for one day. My gym was open part of the day today, so I went this morning. 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, and then I did some weightlifting, back and chest. I typically use a combination of machines and free weights to work all muscle groups. A good book for beginning weights is "Weightlifting for Dummies." They describe different exercises for all the major muscle groups, have illustrations to show you how to do them, and help for setting up your own routine depending on your goals. It was so funny (and kinda sad) because I used to be able to bench-press almost 100 lbs. Today I did 3 sets of 15 chest presses with 3 lb. dumbells and thought I was gonna die!

Anyway, hope y'all had a good weekend and talk to you soon!

Hi guys.

Jessica - sorry to hear about your motorcycle accident, but what in the world is plantarfaschitis?
Good for you that you got back to the gym! I'm starting on my 4th week of exercising everyday today - and I feel really good about it.
I really agree with you that it's about planning out the exercise routine in the same way as planning out the food. It makes everything so much easier.

Shyangel - congratulations on the race! It actually sounds like fun - I think I must look into any local races where I live too. As for dumbbells and lifting, I recommend this wonderful site by Krista: http://www.stumptuous.com/weights.html
Everything she writes is really good. I use one of her workouts - the one that's called " all dumbbells! all the time!". The exercises are easy and effective!
(And I'm with Jessica: what's with the boyfriend???? )

Congratulations on loosing another 2 pounds this week Jessica - I did too!!
My total weight loss is now 50 pounds off!!! Yey!!!

Everybody have a great Monday!

I just wanted to let you all know that I was back from my weekend. I will write tomorrow with all the details about my boyfriend and this weekend. The short story is that as of now he is still my boyfriend. The teaser is that on Wednesday he may not be.

How did everyon'e weekend end up? It sounds like everyone is has been doing really well. All I know is that I tested my scale and there doesn't seem to be a problem with it reading the right weight. I guess it means I really have gained weight.

For the record then I am 'starting' my 'new lifestyle' (not diet) at 187 pounds. This does not make me happy since a year ago I was about 171 pounds and 3 months ago before I started running I was 184ish. I'm going in the wrong direction.

Have a great Tuesday!

Hi guys,

I'm glad everyone had a good weekend!

Mette- Congrats on losing the two pounds! It's so cool to watch the scale go down for once, isn't it? I'm a little concerned about my indulgence yesterday, but when I think about it, a normal "festive" meal for me would have been what I ate PLUS a hot dog, potato chips, a couple of cookies and a brownie or two (or three...) so in cases like that, just eating in moderation is much better than over indulging, right? For the record, I misspelled what is wrong w/ my foot: it's plantarfaciitis, and basically it affects the tendon that spans from your heal to your big toe on the bottom of your foot. The tendon gets stretched in a weird way or gets little tears on it that are very painful. Usually it goes away w/ rehab, but I've had it for like 2 years and am considering maybe seeing about having surgery on it. By the way, thank you so much for the website recommendation for women weightlifting. I spent a good deal of time today reading through everything and was very inspired! Did the gym again today, 20 minutes on the elliptical machine, plus did one of the routines from the website. I think I'm going to be super sore from the squats. Yikes!!

Shyangel: Welcome back! Please let us know about your weekend when you have a chance to write. Sounds interesting. I'm glad (however bittersweet) that you found out your scale is working correctly. At least you know where you stand. Don't feel bad. I have never owned a scale, so I bought one that measures body fat. First time I stood on it I weighed slightly over 200 lbs. That is my highest weight ever. That scared me, I guess, and that's why I'm here. 190, 45 more to go (at least). Bodyfat wise, I'm at 39%. At my fittest I was at about 17%. Ah, the good old days!!

Have a great night everyone. Talk to you soon!

Hi girls -

'New lifestyles' all around then! And - isn't it a funny coincident that the three of only vary 6 pounds weightwise? (OK - the difference being that you are on your all time high and I'm on my way down from a lot more. Ah, well. Not important.)

Jessica - the plantarfaciitis sounds painful and awful (no matter how you spell it - I still didn't know what it was). Hope it gets better.
And yes, aren't Krista's pages about women and weight lifting great? I love them too.

I'm a bit down today. I talked to a girlfriend on the phone yesterday about a couple of friends of us who had lost a lot of weight recently - one on Atkins, the other on WW - but now they both apparently have gained all the weight they lost and then some.
We ended up talking about how all the people we know of, who have lost weight at one time or another (me included), have not been able to keep it off. It's really discouraging. I know hardly anyone in real life who has lost weight and kept it off.
And I know that the way I loose weight: loose weight for a limited period, and then maintain - loose weight again, and then maintain, is a good approach and increases my chances of maintaining the weight loss. But still. The chances of success are not very big.

But it does help that I'm feeling better in my body when the weight comes off - so at least it's not all hard work: there are some good feelings too!
Ah, well.
Have a good day everybody - I'll see if I can find some coffee!

Good morning!

Jessica - I had problems with my arches once and luckily a lot of massage and physical therapy did the trick. I'm sorry it's not working for you. Good job on not letting it stop you from exercising, although without the right treatment is it making it worse? I think you did fine over the weekend with your eating. you can't do anything about the past so just concentrate on the choices you are making today. If you want to keep the weight off you have to live your life and that means small indulgences once in a while.

You are all inspiring me to get to my weights tonight. I think I'll check out that website and do one of the routines. I'll let you know.

mette - I'm sorry you are feeling down today. Anything we can do? I know all too well how that feels. Losing weight can be very frustrating but you are an individual and this time is different for you than any other time. Don't risk sabotaging your efforts by worrying about keeping the weight off. Right now you seem to be doing everything right and taking things slowly. Be proud of your accomplishments and just take it one day at a time. I thinkit's great that you feel better. I know that one of the reasons that I keep running is because I like running and being with the people in my club. If I only did it to lose weight I would probably have stopped a month ago. Remeber that the journey is as important as the destination. Enjoy!

Now, what to tell you about my boyfriend situation....I am almost 34 (July 20) and he is 39. He has never been married and a little emotionally distant. He just returned from 10 weeks of work training that kept him out of state. We have been together for 8 months and prior to his new job (3 months ago) he was talking about having children, moving in together, etc. Lately he is even more distant (maybe scared) but does not talk to me about it. I 'put up with' the detachment while he was training but now that he is home it is time to put up or shut up from him. I have trust issues too but I can't be with someone who can't communicate with me and be supportive of my life and feelings. My friends say I have the patience of a saint with him but I love him and am scared to throw the relationship away in case I am right and he is the one (maybe I just need to be a little more patient).

The question is: he knows we need to talk but I doubt he will bring it up so it is up to me. He came home Saturday night and things were fine but then he basically ignored me at the holiday party we went to on Sunday at his sister's house. How long do I give him before I initiate talking? You can imagine that this emotional turmoil is not good for my eating and exercising as I am upset more than I should be. I should say that he is a great guy in almost every other way and I don't really doubt that he cares about me, I just don't know if he is ready to show it as much as I need. Am I being too needy? Why do relationships have to be so difficult?

That's the short version of the story - I'll take any comments or suggestions as I am at my wits end with him. Sorry for the extra long post. How is everyone's Tuesday going?

Hi girls,

Mette: Hope your feeling better now. Being one of those who wasn't able to keep the weight off, I know how you feel. I'm hoping I can bring what I learned from that experience to my current efforts and not repeat the same mistakes. Maybe you can learn from your friends and avoid ending up where they are. You are worth all the effort you're putting into your fitness. We all are. Sometimes we just need a reminder of that!

Shyangel: I think I'm going to send you another reply about your boyfriend situation when I have more time to write. I'll share some of my experiences in similar situations and maybe that will help you with what you're going through. Thank you for the advice about my foot. I think if I were to start running again, it would definitely aggrivate it, but I'm staying on the elliptical for now because there is no impact. I should probably give physical therapy another try.

Hope everyone's having a great day. I'm home for lunch so I need to wrap it up and get back to the grind. Ick.

Hi again,

shyangel – thank you for encouraging words – I do feel a bit better now. And you’re absolutely right; it is about keeping the focus on the here and now, one day at a time and all that. I’m usually good at remembering to see the good stuff, but once in a while I just get a bad day. It was good that you reminded me! Thanks.
I know maintaining is sometimes hard, but once again – I think it’s also about planning, and about being prepared. To eat right, to exercise regularly – for me those things come down to planning, and that’s what maintaining is about too. And – again – I already know this, I have already done this – but sometimes I just forget. Stupid. Ah, well.

Jessica - yes - that's what I want too: learn from experience and not repeat the same mistakes. But I really need to find out how I can do that - sometimes I'm not so sure what happened.

Now – about the boyfriend situation, and the eternal question: “Why do relationships have to be so difficult?” Yeah. I want to know that too. It should be easier!

I don’t think it’s about being too needy. I think when someone thinks they’re too needy in a relationship (and I know I have) – they’re really not getting what they need out of the relationship. That’s my take on that issue. And to fix it – well, of course – that’s where the talking comes in. Being able to tell each other what you need. It’s really the hard part – at least for me. (And yeah – I’m single right now, did I mention that? I’m probably not even suitable to give advice or comments about relationships at this stage! )

But if he – as a type – is a bit distant, it sounds logical that he’ll get even more distant when things get difficult between you. Do you think that he ignored you at the party, because he didn’t want to talk with you about your relationship?
I suppose the question then is: Do you think he doesn’t want to talk about it for a reason – or is it just that he doesn’t like to talk about “things like that”?
It’s sounds complicated, and I can understand why you're stressed out about it. He sounds like a nice guy too; he cares about you, and you about him
So you need to talk to him about it, and sooner is probably better than later. Do you see him every day? Hope things turn out OK for you shyangel! If there’s anything we can do, just let us know.

This became a long and rather rambling entry – sorry about that – and I’m done now. Hope everybody is having a great Tuesday.

Oh mette! You beat me to the punch with shygirl's boyfriend situation. You really made a lot of great points that I will probably reiterate in this post. Shygirl, I was married when I was 20. Ok, that's probably not a good way to start because I'm might not be the best person to give relationship advice but, I digress...! We were together for 2 years, married for 10 months. Yup. He was much like you describe your current beau. Kind, intelligent, together, but distant, and it was difficult to get into his head. He was also not terribly affectionate or empathetic. These particular traits became magnified after we were married. I knew I wasn't getting what I needed from the relationship before we were married, but I think I wanted it to work out and wanted to love him so badly, I overlooked it. I became miserable. Long story less long, he ended up having an affair and we divorced. I don't blame his affair for our divorce, I simply believe we weren't giving each other what we needed emotionally and he found it elsewhere.

Fast forward 6 years (and several relationships later...) I met a man who, on paper seemed absolutely perfect for me. Exact same interests, not bad looking, good sense of humor, made lots of money, well educated, blah blah blah... We dated for 3 months. At the end of the relationship, we had this very long, like 4 hour long, break up conversation where, to his credit, he made several great observations about how we loved and needed to be loved differently. I'm warm and nurturing. He got very distant when not feeling well. I'm easy-going and mushy. He was very literal and emotionally and physically disengaged. We both loved each other, but it was love that was expressed in the wrong way for both of us. At the end I felt pretty much the same way I'd felt with my ex. Drained, sad, but a little relieved. I came to realize that I'm only "needy" when I'm with someone not giving me what I need. I guess that's my whole point in this ramble. It's miserable to love someone but wish the entire time that they would love you back in a different way than they do.

With all that said, I have met someone wonderful for me. We've been together 8 months as well, and communicate and click emotionally like we've been best friends for years. Not all of our interests are the same, sometimes we just put up with each other, but we can talk, we can snuggle, we can make fun of each other and not be hurt; he gives me what I need in my heart. To me, a relationship doesn't get much better than that.

I think I've taken up my alotment of space here, so I'll just end by saying that you deserve to be happy, and comfortable with who you are and what you need, here, in this effort to lose weight and be healthy, and in your relationship, emotionally. Does that make sense? I hope that all gives you a little perspective. It's a little hard to go into personal stuff, but I just wish you the best! Thanks for letting me ramble!!

mette - I'm glad you are feeling a little better. Today is a new day!

Jessica - Have you been able to identify what happens when you gain weight? When I moved recently I gained 15 pounds 'without reallly realizing it' and can't believe it took me eight months to put a stop to it and try and do something about it. I still haven't quite figured out what I need to do, but at least I think I stopped the weight gain. Luckily I think I figured out why I was gaining so I could take some control. If the next step (losing) was as easy I would be all set.

Boyfriend...thanks for your help and support on this issue. It has been quite a trying time. The fact that I don't have high self-esteem and hate my body doesn't help the situation as I am partially afraid that no other man will ever want me.

We are both bad communicators but I am at the end of my rope. I want to talk but cannot pin him down to when I am going to see him next. He works 12 hours a day (evenings), 5 days a week so I don't see him much at all and we talk about 5 minutes a day when he works (nothing too deep and meaningful). I don't think he ignored me at the party because he was afraid of talking. I think he may have been a little self conscious about being with me with all of these people he did not know (he is really insecure inside). He did keep an eye on me all night and finally talked to me near the end when he was a little drunk. To be fair, he did ask me twice if everything was alright and I chickened out and just said fine. Shame on me. In general he doesn't talk about 'emotional stuff' too easily. I guess all I can do is wait until I see him again.

Thanks again for your support. I'll keep you updated. Jessica - congratulations on finding a great guy.

What's going on today for everyone?

Jessica – glad to hear you’ve got a wonderful boyfriend! I know the good guys are out there too, even if I’m not looking for one right now. (It’s still good to know, you know?)

shyangel – I know what you mean about gaining weight without realizing it. Suddenly it’s just there: 20 extra pounds! Huh? What happened? Gaining weight unconsciously? Oh yes!

Wish you all the best with the boyfriend.

My day today is a good one. Did I tell you guys that I have the best job for the summer? (Yes, I’m a student – I don’t really have the all-year-type-job! ) This summer I got a research scholarship so I’m spending my summer doing research. I’m working on a study on depression, body image, self-injury, and attitudes toward sexuality in local 16-years-olds. And everything I do on this project interests me. I’m learning a lot about research methods, about the technicalities – but also about relevant psychological theories.
Personally, I haven’t decided yet whether I want work as a researcher or clinician when I finish my degree. And I applied for the scholarship to learn more about the research part, I have already had some clinical experience - with more to come. And so far everything seems interesting! I think I want to do both the scientific and clinical parts.
And it’s really nice to be so enthusiastic about what I’m doing – my jobs during all those years I was working before I went back to university were never anything to get very enthusiastic about.

So today I’ve been working on statistical parts of the data-material. It may sound really boring to anybody else, but I got really excited about some new variables – and when I tried to tell a friend about it… Heh. Well, I see that not everybody is as excited by statistics as I am!
But I have good friends: they let me rant when I need to!

How are you guys doing so far today?

Hope everyone's having a great Wednesday. Having Monday off from work was great because this week seems to be flying by. It will be the weekend again in no time!

Shyangel: What happens when I gain weight? Well, I think after being so active and fit a couple of years ago, I decided to quit smoking. I told myself I could eat whatever I wanted because I was going through such a big thing with the smoking. I couldn't very well deprive myself of EVERYTHING, right? So, I rewarded myself with things like Frappucinos from Starbucks, let myself eat the goodies people brought in to work, etc. Well, the quitting thing only lasted a month, but I kept eating whatever I wanted. I think I stopped going to the gym because I was to the point where I was going 6 days a week for like 2 hours each time. I pushed myself too hard, then got burned out. I told myself I'd just take a month off, then never went back. Recently, I experienced the unnoticed 20 lb. weight gain. How does that happen?! Why don't we notice when it's happening? We just stop wearing our jeans, because somewhere deep down we know they aren't going to fit. I don't know! I think that happened because Mike and I started dating, and food, cooking, having dinner together, shopping for groceries, going out to dinner, all were such an important part of our relationship. Both of us were making really bad food choices and over-indulging. We were like partners in crime. Finally I just asked him if I were to start eating better and "dieting" if he would be ok with that. He lets me plan our meals and prepare the food. He does the cleanup. It's really worked out and I hope both of us benefit from it.

Mette- I'm so jealous that you've gone back to school! I've gotten stuck in the rut of working a job that I don't really enjoy so that I can support myself, but it doesn't leave any time or flexibility for school. I majored in psychology too and am about a year away from my Bachelor's degree. I have friends who are done with grad school now and I'm so proud of them. I know someday I'll finish (when I win the lottery!) I'm one of those weird people who loved statistics too. It's fascinating. Congrats on your great summer job. Let us know what you find out in your research. It sounds really interesting!

Hi everybody –

Jessica – no wonder you burned yourself out when you went to the gym 6 times a week. I can relate to the black/white and all/nothing thing though; it’s difficult to find a balance sometimes. But it sounds like you’re doing much better now. And – about your recent changes in eating better – it’s really good you and Mike are doing it together.

To stop smoking is a massive change in one’s everyday life! And for a lot of us it does bring along a lot of eating and weight-gain. I quit smoking 8 years ago – and I put on a lot of weight. It took me a year or so before I was back to normal and could start loosing some of it. I am *never* taking up smoking again – there’s no way am I going through that again!

And yeah – I’m really glad I went back to school – I was way too miserable with my job. It took me some time do decide to do it – it was a bit scary, especially the “not being paid every month” part. You know: being a student and having no money again. What I figured was that one day I would be 40 years old (it seemed far away back then when I was 31 ), and I asked myself: do I want to be a psychologist when I’m 40, or do I want to still work in jobs I don’t like all that much?
I had this mental image of myself being miserable for the rest of my life because I was too chicken to actually make the changes I needed. So I quit my job, moved here and went back to school. I have never regretted it, and I would warmly recommend it to everybody!
It’s one of the things I’m proud of, you know? One of those hard decisions that I made because I knew it was right. Hard yes, difficult yes – but right doesn’t equal easy.
I guess weight-loss is a lot like that too.

Take care!

Can you believe it is Thursday already? I don't know where this week went - not that I'm complaining.

mette - I am glad yesterday was a better day for you. You sound better today too. Your job does sound fascinating. I love learning about people. I am a researcher for my job. I do biomechanics and occupational safety though (industrial and systems engineer). It's not as cool as what you're doing, but I definitely get to work with people and stats. I have a grad degree in math also. I love numbers. Good luck with the job and definitely keep us updated.

Jessica - are you still smoking? It does sound like you are in a much better place. More kudos to your boyfriend for making this healthy change with you. Maybe next you'll have to seriously look at your job situation. I just got out of grad school last year and am still trying to figure out if this is the right job for me. I would rather be doing a lot of other things but they won't all pay the bills. I have to eat - right.

Today has been a pretty good day for me. My boyfriend called on his way to work at 7am. It was a nice way to wake up. Work hasn't sucked today either. My latest (continuing) problem is being really frustrated with not losing any weight or feeling better in my clothes. I checked out my eating and I'm not sure what else I could do.

Breakfast - slimfast shake (when I am done with the ones I bought I'll move to something better)

Lunch - salad (fat-free dressing) and fruit

Snacks (if needed) - nuts or more fruit

Dinner - fruit (see a pattern?) and a frozen dinner (Smart Ones) or a meat with veggies

I don't eat pasta at home or bread so usually dinners are mostly protein, cheese, and veggies

I know it is the same old song (sorry), but if I don't get some positive physical reinforcement soon I am afraid I might give up. I even tried measuring and in a month and a half no positive changes (maybe even negative ones).

Sorry - today couldn't be all good. Thanks for letting me vent.