Hi everyone! New chick here. I've been what I like to call deadly obese my whole life. When I was 17 I hit a milestone. Above 150 kg, 152 to be exact. I said to myself you have two options. You can kill yourself, or you can do something about it. I chose the later. In my strugles of starvation, selfloathing, hoping and disapointment I found an unlikely suporter and helper. Although an ex-athelete and coming from a family of atheletes, he was the most suportive, unjudging person I've met, not the health **** you usualy expect when you imagine an ex-athelete, you know what I mean?
Then the unthinkable happent as I hit 109 and could feel the goal within my reach. Test was positive. Bye-bye hopes and dreams, hello son
Then you know how that goes. You yo-yo back up, then lose a portion, only to get pregnant again and get it back up again, and the story goes on.
For the better part of a decade I hated myself and entertained the thought of killing myself and the self shame when you don't quite fit (or not at all) fit in the chair, you get stares and hushed giggles, etc, etc. I particularly recall a moment of ruined joy when siting on a bench in a park on vacations, being held by my husband and an old hag came and said to me" you are fat and disgusting, you should lose weight " and to him "how can you like that thing, it's disgusting" only to reduce me to public weeping and him almost asaulting the hag.
At some point I grew thicker skin and embraced my dear's point of view, aka the BBW comunity. Pretty much said bye-bye to self-loathing and depression and kept getting fatter as a result. Anyway to get a long story short, I'm sure I've tired you already with my blubbering, after some many hard years, we're on today, my husband a survivor of a quite strong heart attack which left him with mild heart failure and disability and after quiting cold turkey smoking for that reason, he gained 20 kilos in a year which added to his already obese and tired body. Now I have to be strong for both of us, find the strength to work for both of us and guide him through the perilous journey of fat loss, dissapointment and heart ache (both literally and not). I joined a gym 4 months ago and try to work it out, he can't in his state, I get him to walk for a little bit, 2-3 km once in a while and try to get an "as healthy as possible" meal plan but he gets me all the time. He is a cheater. He gets those puppy eyes and begs me to give in in ordering a pizza or something just as unhealthy with his "who knows how long I still have, I want to enjoy my possibly last days/weeks/years, not waste them in steamed broccoli" . And as he cheats, I cheat, because I can't let him eat a whole pizza by himself. What am I to do with him and me?
Hello
