Hi everyone,

I am a 29 year old male who has been trying to lose weight for 12 years. I am about to reach 300lbs and I am 5'9". I am miserable and I am lonely, but all I have is food. I love it. My body and mind crave it. It is my best friend. It is my favorite part of the day to sit down and eat a nice fattening or sugary meal. I am addicted to fat and sugar. I cannot quit. I try and try and try. Someone suggested I go to overeaters anonymous and I did, but it was not for me. I am so tired of this but when I try to cut back or lead a healthy lifestyle I fail. I literally try this everyday and I fail. It is to the point to where I want it bad but mentally believe I cannot do it. I fail before I begin now. I just want to do this so I can be healthy and feel better especially in my clothes. My self esteem is drained and I keep saying I am going to go out and get that good job or that new girlfriend when i lose weight but I just cannot get there. I am miserable but my brain needs and craves sweets or fats all day long and immediately after I eat a nice fatty and salty meal I must have something sweet to finish it off. This will eventually kill me. Thank you anyone for reading this, and thanks for any advice in advance. Hope everyone is doing well.

Welcome to the forum. Hopefully someone can jump in here and give you some other help. I would suggest starting slow, day by day, trying to cut out one thing at a time and try substituting something healthier that will suffice that craving once a day and work up from there. Personally, I was eating something sweet each evening. I am now eating fruit, usually berries or an apple, in place of candy. The fruit is sweet and satisfies the craving for me without all the calories.

I have found this site extremely helpful and hope you do too.

Good luck to you

Welcome! It's definitely a very difficult journey, because it's not just about changing the external (what you eat or do), but the internal, your very mentality towards food. It's already such a wonderful thing that you've recognized your unhealthy habits and want to make a change instead of just accepting them. Congratulations, and good luck to you!

There are three tips that I can give that have really helped me, and hopefully, they can help you, too!

Firstly, I took it pretty slowly. I didn't cut back on everything that was bad immediately. It took many, many months for others to say "wow, you're eating better now!" even though I had been trying to since the previous year. First, I cut sodas, which was enough of a challenge for me since I had them everyday at least twice a day. Once I started feeling comfortable with water and fresh juices (months later), I reduced my chocolate intake. I didn't cut it, I just told myself that, instead of having it 2-4 times a day, I'd have one chocolate per day. That's how slow I went. I know a lot of people say it's healthy and good to lose 1-2 pounds per week (and I think you may even lose more since you're at a higher weight), but if I think I lost that amount every 3 or 4 weeks. I really wanted to not rush myself, which allowed me to not cut things too radically and not become the dieting monster who restricts and restricts and then binges because I've bitten off more than I can chew. (Hah. Get it? Okay, anyway.)

Secondly, I've been trying to change my mentality about healthy food. There's this general idea that healthy foods are bland and untasteful and unhealthy foods are tasty. While that tends to be true, I once heard something that really helped me think beyond that. You don't crave what you don't eat. I'm never gonna wake up with a craving for sushi because I've never eaten it. So how "attractive" food seems depends on how much we eat of it. My past nutritionists have always told me that our taste buds adapt, so if you eat less salt in your diet, you'll soon find that previously delicious meals seem too salty. And that really has happened to me! I've made it my goal to really like healthy food. Not just to eat it more often to lose weight, but to really enjoy meals that are more natural. I've noticed quite a lot of progress in that sense (people have been telling me "did YOU just seriously celebrate because there's broccoli on the table?" and "who would've thought that YOU out of all people would be eating well!"). I still love my doughnuts and chocolate and other junk food, but choosing the healthier option is no longer the battle it used to be, especially since I've been purchasing it less. (It's more likely I'll eat junk food if it's lying around the house, I won't always make the effort to go out and buy it if I have a craving.)
But as an additional note, I've found that people don't really know how to cook healthy food very well in the US and Canada. I mean, raw broccoli and cauliflower? Really? I usually eat broccoli every day and even I couldn't swallow that. The whole tendency towards fatty salad dressings makes more sense to me now. But cooking foods properly (with a little salt, a little garlic) makes them a LOT tastier. Another thing my mom did when I was little to trick me into eating veggies (and I'd have veggies I'd claim to hate!) was to make these mixed meals with rice, beans, chicken or meat and veggies. The liquid from the beans doesn't make it so dry, and the salty meat or chicken would make it pretty tasty. Maybe give it a try!
It's also really fun for me to fun new recipes. People online have a way of making and photographing healthy food that makes it look SO GOOD. Something like two ingredient cookies or two ingredient pancakes can be fun to learn and really not that hard.
Another interesting thing my father told me (that has never left my mind) - we eat junk food for the taste. We don't eat for nutrition. So, in all honesty, wether I have one doughnut or seven doesn't make much of a difference in terms of taste. It's always going to be the same thing - I'll taste it for the short couple of seconds that it's in my mouth, and then the taste will partially go away. Eating six more is only going to make that short moment last a few seconds more. And for a few seconds, it's not really worth it when you consider the horrible nutrition. When I do go for junk food, I'll try to enjoy it slowly. (If I just chomp it down and swallow it like I usually do, I won't even be enjoying what I'm eating it for - the taste!) And then (and this is an exercise, so know you'll get there slowly), I make sure I put it down. The taste is still in my mouth afterwards, and even if I do get more, I'll enjoy it for such a short time it's not worth getting another one.
Also, keep in mind that it's even been proven that sugar can be physically addictive. So making big cuts isn't just a mental battle, it's physical, too! Your cravings aren't just a result of your attachment to food, but a real bodily craving that you need to eliminate. So going over the portions you choose isn't just a loss in the mental battle you're going through, but it's hindering your progress towards cleaning your body from those needs.

My third tip is something I've struggled a lot with, which is finding another emotional outlet. Using food as emotional consolation is something I'm fairly known for and something I still do occasionally. But something as simple as finding a hobby and going to that in times of frustration or anger or sadness can really help. It won't be immediate because you won't be used to thinking of that as a consolation, but with time, you learn to look forward to your time spent with whatever hobby you choose and, as mentioned, it becomes less of a battle. The first steps are always the hardest, though, because that's when you really don't feel like it's helping. But trust me, that's when it is!
For me personally, it's been drawing, but with time, I've even come to think of exercise as a good emotional outlet! I'm usually seated in my room all day, so a change of pace is actually really refreshing for me. It's a moment where my brain can do nothing for an hour and I do something repetitively, almost on auto-pilot. What was previously an obligation to me became a time of mental rest!

Combining the first and second tips a bit, slow walks around the block or neighborhood can be a great start in terms of exercise. My first changes were only in the area of nutrition, so of course you can choose to do so as well, but when you do want to start taking that up, walks can be a great way to clear your mind or sort through your thoughts and get used to moving around on a regular basis.

If you ever need any more tips, we're all here for you! And trust me, knowing you need to change your habits and wanting to be healthier is the first and most important step to getting it right. (;

true85! You've come to the right place! This is a very supportive, non-judgmental community. You don't have to go it alone! I don't know if this could be the case with you, but I am carb-sensitive. When I eat quick-burning carbs, like bread, cereal, pasta, rice, potatoes, and sweets (any of these ring a bell?), my blood sugar spikes and my body doesn't just produce insulin to bring it down, it floods my system with insulin, causing my blood sugar to drop too low. Then my body sends out the signal in the form of hunger that I need to raise my blood sugar, and what's the fastest way to do that, what do I crave? Quick-burning carbs! It's a vicious cycle and it causes me to pack on pounds because I'm always hungry, even if I ate not too long ago. For someone who is sensitive to quick-burning carbs like that and/or has insulin issues, the only way to get that under control is to limit the quick-burning carbs in the first place. Once you do that, the physical cravings disappear. Of course, emotionally you might still want those foods, but you have to decide if it's really worth it. I do suspect since you tend to crave sugary foods that it's possible you are carb-sensitive. Anyway, do a little research on it. See if it sounds like you, and if it does, well, now you know it's not that you "can't." It's that your body has been working against you, and you can turn it around! As for fatty foods, new research has indicated that saturated fat is not the villain of healthy eating like they once thought, so if you like meat, you're in luck, lol! Of course, if the fatty foods you like are like breaded fried chicken, well, that breading is all quick-carb! I wish you the best! You can do this!

Thank you all so much for the responses. I will get back on track tomorrow. I am just so sick of dealing with it. I truly need to change my lifestyle and just be comfortable living that way. I quit drinking soft drinks for three months and would never crave them because I would make sure I was fully hydrated with water. So I am thinking if I can stay full with nutritionist food I can beat this. But it is hard to find the time for me to make these meals.

Hi true85, just wanted to welcome you, posting and reading here is a big step already for you!

My only advice and what seems to help me... I used to eat 2 or 3 big meals a day, lots of food until I was stuffed. Now I eat more often, like 5 or 6 time a day but smaller quantities. I'm never ravenous anymore where I would be tempted to binge. I feel satisfied and full all through the day and evening with the frequent small portions.

Good luck, let us know how you are doing.