I joined this site back in 2012, and with the help of changing my diet, walking more often, seeing a nutritionist, and giving up soda, alcohol, junk food, and going out to eat I managed to drop 50 lbs in 8 months. I looked and felt really great (even posted in the GOAL thread).
In the past 2 years, I've gone through 3 break ups, changed jobs twice, traveled overseas 4 times, and had my sister and 2 close friends get married. I've gone through a lot of emotional ups and downs...and being an emotional eater, I have now gained 44 lbs back.
I'm in a new relationship (6 months) with a really great guy, and 6 months ago also started a new job. So, more life changes. My weight gain has caused major self esteem issues...none of my clothes fit, I feel unattractive and dislike my body, and feel insecure and jealous. I dress terribly now (leggings, big sweaters) because none of my old clothes fit me. I stay in and avoid going out and enjoying life because I feel like I am not attractive. I hate shopping, and I hate when my boyfriend touches me. (He is a professional soccer player and runner, so he is very lean and in excellent shape)
Not to sound vain, but when I was at a thinner weight, people noticed me more, hit on me more, treated me differently. I'm sure it was not only my looks, but my confidence. I miss walking into a room with my head held high.
Anyways....I found this site pretty useful the last time around, so I'm back. I hope to shed this weight and once again feel confident in my skin.
Thanks for reading.
Last edited by Mer du Japon; 05-15-2015 at 10:00 AM.
I'm here too after hitting goal and maintaining it a couple of years (different user name--lost my password & the email acct!).
It's scary how those old unhealthy habits and vices can creep back in when you're not careful. I remember posting something along the lines of.,.,I know I'll never gain the weight back because I can live like this forever, I did it the healthy way. Haha!! Never say never! I'm 12 lbs heavier than when I started the first time!
I know this story all too well. I'm in a similar position. I know you will find the strength to lose the weight again as well as regain control of your health.
Welcome back, and I hope you find it supportive here.
I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time with your self-image. Is it any help to point out that according to your BMI (it's a rough tool, I know, but it's useful for perspective), you are not all that overweight? I know it can feel like a huge change when it's your own body and you can't get into your clothes, but in the grand scale of things, it's fairly minor, and hopefully you won't find it too difficult to manage.
You said you suspect it's more about your confidence, and from what you said, that sounds spot on. Apart from anything else, it will be easier to lose weight if you feel comfortable in your own skin and can feel fond of your own body again. Seriously, I reckon that's one of the biggest things, and I have only ever been able to lose weight after deciding that I like my body, I just happen to want to be back at the weight I've been most of my life.
I'm trying to think of what has helped me to be comfortable with my body. (I'm severely disabled, so it's been harder for me in that way, because my body feels like it's betrayed me by not working properly.) One thing has been accepting that we live in a culture which promotes massively unrealistic images of women, and then Photoshops them even further. Cosmocking is a hilarious series of articles which looks at the Photoshopping in particular (apparently Cosmo has a thing about hating women's necks!), and also the bad sex advice. Just reading up on feminist websites about this sort of thing is really helpful. There is a huge community of women out there who are saying, "Screw this, we are not going to be made miserable by some bizarre definition of beauty. We are fantastic as we are, thank you very much, and we are worth far more than how we look."
Curvety is a rather expensive clothing store for plus-size women. Go and have a look at their website. Their models are really plus sized, coming in a range of shapes and sizes (and many are women of colour, hooray), and they look fabulous and sexy and confident. I am currently just within the healthy weight range myself, I'm just fine-tuning my weight this time around, and even so I find it really useful to look at Curvety to get an idea of what clothes will suit me, because the women there look far more like me (yes, me at a healthy weight) than traditional models do. So it's really handy when I'm thinking about what sort of necklines and such suit me. I find it inspiring and cheering to look at them.
How about you get yourself some nice clothes that fit you now? eBay is a good place for that, or charity/thrift shops. You can get brand new, good quality clothes at a really great price. With any luck you will shrink out of them soon, but that doesn't mean you can't have anything to wear now. I actually bought myself a lovely dress that is probably to big for me by now, but decided to keep it anyway. It's only two sizes bigger than my target weight, and it is normal for a woman's weight to fluctuate over the course of their life (plus sometimes I get demonic bloating), so at some point it may well fit me again. Also I just found it in my current size for a third of the price on eBay, hooray. I have to shop online because I'm too ill to go out shopping, but it can also be handy if you find that clothes shops are just too stressful for you at the moment. It is OK to have anxiety about your body shape, and it is also OK to find ways to work around that, rather than feeling that if you can't force yourself to do something you hate doing, you shouldn't bother at all. I've been doing quite a lot of ordering things in several sizes and then sending back the ones that don't fit. Don't get stuff that looks like a bag, get stuff that makes you feel good. Being heavier often goes with killer cleavage, that's fun to play with, for instance.
As for your partner, I was sad to hear that you hate having him touch you. Could you tell us a bit more about that? It's not good to be having unwanted physical contact, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting it. People sometimes go off sexual contact for a variety of reasons, and the only acceptable response from their partners is to respect that and back off physically. Anyone who pushes you into sexual activities you don't want is someone you should get far, far away from, and hopefully he is not doing that. Reading up on "enthusiastic consent" may be helpful for you. If this is definitely a great relationship, and not a case of your instincts saying "er, not keen on this guy", then how would you feel about limiting physical contact to, say, kissing, for a while? I had my own reasons for wanting to take things slowly when I got together with my partner nearly two years ago, at the age of 35, and we did exactly that. It was actually really hot, as well as being generally lovely, and we have a fantastic physical connection. And he thinks I am sexy beyond belief no matter what I weigh, or how I am dressed, or how ill I am, come to that. That's how it should be. What sort of lover only likes someone when they are a certain shape?! You don't love someone for their waist measurement, for heaven's sake.
Also I hear that Eating in the Light of the Moon is a great book for working through emotional eating, and one that's about being kind to yourself. Don't feel bad about having put weight back on, hon. It happens, and you've evidently been under a lot recently.
Welcome back, and I hope you find it supportive here.
I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time with your self-image. Is it any help to point out that according to your BMI (it's a rough tool, I know, but it's useful for perspective), you are not all that overweight? I know it can feel like a huge change when it's your own body and you can't get into your clothes, but in the grand scale of things, it's fairly minor, and hopefully you won't find it too difficult to manage.
You said you suspect it's more about your confidence, and from what you said, that sounds spot on. Apart from anything else, it will be easier to lose weight if you feel comfortable in your own skin and can feel fond of your own body again. Seriously, I reckon that's one of the biggest things, and I have only ever been able to lose weight after deciding that I like my body, I just happen to want to be back at the weight I've been most of my life.
I'm trying to think of what has helped me to be comfortable with my body. (I'm severely disabled, so it's been harder for me in that way, because my body feels like it's betrayed me by not working properly.) One thing has been accepting that we live in a culture which promotes massively unrealistic images of women, and then Photoshops them even further. Cosmocking is a hilarious series of articles which looks at the Photoshopping in particular (apparently Cosmo has a thing about hating women's necks!), and also the bad sex advice. Just reading up on feminist websites about this sort of thing is really helpful. There is a huge community of women out there who are saying, "Screw this, we are not going to be made miserable by some bizarre definition of beauty. We are fantastic as we are, thank you very much, and we are worth far more than how we look."
Curvety is a rather expensive clothing store for plus-size women. Go and have a look at their website. Their models are really plus sized, coming in a range of shapes and sizes (and many are women of colour, hooray), and they look fabulous and sexy and confident. I am currently just within the healthy weight range myself, I'm just fine-tuning my weight this time around, and even so I find it really useful to look at Curvety to get an idea of what clothes will suit me, because the women there look far more like me (yes, me at a healthy weight) than traditional models do. So it's really handy when I'm thinking about what sort of necklines and such suit me. I find it inspiring and cheering to look at them.
How about you get yourself some nice clothes that fit you now? eBay is a good place for that, or charity/thrift shops. You can get brand new, good quality clothes at a really great price. With any luck you will shrink out of them soon, but that doesn't mean you can't have anything to wear now. I actually bought myself a lovely dress that is probably to big for me by now, but decided to keep it anyway. It's only two sizes bigger than my target weight, and it is normal for a woman's weight to fluctuate over the course of their life (plus sometimes I get demonic bloating), so at some point it may well fit me again. Also I just found it in my current size for a third of the price on eBay, hooray. I have to shop online because I'm too ill to go out shopping, but it can also be handy if you find that clothes shops are just too stressful for you at the moment. It is OK to have anxiety about your body shape, and it is also OK to find ways to work around that, rather than feeling that if you can't force yourself to do something you hate doing, you shouldn't bother at all. I've been doing quite a lot of ordering things in several sizes and then sending back the ones that don't fit. Don't get stuff that looks like a bag, get stuff that makes you feel good. Being heavier often goes with killer cleavage, that's fun to play with, for instance.
As for your partner, I was sad to hear that you hate having him touch you. Could you tell us a bit more about that? It's not good to be having unwanted physical contact, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting it. People sometimes go off sexual contact for a variety of reasons, and the only acceptable response from their partners is to respect that and back off physically. Anyone who pushes you into sexual activities you don't want is someone you should get far, far away from, and hopefully he is not doing that. Reading up on "enthusiastic consent" may be helpful for you. If this is definitely a great relationship, and not a case of your instincts saying "er, not keen on this guy", then how would you feel about limiting physical contact to, say, kissing, for a while? I had my own reasons for wanting to take things slowly when I got together with my partner nearly two years ago, at the age of 35, and we did exactly that. It was actually really hot, as well as being generally lovely, and we have a fantastic physical connection. And he thinks I am sexy beyond belief no matter what I weigh, or how I am dressed, or how ill I am, come to that. That's how it should be. What sort of lover only likes someone when they are a certain shape?! You don't love someone for their waist measurement, for heaven's sake.
Thanks for the nice message. According to BMI, I am 12 lbs overweight right now. That's not too bad, but it's upsetting none the less to be in the 'overweight' category again. I started at a size 12, then lost the weight and was a size 2-4. Now that I've gained the weight back, I'm at around a size 10. I want to be able to fit into my old clothes again..so I have a lot of work to do. But I'm pretty motivated and feeling driven.
As for my boyfriend, he's incredibly kind, understanding, and supportive. He never does anything I don't want. I just feel...fat when he touches me. And when I say touches, I mean even just putting his arm around my waist as we walk down the street, or giving me a hug. If I tell him I'm feeling insecure, he doesn't try to force anything, he respects how I feel. He is the same height as me and is 148 lbs! So he is very lean, which in turn makes me feel huge.
I think once I'm a "normal" BMI I'll start feeling better and more secure.
Gained it all back
with your efforts!!
