[Bardess]

Hi everyone! I really want this to work - I've been trying to build a support system here at home, but it's just not working. We pay for 2 gym memberships - he has never once made use of his (I've asked him to join me but i just end up going alone). I have offered the use of our second membership to quite a few friends and family members (cousins who have vocalized wanting to lose weight, get healthy, have a work-out buddy, etc) but *no one* will join me. A free membership! I'm starting to think the problem might be me...

Who am I?
- 35 year old Canadian woman living in Northwestern Ontario. (It's a little isolating)
- Mother to 10 year old boy, trying for more
- 3 fur-babies, 2 cats and a dog.
- I work as the Physician Recruiter for our regional hospital
- Love cooking, reading, programming and webdesign, bike riding, hiking and binge-watching whole seasons of random (usually weird/non-north american) tv shows.
- Come from a large-ish family (4 brothers, parents both from families of 8 or more children) and LOVE it.
- Have been overweight since childhood
- struggle with PCOS, Acanthosis nigricans (AN), and just discovered today through another 3FC poster that my other embarrassing and painful skin condition might actually have a name - Hidradenitis suppurativa.
- Desperately want my son to grow up healthier than me, and happier with his body
- Made my first actual attempt at weight loss at the age of 24 - got pregnant in just under 4 months (lost 50 pounds). Lost weight healthily during pregnancy, and ended up at a total 108 pounds lost one year after I began that journey by giving birth to my son.
- It took about 8 years, but I have now gained all but about 3 pounds of that weight back.
-have spent the last 2 years at the exact same weight, no matter what I do. no gain, no loss. Doctors lay out cause related to age, PCOS, and the fact that it's always harder the 'next time' you try. Oy.

I think that's probably enough for now, though it appears I could write a book about this! Sorry. I just need a safe place to commune with others in a similar situation, and be able to join in support and encouragement of others.

I'm off to drum up a few new friends!

Oh! And just to mark the occassion (and perhaps do a little healthy-shaming myself into posting an improved photo in a few months) here are two recent, very rare, full-ish body picture from our summer vacation. These will serve as my before!!!!!

[kelynn.11]

We just spoke elsewhere, but i see we have a couple things in common
My Pre pregnancy weight was 140ish, but I've struggle to get it down and keep it avg there for almost 2 years.
I too have PCOS as well as borderline diabetes.
Im 24 and have a 19 month old beautiful little girl.
I love out door activities but my confidence level is so low its hard to do anything if anyone else is around.
We can go side by side and drop this weight!

[Bardess]

Thanks, Kelynn! Yes, you've hit the nose on the button there - it's really hard to do things if anyone else is around.

My family has hereditary high (only controllable by medication) cholesterol and I'm terrified one day mine will be bad. I keep having it checked. If I could just buckle down and lose some of this weight, I know that would improve! Borderline diabetes is also scary. The PCOS just makes it all that much more difficult though, because the very symptoms of it make weight loss harder.

Thanks for joining me. I really think support is key!

[Aunty Jam]

Hi Bardess I'm Canadian too.. from Alberta. I can totally relate how hard it is to change when no one else around you is, though my husband has gotten better. My step daughter cries about her weight, "works out" for half an hour then celebrates with a can of coke and a bag of chips. Of course step mom knows nothing about being healthy, working out or losing weight, although at one point I had lost 60 pounds. I hope your son listens better than she does LoL.

Good on your for posting your before pictures I've always been too chicken to post pictures!

[Bardess]

Hi Aunty Jam. A fellow Canadian, yay! My son has a lot of genetics working against him, including what they're calling 'early puberty' at age 7 that has given him what appear to be very real, round, breasts. It's heart breaking. He's been amazing about working on his self image and is proud of who he is - I still want him to be as healthy as possible, we're working on this together. So far he's been pretty great about listening and trying new things (though once in a while he says he's tired of salad and he just eats a bunch of veggies separately lol).

Posting the before pictures took some time, and if you'll notice I did it late at night when my cognitive functions were lowered a bit . I figure though, If I'm going to start real supportive relationships with people here, then I better be real and transparent and honest myself!! (Also, at work I cannot see pictures, so I can return to this and other threads without worry of seeing my awful photos. Ha!)

[kelynn.11]

Im afraid of my daughter going through what i did. most of my family is over weight on both sides. She does how ever try to mock what I'm doing so I'm hoping the showing her that mommy does what she needs to will stick with her and prevent the issues I've had. I hope all goes well with your children! at least he's eating veggies!
Ill post pics as soon as i get a chance. I have to before i start insanity anyway.

[Mountain Mamma]

Bardess! Glad you found the site. You lost weight before, you can do it again! The comment about gym bullies is pretty sad. My gym experience - is everyone is into their own workout, so hearing this really bothered me. Glad you got through it, hope you just tell them to (polite answer) get lost.

Good luck to you!!

[Bardess]

Kelynn - I have the same fears for my son (and any other possible future children). You're totally right - being that great example is the best way to improve their health, and prevent some of the size-related nonsense we experienced.

Hi Mountain Mamma! Thanks very much for your encouragement. About the bullies - It could stem from the whole 2-degrees of separation in our small northern community. Either way it was a pretty awful experience. I actually turned to them, and said "Wow. Thank you both *so* much for your encouragement during a time when I'm obviously working hard to improve myself. It really means a lot!" In a very sincere tone, with a nice smile. Loud enough for those around us to hear, but not announce their rudeness. It worked. They were sufficiently sheepish about their behaviour and I never saw them again. It is, however, a very tough, daily struggle to get back out in public now. It's funny because I never used to even consider that other people would have thoughts about me at all - who in the world would be paying attention to me!? Now I'm absolutely paranoid that EVERYONE is watching, judging and just waiting to watch me fall. (Quite literally, i'm so scared I will trip or make myself look stupid somehow).

Anyway, I'm working through it slowly. All I can do is worry about myself and work on being happy with myself. Right?

[Mountain Mamma]

Originally Posted by Bardess

Hi Mountain Mamma! Thanks very much for your encouragement. About the bullies - It could stem from the whole 2-degrees of separation in our small northern community. Either way it was a pretty awful experience. I actually turned to them, and said "Wow. Thank you both *so* much for your encouragement during a time when I'm obviously working hard to improve myself. It really means a lot!" In a very sincere tone, with a nice smile. Loud enough for those around us to hear, but not announce their rudeness. It worked. They were sufficiently sheepish about their behaviour and I never saw them again. It is, however, a very tough, daily struggle to get back out in public now. It's funny because I never used to even consider that other people would have thoughts about me at all - who in the world would be paying attention to me!? Now I'm absolutely paranoid that EVERYONE is watching, judging and just waiting to watch me fall. (Quite literally, i'm so scared I will trip or make myself look stupid somehow).

Anyway, I'm working through it slowly. All I can do is worry about myself and work on being happy with myself. Right?

That's horrible. I admire the way you handled the situation! In a new place trying to figure out a new piece of equipment (or how to operate the remote control, ha ha) I've felt very self-conscious or a bit foolish but observed no one was paying any attention but to themselves! Couple of times I needed to ask for help & that's when it was obvious. So I wish we could the bullies. But your approach was much better! Will say I have gotten unsolicited advice but that's another topic.

Do you have a specific plan you're following? I know you mentioned losing weight before, how did you do it? We have lots of challenges here, very supportive & they are fun. Join us!

[Bardess]

Ha, unsolicited advice. I can just imagine!

I don't have a specific plan that I'm following this time. I'm not sure if that will be my saving grace (a way to keep this up forever) or my downfall (obviously a plan worked before).

When I lost weight before (started at the end of November, 2003) I was doing Atkins with my Mother-In-Law. I did it to support her. She bought all the meat, so it worked out well for me! We had dinner and spent time at his parents house all the time, so it was truly very easy to follow. Plus, I was relatively young, and had never made any real weight loss attempts before.

It just melted off. Literally. It was very easy, and I didn't change my exercise habits at all. (By that I mean, i did not exercise!) as the weight came off I was more active, of course. But there was no intention there.

I sometimes toy with the idea of doing Atkins again, since it really worked so well for me. The only problem is - I gained it all back! Does that mean it's not the right plan for me? Also, I'm cooking for 3 now, and the other two will not be so gung-ho about the Atkins lifestyle. I'm not sure how to go about that either. And of course, there are many varied schools of thoughts surrounding Atkins, and it's actual redeeming health benefits. Perhaps I'll head over to the Atkins forum and chat to a few people who are doing it now.

Challenges are a great idea! I'll have to take a look at those too.

[MissLoud]

Hi Bardess

Oh I feel your pain when it comes to going it alone, my husband is small, actually my goal is to weigh less than him! He really doesn't care if I'm big or small (he said I married you, I love you I don't care how much you weigh, made me cry) its so hard to keep the momentum going.

I have two wee boys and I really don't want them to grow up having the fat mum, at the moment the are to young to notice. You just want your best for them.

So sorry about gym bullies what a bunch of loosers!! I admire you going I'm too scared, I just hide in my garage on the rower! I hope you find great support here there is heaps of info on different plans so I'm sure you'll find something that fits! Good luck

[Elpis]

Hi, Bardess!

I'm starting my own most recent weight loss attempt today as well! It's hard when you can't get anyone in your family/group of friends on board with you. I'm dieting on my own too, but I want you to know I'm with you in spirit. I'll be rooting for you too every time I drag my lazy butt onto the treadmill.

I'm binge watching Doctor Who right now. Does that count as a weird tv show?

[Beth1000]

We do have a lot in common. I love your honesty in your introduction. I will post a picture of myself today too.
I was 230 when I had my son and now I can't even believe that I'm still at my delivery weight almost 11 years later. I binge watch tv shows while doing housework : ) I live in a rural part of Maine at the end of two dirt roads and it's very isolating here too especially in the winter. The closest gym is a half hour away and I have never been able to make myself go for very long even when I have a membership because I feel like everyone is watching and judging me. I hope today is going well for you and you hang onto the determination you have today.

[Bardess]

Originally Posted by MissLoud

Hi Bardess

Oh I feel your pain when it comes to going it alone, my husband is small, actually my goal is to weigh less than him! He really doesn't care if I'm big or small (he said I married you, I love you I don't care how much you weigh, made me cry) its so hard to keep the momentum going.

I have two wee boys and I really don't want them to grow up having the fat mum, at the moment the are to young to notice. You just want your best for them.

So sorry about gym bullies what a bunch of loosers!! I admire you going I'm too scared, I just hide in my garage on the rower! I hope you find great support here there is heaps of info on different plans so I'm sure you'll find something that fits! Good luck

Hi MissLoud!!

Thanks for stopping in. I'm so glad to hear that at the very least, your husband is supportive in that he loves you no matter what. That's adorable! My (boyfriend? Significant Other? Partner? Live-in-lover? ) has also said similar things that have brought me to tears.

I loved when my son was too young to notice. He's adorable now (at age 9) about it all, and says I'm beautiful no matter what. But it doesn't change that I want better for both of us!

I wish I had a garage to hide in! I'd be out there all the time instead of the gross gym. A rowing machine sounds like a great workout.

[Bardess]

Originally Posted by Elpis

Hi, Bardess!

I'm starting my own most recent weight loss attempt today as well! It's hard when you can't get anyone in your family/group of friends on board with you. I'm dieting on my own too, but I want you to know I'm with you in spirit. I'll be rooting for you too every time I drag my lazy butt onto the treadmill.

I'm binge watching Doctor Who right now. Does that count as a weird tv show?

Hey, Elpis! I just finished writing in your introduction - I'm glad you're here!

We are officially no longer on our own!

Ahhhh Doctor Who is a great show! I used to watch it with my Da when I was very little. What do you think of the newest doctor? Do you have a favourite Doctor/episode/season? I don't know if it counts as a weird show, but I love it.