[Palelilrose]

Hello!

My names Rose and I've hit rock bottom today. It all started when I was so flustered I lost my phone in my car that I pulled over to searched it. When I got out and bent over my boobs spilled out of my demi bra that I've been in denial of needing to upsize and I just lost it. I stayed in my car and cried some. I then picked myself back up and headed to Walmart and bit the bullet buying a larger bra and larger underwear. I hate to buy a size up. I guess I'd rather live in denial. I've been squeezing into my size 12 jeans and 36D bra for so long I have lines everywhere and back pain. I'm now a size 14 jeans (though still refusing to buy those, I think I stretched the waist out anyway) and size 38 D or 36 DD.

My size has fluctuated often since high school but never this size. I'm 5'5 and 186lbs. I weighed 36lbs less two years ago. Right around the time I met my dear sweet boyfriend. The one who likes to eat out and often! I've grown tired, lazy, irritated and antisocial because of my weight. I'm self conscious and don't want to go out because of it. I can't even fit my work out clothing! I feel like everyone is so much smaller than me and all my clothing is smaller so I don't even have something wear if I were to go out.

I don't want to have sex with my live in boyfriend or have him see me naked and my daughter from a previous marriage who is 5 has noticed mommy getting a little "fluffy" too. I don't play with her like I used to either because the depression from the weight is so all encompassing that its an achievement to get her home, fed, bathed and homework done. Then I watch tv or fall a sleep myself.

I don't like the way I look, feel or act anymore. It doesn't feel like me. I really need a change but I feel SOOOO frustrated trying to lose the weight. I've tried diet after diet and I am terrible at sticking to exercise which I hate and feel self-conscious doing.

All my skinny friends are "running marathons,hiking,biking etc". I'm still a single mom and I can't find the time to blow my nose sometimes let alone that. I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to. Which is why I'm coming here and hoping to find some sort of support system and tips to create the change I so desperately need.

Any words of comfort, support or advice is most welcome.

thank you,

~ Rose

[ladypeacek]

Welcome to the forum. You'll find lots of us that can completely understand the frustrations, the self-esteem drop, the time limitations and definitely the parade of diets as we try to find our way back to that time we felt comfortable in our own skin.

I got a few small things to do at home to start with (budget-wise) because I knew myself well enough- going to the gym, despite it being less than a mile from the house- was not going to happen. I hate being surrounded by those that aren't there to lose weight- they are there to -stay- fit or bulk up. It's intimidating! The equipment is confusing, don't know what to do and I feel like a lost fat girl that everyone is staring at. In addition, I was just too lazy. I'd find the excuses not to go. Always.

I didn't have a ton of money to work with - but I did find kettlebells. They are amazing! I got the Kathy Smith Kettlebell Solution. It really is worth it. At just 24 bucks, it was a life saver for a beginner. You feel it, it doesn't take long and you can jam to it alone at home. I now have tons of other equipment, because once I got adjusted to working with kettle bells, I was amped and excited to do more.

Okay now I sound like a commercial!

Anyways, I hope you find your way back to where you want to be!!

[nibog]

Welcome to 3FC!!! You are in a very supporting and encouraging place - please feel free to vent/throw your worries around. You can do it - what method are you thinking of trying?

[firegirl441]

Welcome! Glad you have come here. I found it to be the perfect place for the encouragement and motivation I need to succeed in my weight loss endeavors. I don't want to hurt your feelings in anyway, but I am gonna' talk to you for a minute like a former preacher at church used to do talk to us. Look around this forum. There are plenty of us who are heavier and bigger than you. It is time to stop the "pitty party," pick yourself up, dust yourself off, put on your big girl panties (no pun intended LOL) and decide to make a change for yourself. There are plenty of plans that will help you reach your goals. Search around and find one that suits your lifestyle and the things you like to eat. I for one love meat so naturally I follow the Atkin's plan. Others use the myfitnesspal.com app to log what they eat and watch calories. Also find an exercise that you enjoy. That is the key to success IMHO. You have to enjoy it to stick with it. I also contribute my successes to drinking adequate water ie. 1/2 my body weight in ounces of water daily. Hope something I have said helps you as this is exactly what I had to do to get headed in the right direction myself. I look forward to following your journey and soon you will be one of those "skinny friends" who do the marathons, hiking, biking etc. and that dear sweet boyfriend of yours won't be able to keep his hands to himself. LOL Blessings,

[TirAsleen]

I am new too. I think it really is about taking responsibility for our choices, knowing we have to make some changes and then doing our best to stick to a plan. I'm still trying to figure all of to his out, but I do know that it is up to me. I got a yoga mat, cleaned off my elliptical trainer, got some weights and apps for weight training and yoga to get me in the exercise mood. Now I have to learn how to stop eating like it is my last meal.