I Can't Do This Alone
Where do I begin?
I'm 36 years old, and I've struggled with emotional eating since I was 18. That's when I moved away from home and was able to control the kinds of food I bought and how much of it I kept in the house (or dorm room). While my friends were out partying and enjoying the freedom of college life, I became depressed and reclusive, often seeking (and finding!) solace in a package of Oreo cookies. Since then, I have turned to food whenever I've needed to cope with particularly distressing feelings. With a divorce, a devastating job loss, the death of my father, and an emotionally abusive long-term relationship all occurring in the past 18 years, I've had lots of reason to need support.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the age of 19, but by that point, I had already fallen into a pattern of cry/eat/cry more/eat again. I gained 30 pounds within three months of turning 18, and put on another 10 over the next year. I married at 22 and had my first daughter at 23. During that pregnancy, I gained 50 pounds and initially only lost 20. I took an antidepressant periodically that would help me lose 20-30 pounds, but I'd always go off it and the weight would come right back.
I've done a number of things over the years to get the weight off or replace the food addiction with something else. At 29, I even started smoking to help cope with my emotional problems. While it did help me lose a ton of weight (I got back down to 150, which is my lowest adult weight), the habit was so disgusting and I was so embarrassed by my desperation that I was never open about it (if anyone suspected it, they never said anything), and I quit cold turkey just two years later. Not surprisingly, all my weight came back... and then some.
At the beginning of this year, I was doing relatively well, and I managed to get back down to around 175 through diet and exercise. Then, I finished and defended my thesis, which demanded lots of comfort food and booze -- and prompted a 20-pound weight gain. This leads me to where I am now: a weak and exhausted 195 pounds at 5'3".
Today, I am happily remarried. I have had a second daughter, who is now 29 months old. My husband is wonderfully supportive, but he does not understand the emotional component of my overeating. I am now at my second-highest non-pregnancy weight and can't really do much in the way of physical activity these days without needing a nap. My long-term goal is to get down to around 130 pounds, but my short-term goal is simply to reduce my dependence on junk food for emotional comfort. I think talking to people who have been in the same boat might help.
Anyway, there's my probably-too-long introductory post! Can't wait to get to know all of you!
xo
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There are so many of us here who are emotional eaters and understand how you feel. You'll find lots of support! You have some smart goals and you can do this! Good luck!
