I said STOP!
Hi everyone,
Firstly, I would like to apologise for any misspelling that would probably make your eyes bleed reading this post.
Secondly, I would like to talk about my struggle of keeping the weight off basically since I was a child.
My mom, bless her, she is a wonderful cook and I remember looking forward to eating the Sunday treats. She used to bake trays of pies and cookies and especially around the Christmas and Easter hollidays the goodies trippled in volume. And we could have eaten as much as we wanted as she would never limit us. She looked fullfield and was like no worries mattered for her when we ate her food. But later on i understood. She was one of those mums who show their love towards children feeding them.
And so the weight crept up and my confidence went down with every child calling me fat and laughing at me. Of course I did not want to be like that but, I did not know what to do and how to be diferent. As mum had the full control over feeding us and we were always supposed to clean our plates of food. I dont think i ever knew what is a normal portion or how to stop finishing what is on my plate. I would just have it all, and sometimes seconds. Dont get me wrong i wasn't overly obese but, I could easily stand out from the crowd.
My 1st teenager love story has been a disaster as the guy i fell in love with turned around and said "You're too fat for me...it's a shame however for you have a beautiful face..."
I remember trying to lose weight ever since I was 13 but it would always come back. I dont think i ever managed to keep it off for longer than a couple of years. The heaviest I have been is about 30 killos over the normal weight which is alot given my petite figure.
I have never been confident and in relationships I have always been chosen instead of me chosing the partner. I just took whatever life thrown at me as I felt like I don't deserve anything good. I basically feel fat and useless. It does not help I have been out of work for a couple of years eaither. Not out of my choice though...
If I didnt already bore you enough...hang in there a little bit longer...
Last year me and my partner got married...Yeppyyyyyy!!! I thought it would change everthing for me and my confidence levels would increase ...but it didnt happen like that...I dont even have the confidence to get intimate with lights on or during the daylight..I cant even look at the wedding pictures. I feel utterly miserable and I feel I disappointed myself for not making the extra effort to lose the weight before the big day. I feel at my lowest point but I decided to say STOP to all these self pitty sulky moods feeling sorry for myself. I know if I wont do anything I will never be happy. And I could probably count on one hand's fingers how many times I have been happy with myself. And if I'm not happy how can I make my husband happy?
I want to do it but I know that my determination would'nt last long enough to not only achieve my goal but to keep the weight off...I have been there before and I know how it works...
This is why I'm here...I need your help and support....I need somebody to push me when I;m about to give up and I know you all have been through these moments of almost if not giving up.
I need a dieting buddy to tell me off if i step wrong and I know this is the only way I can do it. I would NOT blame you if you are harsh to me...because i know that's what I need.
Thank you for having the patience to read this.
XOXOX Lots of love
Mary
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