[Bonnie123]

Hi, my name is Bonnie and I'm 23. I am 5'3" and currently 153lbs. I'm hoping to lose about 35-40lbs. I have been struggling with my weight since I was 12 years old. Ironically, before i turned 10, i was severely underweight and had issues with food. I didn't like to eat. But I was a kid, so I didn't feel fat or skinny. At 12, a family friend made comments, and ever since then, I had never felt comfortable in my own skin again.
I have been dieting on and off ever since then. In high school, I was 120lbs at 5'2", and everyone said I looked fine. I danced in high school so I did workout 3-4 hours a day 6 days a week for competitions. If I dieted, I wouldn't lose any weight, and when I ate whatever it was I wanted, I would still remain 120. When i looked in the mirror, 120 was so horrible and I could pinch all these fat on my body. The summer before senior year, I dieted on my own and worked out moderately and somehow got down to 110lbs. It was the best I ever felt, and I was so happy, but I still wore cardigans to cover up my fat arms and sides just in case, even in the summer while I was sweating, I would not take my cardigan off. Even at my lowest weight, I was never happy.
When college started, school, clubs, job and my social life led to my gaining 10lbs/year. And I was constantly yoyo dieting. And now I'm 153lbs, and very sad. But for some reason when I look in the mirror, I don't see 153lbs, I see me as 130lbs. I don't understand what is wrong with my eyes. And i look so much fatter when I take a picture or am being filmed. I think my eyes are wrong and that the photo is right, leading me to have even lower self confidence in myself. And I've been really private about my weight struggles all these years so I can't talk to my family or friends. When people ask me if I lost weight, it actually hurts my feelings, because to me, it's like they're saying, you seriously needed to lose weight. which is why i never even thought I needed support. But dieting alone hasn't worked, which is why I decided to come here, and maybe getting some online support and talking to other people might help.

[1987]

Hey Bonnie, welcome to the forum

Sorry to hear of your struggles with weight over the years. Like many of us, there have been ups and downs.

I hope that with your determination and the support of others on the forum, you manage to get to a happier place with your weight.

Best of luck with your weightloss!

[Fluffypuppy]

Hi Bonnie. I'm new too. And I dieted on and off since I was 12. Looking back I can't believe that I didn't like how I looked when I was 110. I dream of being 130 now, never mind 110. I also exercised a lot as a kid and teenager cuz I was heavily involved in figure skating and I too at one time could eat anything and not go over 120. But your metabolism is different when you're young. And I can relate to liking what I see in the mirror much better than what I see on film. (not that anyone uses film anymore. Lol) take it a bit at a time and you can get to a healthy weight again. Just remember that you are more than how you look. I'm sure there is a lot to love there. Don't wait til you are thin to start feeling the pride in taking on this journey.