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Old 11-08-2012, 08:16 PM   #1  
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Angry I'm back again heavier than ever

I'm back...again. Let's start fresh.

I'm 23 years old. I've always been overweight. I weighed 170 when I met my current boyfriend. Three years and two kids later, I was 220. I went on adipex (phenermine) and lost back down to 180 is 2010. I've bounced since the and now I'm right back in the 220's. I honestly don't know what I weigh right now. Last time I weighed myself I was 224. This is my highest non pregnant weight.

I have always been self conscious about my weight but I'm at an all time low. I feel like I just keep getting fatter and fatter. I'm scared to death that if I don't take control I'm going to end up over 300 before I know it. None of my cloths fit. I don't feel comfortable in ANYTHING. I wear sweats ALL the time.

The simple solution seems to be to eat less and exercise. I literally feel like I can't do it. Sometimes I don't even want to try. I have a major problem with food. The cravings get so out of control that I feel like I can't say no. Then I eat until my stomach hurts. I've got to stop this. The longer it goes on the worse it gets. I feel like I'm trapped in my body...I'm starting to smother.

Last edited by allmylife; 11-08-2012 at 08:30 PM.
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Old 11-09-2012, 08:37 AM   #2  
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Welcome, allmylife! First, Second, it was like I was reading my own story (minus the boyfriend and kids). I have (or had?) a major problem with food as well. Just looking at a menu for delivery pizza had me on the phone with them, even when I wasn't hungry at all. Then I'd order half the menu, eat all of it, lay back on the couch, and feel completely stuffed and disgusted. I did that so often they actually had my order memorized and the delivery guy knew me by name. It was embarrassing. But I kept ordering from them because by then I was so heavy and grossed out by myself I couldn't even be bothered to go to the supermarket anymore. If I did, it had to be late at night and I would buy everything from the deli/bakery section. I couldn't fit any of my regular clothes anymore. I had to keep buying bigger and bigger clothes, but I stopped because I started to cry when I saw the size written on the tags. My whole daily wardrobe consisted of two pairs of men's sweatpants and some old t-shirts. My fat started affecting everything. I was depressed and didn't even realize it. I was becoming antisocial and anxious in public, I stopped styling my hair and wearing makeup.. And more importantly, I started getting horrible heartburn and acid reflux all the time, I developed sleep apnea, and I started breaking out with horrible acne. It was terrible. And once I made the correlation between my mental/physical health and my weight, I knew I had to get it under control. The scariest thought was of me looking back at my life and seeing it as being spent indoors alone with empty pizza boxes.

I started slow, because that was the only thing I haven't tried yet. I tried all those meal plans and diet centers and even tried some medically monitored ones, but NONE of them worked for me. I either was too antisocial to even go to the meetings, or the food tasted horrible, or the diet made me feel weak or sick or starved or whatever. I had an excuse to give up after the first two weeks everytime. So this time I just started myself. I started by cutting out sodas and juices first. Then I stopped buying takeout and fast food. Then from there I started forcing myself to eat one serving of fresh fruit or vegetables with every meal. After I saw the first few pounds come off without any exercising---and more importantly, my acid reflux went away and I've been sleeping restfully through the night without choking anymore---I knew I made the right choice. Then I started slowly working out again. I'm treating this as a lifestyle choice. I have a goal weight, but I know once I hit that, I will continue eating healthy and being active so I'll never gain this weight back. If I think of it as a "diet" with an end date, I'll just go back to my cake and ice cream for dinner routine again.

You can lose the weight. Don't tell yourself you can't; just do it. Start slow if you need to. If you don't wanna work out, just commit yourself to 30 minutes of walking around the block or something. As long as you move. Eat a piece of fruit or a vegetable before any meal. This way, you're filling up and at least getting something good in. If you have a craving, satisfy it without going overboard. My big weakness is cake and chocolate. I haven't had cake in a long time, but there is no way I'm giving up chocolate. I keep a little around the house and if I get a craving, I'll just have a small piece, just enough to satisfy that craving and get it under control. My big this is trying not to binge again. And what's really helped me is by some veggies first. It's so great that you're recognizing and trying to deal with your weight now. You really don't wanna be my age (31) and look back on our 20s and remember it feeling closed in like this.

Join some challenges here so you'll have accountability as well as support for your mini goals. Goodluck and I hope to see you in the threads!
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Old 11-09-2012, 04:38 PM   #3  
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Hi 'allmylife'. Welcome to the community. I think the first move is to seek support. Now finding your way and using all the tools you have a great way to make a difference. There are a lot of wise members here I'm sure you'll add a great many tools to your plan of attack with their help and insight. My advice would be start small -it's like riding a bike ...once the pedaling gains momentum you get better. Good luck to you and I look forward to seeing you around here.
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Old 11-09-2012, 08:24 PM   #4  
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I feel exactly the same, the fat is taking over me and I feel powerless to stop it :-(
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Old 11-09-2012, 10:57 PM   #5  
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You CAN make the changes you need to lose weight and get healthier now, but take it one step at a time and one day at a time. First, start journalling each day: what you eat and when and why. This will show you any patterns that you have, plus reveal your emotional triggers as well.

Choose a plan that is flexible; one that is not too strict; one that suits you; and one that you can stick with long-term. If you make a mistake, just keep going -- no matter what. Look for ways to deal with the stresses in your life that does not involve food.

Choose exercise activities that you can do; ones that you enjoy, or at least don't hate. Walking is the most recommended becuz it's free and all you need is a good pair of shoes.

Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 11-09-2012 at 10:58 PM.
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Old 11-10-2012, 04:41 AM   #6  
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Im new to the site but wanted to say I feel what you are feeling and I wish you all the best on your journey.
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