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Old 06-27-2012, 03:12 PM   #1  
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Default Too shy to attend an event :(

Hi there,

I'm new to this forum, I googled weight loss support because an upcoming event is making me feel insecure and I have to make a tough decision!

I had a baby 2.5 years ago, post pregnancy I was actually very skinny, I had such a big baby that I actually lost weight during pregnancy and came out thinner than I started. Breastfeeding a v hungry baby on the other hand made me pile on the weight, he never stopped feeding and I felt starving all day long. I put on a couple of stone over the first year, then my self confidence plummeted and I have been growin ever since and now feel like an elephant

In a week and a half our friends are having a 1st Birthday Party for their daughter, which my partner really wants to go to, but I am too embarrassed. There will be people there who we fell out with while I was pregnant and have been avoiding for 2.5 years...now if I go I have to face them having put on a tonne of weight and will feel insecure and awful all day.
If I don't go then I risk upsetting our close friends as I have NO good reason not to go!

My other half doesn't know I feel like this, I hate even admitting to him how much my weight upsets me, so he doesn't understand why I'm so reluctant to go. I've told him I don't want to see certain people we fell out with, but he just says "Why do you care?" and if I hadn't put on weight I wouldn't care...I only feel intimidated because I think they will judge me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated...although I doubt anyone has a good solution to the problem! It feels a bit better just to SAY it...or write it even.

JM x
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Old 06-27-2012, 03:35 PM   #2  
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I can completely relate to what you are going through. I have avoided so many social occasions because I don't feel like I'm the right weight.

As you lose weight there is nothing better than going to see friends that you haven't been around in awhile and hear 'omg you look so good'. But the worst thing is when you've gained weight and seeing their reactions to THAT.

It comes down to this. If you had a good friend who had put on weight how would you feel if you found out that she was avoiding hanging out with you because of it? I know I'd feel like my friend must think I'm a very shallow person. I try and keep in mind that so few people now a days have a life free of struggling with their weight. Most of the people in our life can understand to some degree how easy it is to put on weight.

It's so easy to say just go and have a great time and forget your weight. But I know that from trying to pick out something to wear that doesn't make you look HUGE, seeing everyone else (who somehow always look amazing), to being conscious of what food you eat and if it makes you look like a 'fattie', it's hard to forget how you feel about yourself during a social event.

You'll have some of these negative feelings, expect and accept them.

But remember you are there to spend time with friends. Your friends will be happy to see you and spend time with you, the fact that you have put on weight doesn't change who you are to them (or at least it shouldn't). And those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter.
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Old 06-27-2012, 03:35 PM   #3  
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Hello JM!

I can empathize with your story. I, too, miss out on certain things because I'd rather people not see me on those days when I'm feeling fat, don't have any flattering thing to wear, etc. etc. What made matters worse, is that my boyfriend's ex wife seems to have lost a lot of weight from her recent split with her husband -- now soon to be ex-husband. I hope you're not lost yet.

I've never been jealous or anything, but I'm now starting to feel insecure on issues and feel like she looks at me, every time we pick up/drop off the kids, like "Ha, look at you, cow." Even though I'd rather say, "Yeah, well at least my husband didn't leave me!"

Anyway, it has made me really self conscience with his family, as well. And they usually have a lot of dinners, lunches, brunches, etc.

With the recent happenings of my boyfriends' ex wife, however, is what really motivated me. Keep feeling insecure, starting ******ed arguments with my bf, snap out in jealous fits over him texting/talking to her, or do something about it and get SKINNIER and HOTTER! Since, I feel if I were skinnier, I'd definitely be hotter ****, I'm hotter now...but you get my drift.

Point is, I have a horrible family photo (bf and all his family) taken last Christmas. I wore white, like an idiot, and look fat. So what. This Christmas family photo I AM going to look hot and healthy!


So, just tell yourself that. Go to the party. Even if people judge you in their minds eye, next year, when they throw another party, you can shock the **** out of them that much more by being healthy, skinny, confident and glowing! Don't let the present deter you from impressing in the future -- it leaves just that much more of an impression with the work you put in! Hope all that makes sense. Good luck!
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Old 06-27-2012, 04:24 PM   #4  
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Hello, Melissa!
Your husband is a very wise man: why do you care?
says he

you are you, and that's that. Shouldn't the love that your husband and child(ren) give you be at least 10x of greater importance than some friends who had 2.5 years to get in touch, but didn't?

Ok, that's logic, but I know logic isn't enough, so try this:
limit your liquid intake to under 6 cups per day. That includes water, juices, fruits, soups...anything with liquid in it. For example, I drink only 2 cups of water, and eat some fruit

You'll be amazed at the change you can get in 2 weeks, or 1.5 week. It's losing water, so it's quick - just what you need.

(although I don't recommend overdoing it like - NO water for a month)

good luck
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Old 06-27-2012, 05:41 PM   #5  
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Hi there, welcome to 3FC!

I can't advise you snything like "just ignore them" because I know how it must feel for you and being able to completely not think about them isn't going to happen.

However, if you try and think of all the positives about going - seeing your real friends, having fun and catching up, styling your hair and makeup for a night out, the music and chat.. and knowing that you had the strength to just say "you know what? f-you. This night isn't about you people, you can't stop me having a fun night."

That's my two-pence, I hope the night goes well for you, whether you decide to go or not. But always weigh up the positives of any situation, it helps you get through life a little more smoothly!

One last thing - I can't agree with the above poster on limiting your fluid intake. This will cause dehydration and possible water retention as your body clings to the precious water that it needs - and not only does your body need water to metabolise fat, but you need it for healthy organ function. Losing weight by losing water is just that - water, not fat. Your shape and body composition will not benefit one bit. Try to drink at least six glasses a day, for your overall health and for your weight.
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:04 PM   #6  
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I have warned the author to not overdo it like no liquids at all

And saying that not drinking water will cause further water retention is not true - I have been doing this for a while and it gives awesome results

Anyway - in 1.5 week you won't die

The choice is yours.
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Old 06-27-2012, 07:25 PM   #7  
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I always thought that drowning yourself in more water is what makes you shed "water weight"?
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Old 06-27-2012, 07:27 PM   #8  
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Hi, JM! I'm new too. I never went to any of my reunions because of my weight gain, so I don't know what to say that will help. I've gone with my husband to one of his and that was fine. I do sometimes regret not going to the reunions and not keeping up with my friends from high school. I have a feeling that people would have been happy to see me, more weight or not. It's my own fear that has kept me from going. You must do what is best for you in the end.
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Old 06-28-2012, 06:50 AM   #9  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AriesNV View Post
I always thought that drowning yourself in more water is what makes you shed "water weight"?
Hey Aries,

that makes no sense it's like: eating more will make me lose fat
But as always with these kinds of things where there are conflicting opinions, I think the best thing to do is experiment and see what works, and what doesn't.
Tell me how it goes
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:44 AM   #10  
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I don't know how drinking less water causes you too lose water. The first 2 weeks of me eating healthier I lost about 15lbs. I drank at least 8 glasses of water a day. I reduced my calorie, carb, and sodium intake but I wasn't necessarily eating the best foods just smaller portions and healthier choices. I know it was mostly water weight but it encouraged me to continue.

Last edited by Meka150; 06-28-2012 at 10:45 AM.
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Old 06-28-2012, 02:20 PM   #11  
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Well, I was always told that, like 'starvation mode' with food, drinking a lot of water causes your body to get used to always having a plethora of it, so it'll flush more and more water out, hence making you lose the "10 lbs" of water weight people are always talking about. Like eating consistently (and small portions) causes your body to work harder (metabolism) to burn off those calories, hence losing weight from consistently fueling your metabolism -- the right way.

But your right, danny, I'm making no sense.
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:27 AM   #12  
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Oh it's just going to be unbearable I think.

The 2 people in question were truly awful to me the last time I saw or spoke to either of them...

I have moments of thinking, "Yeah, I SHOULD go, that'll show them!" and I think of all the things I'm be proud of and they should be jealous of (my son, my husband, I run my own business etc"...then I imagine going and get really nervous and stressed out. I'm not sleeping properly...I don't think the event is worth the anxiety it's causing me.

I really appreciate all of your kind words and advice, if it were just awful people, I could cope. If it were just weight gain I could cope. But I think having to face awful people having gained weight is just too upsetting...my self esteem is in the toilet as it is! If one of them said something snide I might just fall apart. Which sounds pathetic I know. I used to be tough, honest!

You never know, I might feel brave on the day. Probably not though...
I'll definitely be going next year, when I get my s*** together

Thank you all again for being so kind a supportive. I'm looking forward to getting to know people on here for support for my upcoming weight loss extravaganza (sounds better than journey ) xxx
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Old 06-29-2012, 01:37 PM   #13  
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You can always plan your retorts ahead of time.

You must know quite a bit of dirt on them, so if they have the audacity to say something to you, you can be just as passive-aggressive and shoot something right back at them that'll give them a taste of their own medicine. Us women can and are losing weight...unfortunately, those people can't and won't lose their miserable lives, since most of the time they refuse to be aware of them.
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