I am a newbie. This journey is mine, and I want to be selfish. I have realized that I really am one of those gals: dependable, easy to ask, "sure-she-will-help" people. I am a mom, a teacher, a wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, friend. I want to be me, but I can't remember myself. Now that my sons are a little older, I can't even order at a restaraunt - what do I want? I can't even remember what I enjoy. So I seek the support of strangers similar to myself- ready to commit to themself, who are NOT going to ask me to watch their kids/ hem their slacks/ read over their drafts/ drop their checks at the bank. I've got the basics: burn more than I am taking in. Get up and move. Don't fret over the numbers. Well, as a person who can remember being "a buck-fifteen" size 3/4, this 180# size 14 is miserable. I know my body can do incredible things: I have 2 healthy sons. I just don't trust myself to take care of me anymore. And I am not fooling myself into thinking I can bet back to 3/4. I don't want to be that person- I want to be healthy, tuck-in-my-shirt-and-feel-ok, happy to be myself. Thanks for reading my crazy post, and I welcome any feedback. And no, I will not stop by and feed your dog while you are on vacation.
Permission granted!
I have a friend like you. She is currently helping her boyfriend and his 3 kids pack their house up and so she can't come running with us. Later she'll be making them dinner and miss the gym. Then he'll snore through the night (he's about 295 pounds) so she won't sleep and will miss an early morning workout.
Be selfish!! Say no. People will still love you!!
Giving yourself permission to be selfish is one of the best things you can do for you. (A side effect is that it's also good for your loved ones, but that's secondary.) Welcome! Happy rediscovery!
Not only do you not need permission to be selfish - taking care of yourself isn't selfish. In the long run (and often even in the short run) you can be of absolutely no help to anyone else if your basic needs aren't being met.
People you like andn love WILL continue to ask you for help, and you have to develop the strength and self-confidence to do so only when you WANT to.
Learning to say "no" is a valuable skill, and it's not about selfishness, it's about priorities and reality. Saying "I'm sorry, I can't help you with that, I have too many things going on right now," shouldn't be harder to say than "sure, I'll do that for you."
If it isn't, then start practicing until you can say no as easily as yes. Don't take on another task for someone until you can say no without guilt.
