Just Hatched...aka Another Newbie!
Hi everyone,
I saw the introduction forum and thought this would be the most logical place to start. After this, I will probably spend some time familiarizing myself with the site and how things are organized. Then, I hope to find a group of chicks to kick it with...the 100+ group would be the most logical start for me.
I have a little over 100 pounds to burn, and I know it's going to be hard. I know I'm not alone in saying that I've struggled with weight for most of my life and certainly all of my adult life. I'm 31 years old and don't believe I've *ever* been a "normal" weight. I'll do an official weigh-in...probably on Monday...but I was at the doctor the other day and weighed just over 279 pounds. I'm sure my lifestyle has everything to do with the fact that I have to have gallbladder surgery soon. I don't plan to wait until after the surgery to begin improving myself, one positive affirmation and one pound at a time.
I am not quite idealistic enough to believe this will be an easy road. I've been at the start of this road more times than I can count now, and...to be candid...I tend to quit on sites like this because the group support *does* keep me accountable. So when I start having negative thoughts, it's easier for me to give up on myself if I cut myself off from everyone. I'm admitting this here, from the start, in hopes that calling myself out like this will help keep me accountable.
This, for me, is not about being thin. It's not about being pretty or attractive. It's not about being able to dress like a vixen or wear a bikini. But it's still multifaceted. It's about health, more specifically extending my life (or at least ceasing to shorten it). It's about quality of life. It's about being able to go to an amusement park, which I so loved as a teenager, and once again being able to fit in a seat on a roller coaster. It's about ridding myself of the shame I feel each and every time I walk out my door. It's about no longer wondering, every time I sit or stand next to someone, just how ridiculous and awkward I look compared to others. It's about losing that inner questioning every time something goes wrong or there is a misunderstanding of any sort: Did x happen because I'm fat?
On this journey, I hope for all of those things...and, hey, maybe there is a smidgen of idealism I still cling to for this journey. I hope, somewhere along the way, that this will become "easy." I don't mean that the way it sounds...but I mean to say that I hope that healthy living will become so habitual, so routine, that I'll no longer have to fight myself to make smart choices and turn away from bad ones. I know, for me, that won't happen any time soon. But I hope it happens at some point down the road. Just as I hope that I'll one day figure out why I behave the way I do with regard to food and my own personal health.
And like the rest of you, I'm coming here to do it, because there truly is support and strength in numbers. I hope, this time, I finally stick "this" out, this being a dedication to improving my health and outlook on life. And, bonus!, I'll get to make new friends...friends who "get it"...friends with whom I can share the pain, struggles, hopes, fears, and even the enjoyment and goals reached along the way!
If you're still here, at the end of this long-winded post, thanks for reading. And I hope to get to know you on the boards!
~Puffinie
|
