[CTR73]

I’ve posted a few times and figured it’s time I introduce myself. I’ve never had a weight issue growing up. Actually I was thin as a rail until I started college. I put on 60+ pounds in about 2 years then within 6 months of barely eating (was labeled anorexic) I dropped at least 80+ pounds and was 110 pounds at 5’5”. I maintained that weight for the next 6 years. I felt amazing and confident. But inside I was never thin enough. I’m very competitive so I was always striving for the next goal. During those years I worked out at the gym for at least 3 hours each day once in the morning and again after work.

I’m not going to lie… I felt physically great and I would trade anything to be there again. However my mind was torturing itself. I think I enjoyed this torture…

Got married in my mid 20s and in a couple of years tacked on 60+ pounds. My ex was very mentally abusive and had sucked the confidence right out of me. To sum it all up I spent 12 years in H*** along with that I gained an additional 90 pounds making me a whopping 260+ pounds.

The past 2 years I’ve been working on getting myself back. I have hypothyroidism and I'm anemic.

I’ve lost about 30 pounds by eating less and watching my calories. I exercise as much as possible but my knees are really bad. As I’ve been losing weight my knees are feeling better. I guess I’m here to find support and others who have similar journeys.

I am constantly tortured with body image issues, but this time I feel sick not only physically but also mentally. My body is what I think about every minute of every day. I don’t understand where I went wrong, and how I went from being anorexic to being a disgusting fat pig. I went from one ED to another ED with no in between. In my late 30s now and it’s so much harder than it was before.

I don’t want to sound so negative because I am truly blessed in my life. I have 2 beautiful children and my freedom. I love life.

I do have a blog but haven't posted in a while. I will start this week again!

thinspireu2.blogspot.com