Hello everyone. I am a somewhat long time stalker of these fourms. I've come across them looking for recipes, thinking of dieting, and what not...

Something happened the other day that just made me snap, and now I'm at the beginning of what I know will be a long & difficult journey. I have only seriously attempted this one other time and I was only able to do it for a month (and saw no results), because I had no one to motivate me - which I realize is very important. that was about 3 years ago, and I was taking Alli and riding a stationary bike a few times a week. honestly, so much time went into thinking about food and fat grams and stuff that I was just exhausted from always thinking of it ! this time around I'm trying not to take and weight loss drugs, diving in the old fashioned way. I have my fiancé with me now who is very supportive, exercising with me (even though he's a stick - he wants to get in shape) and helping me cal-count. it is a lot more than I had before.

So what made me snap.. well about 8 months ago I went to the dr to get birth control. I weighed 232lbs at that time. Not a week after starting the pills I noticed weight gain even though I hadn't changed anything. I ignored it, until the bc messed up my emotions so much that I had to stop taking it - I was always mad, blowing up at loved ones over stupid things, I literally just felt crazy all the time. I stopped taking it and knew that I had gained weight by how my clothes (didn't) fit me anymore. I haven't owned a scale in many years so it was easier for me to pretend it wasn't that bad.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago my fiancé and I started thinking about exersizing. bought shoes and clothing for it but hadn't actually done it. Last night I went to Walmart to look for a new shower head. I noticed someone had taken a scale out and it was working. So I stepped on it and was floored to see it said 252lbs! 20lb gain in 5 months! ... I lost my mind and started raging. thinking I was better off dead because at this rate I will have a heart attack at 30.

I am on my period. some of it is from that, I know. but this was still unacceptable. I decided I had to CHANGE. I don't want to be stick thin. I think I would feel and look great around 170... but that's still 80lbs I have to lose !
So when I woke up today I ate breakfast (I never eat breakfast). and then I ate a snack. and then lunch. and then a snack. and then dinner, and another snack. I spread my meals out 2:30-4hra apart, and I counted calories all day, and I consumed 1,245. I drank nothing but water and diet dr pepper (1 can). and the big one! I put in my exersize clothes that I feel huge in and went to the park with my fiance. we walked for about 50 minutes on the walking trail. lots of hills, uneven ground. then I went to Walmart and bought completely new foods. laughing cow, egg beaters, wheat thins, fruits and veggies, ect! I also got some resistance bands.

a few hours after I got home we used our bands for 20 minutes (30 minutes on the floor but reading instructions in between. this was actually harder than the walking. and I just took a vigorous shower (compared to my usual).

I didn't buy a scale yet. partly I forgot and partly I didn't want to be tempted this first weak. I will get one next week, though.

I ds get a bit of a jump start on exercising that I should include - had family visiting and we hiked the woods for nearly 40 minutes (20 one way, break, wo back). the next day we went walking for about 3 hours at a woodland garden with lots of hills. I didn't eat properly on these days but that's 3 straight days I've been really active which really helped me start. I also downloaded a pedometer and calorie counter to my iPhone.

I'm feeling ok.. a little overwhelmed to be honest. I'm having back and forth thoughts on I can do this, this will take so long, I'm hungry, I feel good, I shouldn't bother... thankfully my fiancé is being very supportive and helpful. I hope to gain that from here, too. Wow! long introduction !

Welcome to the forum! Believe that YOU CAN DO IT! Don't look at the total number, break that down into smaller goals. When I first began, I decided that my goal was to lose 5lbs, that is all. Once I lost those first 5lbs, I set my goal on the next 5 and so on.
My best advice is NOT to give up. If you have a bad meal, a bad day or a bad week, do not throw in the towel, hop back on the wagon and keep going.
Best of luck to you!

Welcome!! Sounds like you are off to a great start. Now repeat that for tomorrow, then the next day, and so on and so on. Use the tools available to you online and offline to continue your road to success. Not sure if you are following a specific plan, but it really helps to have some kind of structure/plan.

My best tip is regardless of whatever "diet" you choose, one of the best tips I can provide is to journal your food & water-intake. It really helps put everything into perspective.

Your weight does not make you who you are. It's just a number, and doesn't define you. You have to see your worth past your weight.

Reading your intro, I felt a little bit worried that maybe you had an undiagnosed depression? With the irritability and mood swings on your bc pills, then your really dark thoughts when you stepped on the scale at Wal Mart... anyhow, I'm obviously no expert but I just wanted to let you know that it crossed my mind.

I agree - break down your goal into manageable chunks and work towards a reward for those goals. Like the first 20 pounds, then come up with something fantastic to tempt you to get there. AFter that, there are only 2 more 20 pound goals to work for... not so bad, right?!

Best of luck and keep on going!

thanks everyone

regulating depression, I don't really think I have it. birth control seems to effect many girls that way - I was warned that it might. it was just my hormones going insane. my dark thought in the scale, well, Im just thinking I'd rather not "be here" than to suffer a heart attack this early in life. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I am very unhappy with my weight.

I've done good since my intro post - I stayed on my calorie goal for the day and I've gone walking for 60 minutes with my fiancé for 2 days in a row now (followed by 2 hours walking around the store). picked up even more healthy foods and have successfully replaced everything in my kitchen with healthier options. My issue was more portion size and only eating 2 times a day, I think, rather than what I ate though. I found some rice cakes (white cheddar) that actually taste delicious to curve my salt crunchy craving. I also gave up ready to pop popcorn years ago while I tried the alli get and switch to making my own in a bag and that habit did stick with me. saltycrunchybstuff is my weakness..

I will head to the park today if it doesn't decide to rain. I have been logging my food in my iPhone app a well as my exersize. i think I'm going to have some egg beaters on a multi-grain tortilla w/salsa for breakfast!