Hi Lovelyphyl!
Thank you so much for sharing. I so feel for your story, and can completely relate. Two years ago I weighed 600 pounds, and know all too well the physical toll that it takes on your body and on your emotions. I would never presume to tell anyone whether or not to have the surgery, or which plan they should or should not be following. We each have to find what works best for us, and come to that in our own time… something that makes sense with the way that we eat/cook/shop/interact with food. For me I have a found a lot of success with the south beach diet, which I was put on by my dr. But I have had equal amounts of success with lots of different programs over the years. It ultimately comes down to are you willing to invest the time and energy into yourself to make the changes that need to be made, and we each come to that in our own time.
The only thing I can say is this.... If you feel like you need/want the surgery because you believe that you are not capable of doing it any other way, I know what that feels like and have been there. I felt so helpless and felt as though i had dug myself into a gigantic hole and couldn't even see the light to find my way back out again. But I was wrong. I can do it, and I did. And I absolutely know for sure that you can too. Everything that you need to do this is already inside of you, you just need to dig down deep and really get honest with yourself. I have spent my whole life praying/wishing/hoping to god/the universe/whomever that they could just make me thin. Please just let me be thin. And one day there was a subtle shift. Instead of asking for thinness in its entirety, I started asking simply for the strength to get through. I came to the realization that I could do the work. i was willing to do the work. Just give me the strength to do it, and I will. It was a subtle but somehow profound shift for me (which actually happened in the middle of a rather strenuous hike in the woods that i was SURE i was not going to be able to finish).
Is it easy? No. It was/is/remains the hardest thing that I have ever done. Was it impossible. Absolutely not. But if I of all people can do it, I promise you anyone can. You are worth it.
Whether with surgery or with some other program, you have to come to terms with the fact that this is something that you are going to struggle with every day for the rest of your life. There really is no end of the journey. No ultimate resting place. I remember feeling like that was such a scary thought. But now, somehow it feels powerful. All i can control in this world is myself, right now in this very moment. And it's all up to me. Somehow that is a lot easier for me to accept than being powerless. Every good choice you make makes the next that much easier. And pretty soon the hours become days, and the days become months, and the months become a whole new life filled with self confidence and possibilities.
I wish you nothing but success on your journey. And we are here to lend support whenever you need it!
I hope this message finds you doing well.
Hugs
Jacob
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