[Endless28]

Hi Everyone,

I am a 27 year old girl who is struggling with overeating, bulimia, and depression.

This is the first time that I have ever acknowledged my issues to anyone but myself, so please excuse me if this post is a bit long. I would like to take this opportunity to share my story with you all.

My family

I was born and brought up in Canada, however, my parents are from a different culture - one that places a great deal of importance on food.

Food was always used as a reward for good behaviour, and as a symbol of luxury when it was fancy.

My mother never counted calories, talked about portion control, or understood healthy eating. She is overweight by about 40 pounds, and has been my whole life. I witness her overeating as well. As a family we ate my mother's home-cooked meals about 95% of the time. She and my father never exercised, or talked about exercising at all. They were simply not knowledgable on the subject, so they avoided it all together (as with many other important but ignored topics in my family).

As an adult looking back, I can see now that they did not have many healthy coping skills because negative or difficult things were simply ignored as were emotional issues. My parents come from a culture where fear and shame is used to control behaviour rather than understanding and communication. Psychology is virtually non-existent there and very few people even know what it is.

As a result of this type of upbringing, my behaviour backfired when I got old enough not be physically afraid anymore. For example, my father has an explosive temper that can be described as rage which he uses to ridicule and attack others when they do not do as he wants. Once when we were arguing, I asked him why he was surprised that I was responding with an explosive temper and rage because he taught me exactly that to deal with problems.

In short, I always felt confused and powerless growing up, I did not feel like I knew or understood how to do anything well. I still struggle with issues of low self esteem today.

I have one older sister by 2 years whom I was always taught to look up to. However, my parents did not know that she had even more serious issues than I the entire time (ignoring signs and negative situations as mentioned above), so they were encouraging me to learn from her which did not help.


She uses drugs, smoking, alcohol, casual sex, anger, defensiveness, manipulation, attention seeking of any sort and pettiness. Doctors have told her she may be bipolar and her friends had her committed last year. She lashes out at my mother who she still lives with which is not healthy for either of them.

By the time we were in our mid-teens, our parents got divorced and my father went back to his original country. He blamed this on the fact that he did not marry for love and his two misbehaving daughters - when he left, my sister was addicted to heroin, and I had dropped out of highschool.

Moving out on my own

When I was 16 years old I left home because things became chaotic. My sister and my parents were fighting daily both phsically and verbally, and I was conditioned to be on her side even though I did not agree with what she was doing.

I moved in with my first serious boyfriend with whom I am still in a relationship. Although I have been able to decide what to eat or cook for the past 11 years of so, I do not practice proper portion control or carefully plan meals so that I always eat healthy. Worsening the problem, I do not have a regular exercise routine. It rains where I live a lot and I am not yet disciplined enough to go to the gym because I am very busy and tired all the time. I know that I brought these bad habits with me from home, but I never learned how to properly deal with them there so I simply don't know what to do.

Triggering issues

Whenever I feel tired, uncomfortable, confused or any other negative emotion, food is what I use to distract me from the problems in my life.

I "know" it's wrong and futile and a vicious cycle but I find myself robotically going to the kitchen, making something to eat or grabbing something and going back in front of my t.v to eat. It's something that I've been doing for the past 10 years, and I just don't know how to stop.

Goal

I feel that in many areas of my life I have overcome tough situations and problems, but food and my relationship with it is one of my last hurdles. I know I need to fix this if I am ever to be truly confident and healthy.

After I left home I slowly got my life together, went to university and am preparing to work abroad for two years at the moment. My relationship is ok but my bf and I don't talk about my eating issues which constantly makes me feel ashamed, gross/ugly, helpless, scared, nervous and disgusting. Please help!

If anyone has any advice or personal experiences to share would be very grateful. Thank you all in advance!


P.S I am sorry if this is confusing, it's really early where I am and I haven't slept so my mind is a bit slow right now.

[girl39]

You sound like a really intelligent, strong young woman. You are ahead of the game in understanding some of the patterns of your upbringing. Congratulations on finsihing school and starting new work. That's exciting.
Maybe you could be gentler with yourself. You should really be proud of your accomplishments.
Like so many people (including myself) using food to soothe ourselves is common. I would strongly encourage you to seek out some professional help for the bulemia and depression. If you are still at an University maybe they would have resources for you.
I recently went to my doctor and admitted that I was struggling from depression. She helped talk me through some options and I am doing really well now. If you find a good doctor, it could really set you on a good path. Not just for medication but also for therapy. Good therapy can be an amazing process and for someone like you who has so much figured out, and is clearly open to learning and self discovery, therapy could be life changing for you.
Good Luck!!