01-13-2011, 05:24 AM
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#1
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Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 111
S/C/G: HW303/TICKER/GW135
Height: 5'8"
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Hello from Canada
This is what I know.
I'm turning 27 years old next month and I've been telling myself since I was very young that I would get a hold of my weight and lose it. I can remember going to TOPS meetings in junior high, trying slim fast, weight watchers, dancing along with "Sweatin' To The Oldies" with Richard Simmons in the basement at the age of 15. I saw a nutritionist, joined the gym a few different times, etc. etc. and year after year has gone by each with me saying this time will be different. I hear of people losing 100 pounds or 150 pounds and gaining it all back. I can't even lose more than 20lbs before I give up. I'm tired of being afraid.
I saw Richard Simmons on Ellen the other day. I don't know if it was a repeat or not, I think it was new. Anyway, I saw how old he is getting. All I could think to myself was how time is going by so fast and I still haven't done what I need to do, what I want to do, what I must do.
In the last year and a half a lot has happened to cause me stress. I went through 2 miscarriages, my brother was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma and has since been through 8 rounds of intensive chemo and is not done yet, my husband of almost 8 years and I separated, got back together, only to find out that he was continuing an online affair with a woman until a couple of days ago with someone who he had met while we were separated, and I estranged from my parents (more so my mother)
I grew up in an extremely abusive environment and have been through a lot. I don't want that to define who I am anymore. I know who I am inside I just need to let her out. I pray every day that my husband and I can work our marriage out. I know he loves me and I love him. He's not a bad person. Though I can't deny that my weight is forever hanging there in front of me like an embarrassing joke on me. I'm terrified that he's going to look at me and say "I don't want you, you're fat. I want her, she's thin". How sad is that?
My ultimate goal is to lose 159 lbs. That would put me at 135 lbs. When I reach that weight, I will have lost a total of 168 lbs from my highest weight of 303 lbs. I currently am a vegan and am eating mostly raw foods. I am attempting the beachbody INSANITY program because I like how it challenges me and makes me feel.
2011 for me is going to be all about healing and love. Detoxifying my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul.
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Dhani 
