Hello everyone! Just thought I'd introduce myself... This will probably end up being really long, so bear with me! I have been lurking on this forum for about three weeks now in hopes that just reading so many of the success stories here would motivate me and help keep me on track... This worked at first; however, after about 3 days I strayed.
I have been on such a horrible binge streak that I feel my last resort is to actually start posting here for accountability reasons, and to help further motivate me...
I am a 19 year old female (freshman) college student, majoring in nursing. I have struggled with my weight from the moment I hit puberty... Technically, at 5'2" and 130 lbs, I am still in the normal weight range with my BMI, but at the higher end of the scale... I have actually gained 15 pounds since the beginning of 2010 (gaining and losing some throughout the year), most of it being since I started college in August. I am unfortunately a horrible, horrible yo-yo dieter. I will be on a crash 'diet' one week, and binge and binge like crazy the next...
Like I said before, I have struggled with my weight since puberty (and it didn't help that I hit puberty unusually early), and I was made fun of for being overweight all the time in school. My highest weight was, in middle school, 160 lbs. I can remember eating so much back then; literally everything in sight. Once I began high school, I decided to turn my life around and started eating much better and actually exercising, something I had never done before. By the beginning of my junior year, I had gotten down to 115 lbs, but most of my methods were unhealthy... I would often be severely depressed, and eating roughly only 800 calories a day for a while, then binge and feel terrible about it, and get into a vicious cycle of binging, then starving myself... I had lost 45 lbs, but my body image was severely distorted so I still only saw "fat". Still, I was happier with myself then than I am now, and recently things have been going downhill fast...
It's almost like I have absolutely no control over myself anymore. I realize that I am not severely overweight, and I do not have a lot of weight to lose; however, my lifestyle is so very far from healthy, and I am beginning to gain weight very fast, which is why I am in such need of a support group. I have a severe body image disorder, which is something I struggle with on a daily basis, and I have also recently been diagnosed with PCOS... I will tell myself that I am going to eat good starting tomorrow, but it always turns into the next day... then the next day... My binges are getting more and more severe, and I haven't exercised in 8 months, besides the walking I do at work. Yesterday, I was home alone, and I ate almost a whole bag of cheetos, two bowls of cereal, cookie dough, a whole can of soup, two honey buns, and some other things that I can't remember at the moment... I eat when I do not even feel hungry at all; I even eat when I am almost painfully full, and I feel so guilty about it afterwards (but I've never resorted to purging... I have almost a phobia of vomit/vomiting, although I have used laxatives many times...). Today I ate almost a whole batch of cookies, almost an entire large popcorn at the movies, I drank a large soda (which I've been doing a lot more of lately even though I had given it up completely for almost 3 years...), came home and ate more cookies, and lots of pizza... I feel like I absolutely lose my mind when I eat like this... I attribute a lot of this due to depression and stress. My parents divorced at the beginning of the year, and it's been very hard on me. I am also under a lot of stress with school, and I am having major issues with my three roommates... I have been in a serious relationship for 2 years, and I know he loves me for who I am, but I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable and embarrassed with myself because of the weight I've been gaining. I never wear anything but tshirts, sweat pants, and sweatshirts these days because none of my old clothes really fit, and I'm very uncomfortable in anything else...
So, I need lots of motivation... I would love to lose the weight I've gained, but I just want to be healthy for goodness sake, and I need the willpower to do it!!! Eating the way I am right now and getting no exercise is taking its toll. I feel disgusting and bloated all the time, and am almost always constipated (I know, too much info...). I just need to get myself in order! The birth control pill I am on to regulate my periods because of the PCOS is also causing some weight gain and increased appetite... Well, wish me luck everyone!
I will be beginning my journey starting tomorrow, but more seriously after the holidays are over!
Be Warned! Long and winded introduction!
