Hi everyone! I landed on this site a few months back while researching something else but never posted.
I had an "eye opening" experience a few weeks ago that had me reevaluated some stuff about myself and it made me decide to finally post.
I just turned 35 in July and realized I had been using certain aspects of my health as a crutch to not work out as much/hard as I should. But, two weeks ago when I finally brought myself to go back to the gym and swim laps I couldn't believe what I saw! I was changing into my swim suit and I looked over at the mirror, I saw this EXTREMELY un-attractive huge body and was thinking to myself..."who the **** is that!!" Then the girl who was reaching up and was covering the face of that body moved and I saw the face. I was horrified to see that body was mine!!! I stared at myself for a good long bit! I just couldn't believe what I was seeing! I had completely gone into some weird denial the past few years and dis-associated from myself. I never looked in a mirror and never let anyone take pictures of me ever. I just never saw myself getting to 265pds! Now I know why I would get this mini panic attacks when I would head to the gym, I would have to turn around they got so bad.
Now some history: I was never thin but I was at least in shape and athletic. I started dancing when I was 6 and continued until my second year of college. I was a cheerleader and was in swim team. Now I know when you hit college you tend to let things go and get busy with life. But my boyfriend and I would make sure to walk a few times a week, go hiking, etc. In my 3rd year of college I noticed I was gaining weight and nothing I did could shake it. Eventually I starting thinking something has to be wrong! I'm tired all the time, I don't want to do the things I use to love to do. So I finally went to my doctor and demanded he run a battery of tests. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It causes weight gain, then works against you losing the weight. The heavier you are, the more symptoms you have. Compounding the issue was I also have Plantar fasciitis in both feet, arthritis / tendinitis / tendonosis everywhere. And a SLAP tear in my right shoulder. All of which brought on by being active when younger but the weight was of course making it all worse. So instead of working through the pain and changing my way of life I hide from it. I swept it all under the carpet and ignored it until I got to 265!!!
My boyfriend and I had been together 13yrs this fall. We started having some trouble with the last couple years and of course I ignored what the problem was by ignoring myself. One of the things that brought us together was that we liked being healthy, walking, hiking, etc. He is pretty thin and very much in shape. Still goes to the gym or walks. How could I expect him to still be attracted to me if both mentally and physically I had given up on myself? A week after my mirror incident I sat him down and told him what happened. I said I can't believe I let myself go like this and that he stuck around for so long. He actually started to cry! Saying that he loves me and but no, he wasn't attracted me any longer. And I didn't blame him I wouldn't be either. We had a nice long talk and I told him part of the reason I was telling him was I needed to say it aloud. I had come clean, admit it so I can focus on what needs to be done to get back to me!!!
I started going to the gym everyday after work. Riding the bike as a warm up then swimming so it's easier on my body. I also started taking Yoga to stretch, tone up, and strengthen while getting some spiritual healing! I'm happy to report I'm down to 255! I'm just scared now because 10pds is all I tend to be able to get off and then I get stuck. Which is why I decided I needed some more support from those who understand!
Holy crap! I just went back to spell check and realized on long and run-offish this is! I guess I still had more to vent! I'm sorry guys! I'll finish this off by saying some of your stories are amazing and empowering!
Your story totally touched me! I have been with my boyfriend for about that long as well, I think the only difference between us is I don't have any health problems that I know of and 2 my boyfriend didn't say the same as yours (probably only because he knew he would get hurt). Ha!
With that said, I feel your pain on the 10lbs! You are making the right choices! I too usually get stuck at around 10-20lbs. However, this time is different because of the exercise and me eating things that are healthy but so that I stay full.
This has to be a lifetime commitment.
I truly think you'd enjoy my blog! You should check it out.
If you ever need reassurance, I am here! I have been working out for 4 weeks now (weigh in is on monday) and eating healthy and although I am at 12lbs lost, I know that eventually it is going to fall off faster than I ever imagined.
Just think, by this time next year, you are goin to be happy and fit and ready to find some cute scarves and jackets for fall wear! Ones that you actually WANT to wear!
I'm new as well and my story is similar to yours in a way. In the last two years I've gone from around 170 lbs to 216 lbs (my current weight). I had absolutely no idea that this was happening until I tried on a shirt one day that I had not worn for a few months - it fit terribly! I was so disappointed because I loved that shirt and I thought it had shrunk. It was not until I thought back on all of the incidences in which I thought something had "shrunk" that I considered that it might actually be me who was the problem. I got on the scale a few minutes later and that confirmed it. I was not avoiding my weight, but I had been so used to weighing 160-170 lbs (I weighed that all throughout high school) that I hadn't weighed myself for at least two years.
That should've opened my eyes, but it didn't. It was only a few days ago that I really got serious. I was checking out the back of my hair in a mirror and got a view of what I look like from the back. All I could think was . Back fat and rolls galore! And of course my tight bra didn't help. I was absolutely disgusted. So, like you, here I am! Even if I only make it back down to my original 170, I'll be happy because I still felt (and looked, I believed) good there. It's all about feeling good in your skin. Congrats on your weight loss so far and good luck with the rest of your journey. You can do it, girl!
Last edited by Northern Belle; 09-10-2010 at 11:41 PM.
Welcome to 3FC - the support and motivation on this site are second to none.
Just want you to know that I too have PCOS, not taking any meds - and the weight is coming off (at a decent pace I might add). I was worried that it wouldn't come off without any Metaformin/Glucophage, but it is. Things are actually regulating on their own too. I'm 36, so we are about the same age.
Just want to wish you good luck!!! You'll do great
Hello! to 3FC!
This is something YOU CAN DO and the advice, support and encouragement here is AWESOME! on the 1st 10 lbs!
Hugs and support on your weight loss journey
Last edited by islandchick1; 09-11-2010 at 10:58 AM.
Hi SuddenlyWideEyed, I have been where you are and ooh, I know you can do this. You will love it and your husband will truly appreciate your commitment.
In fact I kind of tied it to my marital commitment in a weird way. I wanted to do it for my husband as well as myself and my wedding band had gotten so tight that I didn't wear it for fear it'd have to be cut off one day. When I made the decision that this time I wouldn't stop and turn back after 25 lbs, that this time I'd keep going ... I started wearing the ring again. Because I wanted it to only get looser.
The keeping on is really the meat of it -- I did calorie counting, and I know there are other effective ways too -- as long as you just keep it up. I made it like a blind faith that's non-negotiable and not subject to the ups and downs of motivations. It's not losing X pounds in any given week or month that was hard ... it was to do that every week of every month for 14+ months. To keep consistent is the real daily tedium. And so, so worth it.
What you said about your relationship with your husband made my heart leap. I have been with my loving, understanding husband for 12 years now and though he never admitted to the difference beforehand, I can really tell how much he's enjoyed my being fit, more attractive and less inhibited sexually. By the time I got down to 175ish I noticed that he liked to handle my waist. Stuff like that.
OH and I had to have the wedding band sized down this past May. Because I was still wearing it and I was afraid it would fall off and get lost.
Anyway, I'm rooting for you! You should check out the 100 lb club, if you haven't already.
Last edited by WhitePicketFences; 09-11-2010 at 04:26 PM.
Suddenly my eyes are wide open!!
. Back fat and rolls galore! And of course my tight bra didn't help. I was absolutely disgusted. So, like you, here I am! Even if I only make it back down to my original 170, I'll be happy because I still felt (and looked, I believed) good there. It's all about feeling good in your skin. Congrats on your weight loss so far and good luck with the rest of your journey. You can do it, girl! 
to 3FC!
and the advice, support and encouragement here is AWESOME! 
on the 1st 10 lbs! 
Dhani 
