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Old 08-24-2010, 06:25 AM   #1  
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Default My weight loss efforts...hello by the way

Hiya everyone, Im Rachel, 28 and have just joined. My friend told me about this site and I think I need this as at the moment I am dieting alone with no support whatsoever. Have managed to lose 2 stone give or take a few pounds. Was 12 stone 9 at my heaviest now about 11 stone I guess. My target is 10 stone, I’m 5ft 9 – am currently about 11 stone I guess as I refuse to weigh myself now it depresses me too much. I was 14 stone a few years ago and a size 18 but lost the weight through slimming world got down to 10 stone 7 and a size 10/12 then put on about 2 stone through comfort eating. Well that’s my weight loss story so far anyway. I've written a blog entry about the weekend just gone as once again I ended up pigging out.


Tuesday 24th August
Im really struggling today I was doing so well with my weight loss had managed to get back down to 10 stone 10 but then of course that all changed when I went home for the weekend (my dad lives in southampton i live in coventry). At first I was good. I went swimming Friday night after work, after rushing back from the opticians. Then I stopped at the service station on the way home as usual and instead of buying krispy kreme doughnuts and chocolate I brought healthy crisps (yes there is such a thing as they are baked instead of fried!!), strawberries and a low fat choc mousse from M&S. Was proud of myself!!! When I got home I cooked home-made burgers with lean mince and home- made oven chips which was yummy (I have to treat myself Friday night). Then Saturday I was good for a while at least. Had my usual porridge and fruit with skimmed milk for breakfast and then had a healthy lunch. Tried the healthy crisps and they weren’t bad. The weather was awful though it rained all day and by the afternoon I was feeling fed up of staying in and boredom (and then misery) kicked in. I was wearing size 12 jeans which last time I was 10 stone 10 fitted me fine but this time they were really tight on me. I actually cried about that as I thought either the scales are lying or my jeans have shrunk. This combined with the miserable weather, boredom, cravings for chocolate and the constant negative thoughts telling me how fat I looked and that the diet wasn’t working and that I was never going to be slim enough and that despite losing almost 2 stone my body didn’t look any different….meant one thing…..I ended up giving into temptation big time. Sod it if healthy eating is making me so miserable then what the **** is the point in carrying on!!! There is a massive M&S near where my dad lives so I drove there and brought a bagel, cookie and chocolate cheesecake (M&S do the most amazing Belgian chocolate cheesecake ever) and basically scoffed it all in about half an hour, even while I was driving!!! I felt better in the sense that eating all that food shut my negative thoughts up about my body at least which was a relief. Came home didn’t do a lot felt bored again. Me and my brother went out to the cinema in Southampton to see piranha 3d which was an absolute load of crap which I had to pay 10 quid for the privilege of seeing!!! Im sorry but seeing kelly brook prancing around like shes some of goddess and then having to watch her swim naked with some skinny model, urgh no thanks. Soft porn really doesn’t do it for me thanks. It was lucky that ben and jerrys don’t do my favourite flavours any more (sob) or else I would have ended up scoffing ice cream at the cinema too. Sunday was the same story. Reluctantly ate wholemeal toast for breakfast (which normally tastes so nice when Im dieting, but er,… when Im not it really isn’t that nice) and then as soon as I could, rushed off to M&S again and spent well over 10 quid on comfort food including a blt sandwich (only 37 grams of fat and 500 calories, ouch!!!), chocolate cakes, cookie, fruit juice, crisps (the unhealthy ones this time) and strawberry tarts. We also had the most gorgeous sausages ever for dinner (with cheese and chutney….yum). So unsurprisingly after tv all Sunday evening, I was knackered by 9pm and decided to drive back the next morning (BIG mistake). So Monday morning got up at 6.30am with some difficulty, drove back and stopped at the service station again (this time giving into to temptation for krispy kreme doughnuts and chocolate) and even more unsurprisingly ending up in a HUGE traffic jam just south of oxford. So yet again I know Im going to get to work late so have to ring in and book the morning off for the second time in so many months (hopefully ive learnt my lesson now) and then stop off at M&S again buying unhealthy lunch once again. I know for a fact that too much junk food makes me negative and depressed and of course this happened on Monday. Cue depression and negative thinking about my weight = no willpower/no motivation/feel like giving up = pigging out = putting on weight = negative thinking and depression = no willpower……..etc etc you get the picture and the whole sorry cycle starts again and continues. And of course when you have reached this stage….starting again with the diet and eating healthily becomes soooo much harder than before, as I am finding out today (Tuesday 24th August). I have no willpower whatsoever as I keep replaying how I felt about my weight at the weekend before I pigged out. So despite knowing how depressed junk food makes me feel, I am still giving into temptation, probably eating even more than I should and also eating for the sake of it even though Im not remotely hungry. You see when Im good and have the confidence and positive thinking sorted, Im invincible and the cravings don’t even enter my head, I have so much willpower and motivation and determination to succeed. I eat healthily, enjoy cooking and love exercise and can treat myself without going overboard.. Sadly the reverse also happens. It feels like I go from one extreme to the other, either sticking to the diet…..or …..pigging out to the extreme….basically binge eating My only hope now is properly joining slimming world again next week and seeing if that helps. Ive even considered doing the special k diet but as my bmi is technically at the healthy stage at the moment (for how much longer I wonder) the site wont let me register grr.

I was good this morning and had porridge and skimmed milk this morning (only cos I didn’t have anything else) so started with the best of intentions and then ended up eating a galaxy caramel at 10am and am now wondering what unhealthy things I can buy at the supermarket for lunch. Its soo annoying as I know I can do this and lose the weight, but once the negative thoughts kick in, it just saps my motivation and determination and then I have no willpower and just cant be bothered with it anymore It just feels like a constant battle in my head and I make such an effort, lose weight, then pig out cos of the negative thoughts, then put the weight I have lost back on, then feel depressed, and then start again. Am struggling to carry on doing this though as am sick of yo yoing all the time.

Any advice/tips/motivation/encouragement/feedback would be appreciated thanks

Last edited by silvernlilac; 08-24-2010 at 06:36 AM.
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Old 08-24-2010, 08:40 AM   #2  
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Hi silver...I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. Do you have a specific plan that you are following. I'm on South Beach. 2nd day. I tried WW but was always starving. I like Sb cause the protein is not limited and it keeps me full. I also like veggies so I can eat lots of them. find something that suits your needs and try to stick to it. Look around here there are lots of plans and great advise. Good luck....

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Old 08-24-2010, 09:57 AM   #3  
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Welcome and good luck!

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Old 08-24-2010, 04:28 PM   #4  
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Hi and welcome to 3FC.

Good luck with your goals.

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Old 08-25-2010, 01:16 AM   #5  
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Hi Rachel, welcome to the forum.

The one thing that jumped out at me while reading your story was that there was a lot of labeling of good and bad. Attributing personal worth to food choices. That's a big flag for me as that was a huge issue in my struggles with food as my self worth was tied to what I chose to eat. I not longer believe that's true. What we choose to eat has nothing to do with good or bad or anything.

I don't know that a different diet will fix that issue since there will always be "rules" to follow and therefore rules to break.

You are a fantastic incredible person regardless of what you eat and I know that you'll find a way. just message me if there's anything I can do to help.
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Old 08-25-2010, 04:02 PM   #6  
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Hello and welcome to 3FC! It's great meeting you! I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss.
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Old 08-25-2010, 10:32 PM   #7  
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Welcome Rachel to 3FC, we are glad you are here!
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