[garnetrising]

Okay.

So I've told myself that over and over and over for years. My name's Jessica. I'm 23, married to my perfect match. I've never been thin. I remember not eating enough in high school which only made an already large problem worse. I'd tried over and over to correct the many problems that factored into my unhealthy lifestyle. Nothing ever stuck.

The closest I ever came to making it stick was July of 2007. I lost 20 lbs. And then fall semester started up. I was working full time, going to college full time, and whatever free time I had usually found me trying to get enough sleep to make it through the next day. I didn't exactly have a support system. My mother, also overweight for much of her life, would often complain because she wasn't losing like I was. When I tried to help, she'd ignore my advice, often cutting back how much she was eating to ridiculous degrees. Beyond that. It was a toxic situation. I had little self-confidence, few acquaintances and even fewer friends.

But I managed to keep that 20 lbs off for a good six months or so. And then it slowly started to climb back up again. Due largely in part to the fact that my job began working me on a crazy schedule of closing, opening, mid-shift hours. All in the course of a week. It got to the point where I couldn't sleep for more than three hours at a time and between that and school, I just didn't have the energy or the motivation to work out.

Fast-forward to today. That 20 lbs, and about 8 additional, have found themselves back on my body. I'd been really hating on myself for the last few weeks. In August of 08, I got married and February of 09, my husband deployed. My plan was simple. While he was gone, I'd crack down and lose some weight, start eating healthier, and get in shape. Clearly, that hasn't happened yet.

I've got about four months until he's due home and I don't want to fail completely. I don't want to break yet another promise to myself. More importantly than any of that is the fact that we'd like to have children. We're not in a rush, but I know that going into that weighing as much as I weigh now would just make matters worse. Besides which, being obese doesn't exactly lend itself to conception. So last Tuesday, I started working out again. I took measurements, I've weighed in. I'd already started focusing on cooking again in order to maintain a healthier diet. I don't count points and, while I keep relative tabs on my caloric in take, I don't actually count calories.

Why?

Simple. I don't want to do something that like that for the rest of my life. I should be able to know when I've eaten enough by stepping up to the plate and being responsible. I watch my serving sizes. If it says I should get five servings and I only get two, there's a problem - clearly. So when I cook, I automatically divide whatever it is into appropriate portions and go from there.

But doing this all by myself can be hard. So I'm here, looking for companions in what is going to be a long road to glory. I do have a blog, Forgotten Echoes, though it contains more than just weight loss related entries.

[CountingDown]

on coming here and starting - what a wonderful gift to yourself!

Now, on to the advice from an "old chickie". I've said EXACTLY what you did so many times before. "I CAN moderate myself, I CAN do this without counting calories. I CAN eat sensibly and lose weight."

Do you know what I found out after trying that approach over and over again?

I CAN'T. All the wishing and trying in the world didn't make me successful. ONLY when I started counting calories and DOCUMENTING them in Fitday, did I FINALLY find a key piece of the weightloss puzzle for me.

I'm not saying you can't lose weight with your approach. I AM saying that it didn't work for me.

About doing it for the rest of my life. Yup - I still count calories (now in my head instead of in Fitday). Yup - I will probably do so forever.

Do I mind? Not one tiny little itty-bitty bit. The efforts are SO VERY MUCH worth it!

Again, and keep posting! Coming here really does help

EDIT: There is a great video out there on serving sizes and how deceptive they can be -

[Onederchic]

Welcome to 3FC and good luck with your goals.

Hugs
Michelle

[leeway]

Hi Jessica! Sounds like you're off to a good start!

Glad to have you join us! There are lots & lots of different groups and forums - I'm sure you'll find some that will keep you motivated, inspired and entertained!

There are lots of people here with more to lose and lots with less - the bottom line is that we all have to do it a day at a time. The good thing is that we'll have lots of company along the way.

I've only been here a short time myself, having NEVER been part of an online forum. What has been so eye-opening is how much it has helped me. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or defeated, I just log on and read some of the success stories, complete with their before & after photos - or read about others still dealing day to day with their challenges - and before I know it, the time has flown by and so have all the thoughts of cheating or giving up.


So welcome aboard - join in by inspiring us and being inspired!